Alone
I have a confession: I’ve been secretly in love with Gerard Butler. Not that it’s a big secret. If you’d asked, I would have fangirl gushed about him. I’m not proud. I’ll let my adoration hang out there for everyone’s viewing pleasure. He’s actually the inspiration for my current hero, Nik, who is a cross between his character in 300 and his character in PS I Love You.
What has me in a confessing mood? Last night, PS I Love You was on TV again and well, I was cooking and I hadn’t seen it in a month or so—ok, maybe less, whatever, don’t hate—so I let it play.
If you haven’t seen it, it’s a good one. Hillary Swank does a great job as a widow whose husband has left her letters after his death to help her grieve.
But, at the end, when her mom gives her the last letter (sorry, I hope I didn’t ruin it for everyone) the mom says something that got me thinking about writing. She said, “In the end, we’re all alone. But if we’re all alone, at least we’re all together in that.” I’d imagine I butchered it, but you get the gist.
And ain’t that the truth of it?
Writing is a solitary pursuit. I’ve said this before. But sometimes, when I’m feeling alone at my computer, like I can’t force the words from my brain, I reach out to all of you. Each of you is trying this on your own as well and, somehow, it helps to know that you’re all with me. That you all feel alone and anxious about the words on your pages too.
Conversely, while I feel better to know that I’m not alone in my loneliness, it doesn’t actually make my writing any easier.
Having critique partners helps. As I go along, wondering if I’m hitting the right note or not, it’s nice to know that once I’ve done my best I can wing it off my trusty CPs and see if it sticks. But in the end, we all have to be true to our own voices. We all make the final decision about what stays and what gets cut. And that’s isolating.
What do you do to deal with the “alone” aspect of writing? Do you like how solitary it feels? Do you have any suggestions for deciding when to take advice that could change your story and when not to?
PS, I stuck Mr. Butler in here a few times. I know he didn't have much to do with my blog, but whatever. He's pretty to look at. Pirate.
Books by the Crew
47 comments:
Forgot ta mention, Marnee... I bought P.S. I Love You. I missed it in the theater. Came out a time that the thought of death were still leavin' me spooked...too close ta me own dance. But me bro said it was somethin' I had ta see. So, I bought it.
Still haven't watched it though... Gonna have ta wait until I be feelin' more immortal...
Ely sent PS I Love You to me, and I sat blubbering at my computer.
You know, I was an only child, which helps in the whole solitude thing. I used to pretend things all the time---now I'm just writing them down. After raising 4 kids and taking care of 2 parents, it's kind of nice to be in a quiet house with only the squirrels in my mind on the trapeze.And I don't have to wear a bra---bonus!
No one has sent me 'P S I love you'.
It can be so lonely here in England! *sob*
OK I'm kidding *grin*
I actually like working alone. I also like complete silence when working. Even a ticking clock can annoy me and disrupt my flow. I once threw an alarm clock out of the window in frustration, but now make sure the room is devoid of noisy clocks!
I think Janga in a previous blog commented that she often works after midnight when the house is quiet. I don't go that far but totally understand.
I sometimes dream that I am alone in a room with only a chair, table, pen and a blank piece of paper. A creative masterpiece has to be your own work. Input from others, no matter how well meaning, will destroy that uniqueness. It would no longer be your baby and yours alone.
I never seek advice on my stories now....though that may not be the best for everyone! :D
Chance - when you're ready to watch, I thought it was sweet. I hope you like it.
Mags - I can imagine the quiet is nice now. :) And squirrels in your mind on a trapeze? Man that sounds familiar. I'm a fan of the no-bra myself. I avoid whenever possible. (ie, pretty much any time I'm home. I don't really need it anyway.)
Q - I prefer silence; I just don't always get it. LOL!
And you don't have anyone else give feedback? I can't imagine. I think my stuff is so much better when I get some help. There's always those times when wording just isn't quite right and one of my CPs will try to mess with it and get something moving in my head.
And I don't think I could have plotted out my story without Haleigh and hours and hours of IM time.
I couldn't have plotted mine without all those IM hours either ;)
I love feedback, to a point. I think you're right, it does help with the lonely factor. And feedback usually is nice enough that it inspires me to keep writing forward, because someone besides me wants to know how it ends. The more people I have pestering me to finish, the faster I write *g*
But you're right. No matter how many writing buddies or CP's you have, it's still hours and hours of silence in front of a computer, with only those flying squirrels to keep you company! (love the image of squirrels on a trapeze Maggie!)
I've found I love the early morning hours. When it's just me up, no one else yet, and I can down coffee and just let anything in my head wander down onto paper.
Hal - I agree with you. It's still so much time alone, no matter how much support you get. I love the late night for the same reason you reference. When everyone's asleep (ok, mostly when DS is asleep) and I can just sit and give my undivided attention to the computer. That's the best. Or I can sit and visualize what's happening.
I spent the last couple nights on a sex scene that just wasn't working for me. Finally, last night my DH went to bed early and I just sat, had some wine, and really dug deep. Those are the alone minutes I adore.
I agree with Maggie on this one - I was an only child who basically lived in my imaginary world by myself. Sometimes I just have to get away from people and sit someone all by myself or I get overwhelmed. Writing really is just finally writing all the lovely things from my head down on paper and sharing them with someone else.
Sabrina - I was the middle child--a brother two years up, a sister 1.5 years down. I was never alone. I sometimes retreated to my room just to have a little away time. I can relate. Though sometimes I used to wish it was easier to find the alone time.
This is the BEST. BLOG. EVER.
Sorry, I've missed the blogs with eye-candy pictures. Why did we stop doing those again? I mean, I know we have them on Sundays--when I'm not around--but we know they're not about writing. This blog was about writing and had some gratuitous eyecandy tossed in.
Writing is a very ALONE business. *LOL* I only feel alone-alone when the voices aren't talking to me. I mean, I know I have a destination when I start my scene, but lately, my characters seem not to know how to do the scene or start the scene. They'll start it one way, and I'll start stenographing--and then the scene will just die before it gets where it needs to. Like the characters just stuck their hands in the air. "Wait, wait, wait, I didn't like that one. I want to start this way instead." So we back up and start again--and I keep going in this lawnmower circle, never actually completing the rest of the yard.
Then I get tired and go to bed. *LOL* Drives me crazy.
Some days I wonder if I even want to write romance...or if I'd rather just write STD brochures or warning labels on the backs of matchbooks.
There was a blog between those pictures? *blinks* Huh, I'll check again.
Sorry, I see it now. :)
I love being alone. I love living alone while the kiddo is gone in the summer, though I never totally get used to not hearing her voice. I love getting to sit and work on writing. I can't write while listening to music that I like, because then I'll sing along. But I can listen to instrumental stuff.
The odd thing is, I can also write in a restaurant or what have you. The noise around me doesn't bother me at all and I find I can actually concentrate better. I think it's because if I'm home, I'm thinking things like "I should really do some laundry" or "Look at this carpet! I should run the sweeper."
*blushing* Thanks Hellie. I must admit, looking for the corresponding photos did take a wee bit of time and, well, it was hard work, I swear to you. But, you know, I don't mind taking one for the team.
And a lawnmower going in circles? That's the best! I completely know what you mean. I've done that before, but usually with an appropriate mental herding dog (I prefer to picture a rottweiler as opposed to those less intimidating collies that shepards really use) I can cajole them back into straight lines.
You're doubting romance? *blinks* Say it ain't so, cap'n.
Ter - I think I wrote some words between there.... Lemme look...
Yep... blah blah blah *insert Gerard Butler* blah blah. Something like that.
I only feel really alone and beside myself when I don't have characters talking to me. And for me that's never a very pretty place to be.
I was made to watch PS I Love You a few weekends ago. *shrug* It wasn't bad. It was made better by the eye candy. And I have to say that I wasn't a fan of Jeffrey Dean Morgan before I watched that movie (I have girlfriends that just RAVE about him and I've never seen the appeal) but now I can honestly say that... Yeah, he's yum. It's that sparkle in his eye and that mischeivious half grin he does with the dimple. He's trouble.
This is a really great blog even without all the eye candy. :)
Ter - I hate that, I should be doing something else, feeling. I have effectively learned to block out the call of the laundry. Perhaps that's why I never have clean socks. (Never fear, I'm cool being barefoot most of the time).
Sin - I guess you're right about that! With the voices in our head, we're never really alone. (Frightening in a schizophrenic way, but whatever.) And Jeffrey Dean Morgan. *le sigh* I love the grin. SOoo yum.
About PS I Love You. I saw it in the theater and it didn't knock me over. But here's what might help you get around to watching it, Chance.
They don't prolong or even highlight the death part. He's there, then he's not. Kind of like ripping a bandaid off really quick. The story is really about Holly being lost and not knowing who or what she wants to be. But it's established before he ever dies that she's lost. His death and what he arranges for her to do after is the impetus that helps her find herself.
So it's really not a story about death, if that makes sense. It's about a) being happy with what you have and b) looking toward your future with enthusiasm instead of dread.
And if this stuff doesn't work, there's Jeffrey Dean Morgan's bare ass which is totally worth every damn tissue you'll cry into.
"And if this stuff doesn’t work, there’s Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s bare ass which is totally worth every damn tissue you’ll cry into."
Amen and alleluia.
I THIRD that statement about JDM's bare ass! Sometimes I'll just stick the DVD in the player and forward to that scene.
"It's been a while since I've seen a man that naked. I mean..."
Yeah, that man is TROUBLE, but man, I'd enjoy every freaking second of it if he just grinned while he did it.
I love a little later when he says something like, "Jerry wouldn't mind, we shared everything." LOL!
Open mouth, insert foot.
See, and I'm pretty sure JDM's character wasn't even IN the book. For me, JDM's character made that movie. It was a story that needed some desperate comic relief and hope for the future, and usually the best way to show hope for the future is to show that you will love again--and to line that Bambi right up in the crosshairs.
Isn't it funny how we're never really satisfied with endings to stories where the hero is alone but happy? They always need at least the implication of someone else there.
I'm guessing that's because the popular perception is that being alone can never be a happy ending. But let me tell you, I'm alone and I'm happy. LOL! It is possible!
I just realized I brought the tangeant right back around to being alone. LOL!
Good job.
And yes, being alone can be very happy. *LOL* But maybe we do it because there is that implied perception that happiness is meant to be shared...and it's hard to share your happiness if you're by yourself.
Hmmmm. Gremlins ate me first comment. Musta been later than a realized last night and I lost it between the typing and the posting...
Thanks fer the words a' encouragement on watchin' the movie. As I said, in wrong place when it first came out. I think I be ready ta look at it soon. And a prime piece of male ass? Have ta slip that DVD inta the player!
As fer bein' alone... I b'lieve this be why I do me writin' in Starbucks. I looks up and I be surrounded by the chatterin' masses. They don't know what I be doin'...but they be there.
And I never truly be alone...I got that cast a characters in me head, badgerin' me all the time. I never really feel alone...save when I get judge's scores.
Then I open the computer and look fer the merry crew fer shoulders ta lean on. I admits, if it weren't fer the internet...I'm not sure I'd make it through the disappointments. And it be wondrous ta have people to cheer wit' me when it goes rosey...
It helps that I be a person a' solitary nature meself.
I like being alone. I mean, I love getting feedback and help from my stellar CPs, but I've always been kind of a solitary person.
However, I did write a novel with my good friend—joint idea, two parallel novels with some overlapping scenes. It was the easiest, fastest writing ever, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat!
Hellion and Ter - I think that it's possible to be happy alone. But that story centers around her dealing with her loneliness. I think that leaving it just that she's fine with being lonely feels apathetic for that story, like an acceptance of a status quo. It isn't a book where we would be able to feel/see her emotional growth. Without getting in her head, there is no implied future growth. It would just feel like a plateau if she'd been like, I'm cool loving you forever and accepting my loneliness.
Ya know?
*ramble ended*
Jordan - I've always been a little bit of a solitary person too. I kinda think to some extent most writers are. We seem to study things, the world, people. I think that's a solitary venture.
And I don't know if I could write that closely with someone. Though it did turn out awesome.
Chance - See, the whole alone but together with everyone else who's alone thing. Starbucks is a key example. :)
I agree about having people to cheer and cry with. it does make some of the more scary parts of the business more tolerable. :)
Tandem writing. That's the most fun I ever had writing. Of course, it was a complete farce too. My friend wrote me she was bored at work and I said she should write a book. She said she didn't know how, so I said "start something and I'll do the next part. Then I'll leave it somewhere, and you figure out the next part." Man was that thing fun!
But we didn't have character names. Or good grammar or spelling. It was just "us" on a fictional trip to Scotland. My friend had a real gift at keeping conflict going and humor. Mine was the dialogue.
Marn, did you read the book?
I know Lisa did. I wish she'd weigh in about the book. I couldn't get into it--probably too sad for me (and without JDM's comic relief I was done)--so I agree that I think leaving it as her okay with being lonely would have come off as apathetic.
Ya know, Hellion, that could be a real lark...wonder if'n I could persuade Lady Jane inta tryin' such an endeavor wit' me... Though she be historicals and I be...whatever.
I could see her charmin' Civil War hero, facin' off wit' aliens lookin' fer a librarian...
I'd love ta write the villain parts... ;)
Hellie--my writing partner and I used to write ZANY stories like that all the time. We wrote one that cast us as sibling immigrants from a fictional Eastern Europe dictatorship here in the US to learn about America as we were being groomed for the dictatorship. Um, yeah. Off-the-wall. There were some off-the-wall elements in this story, but a lot of them got edited out.
Other than the Mormon FBI agent undercover as a Catholic priest.
In this latest venture, we each "owned" one of the couples and wrote their stories, but we had a lot of scenes where at least one of each of our characters were together (her heroine and my hero were siblings; our heroines worked together; my hero was kind of a mentor to hers—we looked for any connection we could find!).
But it wasn't about her being okay with lonely. (The movie anyway, I haven't read the book.) To me, it was about being happy with herself. Figuring out who and what she wanted to be. If the story had ended with her being proud of her designer shoes (which were awesome), without sending her back to Ireland to run into Billy, we still would have felt as readers she would have found someone someday.
She was young and it was about being happy with you first. Well, like I say, that's what I got from it. And is anyone else as shocked as I am that I'm remember this much crap? This never happens.
Chance - You guys should do that! Your characters time travel, you can write in any period she throws at you. LOL!
I loved PS I Love You!
I totally cried through the whole bloody thing!--every time I watch it, which has been, like, 20 times already (the sheer number of viewings I attribute to my fangirl crush on Gerard Butler). But still, I can't remember doing that with any other movie in such a long time.
Alone I can totally live with. I seek it out. Lonely is another matter entirely.
JK, yer a sage. There do be a different between alone and lonely...
Yep, that's me :)
A certain amount of solitude is necessary for my mental health. I become the monster from Bitch Mountain when I don't have time to myself--not just writing time but also time to think and time to just be. My name is Janga, and I'm an introvert.
Since I'm an extrovert, I'm trying to think if I get cranky if I'm alone too long. I'm not sure. I guess I'm rarely left alone long enough to find out.
I feel alone when I'm in a downward spiral about the progress of my writing but like you, I go to my CPs. For the actual writing I don't mind feeling alone. I live in constant fear that if I listen to others *too* much my work will start taking on their voice, not mine.
I could go off on a tangent about solitude as it relates to my introverted personality but I won't for everyone else's sake!
Hellsie, I didn't read the book, but I'd heard about it. :) I'm a bookie, people tell me stuff about books they read. I'm sure you know how it is. :)
Oh, Jordan's Mormon undercover FBI agent is yum. It's a great story. Really. I'm not just saying that cause she's my CP. :)
JK, I sobbed through it the first time too. When her mom gives her the last letter? Seriously, I was a disaster. :)
And there's definitely a difference between alone and lonely. That's a whole blog, I bet.
Janga - being an introvert is totally cool. :) And I think we've all got a little bit of it in us. I think it's hard to write unless you do. You didn't have to sound all "twelve-step program" about it. LOL!!
Steph - you're right to be cautious about letting anyone else's voice step on your own. But CPs are the greatest, huh? God bless my support system.
I took that test... Introvert! But I'm an outgoing introvert. My DH is a shy extrovert... Love those tests!
I'm all for alone time. I do make a point of going out so that I talk to someone other than the dog and cat every few days. DH is interviewing for a job that would likely mean many alone days during the week... Must maintain my verbal skills by engaging in small talk with barista, grocery clerk, bookstore personel...
Blogging. Tho the more I talk like a pirate on the blog...the more it leaks inta me 'real' world and then I get lots a' sideways looks... But that be part a' the fun!
Like Quantum, I only want silence when I write, though I haven't gone so far as to throw timepieces out windows. And I do still ask others for their opinions of my work, even though I often don't like what they have to say, lol. I guess I still need validation. :(
On the other hand, I'm an only child also, and I like being alone. The solitariness of writing doesn't bother me in the least. I think in a previous life I was one of those religious hermits living in a cave on the Scottish coast. That's probably the closest I've come to a highlander, damn the luck!
Great post ladies!
I have a confession to make. I'm bi! Both introvert and extravert. When I'm really into a story, I have to be careful to remove all sharp objects from my desk, because if someone interrupts me, I'm very likely to throw sharp object at them. I need to be alone and no interruptions when I write. I can't even stand the TV on in the other room. But then after about a week of total alone time every day, I start itching to meet up with my buddies. I also have my critique partners, who I can call and just chat with. Faye Hughes and I talk about two or three times a day, and then we email, too.
As for when I know to take advice to change something: When someone says something about a scene I already sort of, kind of, knew wasn't really working, but I didn't want to admit it. Or when after some serious thought, I totally see their point, or when more than one person strongly says the same thing without having spoken with each other.
So often someone will see a big issue, and it might even be sort of big, but duh, one line can fix it. When someone gives you a critique and tells you something isn't working or tells what you need to do, before you do those things, step back and ask yourself why they feel that way? What is the core issue? Then come up with several different ways to fix the problem. This type of brainstorming can help you come up with an easy fix to something that you might have ripped your story apart without it being needed.
Thanks again guys for having me Tuesday. I had a blast.
CC
Hi Christie!
Thanks for your input. I think that what you said about changing stories from advice makes perfect sense to me. I think I've started doing the same (sorta) think when I get crits back. Looking for commonalities, trying to get the bigger picture before I dig in and think of revising something. :)
There are times where I kinda, sorta do know that something needs to be changed. Those times I don't put up much of a fuss. And lots of times my CPs find better word choices. Particularly helpful for those, "I'm thinking of a word but it just isn't right there" moments. :) (Have a mentioned I adore my CPs lately?)
And thank you for joining us! We loved to have you. :)
And Gah, I meant to add Dee on there too. (Cold medicine + Marnee = spacey).
Hi Dee! *waving* A religious hermit in Scotland? That's awesome. I think I was Cleopatra. Not buying it? Yeah, me neither. LOL!
I am not sure what I would do if I had completely quiet time to write. Right now, at 11PM, I'm listening for my sicky kid in the monitor and listening to music. (New inspiration for my WIP "Look After You" by the Fray. Not a new song, but fits somehow. Oh, and "Sweet and Low" by Augustana.)
I haven't heard about Augustana in a while now. I need to look them up again.
I'm sitting here in total quiet and all alone, just like I wanted. But instead of writing, I'm working on tomorrow's blog. I completely forgot about it! Thank goodness I remembered right before climbing into bed. *sigh*
*waving to Christie* Hey there lady!
*waving to Dee* That's closer than the rest of us, darlin'.
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