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A Life as a Minimalist by Santa O'Byrne
I’ve been stuck on the small stuff lately. The little things in life. The stacks of notes, post-its, that make up my life. I write on a tiny table on my laptop which is a computer in miniature. I’ve mastered the art of rapid fire responses on my Blackberry (aka Crackberry) using those miracles of the primate – opposable thumbs whose ode Hawkeye Pierce sang so eloquently on M*A*S*H.
I twitter further challenging me to keep my musings to 140 characters – not even words – characters. Trust me friends, is quite a challenge. My own handle (yes, I harkens from the days of CB and Ham radios) takes up quite a number of characters.
So, you may ask yourself – what does this have to do with writing romance?
Glad you asked.
We are called as authors to keep words to a minimum. Say more with less. Sounds easy enough but why is it so hard to do? Well, I guess I should say – why is it so hard for me to do? Am I a particularly verbose person? Am I a chatterbox? The answer to both these questions is – no. Especially since I’m known to say what I mean and mean what I say.
Why, then, is it so hard for me to do so in my writing? Funny thing is when I first started writing I had to wring the words out. Any writing I did professionally had to be direct and to the point. There is no room for flowery prose when writing psycho-social reports.
So I let myself loose and wrote what my heart saw instead of what my head reported. I think I went overboard.
No.
Scratch that.
I know I went overboard. I was so busy vesting the reader in what the story was about that I didn’t realize I was telling them too much and not showing them enough.
Yes, folks, the ‘AHA!’ moment. I had to step back from my story and see it through a reader’s eye and show them just what the hell I was talking about. In showing them, the reader, I engage them in the story. They then become a part of that story, living through it as they read it. Hopefully, they’ll feel his hands hold fast to the burnished gold of her hair. See her slow smile as he lowers his lips to her’s.
What say you, pirate lasses? At a loss of words? Are you carrying around excess baggage in your writing? Share how you’ve cleaned up your act. Are there any tricks of the trade that worked for you? Share.
Books by the Crew
47 comments:
It's quite ironic that I talk constantly, rarely running out of things to say (as we both know from our phone chats *g*), but in writing I'm very sparse. I think it's a combination of years writing copy for 30 sec commercials and the 500 word drabbles on the EJ BB.
The good thing about this is that I get right to the point. The bad thing is, I miss tons of details that would enrich the story for the reader. But I'm taking e-courses and diving into craft books to get my brain into thinking about these details and fresh ways to write them.
At the rate of sounding like a walking "rule," I've helped make the most of my words by avoiding the passive voice and choosing the strongest verbs I can. And, well, just by cutting out non-essential words.
I had a problem with dangling modifiers. (Who knew?) So I've made a conscious effort to avoid them now. Hal just pointed out a tendency to give my emotions actions. (ie. dread raced down his spine.) I've gone through and axed out all that stuff. (Begone emotions doing things!)
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that though it's a boring suggestion, writers would all benefit by pouring over Strunk and White's Elements of Style or other stylistic books like that.
I know. Ho hum. Boring advice. I wish I had something better. :(
I overwrite on dialogue mostly. My characters are as chatty as me--and also as funny--so I tend to write my dialogue like I'm writing a sitcom and not like I'm writing a novel, in which I need to make every scene and piece of dialogue count.
I know in sitcoms--they're frothy and funny, but not on any occasion particularly deep--but if you pay attention, every frothy thing they said ties into the plot at a later occasion. It all makes sense in the end.
So I have to remember to keep my dialogue frothy and fun, but also meaningful to my scene. And it's hard, because I'd rather be funny. So mostly I just write and just have to cut later. Better than fighting it, I guess.
I like it when dread races down spines! What's wrong with that really?
I know I do the dangling modifier thing, but I can't think of any examples. *LOL*
Marn - It's funny but I'm taking an ecourse right now on that exact thing. I think, and I could be wrong, the teacher (Margie Lawsome = AWESOME) would suggest something like "a tremor raced down his spine". You never use the word dread, but the reader gets the message all the same.
I heard my little brother is having major issues with writing classes in college (I was mortified that *my* brother doesn't like to write!) so I think I'm going to send him the Strunk and White book to see if it helps. Then again, I'll have to talk to him first to see if he'd even bother opening it.
Ah, yes, the dreaded passive verb. He and I are well acquainted.
And here'sthe other dilemna for me. We are supposed to tell of how their emotions are affecting them, so how do you avoid coursing and pulsing and all that stuff? And I can't help but shake my head when I'm told that when everything I read has emotions doing all sorts of things. Sigh.
Sound advice, Terri. Be direct. Something I have no problem doing in RL, lol. The problem for me is that I always wrote short when I was developing training and forced myself to unlearn that sort of thing, yet here I am needing to do just that again.
Writing, as I've often heard and believe with all my heart really is rewriting.
"Fran went to the party with Jack in the red dress."
There's your dangling modifier.
I haven't heard the "no pulsing or coursing" rule. When did this come about? What I've learned is to remember to write fresh, avoid cliches, and delete any unnecessary phrases. Other than defining "fresh", these are really the only things we have to remember.
It's just not as powerful. I've been writing in deep POV, so that kinda stuff can be left off if you show it instead. Like this...
****
Anger blazed through him. Where did that little pr!ck go?
****
The second sentence expresses his anger without telling. I can cut out the first one and just go with the second one alone. More concise, deeper POV, and less tell.
PS this is one that Hal caught for me this weekend. I actually had these two sentences in my WIP. :) Thanks Hal!
And here's one of my dangling modifiers, just for reference.... LOL!! (I'm all kinds of hanging my dirty laundry out today, huh?)
****
Lifting her chin, her eyes flickered across the depressed street, windows covered in bars and dust, shops concealed by grates.
Oh, and it's not really a rule per se. Just a suggestion to get closer to your character. I mean, a character can't really feel anger blazing through them. Instead, the muscles in their neck would tense or their fists would clench. Whatever. Something like that. Ya know?
It's more about deep POV versus a bit more of a distant POV.
See, deep POV is my NEMESIS! It's just not my style or my voice (I don't think) and I'm not sure I can accomplish it. Dang it!
Makes total sense. The second sentence makes his feelings very clear. LOL!
Like Marn, I find myself giving emotion action. Though, any writing I do lately, I just take it in stride. It can be fix at a later date, or I can just be pleased I put words down on a page and they made some sense.
*hanging head* I do everything Marn just referenced. Shit. I'm screwed.
I would love to say I'm an expert on deep POV but I should probably step back now and let Haleigh and Sin step in. They're much better than I am at it. I'm a bit of a neophyte still.
Sin - I aspire to your level of deep POV. Grammar can be fixed. My past bits of boring writing are harder to clean up. lol!
Okay, now the bell is ringing. Yes, the POV character would not express the tremor down the spine. But this trick can be used in cases where the POV character observes other characters. Something like "a tick pulsed in his jaw" is okay if it's the POV character observing the action in another character. Right?
And I'm so far removed from being good at deep POV it's not even funny.
A chill or shiver can race down your spine. It's not exactly like that's an emotion you express, more like a reaction of your body when you experience something the polar opposite you were just feeling. Like: "I turned the corner on a dime and slipped into the darkness the alley offered. A chill raced down my spine when I realized I wasn't alone."
For me I always use, "He clenched his jaw."- with conversation afterwards that usually isn't pretty. Rather than a tick, because it reminds me of a nervous tick. But I also don't write third person so I don't know how this would shift.
Yep, but a tick is a thing, not an emotion. If you said "anger clenched his jaw," then I'd have to say would a POV character know that it was anger in someone else's jaw? Plus my example is passive. So, better would maybe be "his jaw clenched in anger." But again, the assumption is that a POV character knows of the anger, and can anyone else assume what someone else is feeling?
A POV character would only be able to guess at another character's emotion. Like, "his eyes widened as if he was surprised." Which is why I usually leave off the last part and leave it at "his eyes widened."
I was just reading New Moon last night and Stephenie Meyer does these POV slips all the time. Like this....
His eyes were sad.
But my eyes were mad.
Can someone know if their eyes are mad? Do eyes get mad? I suppose someone could guess that someone else's eyes were sad. I'd let that one slide probably, but the second one, dunno. Drug me out of the story.
But would it have drug me out if I wasn't a writer myself? Dunno that either.
I think it's fine to use a tremor down the spine, just not dread down the spine. My goal is to never actually name an emotion of my POV character. I use thoughts actions, feeling, etc to get the point across.
I tried to find an example of something I thought was a good, deep POV, but the more I stare at scenes, the more I think maybe it's not. LOL.
I do have a bad habit of writing things like 'he wondered...' or 'he realized...' which is a fairly distant POV. This week, I wrote the phrase, (POV character/hero thinking while talking to heroine) "With a blinding flash of clarity, it hit him: she didn't think she was going to live through the weekend. It wasn't the reaction he'd expected."
Then I realized how distant that was and changed it to this:
"Jesus, is that what was doing through her head? That she wouldn't survive? It made sense. She was saying her goodbyes, making plans. He'd expected her to fight, yet here she was, giving in. Go figure."
It's longer, more rambling, so maybe it needs to be tightened, but I *think* it's a deeper POV. I can't really tell, I just kind of guess :)
My trick, is to pretend I'm that person, and just write down all their thoughts in that moment. Then I got back and clean it up. It also helps me to write it down in 1st person, and then change it over to 3rd.
But when it comes to be concise, I'm no help. I always have extra words. I have on CP who's constantly griping about that. I apparently have way more prepositional clauses than I need. But I tend to over-explain everything *g*
I'm the same way, Marn. If I think of this stuff while writing, I freeze up. This is all second-draft stuff (for me, at least)
you're such a liar, Sin. Your POV is deeper than just about anything I've ever read. I think it's just a natural expression of who well and deeply you know Sadie and Cin.
I do think that this stuff can be suffocating. I usually just write first and then reread for this stuff. Because if I think of all this while I'm writing, my voice gets strangled.
Hal - OOOoooh... Naomi has a death wish?! I can't wait to read this week.... :)
nah, I had to delete about 2k words, and that scene went with it. Not sure where I was headed with that, but it was apparently in the wrong direction :)
oh. ok. :) LOL!
I meant to tell Sin the same thing. Ridiculousness this morning.
I don't think so. I read back my stuff, which is usually a death wish to my muse, and when I read back, the POV sounds skewed. For me, it seems like I skim the outsides of POV. I'm sort of like that water spider who dances on the top of the water. You see the top layer but what about what goes on underneath? You see the spider's legs ripple the dark waters as it moves, and it seems powerful, but as soon as you revel in that movement, a fish comes up to the top and swallows the spider and disappears. I think my POV is the spider and my story is the fish. I can't figure out how to get my POV to be the fish.
And I know Sadie so well because how many people actually spend two years with a character and never write their story? It's not because my POV is that deep with her. It's because I haven't written her story.
And besides that, both of you, Marn and Hal just gave fine examples of how deep your POV goes.
Hmmm... Sin, I think that you're reader is that fish, sweets. When I read your stuff, I know exactly what you are saying, can feel what you're describing. I'm right there with your characters and in fact, I feel closer to your characters than I have to a lot of other characters I've read. Maybe you are writing like that spider, but I'm eating that spider right up. :)
As a reader, I fill in the gaps you leave for me and I love every second of it. You pull me right there with them.
*blushing* It's a work in progress, always. :)
And crap, I've forgotten the question. I wish the damn phone would stop ringing for me.
Okay, we all know I don't know any of the tricks of the trade. So when I finally get something written, I'm going to have to find myself one helluva CP who's willing to dish out the dirt to me in plain words. And for me, I realize that I leave dangling modifers, and my sentence structure is usually shit. I read other writers and read through their work and think about how smooth it reads. How beautiful of a picture they paint me as I read their words and wonder why I can't seem to get my point across.
Anarchy rules! Hang the how to do it right, just do it!
I do it all wrong, I admit this. But I gets the words down ta paper, then the edits of a million steps start...little by little, I finds these things that don't sound right. I don' have the language for why they don', or what was wrong. Some I catch, some I don't.
I'm workin' on the 'ly' words. Eliminatin' the 'was' as much as possible. The 'ing' is goin' to be difficult. One step at a time!
I can't concentrate on the rules, crew. If I do it will take the wind from me sails.
I write by instinct, by the forward momentum. I don' mind trimmin' the sails, but I gots ta get them up there first!
“Fran went to the party with Jack in the red dress.”
That’s an example of a Dangling Modifier? Oh?
Now I get it.
I was reading through the comments & I had absolutely no idea what a Dangling Modifier was. So Thanks Terri for explaining it. I can see why a writer would want to avoid writing something like that. It doesn’t make any sense, right? Your reader would be confused and wonder why … if Jack insisted upon modifying his manly looks by wearing a dress …. Why didn’t he put on a jock strap or some whity-tighties so he didn’t dangle….. Jeez.
Julie - I know, right?! Black would obviously be a better color on Jack. ;)
Sorry, had a meeting then an office lunch. Lots of sunshine flying around this ship today!
Yes, I much prefer talking about things we CAN do more than those bloody rules about what you SHOULDN'T do. The reality is, as Ms. Dixon often says, you can do anything if you write it well enough.
The idea is to keep it positive. No writing thinking, "Don't do A" and "Don't do B". Just puke the plot onto the page, then go back and ask, "How can I make this scene fresher?" "How can I eliminate that cliche?" "How can I add some punch to this line?"
I’m thinkin’ a little black number with fishnet stockings!
Ooohhh! Did I just do a dangling mod thingie? You guys are a Bad Influence on me! ;)
Gosh … I Finally finished reading the comments.
This is a Great Blog, Santa! Always interesting to read about the perils of writing.
“It’s more about deep POV versus a bit more of a distant POV.”
Speaking of the perils of writing, what the heck is a deep POV? Do I even Want to KNOW? Probably not. If everyone thinks that SIN is good at it Then its gotta be BAD! Just thinking about what ever a deep POV is sent the chill of a tremor of dread shivering like a snake slithering like a serpentine river flowing down my slender spine…
All kidding aside SIN, you are full of it. Completely delusional. Marnee Jo is correct when she said “ I can feel what you’re describing. I’m right there with your characters and in fact, I feel closer to your characters than I have to a lot of other characters I’ve read.” Very TRUE. SIN You write stories that draw the reader in. You wrote:
“How beautiful of a picture they paint me as I read their words and wonder why I can’t seem to get my point across.”
SIN you do get your point across. And Your stories are beautiful, just not in the typical way. They are intense, emotionally electric, provocative and haunting.
SIN you write stories that are haunting … and Memorable … something that very, very few writers can do.
I'm Terri's opposite. When I'm writing, the words pour. From blogs to books, my revisions involve pruning and pruning again. I was a colossal failure at the drabbles because of the 500-word limit. But in RL I am quiet, especially in crowds.
I think most of these concerns that are being addressed in this discussion are revision issues. Sometimes our internal critics use them as weapons to block or slow our writing.
As I revise, I find Richard Lanham's "paramedic method" helpful when I use it sensibly as a guide rather than as laws.
1. Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into. [Three or more consecutive prepositional phrases should cause an alarm to sound.]
2. Draw a box around the "is" verb forms. [But recognize that some "to be" verbs are necessary.]
3. Ask, "Where's the action?"
4. Change the "action" into a simple verb
5. Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking whom?)
6. Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups
7. Eliminate any redundancies.
Illogical repetitions drive me crazy when I'm reading. Even some excellent writers miss redundacies such as "first and foremost," "end result," personal opinion," "foreseeable future," etc. But my weakness for verbal fillers such as "It is interesting to note" and "in terms of" is just as bad. And Terri can attest to my overuse of "that." I think recognizing the errors we are most prone to make is a big part of our battle.
I'm ignoring the modifier issue because if I start on dangling, misplaced, and squinting modifiers, my post will be longer than San's blog. :)
Janga - What is an unnecessary slow wind-up? I think I do that.
And about the "that" issue, it's one of those times when we are blind to our own work. For instance, I received a crit in which it was pointed out I'd used the word "it" three to five times in a paragraph or two. I must have read that part over and over before the crit, and never noticed. But once it was pointed out, it was blaringly obvious. Very frustrating.
Janga, I LOVE that method you posted! I'm still on my first draft, so right now I'm focusing on POV and emotions and depth, rather than the grammar of it, but the grammar/sentence structure is coming soon, and this is going to be so, so helpful. Thanks!
I think I needs a good word device ta work on edits, ala the method Janga speaks of. I HATE printing up me stuff just ta mark it up and make corrections. I see it all as a huge waste of paper...
I needs a program that will let me circle, box, etc. with a minimum of keystrokes...
Or develop a thicker skin and let the contest judges do it all! ;)
Sin, listen ta them and keep on writin'!
I agree that most of this is 2nd draft and on, but I would also like to think some of this has to bleed into my first draft. With all the craft talk we do and the books and courses, it has to get in there somehow. LOL! Osmosis maybe?
Chance - When I have needed to correct something, it's so much easier for me to print and mark up. For some reason, there are things I see on the paper that I never see on the screen.
No way, Chance! What you need is one of those tablet laptops that let you write and draw all over a Word document. Those things are so cool!
I tend to highlight in different colors in Word, or change text colors. Not as exciting, but it gets the job done.
Hal - I'd like to get one of those! Maybe when the DH is workin' a fab-o job again...
And Ter - It is second or third, I think. Thought I find my writin' has improved wit' next projects after I've done some editin' on others. I learn by doin' not by readin' craft books. That's jus' me!
There be a language of editin' and writin'...a grammar language that escapes me. I jus' have ta go by me instincts. And keep a list nearby a' examples ta avoid.
I love this crowd. You got to the real meat of what writing is all about. It's these exchanges that clarify deep POV for me.
Janga's illustration is one I learned eons ago. It's like seeing an old friend again.
I had this experience last week when I read Revelations or should I say Steven King's 'On Writing'. He took the mystism out of writing. He presented it so cleanly and simply, I can't believe I was bucking against it for so long.
I find that I have to edit the same way, Terri. I can't see my errors on screen as cleanly as I can in hard copy. Call me old-fashioned, I guess.
Ah, what a valuable post (and timely). Tahnk you. I'm currently taking a 5 min break from my wip. I'm already over limit and have just started the black moment. Why do I always do this to myself? I'll have to go back and scrap little bits and pieces here and there.
How to avoid writing too much? Check if you really need that first scene. A lot of mss I read fall down because they start with lots of back story instead of getting to the good bits straight away. You can seed in the back story later. Also, if you've explained something once you probably don't need to explain it again (this is something I have to scrap in my cleanup - extra words where a character goes through their motivation again - probably because I was trying to fix it in my own mind). Finally, when you skim a page and find some long paragraphs, sit and find a way to cut them down. Shave a line off every one. You'll be amazed how a change in word choice can make a huge difference.
Annie
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