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Sunday, June 13, 2010
A Blog of Nothing
When I was in 4th grade, my father got the following editorial note from Miss Wilhite, my teacher: "Frances is a very good student, but I wish she would speak up and talk more." I'm guessing you can see why father found this to be the height of hilarious, right? Since when do I need a reminder--a plea--for me to speak my mind? Me not talking was as ludicrous as me not having an opinion.
In 4th grade, I could tell you what the problem was: I was shy. It wasn't that I had nothing to say. It was that I didn't have the confidence to say it. What right did I, a scrawny, ugly little gap-toothed creature, have to utter an opinion on anything? I confined my opinions to paper that only I would see and maybe a few closest friends. At no point did I imagine I'd never have something to say.
Friends, I'm here to tell you: that day has arrived. I have nothing. Not a witty comment about my life, not a remotely interesting interpretation of craft, not so much as a summary of a book I read (though I highly recommend Tessa Dare's One Dance with a Duke. Brilliant.) I blame this time of year. I have something to do at work all year long, mind you, but there are months where the work is more exhausting than others. March through July are some of the more grueling months; and it doesn't help that we've gotten a new program that doesn't have all the kinks worked out of it. At the end of the day, I hardly have the energy to go to the gym for a walk--which I know will make me feel better--let alone sit in front of the computer for a few more hours, getting into the conflict and drama of fictional people. Most days, I go home, fix something for supper (usually nothing too healthy), and zone out at some TV, which doesn't require anything from me, especially not my participation. If I feel compelled, I will open my manuscript and stare at it, but mostly I get frustrated, more critical, and I go to bed, only to repeat this cycle all over again.
The one thing I have to look forward to is that in two weeks, I'll be going to Orlando to see Hogwarts. This is my mere shred of sanity in dealing with emails, paperwork, and folders. My only hope of recovery that when I return from spending money at every conceivable store in Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, drank every drop of butterbeer I can hold, that I will somehow return back to the reality that is my life and want to engage with the characters in my Word documents. I feel drained and not myself. Most of all, I feel frustrated because surely I don't have anything to be this drained and frustrated about. But I am.
The number one rule of writing is to put your butt in the chair and write something. ANYTHING. And eventually if you do it long enough, something will be on the screen. But what do you do if there is nothing within you to put on the screen? What do you then?
How do you recharge? How do keep the well full? What do you do when you feel you have nothing left to give to the screen?
In 4th grade, I could tell you what the problem was: I was shy. It wasn't that I had nothing to say. It was that I didn't have the confidence to say it. What right did I, a scrawny, ugly little gap-toothed creature, have to utter an opinion on anything? I confined my opinions to paper that only I would see and maybe a few closest friends. At no point did I imagine I'd never have something to say.
Friends, I'm here to tell you: that day has arrived. I have nothing. Not a witty comment about my life, not a remotely interesting interpretation of craft, not so much as a summary of a book I read (though I highly recommend Tessa Dare's One Dance with a Duke. Brilliant.) I blame this time of year. I have something to do at work all year long, mind you, but there are months where the work is more exhausting than others. March through July are some of the more grueling months; and it doesn't help that we've gotten a new program that doesn't have all the kinks worked out of it. At the end of the day, I hardly have the energy to go to the gym for a walk--which I know will make me feel better--let alone sit in front of the computer for a few more hours, getting into the conflict and drama of fictional people. Most days, I go home, fix something for supper (usually nothing too healthy), and zone out at some TV, which doesn't require anything from me, especially not my participation. If I feel compelled, I will open my manuscript and stare at it, but mostly I get frustrated, more critical, and I go to bed, only to repeat this cycle all over again.
The one thing I have to look forward to is that in two weeks, I'll be going to Orlando to see Hogwarts. This is my mere shred of sanity in dealing with emails, paperwork, and folders. My only hope of recovery that when I return from spending money at every conceivable store in Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, drank every drop of butterbeer I can hold, that I will somehow return back to the reality that is my life and want to engage with the characters in my Word documents. I feel drained and not myself. Most of all, I feel frustrated because surely I don't have anything to be this drained and frustrated about. But I am.
The number one rule of writing is to put your butt in the chair and write something. ANYTHING. And eventually if you do it long enough, something will be on the screen. But what do you do if there is nothing within you to put on the screen? What do you then?
How do you recharge? How do keep the well full? What do you do when you feel you have nothing left to give to the screen?
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95 comments:
Ah, I just know you'll return from Hogwarts with all sorts of wondrous pictures and stories to tell! And certainly, looking forward to something that will help you make it through the nothing is a place to start.
My husband if facing that right now. With a job he hates and trying to face every work week with some shred of energy...but today he realized next weekend is our Pirate Festival/NASCAR weekend and it cheered him a lot. I imagine, as the week begins and he heads to the hated job, this will sustain him... Imagining how it will be at the pirate festival. At Infineon Raceway in Sonoma...watching the cars!
So what do I do when I'm empty? Day dream about when I'm not. Not much of a reply...but it's sorta like the idea of fake it till you make it. I recharge with daydreams, honestly.
Sounds as though you've been burning that candle at both ends Helli.
Remember the old saying:
Early to bed and early to rise, makes a young gal healthy wealthy and wise
As a theorist, exercising my analytical powers to exhaustion and straining my eyes continuously at a computer screen, I think I know how you might be feeling.
My solution was to bring back some balance.
Indulge yourself in physical activity where you don't have to use the brain. Go hiking, get yourself a bike, try gardening, anything that takes your fancy as long as it doesn't require electricity!
Also become a Pollyanna for a while and annoy everyone:
In the morning "Hello clouds, hello sky"
At night admire the wonder and grandeur of the Milky way and proclaim "The stars are God's daisy chain"
Works for me!
PS
Thats an awful lot of words for a gal who has nothing to say! :wink:
PPS
I haven't tried the 'fake it till I make it' thing. Though I would probably worry that I'd never make it! :lol:
Hellie, you are drained, and you can't produce words in that state. Your brain needs a playdate. Luckily it sounds like you have a fantastic one coming up. So just be kind to yourself, indulge yourself with things that will make this time of year less gruelling, AND, most important of all, don't worry about writing. It'll be waiting for you when you get back from your recharge.
You're exhausted, physically and mentally, so how can you have anything to give to writing, which is also exhausting, physically and mentally?
You're depleted. Like after that activity that starts with an "S" and ends with "ex". LOL You need to rest up before you're raring to go again, right? :)
2nd: I'm sorry your hubby hates his job. I've had that job--and this one is NOT that job, it's just exhausting/draining. But I'm glad he has something to look forward to. :)
Fake it until you make it. Definitely not the worst thing I've been advised. I know it can work. *LOL*
Q, I'm all about going to bed early...and often. I love my sleep. But if you'll pay attention to some of the other writer's blogs around here, not sleeping is how they wrote their novels. *LOL*
A Pollyanna attitude does establish a GRATITUDE attitude and will give a boost of energy when nothing else is working. Good idea. No gardening though. I have an aversion to dirt like the Bo'sun has to sand. (It makes my skin itch and makes me miserable.) But walking/hiking about wouldn't bother me. Mostly though a hike on the elliptical with a good movie is like a win-win. I'm exercising, but I'm also getting to bliss out with some TV.
Donna, as infrequently as I get to have sex, it pretty much doesn't matter how tired I am. I'm storing up for the famine, you see. But yes, I get the gist: the more awake and ready for it I am, the more I participate and we all have fun! *LOL*
You're in a slump. It happens. And with that job and the people you deal with, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often. Coming off a harsh winter and it's getting hot already (at least here it is) so it makes sense. Definitely use Hogwarts as a recharge. I'm finding the slightest distraction takes my mind away from the work. I've started the great house hunt in the last week and that's all I can think about now.
Since you seem to be enjoying reading, I say read your little heart out. Then maybe if you blog about the books and what you like about them, your enthusiasm for writing your own will come back.
Sometimes it's difficult to recharge when you're in an environment that doesn't foster creativity (ie: work) because it sucks you dry faster than a hungry vampire.
I sometimes read to recharge (on the weekends). Or sit quietly, hiding in my closet. Sometimes I run off to the library (Saturdays). Though, I can't say any of this helps my writing. It's been 3 weeks since I've wrote a sentence that wasn't filled with the words seminar or meeting.
I really think the vacay to Orlando is going to do you some good. Try to relax and have a good time. And call me lots, cause I'll be on the opposite side of the US on vacay. lol
And on another note, it's unsettling to try to eat a banana and the Undead Monkey stares at you with those eyes. Who let him out of the cage this morning? Someone hand me the Louisville Slugger before he dry humps my leg again.
I'm with you on the burn out. I know mine is sleep deprivation and just general stress from the baby. But the past month or so I've been staring at the same scene. I'm not worried; I'm sure I'll recover when the little guy starts sleeping more regularly and I'm not worrying so much about how the older one is doing.
I like Ter's suggestion. I've been reading a lot lately too, just because my brain is on a timeout, it seems.
Hellie, I think allowing ourselves to digress from the goal, to do new things, explore more possibilities may be the quickest way to achieve our objectives. I know I can reach a point where even if I'm trying to write, be it pages for the WIP or a blog, all I do is spin my wheels and increase the unlikelihood of actually getting anywhere.
I love Donna's phrase "playdate for the brain." I think all of us need that from time to time. The HP World visit sounds like a perfect playdate for your brain. :) So Aunt Janga's advice is relax, walk, read, buy yourself some flowers, cook your favorite dish, and just enjoy being. And relish the joy of anticipation in these days before your visit to Hogwarts.
Bo'sun: SLUMP is a good word for what I'm feeling. And the rash I've been dealing with--not that kind of rash, people, one on my legs--has not been conducive to feeling up to writing either. Mainly because all my energy is into scratching. But now that I've finally broke down and gone to the Quack, it seems to be clearing up.
SLUMP. I don't want to be in slump. Not good for my record.
Sin: it will probably help if you didn't LICK the banana suggestively before deep throating it. If you want to send the monkey running, BITE the banana aggressively.
I will call. Often. "OMG! I'm drinking BUTTERBEER!" "Are you drunk?" "No! Butterbeer isn't alcoholic!" "Really, because you sound DRUNK."
I cannot believe we're vacationing together on opposite sides of things.
Marn: See, this is why I didn't want to bring up that I was going through a slump. I have nothing to be slumped about. Did I have a baby? Am I sleep deprived? Noooo. There are tons of people who work all day and still write at night. (NOT that you'd implied anything--my inferior brain ran off with it. Stress is stress, no matter the kind, right?)
Timeout. I definitely feel on a timeout. *LOL*
Janga: I definitely feel like I'm spinning my wheels. "Just enjoy being." You know I don't think I've done that in a long, long time.
Have I mentioned how excited I am that I'm going to be drinking BUTTERBEER in about two weeks?
Am I the only one who thinks Butterbeer sounds nasty tasting? LOL!
If you get tired of Orlando, you can always ship yourself out to Phoenix. I'll be there until Wednesday that week.
*nodding* Butterbeer sounds gross. But oddly appealing if it tastes like butterscotch.
WHY would I get tired of Orlando? I love beach and ocean. Phoenix has neither a beach nor an ocean.
It's not budweiser with butter in it. It's more like a buttery cream soda like stuff, I think.
I was thinking butterbeer sounded nasty, but I kinda feel that way about REGULAR beer anyway. LOL
I'm back from the grocery store -- somehow misplaced my coffee cup from Starbucks once I got home! I'm still a little twitterpated about getting the contest finalist notice while in the middle of the bread aisle. LOL
Oh gosh, I didn't mean to imply anything like that. I think you're right; stress is stress and it can do a number on a person, no matter how it rears its ugly head.
I think every once in a while we all need a kick start.
*SQUEAL* Contest finalist! Congratulations!!! Sorry to hear about the Starbucks problem though...totally understandable, but still, a LOSS. *LOL*
No, no, Marn, you didn't imply that at all! Never mind. This will get into a contest of apologizing pirates when neither of us meant anything by it. *LOL*
I think I just need a kick in the head. Or pants. Take your pick.
Luckily the coffee was one of those free ones you get when you buy a pound of beans. . .but I hate when caffeine runs away from me. LOL
Maybe we could play Dean Martin's song, "Ain't That A Kick in the Head?" That might inspire you? :)
That makes me think of Fools Rush In with Salma Hayek and Matthew Perry...that song was featured in that movie. *LOL* I love that movie.
This reminds me of my kiddo this weekend. She made this big speech about how she just wants to sit down for a couple of hours and not deal with any stress. This is a ten year old going into her final week at school. All schoolwork is done. She spent from 2pm Saturday on not moving in front of the television while I cleaned.
Yeah, she needs a day away from the stress.
Congrats, Donna!
That movie is part of the reason kiddo is named Isabelle, though I went with the French spelling instead of the Spanish. I can't count how many times I've seen that one.
I haven't seen the movie for a long time -- I'll add it to my list. I just love Dean Martin, and I love how his personality comes thru in that song (I've got the CD in my car -- LOL)
I might have watched that movie more than my Harry Potter movies...and that's saying something.
And I agree: Dean's personality does come through. I love it when you can tell they're having a good time singing the song. You can hear him grin through the song.
I'm sure I've mentioned this before but Dean and I are from the same hometown and he went to HS with my grandmother. She said she didn't like him back then because he was a womanizer. Which actually cracks me up that his Hollywood persona was really just him. LOL!
He managed to mention our hometown in every movie he made. Next time you watch one of his, listen for Steubenville. I even caught it in a western once!
Hellie, I just checked out the Universal site for the HP world and it looks sooo cool. I'm not going to get there for probably a couple years but it really does look awesome.
Terri, that is too cool! I didn't know that about you and Dean. I laughed about your grandma calling him a womanizer. LOL Now I'm gonna be on the lookout for Steubenville. :)
Marn: *dancing around* I know! Doesn't it? I think I read some testimonial that one of the tourists cried after taking the Forbidden Journey. I'm about that geeky...I can totally see it happening.
What a novel thought: Dean was a womanizer. *LOL* Glad all those movie roles weren't a stretch for him! *LOL* Of course, as cute as he was, how could he not be a womanizer?
Did he really always mention Steubenville? Now I will have to watch for it!
You know, I was wishing there was a theme park built around some books *I* like -- for example, Suzanne Brockmann's Navy SEALS books. Oh lordie, talk about dying and going to heaven. LOL
We will need constant reports on the entire HP experience... Just as I will take pictures of Bo'sun wearing Micky Mouse ears on Pirates of the Caribbean when we're in Orlando...
Pictures! And get the butterbeer recipe...or we'll just do some nasty all our own to make it uniquely suited fer the ship!
Nothing wrong with a slump now and then. I think the brain needs it.
Congrats, Donna!
Lord, Donna, can you imagine the RIDES at a Navy Seals Theme Park?
Thanks, Chance!
Hellie, I just saw that you won an ARC of Eileen Dreyer's first historical romance. Congrats! That should make you feel better.
Donna, congrats on being a finalist!
Lord, Donna, can you imagine the RIDES at a Navy Seals Theme Park?
Yessssssssssssssssss
*fans face*
Janga, that DOES make me feel better!! *LOL* I was looking very forward to that book!
Thanks, Janga -- LOL -- you musta sent that while I was wrestling with Capt. Cha Code. LOL
I can see the pictures now...Donna next to a Navy Seal, wearing a shirt that says, "I am tall enough to ride this ride"
I can see the pictures now…Donna next to a Navy Seal, wearing a shirt that says, “I am tall enough to ride this ride”
LMAO - and he'd be wearing one that says "This ride is temporarily unavailable due to unexpected maintenance issues".
As long as it doesn't say, "I rode this ride and all I got was this lousy shirt."
LMAO!!! I wanna go to that theme park!!! I'd definitely pay extra for a fast pass for those rides. LOL!
Great, there will be incriminating pics on this blog even before I land from Orlando. LOL! Yes, Hellie, you must call me when you start crying. I can't miss that. I would say text me, but, well, you haven't joined the new millenium yet and gotten that little feature. :)
Where did she win the ARC? I've heard nothing but awesome stuff about that book. You must share!
As long as it doesn’t say, “I rode this ride and all I got was this lousy shirt.”
LOL -- or WE get the t-shirt saying somebody ELSE got to ride the Navy SEAL ride. LOL
Susan has texting. Maybe she'll let me send an emergency text. Though you'd think you'd want the phone message with me blubbering instead. That makes for better blackmailing purposes.
You know, I work with a retired Navy SEAL. He'd LOVE this conversation. LOL!
Susan has texting. Maybe she’ll let me send an emergency text. Though you’d think you’d want the phone message with me blubbering instead. That makes for better blackmailing purposes.
Maybe something YouTube-worthy?
You know, I work with a retired Navy SEAL. He’d LOVE this conversation. LOL!
Uh, maybe you better give him the PG-13 version. . .til he gets to know us better. LOL
Bo'sun? Blackmail pics? Moi? Perish the thought.
Be sure to record Hellie blubbering, 'kay?
Definitely call me with the blubbering. But the "THIS IS THE BEST PLACE EVER!" and "OMG MY WAND IS AWESOME" and "THESE FUCKING KIDS ARE GETTING ON MY NERVES" can be in text form. LOL!
Donna - Teddy will not need the PG-13 version. Seriously, he'd volunteer to BE the ride.
Teddy will not need the PG-13 version. Seriously, he’d volunteer to BE the ride.
Well, we WILL need beta testers. . . :)
You know, Donna, he's about your age. How do you feel about bald men with goatees?
Mmmm, my age -- that's a little old for me. LOL
How tall is he? :)
Donna, seriously, don't put ideas in Teddy's head. From what I hear, his ego can barely fit through the door anyway...
Donna, seriously, don’t put ideas in Teddy’s head. From what I hear, his ego can barely fit through the door anyway…
Well, as long as its only his EGO we have to worry about fitting. LOL
Afraid your legs will hang over the sides of the ride?
How tall is he?
LMFAO
*LOL* I'm so glad I finished my mountain dew.
I tol' ya we needed ta order a crate a sham wows!
Definitely off topic--all of them, but go read Deb Dixon's blog today at Riding with the Top Down. Such good advice!
http://ridingwiththetopdown.blogspot.com/2010/06/debra-4-things-to-improve-your-chances.html
You know you're supposed to keep all limbs inside the ride at all times, lest you lose them.
Off to check out Debra's blog. Thanks, Janga!
Teddy is about 6'1" maybe 6'2". And sturdy. Also married but that doesn't seem to affect his willingness in this area. Not based on how many times I've been propositioned anyway.
Okay, the legs hanging over the sides comment is KILLING me. LMFAO!!!
Poor Teddy. He met the height and weight requirements, but if he's been tagged with one of those shiny gold bands. . .
Ah well. That renders the "legs hanging over the ride" issue moot now. LOL
You know you’re supposed to keep all limbs inside the ride at all times, lest you lose them.
I'm seriously, seriously glad I've stopped drinking two sodas at work a day because I would have wasted one of them continuously spitting at my screen today.
Thanks for posting Janga!
Awesome blog, Janga! Absolutely brilliant!! Short, memorable, applicable!
Anyone else read "Windex" and hop right to My Big Fat Greek Wedding? LOL!
He'd still get a thrill knowing I attempted to pimp him out. Never hurts to do a good deed for a soldier.
Janga, that was a great post, and I'm glad you shared it. When I get back to working on my WIP (this is higher on the HOA today), I can use that Blink part, because I've been seriously second guessing myself with it.
Hellie, maybe if you were to drink Windex instead? LOL That way it wouldn't matter if you spit on the screen!
I actually caught the tail end of "Heathers" last night so my mind went a wa-a-a-a-a-a-ay darker path than "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".
Not wishing drain cleaner on ya, Hellie! Do not sip from drinks put together by disgruntled high school bad boy!
He’d still get a thrill knowing I attempted to pimp him out. Never hurts to do a good deed for a soldier.
Well, and 4th of July is coming up -- we could get all PATRIOTIC. LOL
I'm sure ingesting Windex is no more harmful than ingesting diet sodas. *LOL*
I just saw where St*rbucks is going to offer free Wifi starting July 1 -- it'll be impossible to get a seat there now! LOL
Call me crazy, but haven't they been offering free WIFI all along? The one around the corner from my house does and that's why Chance goes to them all over the country.
Maybe it's free if you already have AT&T or Sprint? Otherwise it's not free around here.
Oh, and you guys, I've been trying to watch Bones, since you all recommend it so much -- I can't do it. The gross parts are WAY too gross for me. LOL Even when I cover my eyes. But at least I tried (and nearly hurled every 5 minutes! LOL) The non-hurlage parts were good though.
Donna - Kiddo and make the mistake of watching reruns during dinner and we freak and change it everytime. LOL! And then we always go, "Why did we think to watch that while we ate?!"
We never learn.
Yeah, Starbucks is free if you have AT&T. I hadn't heard they were going to offer free to everyone! Right now, if you have one of their cards you can get up to two free hours a day, but the card has to be registered on their website, etc.
Donna - Sorry the gross parts get to you. I swear, I have a cast iron stomach. I just slot it into 'fake' and nothing gets to me. Now, real life shows about surgery, especially heart stuff, will give me the shakes.
Though at the end of "" last night, I wondered why she didn't have bits of BJ all over her...since he blew himself up close enough to light her cigarette for her... ;)
"why she didn’t have bits of BJ all over her…"
*blinking* Sweet sneakers... I must've missed one helluva convo.
Yeah, Chance just lost all of us right there. LOL! What the hell is ""?
I was afraid to ask. :)
Haven't any of you seen the movie "Heathers"? A dark bit of brat pack with Wynona Ryder and Christian Slater?
Come on! I'm not that old and that movie isn't that far in the past!
I need a rum.
And get your minds out of the gutter. The villain/dark hero is called BJ.
Nasty, nasty pirates.
Bo'sun - that was weird! Why did it not post the word Heathers? Thought it was something nasty?
Aha! So it wasn't just us pirates! The blog thought so too! LOL
I'm with the rest of the nasty pirates...I thought a BJ was a BJ. Then again, *I* would.
I can't remember if I saw Heathers or not. I mean I knew who was in it; and I remember having a Christian Slater crush once upon a time, but I couldn't tell you anything about that movie. And if I can't tell you about a movie, it wasn't that great (IMO).
Heathers was a great movie! Every child of the 80s who hated the kids they went to school with loved that movie. They actually took out the annoying shitheads. It was great!
But you used "bits", "BJ", and "blew" all in the same sentence with no explanation. Where did you think we'd go with that? LOL!
OK, I was wrong. His character name was JD... Sigh.
It wasn't exactly a great movie, but the entire idea of three girls, all named Heathers who ruled the school...and were subsequent targets for JD and his sorta girlfriend, Wynona...
Nicely chocked full of black humor and murders made to look like suicides.
Just goes to show that my mind is more pure because my mind didn't go there at all!
So there!
Sadly, I'm afraid this just goes to show how slow my mind is...took me an hour or more to figure out what the confusing was all about.
Geez.
I *cannot* believe it took you an HOUR to figure out what the problem was when you write erotica. Seriously.
I think she means she doesn't know why the blog posted "" instead of "Heathers". LOL!
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