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Thursday, August 27, 2009
Stressed is dessert spelled backwards...
I held the barrel of the gun to his temple.
“Tell me where Cortez is hiding.” I demanded.
A bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face and over the pulse point beating out of control in his neck. I wanted to pull the trigger and make the world a better place, but he was the only connection to my mark.
“Go ahead, my days are numbered, I’m going to die either way.”
“Is he still in Mexico?” I asked.
“Last I heard he was heading for the states.” He said.
“He has a shipment leaving in two days why would he be in the states?”
“Trying to flush you out.”
“How?”
“He can’t shake you, but you’re like smoke, he’s after your woman.”
I increased the pressure on the barrel of the gun and he winced as he stared at me out of the corner of his eye.
“When did he leave?”
“This morning.”
I looked through the open window at the darkness settling over the town.
I was 200 miles from a government contact; Cortez would find her, use her as a pawn, and kill her while I watched.
I flipped the safety back on the gun and slipped it in my waistband. I frisked his pockets and found a map.
“What‘s this?”
“A map of the Cortez’s base camp.”
“Where’s it located?”
“30 miles south.”
“How many men are in residence?” I asked.
“Six.”
“What are you doing in town?”
“Waiting for the buyer to arrive, so I can escort him to the compound.”
I slid my arm around the front of his neck and positioned my hand on the other side of his head.
“I think he might be waiting a while for that escort.” I said.
I jerked his head to the side until I heard his neck pop, then I released him, letting him slide to the floor. I stepped over his body and walked into the darkness of the town.
We all experience stress, just like the characters we create. Maybe not at the epic proportions of the character in the snippet of my story, but I’m sure we all have felt as if we were working under the gun from time to time. In my past writing life, I have usually dealt with stress in my personal life by tapping away the frustration on the computer keyboard. I’ve written some of my best scenes after experiencing a stressful day. Emotion, anger, and heartache give me the right frame of mind to slip under my character’s skin. As we’ve often discussed on the ship, writing can be a cheap form of therapy.
My father passed away 9 years ago. As a form of therapy, I chose to express my grief through a pen on paper. I couldn't verbally express the raw pain of emotion clawing at my heart. The verbilizations never seemed sufficient to describe the turmoil in my life. I wrote pages upon pages of words, attempting to extinguish the pain the only way I knew how. I wrote everything I felt, and everything I missed about him. In the end when I finished pouring out my soul, I wrote a letter to him. I told him everything I wanted to say that I didn't find the opportunity to say before I said goodbye. Most of what I said he already knew, but visulizing it on paper made all the difference in the world. I documented my feelings of loss, followed by a celebration of his life. Through my journey I discovered a love for writing that I left behind in an American Literature class. It took the darkest moment of my life to discover something that would become one of the biggest anchors in my life.
In recent months, I have experienced an extreme amount of stress in the workplace. The stress has carried over into my writing life. Before, I dealt with stress through writing, now I’m stressed because the stress is not allowing me to write. My workdays are long and exhausting; they leave me both mentally and physically tired. When I find time to sit in front of the keyboard my brain is mush. I have fleeting ideas for storylines, and thoughts for scenes to add to my current WIP, but they all filter away because I don’t have the advantage of stopping a surgical procedure and writing them in my trusty notebook. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been known to have a fellow coworker dictate notes for me from the surgical field. I get some weird looks, but I’m sure you understand how important those fleeting thoughts are to a current WIP.
I’m not writing this blog to illicit cyber hugs, because I’m no different from anyone else who has a stressful job environment. I empathize with those who do, but I know I’m not alone. Even if you don’t have a stressful job, most writers experience stress in their personal life. We all have families, friends, pets, households, and deadlines. At any given time, unexpected crap hits the fan. The car breaks down, grandma falls and breaks a hip, the cat gets a hairball, or the air conditioner ceases to function on the hottest day of the summer. Life is good, but it can be a never-ending snag of complications. Have you ever heard the quote “If life gives you lemons make lemonade?” My life is giving me lemons, but I'm too tired to squeeze.
How does stress affect your writing life? Has stress in your writing life ever affected your personal life?
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46 comments:
Stress? You had to remind me, didn't you? Writing is my release, well that and some Captain Morgan. But if I get too stressed I tend to shut down in all areas.
And no, you can't read it.
Stress, Anxiety, Fear, Depression...the four horsemen a' me life. When they be ridin' hard on me ass I usually go completely blank, as Renee comments. Jus' shut down.
If writin' happens, it's some nasty bit a' erotica that be too strange or harsh for public exposure. Not sure why, but it seems ta work fer me. Workin' out frustrations? I don't like ta analyze this, I jus' watch it work and when I find meself unable to continue with some long runnin' bit a' all-but-porn writin'...I'm ready ta sit down and come up wit' something pleasant.
Man, I am seriously twisted!
But I don't argue with success.
Not that I be recommendin' this ta anyone else...
Unless ya pay be lots a' money. Lots and lots and lots a' money.
And I shoulda written pay me lots a' money...
Chance, erotica huh? I guess I could try writing what I'm too tired to do... Thanks for the suggestion:) I know you want to email me a little tidbit, you know you do. It could help me through the slump. *g*
I probably won't drop in until mid morning, so crew, I'd appreciate if yo could hold down the deck:)
Renee, sorry for the reminder my dear. I must say I have had a few shots of tequila during the past few months, unfortunately, it hasn't helped with the writing. Maybe I need to think erotic like Chance suggested.
You know I'm always good for a deck hold down. LOL
Was that Ranger? Because I would love if it was your original, but I see sweaty mad Ranger worried that his secret life is about to ruin his real one.
Lisa, I miss the old days when you and me would write constantly and email back and forth. I hate work. We should run away. *g* And go find sweaty mad Ranger.
Stress affects me negatively. When I'm extremely stressed at work, I don't write. Mostly because if I look at another computer screen when I get home, I'll be tempted to use my secret ninja pirate skills. I read when I'm stressed.
I'm game with holding some sweaty mad Ranger on the deck. That is what Lisa asked us to do, right? Right. Thought so.
Stress at work does contribute to me not writing. It becomes a vicious circle thing. I won't even go to the gym hardly during the two months or so where the application season is the dead heaviest. It's a miracle I don't go postal. Once that passes though, it takes me a long time to get back into doing work though. *LOL* It's like you work so crazy to get through the worst and then I spend the next two months coasting a bit. Which is actually good for my writing--but probably doesn't look good at work.
When my mom died, I wrote sad, sad things. I was a mess. Though I remember thinking--this is HORRIBLE to admit--that mom wasn't even my favorite parent. If I was this much of a mess when mom died, what would I do when Dad died? A thought that is prone to make me sit up in bed in the middle of the night in fear.
Then there was the breakup from the boy I loved when I was in my 20s...I don't think I wrote then either. Not a lot. I wrote bad poetry though. BAAADDDDD poetry. I wrote here and there, bits and pieces.
I am liking my place more and more though. It's like I really do have room to write there, without fear of people breaking in and reading my stuff without permission.
What an awesome blog, Lisa!
My absolute favorite line is - My life is giving me lemons, but I’m too tired to squeeze.
Boy can I relate to that! I always think of those westerns where the hero says he's "bone tired". I think I know what that means now. LOL
I always joke with the DH that if I could invent an energy pill that was legal with no side effects I'd be a millionaire! I think fatigue and stress are getting to epidemic proportions in this country. At least in my neck of the woods they are.
As for me, I shut down too when I'm stressed. I either sleep or read. I have a friend who cleans when she's stressed. Sheesh! Why couldn't that be me! You'd be able to eat off my floors if that was the case. LOL
Great Blog, Lis, and great snippet!!
Stress huh? I touched yesterday on how this past month's stress has affected my writing. Made me be a wuss with dealing with emotions in my MS, that's what.
But when I'm totally stressed, I tend not to write, honestly. I hibernate. LOL!
Sin, You guessed it, it is Ranger:) I wish it was my WIP. I do miss our long emails, and fanfiction days. *sigh* Life is a bitch. I will always help you hold sweaty Ranger down on the deck, nothing like some mad sweaty Ranger thoughts:)
It's a sad day when I'm so stressed I can't even read. You know I'm a book fool, I have had Michelle Marcos' new book for two weeks and haven't even cracked the cover. I don't even have time to book shop. Waaaaah!
Hellie, I'm so glad to hear that your new placce is good for your writing life. And writing bad poetry is better than not writing at all, and I'm sure you exagerate the badness. You have mad rhyming skills:) You're welcome to assist Sin and I in our frisking of Ranger on the deck.
Within the first three months that I started writing, my uncle committed suicide. He was only four years older me. The family history there was horrendous and he could no longer fight his demons. I wrote a scene in my villain's pov where he was preparing to rape a nun. Then I went and disemboweled my heroine's father. One of those scenes remains.
That was just the beginning in what has been three years of emotional stress.
The best possible remedy is to write. If you don't feel like working on a manuscript then free write. You'd be amazed at how much free writing helps to release all the stress enabling you to write on your manuscript.
Irish!
Thank you:) I'm glad you liked my blog. It was a hard one to squeeze:) I wish my stress was conducive to cleaning too! Boy that would be the ticket. An energy pill would be excellent, or a pill that made me feel the euphoria I felt after I delivered Chad. Gosh that was an awesome feeling. I was all rainbows and kittys back then.
Marnee,''I'm sorry if I stepped on your blog from yesterday. I admit I've been reading blogs with a hit or miss fashion. I'll promise to do better.
Glad you enjoyed the snippet:)
Hibernation can be a good thing, my stress makes me want to shut my bedroom door and curl up in the fetal position. I don't, but at times it's tempting. Emotions used to mess with my writing, I always make my male characters whimps when I'm emotional.
Thanks for the great post Lisa.
When I get stressed I can't even read, let along write! I just can't get into any stories and I find myself pissed at the h/h.
Many of you might not know that my mom and dad passed away within the last 1 1/2 years. Mom was first and that was what promopted me to finally write. But what I started writing was this dark, dark story of a girl and her mom...basically a tragic story to match my emotions then. I have pages and pages of ugly looking handwriting scratched across paper for that story. Not sure I'll do anything with it, but I do go back and read over it occasionally.
Dad passed away June 1st and right before that I'd finally starting really writing (thanks to you pirates). I've found that the stress after that has made it hard for me to feel in the mood to write again. But I'm determined to conquer the stress and push it away.
I'm getting there, and finding that I exercise to exhaust the stress out of my body helps my mind relax so then I can sit down in front of the computer.
There is something to be said for physically taxing your body so your mind can take over!
Lis, you didn't step on my blog at all! :) That wasn't what I meant. I don't think I ever really mentioned I was stressed. Most of the time I don't even realize that's what I'm feeling. I'm the sort who never really admits to being stressed. I just realize it later, when I can't sleep or I don't want eat. Or my hair falls out, or whatever. Sorta the stoic, grin and bear it as your going down with the ship, sort.... LOL!!
When I responded above, I think it was just then that I realized I WAS stressed out. LOL! I'm really clueless. :)
Marnee,”I’m sorry if I stepped on your blog from yesterday. I admit I’ve been reading blogs with a hit or miss fashion. I’ll promise to do better.
One of my favorite things about us is how we take off from one another's blogs (sometimes unconsciously--since it seems if one of us is suffering from something, we all are)--and we bring something new and delicious to the table.
We talk about alphas like every other week. Seems like there is always something new to talk about. *LOL*
It's like all other writing. There are no original ideas--only our original voice and the way we view the world.
*HUGS TO LISA* I hope you feel like reading and writing soon. I hate feeling so worn out that I don't feel like anything at all. *HUGS TO MARN* And I hope you feel better and feel like coming out of hibernation soon.
And that's all the hugs I'm giving out this week, so Sin don't even bother looking at me.
Okay, I'm giving a hug to Sabrina as well. *HUGS* Losing your parents in 18 months is brutal. And losing your father right before Father's Day no less... I'm so sorry.
Exercise does help me a lot, when I don't cave the "tiredness" that the stress does. I'm so tempted to sleep, but that almost makes it worse. Exercise though--get on the elliptical, go all blank-minded and just sweat. And if they're actually playing a movie you like, bonus.
I empathize with you Lisa. It's a tough spot to be in when you want and NEED to write, but there simply isn't time. Taking notes for when there IS time just isn't the same, but sometimes it's all we can do. Trying to write when time is limited is an exercise in frustration.
It takes a while for me to wind down to write, and once I get in the zone, I'm useless. I want to STAY there and it's hard to refocus. I'll be growling at everyone because "life" is intruding on what I'm trying to figure out for my story.
I'd rather read too, for escape, when there isn't time to get in that writing "zone." Or maybe it's just me, but I found I could work on revision with limited time much better than actually creating, like it used a different part of my brain or something. :) This at least makes me feel like I'm keeping one foot in the "writing life."
Writing IS a form of therapy, but even then time is the problem. This seems horribly insensitive to say, but even Anne Frank, who said, "When I write, I can shake off all my cares," did have one thing - - time.
I hope that didn't come off too irreverent for probably the most awe inspiring example of writing being someone's salvation! I'm just trying to say I think it lessens the stress a bit to try to accept when and how we can fit writing into our lives.
Renee,
What a terrible tragedy, I'm sorry for your loss. I find it amazing what places loss can take us in our writing lives. I've found that a lot of pain can translate into amazing scenes that I could have never expressed before.
I think I may need to focus on something other than my WIP for awhile. I need to heed your advice and just write. I just wish the stress wasn't so exhaustive. (I think I just made a new word) is exhaustive even a word?
No worries Marn, I see that I missed a very important day yesterday. I love discussing POV and how it had such a profound affect on the voice of the story. I'm sorry I missed it. It appears the subject strayed in the comments, I love days like that on the ship. LOL I'm glad you worked out the POV in your story:)
Sabrina, super hugs! Okay, how about one big group hug.
Lisa, I totally understand stress being exhaustive. When I got back from D.C. I jumped into working 12-13 hour days at the shop. Let me add that until May, all I've ever done was stay at home schooling my kids and take care of house. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep, but once there I'd stare at the ceiling wishing I were writing. That whole thing threw me into a whirlwind of borderline depression. I believe I told hubs I was failing in every aspect (sewing and I don't get along, especially plaid silk cushions that must match perfectly), my kids were acting like shites, and my house was going to pot (ha, like I clean). The one thing I could do, the one thing I'm half-way decent at I didn't have time to do and when I did I was too darned exhausted to see straight. I'm one of those people that has to write, if I don't I slip into a funk. But, hubs loves me with a passion unknown on Earth, or I should say he recognized that when I fall apart I make him miserable (no dinner), so he started pushing me to go home.
I can't stress enough how much free writing works. It allows you to get rid of all that junk bogging you down. Oh, I got this from The Artist's Way, [url]http://www.theartistsway.com/[/url]. Hopefully, that link works.
lol, my comment completely disappeared.
Sabrina, super hugs. Losing those dear to you is not the easiest, especially so close together.
Renee, I found it. Sometimes the Spam freaks out if you include a website link.
I see the spam has gotten trickier. I approved what I thought was a real comment. Right. It was a comment *I* had made but then the spam people inserted their name as the commenter--but you click on the name and voila, you get to see the crap they're selling. Can I sue them for plagarizing?
After years of therapy, years with a life coach, bein' apprenticed ta a Shaman and workin' in a metaphysical bookstore (that ought to be a song, don't ya think?)...the almost dying, then Dad passing... Sigh. But life doesn't suck, it just is life.
Without the downs there would be no purpose to the ups. Without the stress life would be a pop song and we'd all be suicidal from that.
And as me Mum says, "This, too, shall pass."
I write me nasty erotica, Renee disembowels... I bet Sin listens ta real loud music...
Irish, yer pill? Eh...honestly, it's just life. I 'magine that last thing we need in this world is another pill!
Though a weight loss pill without side effects...that be a miracle I'd like ta see!
Damn it! I killed the blog again! What the hell, do I have cooties?
Thanks for all the hugs crew, I appreciate them and I'm really doing good.
I just need to lick this getting through my very first book so I can learn my strengths and weaknesses in my writing so I know what to focus learning more about. :)
You pirates help with dealing with the stress of taking on this task - reading the blog everyday lets me know its not anything new to be stressed, lost, worried, etc about what I'm writing. :)
Not to mention, cyber drinkin' is great...right, Sabrina? No hangover. And all our treats have no calories!
I need a drink right now and not a cyber one. Is it time to go home yet? Gah.
Oh I'm a big fan of cyber drinking...and real world drinking too! LOL
Can't provide the 'real' thing, Hel. But have a nice big shot a' Bo'sun Burner, in honor of Terrio bringin Isabelle back home.
It sounds as if lots of hugs are needed today, so hugs to everyone who needs one and a pat on the back to the non-huggers. :)
I can't write when I'm heavily stressed either. Once the worst is over, I write pages and pages and pages, but my tears and my words seem to freeze in the darkest times. Reading gets me through. Escaping to fictional worlds for a few hours gives me the strength to keep enduring the burdens of reality.
Both my parents died slowly. I spent weeks sitting in a hospice room waiting for their bodies to follow their spirits. I kept a stack of romance novels beside my chair. They kept me sane. I left them in the hospice library. Based on the books others had left, a lot of people in similar situations found solace in genre fiction.
Thanks, Hellie, that is the right comment.
I guess I just think that channeling our emotions into our writing helps put ourselves into our manuscripts. It's difficult to put ourselves out there, but you can always tone it down once you go through revisions.
MM, I listen to real loud music all the time.
Renee, I think I have a real fear of putting that much of my real emotions into my writing. Much like the American Indians weren't real thrilled about having their pictures taken, for fear their soul will be trapped in the photo forever. If I trap a piece of my soul in a book, will I somehow diminish?
And suddenly I think of Lord Voldemort--at the idea I can put a little piece of my soul in a book, forever.
I was going to say, Hellie, you wouldn't diminish, you'd flourish by sharing a piece of you with hundreds of thousands of readers.
Sabrina, I can't imagine losing both parents in that short of time. Hugs to you. I admire you in that you pulled positive out of the negative. I hope someday you are able to use the story you wrote after your mother's death.
I wish I wasn't such a couch potato. I stand all day and by the time I leave work I don't have the energy to exercise. I should get up early ad try it then, but I tend to make excuses. I have a lot of friends who exercise, and highly recommend it as a stress reliever.
Renee, I promise I will try the free writing. I need to let go of some of the anger I produce at work. Instead of interalizing my frustration at others I need to write it:)
Janga,
I'm glad you found solace in reading. It takes so much of your soul to sit at a loved ones bed side and slowly watch them fade into the great beyond.
Melissa thank you so much for using Anne Frank as an example. She had the time, but what a stressful time. The fear of the unknown is quite a catalyst.
I totaally understand what you mean by writing and finding the "zone". It's a big rush, but it produces unwanted frustration with my family when they demand my attention. It's hard to explain that you need to write when they have a million plans for the day, or they need something right in the middle of writing a black moment that I couldn't express before.
Hellion - I don't care how much ya resist, part of ya is in everythin' ya write...
Sin - Even louder when stressed?
Oh, I know I exist in my writing. I see me in it. But you only see the parts I want you to see. To do what Renee is suggesting, that's more than I'm willing to reveal.
Hee, hee...sure. Right. Uh huh.
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