Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Emotional Drowning
Apparently it's Emo week aboard the ship.
Music of the week: "Solitude" Evanescence- Origin
"Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic." Anais Nin
Emotion is like standing at the edge of a cliff and looking down at the waves crashing into the rocks wondering if you have the courage to jump or if you should back away slowly without turning your back on it.
An alpha never has to make that choice. The thought of emotion entering into their life is unmentionable. Close the door and throw away the key- emotion is better when it's kept under constant surveillance and slowly leaks away from the surface until you can't control it anymore. That's what I love about alpha characters the most, the indifference, the ability to detach themselves from the situation and just survive.
In the beginning, alpha characters tend to show us they won't be getting lead around by the emotional noose. Life throughout that story seems to get muddled into several different directions with other's emotions to consider and the very life you want and the life you have are two entirely different things. There are times when the story is unfolding that we realize it's all you can do to pull yourself away from the situation and remain unaffected. To walk away and swear you don't have to look back. You don't need that person. You won't miss them and that you can stand on your own. The hardest is to remind that character they don't care. They can't care. The emotional output of caring for another is beyond their emotional capacity. It's beyond the ability to give the person what they want and need and that's why they walk away.
They can walk away, but they spend the rest of their life trying to forget. For the character it's impossible to know what you're missing until it's truly gone and you can't get it back and you have to live with the regret. So, you teach the character within this lesson of heartache and emotional distress that you can run and you can hide, but emotion is always laying right underneath the surface and looking for a way out to remind you at the worst possible time.
If the story is going the way that it should, the worst possible time for the character to remember will be at the exact moment they realize they are in love. It's obvious to the whole world that love is supposed to conquer all and in the end all will be well in their little world. With a nice, tight ending that makes everyone happy.
But it doesn't. The emotion conquers all. And emotion is a messy tricky thing.
That's where we learn how to write conflict. The emotional side of conflict within the story is what drives the hero/heroine together at the end of the story ARC. The conflict is somewhat complicated by the fact we have characters who aren't open emotionally and would rather drown all emotion than have any of it. And you can drown in your emotion. You can keep only keep emotion bottled up for so long before it overwhelms and suffocates you into a nonfunctioning human being. Resolving the emotional conflict between our characters just means we- as the writer- have to resort to showing our characters who is really in charge of their emotional stability and once they get to that breaking point, show them what they are really made of.
The first time I read an alpha character, a true honest to God alpha male whose ability to walk away from everything he wanted without pause, I knew I was in love. I knew that was a character I wanted to channel, wanted to unlock and deconstruct and perfect. I wanted to find out what makes an alpha tick and what would bring him to his knees. And I wanted to figure out how to perfect the perfect alpha female. The alpha female is one strong cookie emotionally, tougher than nails, unaffected by life and all its hardships. She stands alone and is capable of living her life without anyone in it.
The quest to write an alpha is a long road, filled with doubts and worries. The alpha female is one of the most complex characters to take on (IMHO) and write realistically.
Emotionally deadening an alpha female character is quite a journey of self-exploration into one's self character and how to deconstruct the layers and put them back together is emotionally overwhelming all in itself. Memories that are better left forgotten and buried deep within their character. Emotion can be construed as a weakness, something to be exploited by a villain. Emotional drowning can take the very breath from your lungs, steal your eyes of the tears waiting to be spilled, rob your heart of caring until all that's left is an empty shell of indifference. Females can play many different characters in their lifetimes, but it's all about the behind scenes that really shows you who an alpha female really truly is inside. And the first time you show the reader who your heroine truly is when she's all alone and in the safety of her own house, that's how you show the difference between the true emotional detachment from everything and everyone and emotional detachment from the surface and outside world.
And you want the emotional detachment from the surface and outside world and reserve the real emotion for the times when you truly need it. When the thought of going through another day dead inside feels like a burden you can't bear to carry to the surface, that's showing your reader your alpha is real, just not a shell. It is that breakthrough in your character that shines like a beacon at the end and makes the journey all the better.
So, we debate the whole alpha, gamma, beta thing and get into arguments over the specifics every time the topic is brought up. How about we talk about emotional journeys our characters endure to get to the HEA or the HFN? What is a specific emotional journey you remember from a book you read in the past that really rang true with you?
Music of the week: "Solitude" Evanescence- Origin
"Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic." Anais Nin
Emotion is like standing at the edge of a cliff and looking down at the waves crashing into the rocks wondering if you have the courage to jump or if you should back away slowly without turning your back on it.
An alpha never has to make that choice. The thought of emotion entering into their life is unmentionable. Close the door and throw away the key- emotion is better when it's kept under constant surveillance and slowly leaks away from the surface until you can't control it anymore. That's what I love about alpha characters the most, the indifference, the ability to detach themselves from the situation and just survive.
In the beginning, alpha characters tend to show us they won't be getting lead around by the emotional noose. Life throughout that story seems to get muddled into several different directions with other's emotions to consider and the very life you want and the life you have are two entirely different things. There are times when the story is unfolding that we realize it's all you can do to pull yourself away from the situation and remain unaffected. To walk away and swear you don't have to look back. You don't need that person. You won't miss them and that you can stand on your own. The hardest is to remind that character they don't care. They can't care. The emotional output of caring for another is beyond their emotional capacity. It's beyond the ability to give the person what they want and need and that's why they walk away.
They can walk away, but they spend the rest of their life trying to forget. For the character it's impossible to know what you're missing until it's truly gone and you can't get it back and you have to live with the regret. So, you teach the character within this lesson of heartache and emotional distress that you can run and you can hide, but emotion is always laying right underneath the surface and looking for a way out to remind you at the worst possible time.
If the story is going the way that it should, the worst possible time for the character to remember will be at the exact moment they realize they are in love. It's obvious to the whole world that love is supposed to conquer all and in the end all will be well in their little world. With a nice, tight ending that makes everyone happy.
But it doesn't. The emotion conquers all. And emotion is a messy tricky thing.
That's where we learn how to write conflict. The emotional side of conflict within the story is what drives the hero/heroine together at the end of the story ARC. The conflict is somewhat complicated by the fact we have characters who aren't open emotionally and would rather drown all emotion than have any of it. And you can drown in your emotion. You can keep only keep emotion bottled up for so long before it overwhelms and suffocates you into a nonfunctioning human being. Resolving the emotional conflict between our characters just means we- as the writer- have to resort to showing our characters who is really in charge of their emotional stability and once they get to that breaking point, show them what they are really made of.
The first time I read an alpha character, a true honest to God alpha male whose ability to walk away from everything he wanted without pause, I knew I was in love. I knew that was a character I wanted to channel, wanted to unlock and deconstruct and perfect. I wanted to find out what makes an alpha tick and what would bring him to his knees. And I wanted to figure out how to perfect the perfect alpha female. The alpha female is one strong cookie emotionally, tougher than nails, unaffected by life and all its hardships. She stands alone and is capable of living her life without anyone in it.
The quest to write an alpha is a long road, filled with doubts and worries. The alpha female is one of the most complex characters to take on (IMHO) and write realistically.
Emotionally deadening an alpha female character is quite a journey of self-exploration into one's self character and how to deconstruct the layers and put them back together is emotionally overwhelming all in itself. Memories that are better left forgotten and buried deep within their character. Emotion can be construed as a weakness, something to be exploited by a villain. Emotional drowning can take the very breath from your lungs, steal your eyes of the tears waiting to be spilled, rob your heart of caring until all that's left is an empty shell of indifference. Females can play many different characters in their lifetimes, but it's all about the behind scenes that really shows you who an alpha female really truly is inside. And the first time you show the reader who your heroine truly is when she's all alone and in the safety of her own house, that's how you show the difference between the true emotional detachment from everything and everyone and emotional detachment from the surface and outside world.
And you want the emotional detachment from the surface and outside world and reserve the real emotion for the times when you truly need it. When the thought of going through another day dead inside feels like a burden you can't bear to carry to the surface, that's showing your reader your alpha is real, just not a shell. It is that breakthrough in your character that shines like a beacon at the end and makes the journey all the better.
So, we debate the whole alpha, gamma, beta thing and get into arguments over the specifics every time the topic is brought up. How about we talk about emotional journeys our characters endure to get to the HEA or the HFN? What is a specific emotional journey you remember from a book you read in the past that really rang true with you?
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59 comments:
I'm workin' on a' alpha female...not sure it be about not feelin' the emotion. It be 'bout not bein' driven by it. Me Ivy does 'er damnest not ta feel the fear, the love, the worry...it makes 'er cold... But she's comin' ta it. Comin' ta realize it don't make her weak.
I'm at the place where she's seen her rapist dead, but the nightmares ain't goin' away. They jus' changed...till she faces the fear, shares it, it ain't gonna get better...
As Evanescence sings...
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Ivy's realizin' this...
Sin, this is really impressive!
Can't say that I understand it all but I get a strong feeling that you do.
Emotional dynamics are one of the hardest things for me to really get to grips with.
When driven by emotion people can become irrational loose cannons and very hard to deal with. I imagine that its necessary to have experienced that emotion in order to empathise with the characters, and I may be a little short on that kind of experience, though I have observed its effects in others.
I guess the process of growing up or coming of age is in part learning to control emotion and channelling it to useful purpose.
You are swimming in waters that are a little deep for me. I think I had better do a little paddling while I give it more thought!
I bow to your erudition today.
Fabulous Blog :D
Great blog, Sin!
Hmmm.... A book that had a good emotional journey.... I just reread Lover Awakened and I think Zsadists emotional journey is great. Bella's as well.
I'd never thought how the alpha female differed from the alpha male. I haven't written an alpha female yet, but I guess if I get to Ice's story next, I'll have to figure it out.
A book that has pretty much every emotional journey you can think of is Beach Music by Pat Conroy. Not a romance, but an incredible story told in first person through they eyes of the male lead. It includes the man dealing with his mother (who is a true southern alpha female), with his wife's suicide, with his young daughter, with his siblings, with his old friends, and eventually with falling in love again. You'd never know it's not a romance, would ya? LOL! It even has a happy ending.
The irony is that the character tries through the entire book to avoid dealing with all of it. But as life goes and Sin states, you can only avoid for so long.
MM, I absolutely love My Immortal. It probably has some of the strongest verses in all of her music. Snow White Queen (The Open Door) is really great as well: "I can't save your life. Though nothing I bleed for is more tormenting. I'm losing my mind and you just stand there and stare as my world divides."
I think you touched on what I was trying to get at last night- an alpha character isn't driven by emotional output.
The part that got me most was the opening quote. Boy, ain't that the truth. *LOL* Anxiety (which might be another word for desperation) definitely can kill love faster than anything, even apathy. You do feel like you're being suffocated.
Emotional journeys of characters.
Harry Potter: but not Harry Potter necessarily. He had a great emotional journey too, where family was concerned, but I think Ron's emotional journey was much more interesting because he grew up in the shadow of his brothers; went to school in the shadow of his best friend's fame; etc. Ron's growth in book 7 was awesome. Snape's emotional journey wasn't anything to sneeze at either. *LOL*
Lucy Hatch: the four books about Lucy Hatch were really wonderful, really emotion packed.
Pretty much any of the emotional journeys of the Dark-Hunters. *LOL* Acheron's emotional journey was wrenching.
Q, I think you understand it better than you think.
I think we as people learn as we grow up and mature that emotion needs to be channeled and spilled in small amounts. The lessons we learn as we experience life allow us to do this. Channeling that as a writer is a different experience all together because it seems to me when I'm writing it's all I can do to keep myself from feeling the same way my characters do in a particular scene when it's really not happening to me. So as a writer, there has to be a fine line to separate us. Emotion is just a messy business.
Marn, I think you're going to rock out with Ice. Just the little bit I've read about Ice, I KNOW you're on the right track with her as an alpha female. She's the epitome of alpha female. I worship the writer ground you walk on for creating her.
Ter, I think those with the tendency to deny emotion in their lives are the ones who live with the most regrets.
Hellie, anxiety and desperation are sometimes one in the same and sometimes are two completely opposite things. But isn't that quote just very visual?
Since I've not read the Dark Hunter books, but have heard all about Acheron, I would almost have to agree without even reading the book that Acheron's emotional growth was probably pretty substantial.
With Marn, I agree that Z's (and Bella's) emotional growth separately and together was quite a story in the BDB books. Everyone knows I loved Z. I mean, seriously, even as a character, any guy who can meet someone and then immediately tell them to get on their knees and expect it to happen has my attention right away.
I think Libby's emotional growth in Sugar Daddy was pretty awe inspiring. Just like Haven's in Blue Eyed Devil. I think Haven's journey was about as emotionally touched as I get.
I just can't get into those books. I wish I could because it seems like everyone I know loves them, but I've tried. :(
Oh, I loved Acheron's book. I liked the first part more than the second, though. I think I wanted more of an emotional story in the second half, the romance half, I guess.
Marn: I felt that way about Ash's book too.
Sin: books too surface for you?
It's the voice in the books. I just can't get into it. Too light for me.
Sin, I have that problem with some of her books too. There's like a snarkiness about them that I can get on my nerves. Some are worse than others. I really liked Fantasy Lover and I like Astrid and Zarek's book, though I can't remember the name.... But I couldn't get into Stryker's book. And there were others I put down too. Acheron was good, though. Not nearly as snarky.
I was told very fiercely (not only by our dearest Hellie but by my BFF) that I'm not to read those books separately that if I'm going to read them I really need to read all of them in order to understand what's going on.
Dance with the Devil. That's Zarek's book; and my favorite.
Her snarky is her voice; and usually I love it (being Miss Snarky 2006, 2007, and 2008 running), but I do realize that snark at the wrong moment retreats the emotional depth/journey you were making with a flippant remark. It gets surface; you disengaged your reader as thoroughly as the character who received the flippant remark. You can't embed yourself into the story as fully.
Zarek's story was both flippant at points--but also emotionally deep and hard.
Recent books haven't felt the same. However, I suspect that might also be me. I might have read too many and now they sound alike. I love Julie Garwood historicals--but they start to read alike. *shrugs*
I do still love the character--damn, what's his name?--the one who's a god but something more--and he's so conceited. He's hilarious. He's the one taking care of Nick. I would love to read that character's story (not necessarily Nick's. *LOL*)
I think our different reading styles also say a lot about ourselves. You're very flippant and sarcastic Hellie. Not that that is a dis in anyway, but that's how to deal with emotional overload. I tend to brood and become distant and a lot of the books I love have characters that are like that. Marn, what says of you? Is what you enjoy in books, how they deal emotional, do you find yourself dealing the same way? Or are you going to prove me wrong?
Sin, it took me like four or five tries before I got into Fantasy Lover. But Night Pleasures was awesome; my next favorite is Dance with the Devil. The one about Vane was great...and a few more I really-really love.
The love stories for the other books aren't my favorites. They're good, but they're not my favorite, most memorable love stories of all time. Now I'm sucked into the darkhunter world that the romance is practically secondary to me. *LOL* I'm curious what is going to happen now. *LOL* She has to keep complicating it and it's interesting how she doesn't break the rules of her world, but still manages to make eveyrthing come out okay.
I would love to see these books as a tv show. *LOL* They'd be fun to watch.
I could get behind watching them as a TV show. I mean, they've completely changed True Blood from the series to the show and it holds a little more interest for me.
My favorite book series to TV show was Blood Ties. I'm still pissed that they took it off.
Yeah, that's probably why I dig her characters. They deal with emotion by being sarcastic and flippant--like me; and I'm guessing that's how Sherrilyn probably deals with it on some level. *LOL* I think you tend to write how you deal.
And the books you like are indeed broody and distant--and I'm not keen on taking yourself that seriously. I'm not keen on anyone who takes themselves that seriously. I just want to turn to that person and go, "Knock it off. You're not all that."
I also think on a TV show you can get away with being more sarastic and flippant without distancing your audience. It comes off as more funny than mean and small.
Hmmm... I dunno.
Now you got me thinking. I use sarcasm in my writing. (I'm pretty sarcastic so it fits me). But I try to use it for specific reasons. My characters are flippant when they are insecure. Or they're sarcastic when they're defensive. Or they use it to hide their real depth of emotion, like between two guys who don't really want to be sentimental.
I love books that don't pull their emotional punch. I've been trying really hard with the story I'm writing to make sure I don't shy away from pain or from joy.
Like at the end of Zarek's book, we see Astrid's pain from afar. She's crying with her sisters. I wanted to be closer, I wanted to really feel the sorrow between them, her sorrow. But it felt far away.
Ya know what I mean?
Like in Lover Eternal.... That scene where Mary's trying to push Rhage away, telling him that she doesn't want to drag him down while she's fighting cancer? And he is walking away from her wishing that she'd trust him with the hard stuff in her life? And she comes running out of the house saying she doesn't want to face it alone? I really think one of my favorite things about Ward is that she doesn't shy away from the hard emotion. She just digs in and it rips your heart out.
I think this explanation makes no sense.... Sorry....
My favorite book of the BDB series is Mary and Rhage's book, Lover Eternal. I think it shows the ultimate battle of someone who wants to be distant but can't be. It's one of the few books that actually made me cry.
And I don't take myself seriously. Do I, Hellie? Now I'm worried that I'm all crazy serious and that's why you're always sarcastic with me.
"Like at the end of Zarek’s book, we see Astrid’s pain from afar. She’s crying with her sisters. I wanted to be closer, I wanted to really feel the sorrow between them, her sorrow. But it felt far away."--
That sounds more like a deep POV problem rather than a pulling an emotional punch problem. It's hard to write deep POV in third person, I think.
And you'll notice, Sin's favorite books: 1st person, deep POV. It's not that they're not sarcastic, but you also know the emotion behind them making that remark. You're not always given that option in 3rd person.
I wasn't talking about you, Sin. Have I ever turned to you and told you to take it down a notch? No. Do I strike you as a person who keeps her opinion to herself if she thinks you're being big for your britches? Clearly not.
I had different people in mind when I made that remark. I think even you could name a couple people in your circles who take the importance of their own consequence a bit too seriously. (They are also people who don't find sarcasm funny because they don't get it. You get it. You are safe.)
You're more a watcher than a brooder. Brooder contemplate themselves. Watchers silently laugh as they watch the people around them self-destruct, then try to pin point how that happened. Actually I like to be a watcher, but I'm a mouthy one. "Well, you wouldn't be in this fix, if you weren't an asshole..."
Oh, I see now from the previous remark I made that I might be "holding in my opinions"--which is not true. I'm at work and exceedingly cranky. I swear if I get interrupted one more time...
I'm going to jump off a bridge. Seriously. What's wrong with today?
I don't know, but you were trolling the bridge yesterday too. Do you need cheese dip? I'm clearly not being sensitive, but I can bring food.
I want to just jump already and get it over with.
And I need to lose about 30lbs so cheese dip isn't going to be in my future any time soon.
Hello, Pirates!
Great blog, Sin.
Eve Dallas, from the In Death series, has had tremendous growth. I love it when she looks around the room at all the people in her life, and wonders how it happened.
I've never read any of the Dark Hunters books. I picked one up and tried to read it, but it felt like it started in the middle of the story instead of the begining. I just couldn't get into it, because I kept wondering what I'd already missed.
Di
Di, I've heard that Eve's growth over the series is really tremendous. I have a lot of girlfriends (including a gramma) that adores JD Robb's In Death Series.
I have 40lbs to lose and still had a Kit Kat for breakfast. Have the damn cheese dip.
LOL!
Di - I hate when I pick up a book and can tell right away I'm missing something. That's why it's hard to jump into some historicals today. They are ALL series and you have to go back three or four books to catch up.
LOL, I love Kit-Kats.
First off, NO JUMPING OFF BRIDGES! If you do, that's just letting the little, petty people win. You're a pirate, think like a pirate. What would Jack do? And where's the rum?
I don't know if my reading tastes reflect how I deal, but I do know that my emotions can affect what I choose to read.
Di
Jack Sparrow would just shoot someone. Unfortunately, I cannot shoot someone.
And jumping off a bridge could be fun. Sorta like cliff diving I suppose. Maybe I should resort to saying I'm going to just jump off a cliff.
Technically, Jack was saving the bullet for himself and jumped off the cliff.
LMAO!!!
Maybe I should pay attention to Hellie when she's talking Sparrow more often. LOL
Jack was saving the bullet for Barbarossa--which he USED by the way at the opportune moment--and yes, he did walk off a cliff once or twice. He's been know to shove a couple people too, or have them thrown in jail.
Jack is not the worst person to be.
Oh that's right. THEY meant the bullet for him and he meant the bullet to get even. Too bad it was all for naught since Barbarossa was already dead.
It wasn't for naught. By the time he shot Barbossa, he was "alive" and the bullet therefore killed him. That's why he says, "It's so cold" and collapses at the end, apple rolling tragically from his hand.
When Will drops the coins and breaks the curse. It's coming back to me now...lol.
Yeah, for a minute there I was wondering if you'd even watched it. *LOL*
Shoot the monkey, Sin. He won't die and you'll feel better for the bang.
Hel - You and me sis were separated at birth. I have a feeling when I meet you in person, I'm going to look straight into the eyes of Last Chance.
I may run.
Alpha's feel the emotion. I am certain of that. They deny it, they turn away from it, they pretend it isn't there, they might even dwell on it...but during the course of the book they refuse to be manipulated (their word, btw) by it to such an extent that they lose out on the deeper connections to be found in emotional involvement. Until the end. When they find the strength that is inherent in embracing that connection.
I'm taking cold medication. Can you see it?
Where is that bag of M&Ms the DH brought home. And the jar of peanut butter...
I'm not in denial that alpha's feel emotion. Everyone feels it but everyone deals with it differently.
I wish you felt better. Damn cold. At least you got meds.
Speaking of chocolate and peanut butter, I'm ecstatic to report Dove has now put peanut butter in their chocolate. *cue angels singing*
I have an entire bag. I should be in a better mood shortly.
Mmm, sounds like heaven. You'll have to report how good they are.
Oh, they're good. I found them Saturday when I went in search of dark chocolate Doves with Leslie. There they were. It was love at first sight. I picked up about 8 of the candy bar type by the time I left Sunday and picked up 3 more on the way to work Monday. LOL!
Now I've found them in the larger bag. I will be buying new jeans by August, I'm sure.
I must rethink this idea of dieting.
There's no calories in anything you eat standing up. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
*stands up and takes a bite*
I like this thought. How about there are no calories in anything you eat as long as your mentally exercising?
There had better not be any calories. Darn you, terri, why must you tempt me with chocolate?
Eve's growth in the course of the In Death series is tremendous, and yet, it never does come completely easy to her, which I think makes her infrequent surrenders to emotion that much more poignant.
I haven't read the Robb books, mostly because the idea of reading all of those is daunting.
Kelly - These are so good, you won't care about the calories. Besides, you're tiny, you'll be fine.
OT - I just spilled water in my keyboard and in my attempt to blow the water out with canned air, I think I froze the keys. LOL!
Kelly, I like that description of Eve. Even though I've not read the series, I hear all the time about her.
LMAO- Ter. You should've probably tipped it upside down first. Or maybe tilted it to the side.
Sorry, I had to run off today before I had a chance to agree with Hellie that maybe it's a deep POV problem.
I dunno. Maybe that's it. And it is harder to do deep POV in 3rd, I bet. I don't write 1st well or often so I dunno for sure. :) But I think that BDB definitely is good deep POV.
I love those vamps, even though I couldn't bring myself to spend 25 bucks on Lover Avenged. I can't wait til John Mathews book comes out....
Man, I'm late. All that napping...
I find peanut butter in a spoon and a tray of M&Ms works when there are no dove peanut butter treats to be found.
I do love how Eve comes to the realization that she has a full life, despite her denial of wanting or needing it... Great emotional growth there. Sin, you'd likely love the series...
MM, I'm so glad you napped babe!
Marn, I couldn't bring myself to get the hardback either. And I love, love, love Rhev. Nothing like a mohawk and purple eyes to really just rev my heart. *grin*
But I think you really do a great deep 3rd person POV.
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