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Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Death by Chocolate
Music of the week: "Black Dahlia" Hollywood Undead- Swan Songs
In my defense today- I ain't right. Seriously.
The death of villains is a necessary evil in fiction. This is old news for regulars of the blog, but I'm the resident character killer. I don't reserve killing just for the villains. When I feel like I need a change, I axe a character. Anyway that I can find and a few inventive ways depends how I'm feeling at the moment and where my characters are in their growth arc. My general policy is while I'm writing, "whatever works".
My thought process behind killing characters is simple. If the story is stalling, you need sex or a murder. You can't always manage sex (well, okay, I can always manage some sex but if you have sex every 5 pages, my paranormal suspense is going to have a lot of purple prose in it after the first 10 sex scenes and I can only think of a few different ways to describe splinters in your back from the door), but you can always manage a murder or two without killing the story as a whole. There is a little perverted part of my brain that extracts a little joy each time a character dies knowing that it's going to going into the trickle effect of emotional drama. I can't figure out why.
Not that I put a lot of thought into why. Because I'm sure if I did, I would find something extremely wrong with that. Fictional or not. See the beginning of the blog- I ain't right. It's why I'm a writer.
Even before Hellion gifted me with the most wonderful of books, "Cause of Death- A writer's guide to death, murder and forensic medicine." (by Keith D. Wilson, M.D.), I was thinking up ways a character could die. I have quite a few favorites in my repertoire. Once I killed an informant by throwing him into a shark tank. I rather enjoyed that one. Drowning. Suffocating. Bleeding out slowly. Mallet to the temple. Pit bulls. Car explosions. But really in the comments the other day, I got to thinking about all the weird things you could do with killing off a character. All the accidental, quirky, random deaths that happen in the fictional world. I think my favorite part about the fictional world is that I may not know every gruesome detail that goes into writing a death, but I can use my imagination enough to get close. So close that if I put enough detail into it, you can look past my little indiscretions.
So, death by chocolate frosting? A total possibility if you get a little kinky in the sack and someone accidentally chokes (or maybe not so accidentally). Crushed glass pieces in his mashed potatoes? Could happen. I mean, those damned neighbor kids are always bouncing their basketball into your kitchen window and breaking it- you can't help that some of it landed in your bowl as you were mashing them. Loose board on the top step leading into the basement? I swear, I've been bitching at him for two months to fix it.
It's so unfortunate that vehicles have gotten so technically smart. Siphoning out the brake fluid would've been a wonderful option as well. Can't cut the brake line either. Or loosen the lug nuts. It's a shame. Really. Taking a gun and killing a villain is so uninspired. Watching his car drive off a cliff could make my character's night.
Let's think about it.
Well, you don't have to think about it. I'll think about it for you.
Say your character needs a method to get rid of someone, maybe of the opposite sex. If you want it to look accidental, well you gotta think of something very creative. I'll use Kiki as my example of a villainous heroine. (She's a professional problem solver. Not a professional killer. I assure you, there is a difference.)
Kiki is only an example. She's the closest thing in my character list that I can use without pulling her too far from her characterization.
Kiki has a target that needs professional quieting but it needs to look like an accident. She can think about it. Make her plans, watch her mark, learn his routine. She can walk up to him at happy hour at his usual spot, short black dress barely covering her ass as she leans over the bar and asks for a vodka on the rocks. She can look at him playfully over her shoulder and flash him her devastatingly fake smile like she's really interested and turn him onto her. He could be charmed easily by her easy demeanor, the way she playfully chews her bottom lip and fiddles with his silk tie. She could score a night with him by just whispering in his ear. Once they got back to his house, she could make it look like he had a drug overdose. Wouldn't be hard. He has a possession charge from three years prior that was swept under the rug since daddy is in politics. She watched him acquire two eight balls and a sack of pills at lunch. Kiki would be willing to do some lines in order to get the job done.
But that would be too easy for my Kiki. She's sneaky like a ninja. All business. No fun. She doesn't really like to get dressed up and wear a wig out into public. She complains that wigs are itchy and cramp her style. Sadie is more mischievous. In a few years, she would be ripe for this sort of job. Even enjoy it.
Kiki would wait in her car outside the bar, follow him to his house, wait until he goes to sleep and break into his house. Easy to do when you can disable an alarm with a gadget. Easy to do when you can pick a lock like you're magic. Easy to do when there is no guard animal to sound a wake up call. Easy to do when your target has no neighbors close by and a house shaded almost completely in trees. I can almost hear Kiki tsking.
In fact, Kiki thinks to herself, "It's truly a pity he hasn't taken the time to make sure the batteries in his carbon monoxide detectors are good. Even more a pity when this scum sucker doesn't wake up in the morning." And once the plan is set, get out and go about business as usual.
Clean. Efficient. Quiet.
Kiki will be sitting at her breakfast bar with a cup of coffee and reading the paper while the guy's alarm is blaring. By the time his office calls, she's already in the shower getting ready for her routine day. When his secretary drops by and finds him non-responsive, Kiki's driving across town to her office building. Just a few minutes inside the house has the secretary feeling nauseous. She calls 911 but it was too late before she even walked through the door. The ambulance speeds past Kiki's car on it's way to the emergency. And Kiki graciously pulls over to let them past and continues on her way like nothing happened.
You might think this is difficult to think up but think about this from a writer's standpoint. Is there anything your hero or heroine might be allergic to? Did you know that certain wines to people with severe sulfate allergies can kill in just a few minutes without interference of an EpiPen? (Truly one of my biggest fears. And that is notfor future reference, MM. I've got my eyes on you, you sneaky pirate.) Fears? You know, if your heroine is claustrophobic and gets trapped in an elevator with no one there to buffer her panic, she could send herself into a monstrous panic attack and have cardiac arrest. Someone who is afraid of the water and can't swim could accidentally be flipped into the water while you're speeding around on the boat. Accidental deaths are waiting just around the corner everywhere for your expendable characters. You just have to tap into them in the fictional world.
I know most of you are in the business of writing (or reading!) the HEA or HFN (I prefer HFN) but what is the most unusual murder scene you've read? Saw on one of those crime shows? Imagined up to write in your WIP? And pretty pretty please can someone gift me the wonderful "Armed and Dangerous" book for my birthday? Or Christmas? I've been a good girl all year. I swear- cross my heart.
No takers? C'mon, it's not like I'm going to practice on you.
Dang, I guess I could hit up Santa for the book. It's never too early for a Christmas list...
In my defense today- I ain't right. Seriously.
The death of villains is a necessary evil in fiction. This is old news for regulars of the blog, but I'm the resident character killer. I don't reserve killing just for the villains. When I feel like I need a change, I axe a character. Anyway that I can find and a few inventive ways depends how I'm feeling at the moment and where my characters are in their growth arc. My general policy is while I'm writing, "whatever works".
My thought process behind killing characters is simple. If the story is stalling, you need sex or a murder. You can't always manage sex (well, okay, I can always manage some sex but if you have sex every 5 pages, my paranormal suspense is going to have a lot of purple prose in it after the first 10 sex scenes and I can only think of a few different ways to describe splinters in your back from the door), but you can always manage a murder or two without killing the story as a whole. There is a little perverted part of my brain that extracts a little joy each time a character dies knowing that it's going to going into the trickle effect of emotional drama. I can't figure out why.
Not that I put a lot of thought into why. Because I'm sure if I did, I would find something extremely wrong with that. Fictional or not. See the beginning of the blog- I ain't right. It's why I'm a writer.
Even before Hellion gifted me with the most wonderful of books, "Cause of Death- A writer's guide to death, murder and forensic medicine." (by Keith D. Wilson, M.D.), I was thinking up ways a character could die. I have quite a few favorites in my repertoire. Once I killed an informant by throwing him into a shark tank. I rather enjoyed that one. Drowning. Suffocating. Bleeding out slowly. Mallet to the temple. Pit bulls. Car explosions. But really in the comments the other day, I got to thinking about all the weird things you could do with killing off a character. All the accidental, quirky, random deaths that happen in the fictional world. I think my favorite part about the fictional world is that I may not know every gruesome detail that goes into writing a death, but I can use my imagination enough to get close. So close that if I put enough detail into it, you can look past my little indiscretions.
So, death by chocolate frosting? A total possibility if you get a little kinky in the sack and someone accidentally chokes (or maybe not so accidentally). Crushed glass pieces in his mashed potatoes? Could happen. I mean, those damned neighbor kids are always bouncing their basketball into your kitchen window and breaking it- you can't help that some of it landed in your bowl as you were mashing them. Loose board on the top step leading into the basement? I swear, I've been bitching at him for two months to fix it.
It's so unfortunate that vehicles have gotten so technically smart. Siphoning out the brake fluid would've been a wonderful option as well. Can't cut the brake line either. Or loosen the lug nuts. It's a shame. Really. Taking a gun and killing a villain is so uninspired. Watching his car drive off a cliff could make my character's night.
Let's think about it.
Well, you don't have to think about it. I'll think about it for you.
Say your character needs a method to get rid of someone, maybe of the opposite sex. If you want it to look accidental, well you gotta think of something very creative. I'll use Kiki as my example of a villainous heroine. (She's a professional problem solver. Not a professional killer. I assure you, there is a difference.)
Kiki is only an example. She's the closest thing in my character list that I can use without pulling her too far from her characterization.
Kiki has a target that needs professional quieting but it needs to look like an accident. She can think about it. Make her plans, watch her mark, learn his routine. She can walk up to him at happy hour at his usual spot, short black dress barely covering her ass as she leans over the bar and asks for a vodka on the rocks. She can look at him playfully over her shoulder and flash him her devastatingly fake smile like she's really interested and turn him onto her. He could be charmed easily by her easy demeanor, the way she playfully chews her bottom lip and fiddles with his silk tie. She could score a night with him by just whispering in his ear. Once they got back to his house, she could make it look like he had a drug overdose. Wouldn't be hard. He has a possession charge from three years prior that was swept under the rug since daddy is in politics. She watched him acquire two eight balls and a sack of pills at lunch. Kiki would be willing to do some lines in order to get the job done.
But that would be too easy for my Kiki. She's sneaky like a ninja. All business. No fun. She doesn't really like to get dressed up and wear a wig out into public. She complains that wigs are itchy and cramp her style. Sadie is more mischievous. In a few years, she would be ripe for this sort of job. Even enjoy it.
Kiki would wait in her car outside the bar, follow him to his house, wait until he goes to sleep and break into his house. Easy to do when you can disable an alarm with a gadget. Easy to do when you can pick a lock like you're magic. Easy to do when there is no guard animal to sound a wake up call. Easy to do when your target has no neighbors close by and a house shaded almost completely in trees. I can almost hear Kiki tsking.
In fact, Kiki thinks to herself, "It's truly a pity he hasn't taken the time to make sure the batteries in his carbon monoxide detectors are good. Even more a pity when this scum sucker doesn't wake up in the morning." And once the plan is set, get out and go about business as usual.
Clean. Efficient. Quiet.
Kiki will be sitting at her breakfast bar with a cup of coffee and reading the paper while the guy's alarm is blaring. By the time his office calls, she's already in the shower getting ready for her routine day. When his secretary drops by and finds him non-responsive, Kiki's driving across town to her office building. Just a few minutes inside the house has the secretary feeling nauseous. She calls 911 but it was too late before she even walked through the door. The ambulance speeds past Kiki's car on it's way to the emergency. And Kiki graciously pulls over to let them past and continues on her way like nothing happened.
You might think this is difficult to think up but think about this from a writer's standpoint. Is there anything your hero or heroine might be allergic to? Did you know that certain wines to people with severe sulfate allergies can kill in just a few minutes without interference of an EpiPen? (Truly one of my biggest fears. And that is notfor future reference, MM. I've got my eyes on you, you sneaky pirate.) Fears? You know, if your heroine is claustrophobic and gets trapped in an elevator with no one there to buffer her panic, she could send herself into a monstrous panic attack and have cardiac arrest. Someone who is afraid of the water and can't swim could accidentally be flipped into the water while you're speeding around on the boat. Accidental deaths are waiting just around the corner everywhere for your expendable characters. You just have to tap into them in the fictional world.
I know most of you are in the business of writing (or reading!) the HEA or HFN (I prefer HFN) but what is the most unusual murder scene you've read? Saw on one of those crime shows? Imagined up to write in your WIP? And pretty pretty please can someone gift me the wonderful "Armed and Dangerous" book for my birthday? Or Christmas? I've been a good girl all year. I swear- cross my heart.
No takers? C'mon, it's not like I'm going to practice on you.
Dang, I guess I could hit up Santa for the book. It's never too early for a Christmas list...
Labels:
Quartermaster's Queries (Sin),
Sin
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115 comments:
When's your birthday? ;) I still get a good discount at my former bookstore...
Um...ever see the Mysterious Dr. Phibes? No, wait, I think it's the Abominable Dr. Phibes. Vincent Price, campy movie...marvelous! Drills a hole over the bed of the woman...I think it was a woman... drizzles something green, sticky and sweet all over her face as she sleeps. Deeply sleeps. Then one by one, drops giant locusts onto her.
Bwah ha ha!
Next scene, eaten woman in sticky bed.
Phibes kills one guy with a super speeding sand coming out the dashboard of a car, locked in. Death by sand blaster.
Some of the best despicable death scenes, ever!
I used ta work in the bindery of a print shop. Lots a' loverly ways ta slaughter by accident. The paper cutter, big printin' wheels...huge hole drillers...
In The Black Honeymoon, an old mystery (a cozy, pretty much the only kind I read)by Constance and Gwenyth Little, the murder weapon is feathers. The victim is allergic to them and sneezes homself to death. In another cozy, Laura Levine's sixth Jaine Austen mystery, the murder weapon is pantyhose.
I generally avoid books with gruesome and/or bloody deaths. Just thinking about Poe's "The Cask of Amontillado" gives me nightmares.
Sin, this fascination with killing and blood is not healthy!
Seems to me that the real challenge is to create the undetectable murder, so that the perpetrator escapes scott free.
I believe many authors have tried, for example one of the Hercules Poirot mysteries involved a poison that leaves no trace. However there is always a footprint when humans are involved.
I have recently been reading about the power of intention. The way that healers can focus their minds to cure ailments that defy conventional medical treatment.
Well, to every good intent there may be a mal-intent, if you get my meaning.
And in space, no one can hear the scream.
Combining those two might just do the trick! :wink:
And my birthday is before Christmas. I like to make sure it's forgotten.
They always spoof Vincent Price on SNL and it cracks me up.
I never thought about all the dangerous crazy stuff you could do on a construction site! This should've been the first thing I thought of considering my dad works in construction. Crushed by cabinets. Plunge to your death from an unfinished deck. Electrocuted by exposed wires. OMG, the possibilities are endless!
MM, you are my sister is odd deaths!
Janga, feathers and sneezing yourself to death! Wow! That's really inventive! I would've never thought of that. I tend to not read murder mysteries since I try to stay away from reading my writing genre but I always hear all the gruesome stuff from my gramma. She adores all those intricate details you get out of today's murder mysteries.
Poe is dark and gruesome. He even gives me nightmares.
Q, dearest, don't worry. I only reserve such bloody and killish thoughts for the bad guys.
And we never talk about the dark side of writing. I thought we might be needing a change for once *g* Otherwise, you're gonna think I'm starting to go soft from all the talk of love and stuff I've been doing lately.
Poison that leaves no trace, eh? *thinking* Hm, I must look into this potential option. I think it's more fun to dive into the character's background and dig up something that makes a lot of sense.
I do love how you think. "And in space, no one can hear the scream." That may be my favorite quote of the day and it's only 8am.
I have to admit that I'm not comfortable with this conversation. *squirms on her stool* Makes me very, very nervous. Especially in this crowd.
I read mysteries as a kid, but Encyclopedia Brown didn't exact handle murder. Got into Holmes for a while, but I don't remember much about the actual crimes. I was always more fascinated by the character of Holmes himself.
Leslie Langtry has the most interesting murders in her books. Lets just say, I'm glad she likes me because I would not want to get on her bad side. The exploding Mickey Mouse head still bothers me just a little.
Hey, I'm not THAT dangerous. And you're on the ship with a bunch of pirates... that's your first mistake.
I love love love Leslie's hits in her books. She's very inspiring to think up different ways to kill a target. The zoo still cracks me up.
I'm also very glad Leslie likes me. LOL. I'd hate to see what she'd slip into my drink when we're together if she didn't.
Sin, you know I love you, but you're a little scary sometimes.
I don't know if it counts as a "murder" scene, but it does maybe--but in Obsidian Butterfly (Laurell K Hamilton), there are victims--who are animated--but are skinned. Skinned humans who are alive and walking around. It was the creepiest damned thing. I was reading it in the middle of the night; and the next night--still in the same book--I was reading it and watching an X-files episode that featured, yep, SKINNED humans that walked around. I nearly couldn't sleep for a month.
Leslie's DisneyWorld murder is my favorite, with the zoo bear scene (and Paris screaming like a little girl) a very close second.
I think Janga's example is the funniest: death by sneezing. What the hell?
I know it's not a murder/way to die example, but I think the book that Agatha Christie wrote where the narrator of the story WAS the murder was genius. (Of course, readers were ticked off because they liked the narrator. But I think that's brilliant. Villians are people too.)
Yeah, I know. Manda told me last night when I told her what I was gonna blog about, "Chris, I love you but you ain't right."
LMFAO It's the truth. I can't lie. I ain't right.
OMG- Obsidian Butterfly totally creeped me out. It's one of my fav Anita Blake books. Of course, I love Narcissus in Chains as well. Her earlier books are so damned good.
And that is genius. To write inside the head of the murderer and narrate the story like that... truly creepy. I love it.
I loved Narcissus in Chains too--I'm surprised you did because I'm pretty sure they had the threesome on the dance floor in the opening chapter--and I could swear the sex was annoying to you. *LOL*
By the way, finished the last book (Skin Trade) and it was really good. Lots of Edward. *grins*
Honestly I'm surprised Mattycakes doesn't have a nervous tick from looking over his shoulder, being married to you.
The broken board to the stairs cracks me up. "I've been telling him for TWO months to fix it!"
Hm, I might have to get Skin Trade from the library. I will need something to read while I'm in Phoenix, even though I'm gonna try to write while I have quiet time.
And that was before the sex annoyed me so much. It was only when the books were all sex that it annoyed me.
Mattycakes gives me lots of reasons to think of inventive ways to knock someone off. Let's not let him in on my secret life.
You can tell that some of the arguments are legit. I got an email yesterday from another DR that was about a guy who retired because he felt like he was tired of what he was doing. So his wife took on two jobs to keep them afloat, but the guy wasn't going to divorce her because she was letting the house go and not making him dinner or anything anymore. He was merely trying to support her by telling her "the lawn isn't going to mow itself dear" and "you don't really need your lunch hour. You should run the errands- you can stand to skip lunch."
No surprise that at the end of the email, the woman was acquitted of murder. It was merely an accident that he sat on his 9 iron all the way to the grip.
I took the Addicted book back to the library, so you might want to reserve it.
Who was the author again?
*ROTFLMAO*
One of my faculty keeps threatening to retire and I keep reassuring him his wife won't let us file the paperwork.
It was merely an accident that he sat on his 9 iron all the way to the grip.
I can see how that could happen.
*googles* Here you go:
Addicted
Featherstone, Charlotte.
Dude, I don't know the author. I just picked it up because it had a nifty cover.
Dude, I was just getting ready to say I already logged into DBRL and put it on hold along with Skin Trade.
You two are like comedy routine.
See, I could see it as well, Ter. That's what he gets for being a lazy good for nothing.
Me and Hellie or me and matty?
We're not LIKE a comedy routine. We ARE a comedy routine.
LMAO. That is not the conversation I had with you.
We have to keep things light around here. Especially when talking about offing people.
You should take us furniture shopping.
"How do you like this bed?"
"I don't know. This one is way comfortable. If I had sex on it, I would insist on being bottom all the time."
"Isn't that what you do now?"
You forgot the furniture shopping part that argued about changing the knobs.
And that would be you and Hellie are the comedy routine. You and Matty are more an anomoly. (Did I get even close with the spelling on that one?)
I'm sorry, the third question was an inner voice that sounded eerily like the guy I'm dating.
I think so. Firefox didn't think that you spelled it wrong. LOL
Dude, it is SO simple to change a flippin' knob. Manda says I need to be not let out into public and shopping for high ticket items. She's spent 5k on furniture in the past month and then Hellie drops some dough on furniture.
But I get where Hellie is coming from. If you're paying good money, you want what you want from the get go. This is why I'm going to have a hell of a time buying a house, though I don't mind painting.
And I'm quite glad you aren't close enough to go shopping with me. I spend enough money all by myself.
I know. I spend enough of my own money.
Hellie has this affinity for round silver shiny things. It blows my mind.
I actually thought about going back and getting that chocolate ash dresser, Hellie. Spending $700 on Monday cured me of that before I could get back there though. LOL
I'm so sad. I just found out that the last Georgia Nicholson confession book will be the last.
Woe is me.
Today is a sad day in hilarious fiction.
The chocolate ash dresser that was like an armoire (at Slumberland) or the dresser that's part of the $1100 set that you said you would have gotten instead of what I got? *LOL* I liked the color of my furniture better than the $1100 set.
I'm sorry I have a round silver affliction. It probably stems from Dad giving me quarters when I was a kid. Now everything must be round and silver...
I got a pretty comforter set to go on top of my new bed. I'm ridiculously excited about my new bedroom set.
Who is Georgia Nicholson?
I don't want the set. I want that armoire. Except I really don't have anywhere to put it.
And I like what you got. It suits you really well. I mean, you're getting a captain's bed. You can't get any closer to what suits your personality than that.
You still won't be able to tie anyone up though. It's a downside.
Louise Rennison writes these books about an English teenager by the name of Georgia Nicholson. Which they are turning into a movie series (I'm not pleased; but we'll see if anything good comes of it). All sorts of crazy teenagerish things happen to Georgia and they are just all around happy laughing books with no real thought behind them. They are my guilty pleasure reading for when I'm down.
One of my favorite book titles for Georgia's books is: "On the bright side, I'm now the girlfriend of a sex god."
You can wrap a rope around the base of the bed.
You're going to be so excited when it all comes in. It will be like having a whole new room. Next, we'll work on decorating the walls.
I'm sure she'll figure out how to tie someone up. *cough*
You can add one of those round towel racks to the wall beside the bed.
Just throwing out ideas....
I know how to do that.
*shrug* I'm just sayin'...
Ooh, I bet you could kill someone with one of those towel racks. LOL! Come to think of it, there must be a million *accidental* ways to die in a bathroom.
Hm, hairdryer into the full bathtub.
I'm keeping my other bed. If I'm in the mood to be tied up, I'll just tie him to the other bed.
Then I'll go sleep in the queen.
This is why I woudn't trust anyone to tie anyone else up because that's teh kind of crap that would go on. I'd be tied up and he'd go out and play a round of golf. Or if it was the ex, he'd tie me up and use it as an opportunity for my undivided attention to list all the things I was doing wrong. Like wearing sweats on a bus, which publicly embarrasses him, when he wasn't there in the first place.
Thanks guys, but I don't need you all outfitting my bedroom for kink. I'm fine.
Though I don't know where I'm going to put my swing.
There are horrific ways to die in a bathroom. Just ask Elvis. Oh, I guess you can't...
Sounds like ya been datin' the wrong guys if tyin' ya ta the bed turns inta a lecture on bad habits.
Chocolate Ash sounds like a drink.
I thought of a new way ta kill someone. Unique fer the surfin' crowd. Do the research and discover the best way ta drive great white sharks wild. (I know blood, but what be the best blood?) Then ya extract that bestest stuff, paint the bottom of the surfboard of the dead man surfin'...
Might take a little while, but eventually... Livin' on the coast where sharks linger gives ya the opportunity ta think a' these things...
Sounds like ya been datin’ the wrong guys if tyin’ ya ta the bed turns inta a lecture on bad habits.
No comment.
Me DH and I watch a lot a' the forensic science shows... He pretends ta be takin' notes...
Seriously, I'd punch someone if they said something about my sweats habit when traveling.
Yes, I divorced Larry the Cable Guy....
Don't judge.
My ex had the nerve to criticize when I wore knit pants (which I no longer own, but that's not the point, I was going to Wally World in no where, AR) and he's lucky he survived. This from the idiot whose entire wardrobe is camo and Nascar hats.
Mrs. Former Redneck... No, the former Mrs. Redneck.
Don't make me pull that purple cape over your head and smother you with it.
There's an idea for you, Sin.
Bo'sun, you can't smother our bartender. She's the only one who knows where the special stash is.
If I was wearing a sequined top, stirrup pants and go-go boots, THEN you can have a heart-to-heart about my travel outfits--but yoga pants and a t-shirt for an 8 hour bus trip is not something to criticize.
Yeah, Terrio! So there!
A smart man never criticizes what his woman chooses ta travel in...
If'n sequins, stirrup pants and go-go boots are yer comfort level...he can live wit' it.
A bus ride? And he bitched? So, how many ways can ya kill a man on a bus? Those tires be nice and wide and fairly merciless...
The ship ain't that big, I'll find the stash.
I know some youngster is going to show up and ask what stirrups pants are. Then I'm going to have to smother her too.
You don't understand. He *wasn't* on the bus with me. He just found out later what I was wearing. "You wore sweats? We need to break you of that habit." I mean, if you're not there, I can wear whatever the hell I want.
And it was a doubledecker bus. Guess which level I would have tossed him off of?
Oh! The tragedy! He were lookin' over the side, officer...leaned a bit too far, I guess. Next thing I knew, he were tumbled ta the ground and then...and then...that steam roller behind us jus' flattened 'im!
*sob!
I think it would be more fun to get him drunk, strip him, and plant him in the back seat with the toothless old lady in the granola outfit. Let him wonder FOREVER what really happened.
I subscribe ta the Looney Tune School of Murder.
You, obviously, subscribe ta the Sophmore School of Pranks.
I resent that. I hate pranks, actually. LOL!
But death is so quick. No suffering. Well, sometimes there is suffering. But humiliation, confusion, and the NOT KNOWING can torture a soul for years. LOL!
Yeah, but murder ain't about the victim. It's about the perp. 'sides, most men would likely figure out a tale that saw them come out on top, wit' co-eds involved and movie cameras...
You think more of men than I do then. :)
I figure their ability to deny is like a bottomless pit... Deny and reinvent...
Hmmm... Most unusual murder scene, huh?
I have no idea.... Most murder scenes seem pretty normal to me. I thought in HP, when Voldemort kills Bathilda Bagshot and makes the snake wear her skin... That's pretty disgusting.
Hmmm.... I'm not good at this. I hope I don't have to ever come up with an imaginative murder scene in my books. I'm going to be out.
I think it would be more fun to get him drunk, strip him, and plant him in the back seat with the toothless old lady in the granola outfit. Let him wonder FOREVER what really happened.
No, I'd never be that cruel.
Instead I would tell him in excruciating detail EXACTLY what they did. And how much he enjoyed it at the time.
Ya makes me point, Cap'n. You'll let him know how much he enjoyed it. That be the biggest problem wit' the scenario. They always find a way ta make it 'bout enjoyin' things!
Marn, you could always tap into my unlimited source of scenes. LOL
You're just too sweet. We still need to work on corrupting you.
To each her own. LOL!
Finally I get the damned HTML to work.
I subscribe ta the Looney Tune School of Murder.
Hahaha, I must subscribe to that School as well.
"I dunno officer. He must have slipped down the stairs, fell into the closet door and the baseball bat musta slammed into his head. He had a hard head, so maybe the bat bounced off of it several times before it finally came to rest in the bushes out back."
I luv corruptin' innocents... Ya start small, maybe not a bat bouncin' off 'is skull...nerf balls. Ta tennis balls, ta hard balls, ta a bowlin' ball. Or a cannon ball. Or an anvil.
Viola!
Don't that sound painful?
Let's kill the ladies wit' an epilady mishap...
This is like that scene from Chicago--my favorite song because it's so damned catchy--called "He Had It Comin'"--and he so did.
"He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife TEN times."
"So I fired two warnings shots. Into. His. Head."
"We broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive. I saw him dead."
You know, that number is an awesome tango...
“We broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive. I saw him dead.”
I so love that one.
An anvil? How about concrete shoes? Anchor?
I know. I can hear the song in my head. "He had it comin'. He had it comin'." I'd love to see that on the stage.
I love that song! That was on TV over the weekend too. Though I didn't buy Gere as a tap dancer.
I watched one of those Dateline shows the other night and the young girl claimed she killed the dude in self defense. She'd stabbed him 60 times. The jury didn't buy it.
Yeah, that's a little excessive.
She should have stuck to 40 like Lizzie Borden. That girl got off.
Have you seen the news bit about the woman who hired an undercover office to kill her husband?
They interviewed her husband and he was like, "Why kill me? Why doesn't she just divorce me and take everything that way?"
He obviously has no idea how annoying his ass must be. LOL!
Great minds think alike, Ter.
Lizzie Borden has been coming up around me a lot lately.
*pondering* Wonder why that is.
LOL- Looking at the bright side of things isn't he? Never stopped to wonder what he might have done to DESERVE it.
"He had it comin'."
That's strangely off putting and encouraging at the same time.
LMFAO
I'm sorta offended.
Awe, I still wuffs you though. :)
Wuffs?
Wuffs!?
I love the html stuff.
I hear they have a B&B in the Lizzie Borden house. Talk about a place to have a writer's retreat!
That or the Winchester Mystery House. That's right around the corner from me...
Awh, that's because you don't want to be on my hit list. LOL
If I heard a creak in the boards in the middle of the night at B&B at LB's house, I would be so creeped out that I'd never sleep again.
You don't sleep much anyway, right? Or is that white?
Slumber party at Lizzie's!
I've been to the Winchester Mystery House.
The Borden House would freak me out more.
I'd like to visit Poe's House...is that possible?
I think it would be more fun to get him drunk, strip him, and plant him in the back seat with the toothless old lady in the granola outfit. Let him wonder FOREVER what really happened.
If the lady was sin disguised as a toothless old lady then that could be a sensational journey of discovery. Just shows how pleasure and pain are but a hair's breadth apart *grin*
Anyway, some old ladies are inspirational, false teeth or not!
If the lady was sin disguised as a toothless old lady then that could be a sensational journey of discovery. Just shows how pleasure and pain are but a hair’s breadth apart *grin*
Anyway, some old ladies are inspirational, false teeth or not!
SEE! A perfect example how you could have something we would think was HORRID and men would rearrange it in their minds as something wonderful. *LOL*
MEN.
And why me? And how do you know I'm not a toothless old lady sitting on the other side of this screen? Hm? Are you satellite GPSing me, Q?
It's almost certain that all men fantasize about women without teeth.
And if they say otherwise, they are liars.
No, I don't sleep much. 3-4 hours a night, but that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the little that I get.
It’s almost certain that all men fantasize about women without teeth.
That's just nasty.
Q - Delude yourself if that's what you need to do to sleep at night. ;)
I sleep for 3-4 hrs a day, then I sleep 7 hrs a night. LOL!
Okay, it's really 1-2 hrs an evening...then the 7 hrs a night.
Sorry Sin, that was most ungallant of me!
I reckon that I can estimate age from the way a person writes. No need for the GPS. 8)
My mum used to take her teeth out to sleep, and I admired her a lot. That doesn't generalise though! *grin*
Terri, your posts slipped by me.
I have dreams that entice me to sleep and they don't involve teeth. :lol:
Speaking of which its 11.30 here in the UK ... *yawn*
See y'all tomorrow!
Poe's house would be AWESOME!
And see? Men can turn everythin' inta a score! situation...even toothless old ladies in grannie shoes. You want real vengeance and peace a' mind? Kill 'em.
I can turn everything into a score situation too. What does that say about me? LOL
Oh, Q, don't worry. Now you'll never know when you see me. That keeps me off the Q radar. I could walk by you and you'd never know. *evil laugh*
How do we go from talking about death and methods of accidental murder to talking about dreaming and missing teeth?
For a woman it shows adaptability. For a man it shows the strength of denial.
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