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Tuesday, May 12, 2009
This Message Will Self Destruct in Five Seconds…. 5… 4… 3…
I wish I could be witty like the rest of the crew and make a blog that would truly honor this type of title, but honestly, it was all I could think of.
Influence this week- Big Tree- Desperate for Compromise- Coalescence
"Trying to live, I'm trying to live, trying to live, trying to live through this... life."
This isn't much of a confession coming from me. I like characters who are self destructive, the darker the better.
In fact, my favorite characteristic in my favorite heroine is that she is always willing to take it on herself because she feels like she's not worthy of the people in her life.
My next favorite heroine is in love with the one person she can't have. She kills herself because she hates who she is, who she was born as, and who she will become.
And it seems to be the trend in my reading selection to pick the heroine with the least amount of self worth. The series that I tend to stick to-
The heroine lost her job, got a crappy job, lives hand to mouth- worse than paycheck to paycheck, has a jerk off ex, has a boyfriend she loves to hate, has a partner who's like the wind and she can't figure out and constantly blows up things.
The heroine lost her job (hm, this seems to be my theme), had a contract put out on her life, not once by a demon but this is a reoccurring thing. Her boyfriend used her then ditched her. Her next boyfriend was murdered. She constantly puts herself in harms way and not to mention every time she turns around she has to give up something she wants more than anything to keep someone she loves alive and breathing.
But these are the type of heroines you can really root for. I could stand beside one and know that I was doing the right thing. Here's the thing. I was thinking about this on my way home today (because Sadie was yelling in my ear to stick my foot in it and flip my moon roof open- she had a bad day apparently) and all I could hear was, "faster, faster, pass them, get in the other lane, honk your horn, flip them off, where is your gun? Blow the tires on that piece of shit. M-O-V-E."
And tonight, I've been trying to chill and she's on the edge. My foot keeps twitching like it's thumping to the beat of a hardcore metal song. I feel the need to run, or yell, or scream or punch something or someone. She needs to feel something and I just don't know how to give it to her. And that's what I love about a character, that need; the very raw feeling of emotion bleeding out and self-sacrificing. When I can't capture this feeling, I feel lost within myself, lost within my characters and uninspired. When I hear my heroines, I feel alive within the story and I just haven't felt that inspiration lately with my characters.
So after months of self destruction wading through the writing rivers of doubt and insecurity, it's like a blast of cold wind shivering down my spine. She's standing on the other side of the river, back straight, fingers loose at her sides. Her wild blonde hair is dancing in the wind and she's shivering wet but her will keeps her from showing weakness. I know that she doesn't want me, doesn't need me, but I can't keep myself from gauging the depth of the raging river, gauging the desperation in her emotions and before I can second guess myself, I jump in. The water is quicksand and worse than frigid. My legs seize, my brain shuts down. All I can hear is her yelling for me to go away but I can't turn back now, I'm in too deep. The water is deeper, swallowing my cries, swallowing my hope. I pray not to trip and let her down. The sun is fading fast, the sounds of cars getting closer, and my heart trips double time.
I pull myself up onto the bank, lungs gasping for air. I don't have time for a breakdown; I can't let her down this time. I make it to my feet, and even the smallest of steps seem like a huge feat; but when my fingers touch hers, and I slip my hand into hers, there is power there. Maybe there is no hope, and no way to make it out alive, but I'd be damned if she faced it all on her own.
This is how I feel and writing connects me into a world where self-destruction turns into self-sacrificing love and honor for someone that you love and teaches you all those valuable morals that's really true to character within yourself. It's not until you reach those depths within your own character that you can tap into those of your hero/heroine.
Tell me what characteristic you write most often in your hero/heroine and when you're reading do you identify with a certain characteristic that keeps you picking up the same kind of books over and over again? How has learning about yourself helped you as you've continued your self exploration of character depth? And in case this is completely rambling, what is the darkest characteristic you like about main characters?
Influence this week- Big Tree- Desperate for Compromise- Coalescence
"Trying to live, I'm trying to live, trying to live, trying to live through this... life."
This isn't much of a confession coming from me. I like characters who are self destructive, the darker the better.
In fact, my favorite characteristic in my favorite heroine is that she is always willing to take it on herself because she feels like she's not worthy of the people in her life.
My next favorite heroine is in love with the one person she can't have. She kills herself because she hates who she is, who she was born as, and who she will become.
And it seems to be the trend in my reading selection to pick the heroine with the least amount of self worth. The series that I tend to stick to-
The heroine lost her job, got a crappy job, lives hand to mouth- worse than paycheck to paycheck, has a jerk off ex, has a boyfriend she loves to hate, has a partner who's like the wind and she can't figure out and constantly blows up things.
The heroine lost her job (hm, this seems to be my theme), had a contract put out on her life, not once by a demon but this is a reoccurring thing. Her boyfriend used her then ditched her. Her next boyfriend was murdered. She constantly puts herself in harms way and not to mention every time she turns around she has to give up something she wants more than anything to keep someone she loves alive and breathing.
But these are the type of heroines you can really root for. I could stand beside one and know that I was doing the right thing. Here's the thing. I was thinking about this on my way home today (because Sadie was yelling in my ear to stick my foot in it and flip my moon roof open- she had a bad day apparently) and all I could hear was, "faster, faster, pass them, get in the other lane, honk your horn, flip them off, where is your gun? Blow the tires on that piece of shit. M-O-V-E."
And tonight, I've been trying to chill and she's on the edge. My foot keeps twitching like it's thumping to the beat of a hardcore metal song. I feel the need to run, or yell, or scream or punch something or someone. She needs to feel something and I just don't know how to give it to her. And that's what I love about a character, that need; the very raw feeling of emotion bleeding out and self-sacrificing. When I can't capture this feeling, I feel lost within myself, lost within my characters and uninspired. When I hear my heroines, I feel alive within the story and I just haven't felt that inspiration lately with my characters.
So after months of self destruction wading through the writing rivers of doubt and insecurity, it's like a blast of cold wind shivering down my spine. She's standing on the other side of the river, back straight, fingers loose at her sides. Her wild blonde hair is dancing in the wind and she's shivering wet but her will keeps her from showing weakness. I know that she doesn't want me, doesn't need me, but I can't keep myself from gauging the depth of the raging river, gauging the desperation in her emotions and before I can second guess myself, I jump in. The water is quicksand and worse than frigid. My legs seize, my brain shuts down. All I can hear is her yelling for me to go away but I can't turn back now, I'm in too deep. The water is deeper, swallowing my cries, swallowing my hope. I pray not to trip and let her down. The sun is fading fast, the sounds of cars getting closer, and my heart trips double time.
I pull myself up onto the bank, lungs gasping for air. I don't have time for a breakdown; I can't let her down this time. I make it to my feet, and even the smallest of steps seem like a huge feat; but when my fingers touch hers, and I slip my hand into hers, there is power there. Maybe there is no hope, and no way to make it out alive, but I'd be damned if she faced it all on her own.
This is how I feel and writing connects me into a world where self-destruction turns into self-sacrificing love and honor for someone that you love and teaches you all those valuable morals that's really true to character within yourself. It's not until you reach those depths within your own character that you can tap into those of your hero/heroine.
Tell me what characteristic you write most often in your hero/heroine and when you're reading do you identify with a certain characteristic that keeps you picking up the same kind of books over and over again? How has learning about yourself helped you as you've continued your self exploration of character depth? And in case this is completely rambling, what is the darkest characteristic you like about main characters?
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Quartermaster's Queries (Sin),
Sin
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52 comments:
Wow, Sin. You always do it good...or bad, I suppose. All depends on perspective...
What characteristic do I write most often? Oh, the merry, life's a love song type...who in reality is hiding a massive streak of self-destruction she doesn't even recognize as belonging to her. And no matter how many times it seems to be brought up and shoved in her face...no matter how many times she sees it and acknowledges it...fights to rise above it...seems to succeed... It's just nestles down deeper and lingers. Still sends out feelers, waiting for her to show some weakness...give it a toehold...
She knows it. Jack knows it. And the battle to move beyond it is the battle of their lives. Because it has a home in him also.
And I find this coming out over and over and over again when I write. It's great. Really.
I have to agree Sin. The more self-destructive, darker, tortured the better. There is always some kind of gratification at seeing them come full circle.
For some reason, when I write, I keep coming back to 'secrets'. Every time I sit down and write one of my characters, they are always holding something back, keeping a secret. I of course want to tell the world about it, and they of course don't.
Maybe that's why I haven't written shit in several weeks? They just don't want to cooperate, and I'm to tired to beat them into submission.
I think that balance is desirable in everything. A novel can benefit from dark forces as long as these are balanced by good, and Sin you do the dark stuff better than most.
I always fall in love with my heroines and therefore refuse to have them weighed down by despair and desperation. The villainy in my writing lies elsewhere!
Robin Hobb in her latest fantasy actually has a God of balance and at the end, the hero is made to balance the scales.
I think that Lisa Hendrix in her 'Razzle Dazzle' creates a heroine who is close to my ideal. She is in to Feng Shui and leads a campaign to stop the building of a monstrous 'carbuncle' which will destroy the energy flows in her town. The hero of course is responsible for the plans and his mother and sister who think they are witches, dabble with love potions to make sure that his fiancée (who has pots of the ready) falls in love with him. The heroine who is working in his garden, gets caught up in the hero's efforts to teach the witches a lesson and the brew starts to bubble!
"This is how I feel and writing connects me into a world where self-destruction turns into self-sacrificing love and honor for someone that you love and teaches you all those valuable morals that’s really true to character within yourself. It’s not until you reach those depths within your own character that you can tap into those of your hero/heroine."
Sin, I guess that may be true of really good writers like you. For lesser mortals like me though, imagination will have to suffice.
I love reading about those inner struggles of an artist coming to terms with her art. Almost better than the art itself! :wink:
wow. you know, I've been thinking the past couple days that my heroine's emotions are off somehow. Not sure how yet, but I need way deeper into her head. I sat down yesterday and made a list of all her emotions, starting with the beginning of the book, and then how she feels in each scene. It was all very...academic. I have this little list of things like: fear, depression, grief. But that's not at all the same as being *in* her head.
self-destruction turns into self-sacrificing love and honor for someone that you love - that's what I need to keep in mind. I've been focusing on how she's sacrificing herself for her family, but in the midst of all this sacrifice, she's self-destructing in a major way.
Thanks Sin! I know this wasn't the point of your wonderful blog, but you may have shaken something loose in my head to fix my heroine :)
I think I write about vengeance the most.
My characters are trying to avenge other's deaths usually, or clear themselves of the responsibilities of a death. One of my other big themes seems to be that it's ok to be who you are. But this is only my second story. :)
Sin, great blog! And I'm happy your back on track with Sadie!
The main thing with Sadie is that sometimes she feels more out of control than self-destructible and the difference between the two is that while you necessarily don't recognize either in yourself, one is a habitual habit, a feeling of unworthiness, and the other is this insane want to do things you know might harm your physical body and not your mind.
MM, this was one of those blogs I wrote and I instantly hated it. I didn't think it would foster much conversation but it was late last night and there wasn't any way I was going to be able to stay awake long enough to think of anything else.
Quite possible that should be the new ship record for longest sentence without taking a breath.
It's always wonderful when you can spot your writing theme each time you write something. I don't give much thought to it usually. I don't give much thought to anything really. LOL
I love when there is a cover up to the self destruction. The deep denial and almost Pollyanna like attitude. Although, I don't think anything of yours I've read is anywhere remotely Pollyanna. LOL
The two traits I give my hero/ine the most:
1.) Self-destructive
2.) A sense of humor (which few outsiders find particularly funny mainly because when the character is being self-destructive, it's not all that funny)
The sense of humor masks the fear they aren't good enough and makes for pretty decent conflict when it annoys the hell out of the other characters when they claim the "funny" character is not in touch with their feelings.
Amanda, my best friend's name is Amanda and I have this urge to call you Manda-Panda. LOL
Sorry. It's early and I'm working on my first cup of coffee.
I *LOVE* secrets! That's probably one of my favorite things to write, well and since I write first person it seems like all of the supporting characters have a secret that the first person doesn't get to hear about. Secrets about what's going to happen in the plot and secrets about themselves. Secrets are what makes self destructive characters so much better! It's the opportunity to dive deeper in a different outlook and perspective and all self destruction is different.
I feel the same way. I'm just too tired to beat anyone right now, or fight. Like last night, like the past couple of months, my brain is just too tired to output anymore energy. My brain is taking a dirt nap. I have every confidence that you will start writing again, and soon with vengence.
Wow. The way you describe how Sadie makes you feel is how PMS makes me feel. And the whole "My brain is taking a dirt nap" thing is exactly how I feel these days. Kiddo needed help with something last night for her homework. She asked while I was working on my homework and the brain just refused to handle both topics. Would. Not. Work.
The common thread with my heroines is that they are all pretty much unassuming. (Clueless is probably the better word, but I'm sticking with unassuming.) They are basically just like me. They think of themselves as invisible. They think of life as something that happens to everyone else while they take care of their own little world. And they would never think of asking for help. Not in a million years.
Did I mention they are just like me?
Q, dearest, I don't do good. I find that having balance in my writing is hard work. I'm a half-empty type of girl, and while I'm pessimistic and self-destructive, I have to remember that there are two sides to every coin.
And for geniuses like you, you don't have to have the emotional pain of "going there" with your characters, your brilliant imagination does that for you.
Hal, always a pleasure to be of assistance. No matter how much of a roundabout way. LOL
For me, the emotions of my character have to feel natural to me. And as a writer, I don't know how conducive that is to actually writing. (Well, we all know not good because when was the last time I actually wrote? Yeah, don't say it.) Listing doesn't help me, but it's all about whatever it takes for you to get inside of her head. We all have our methods of madness.
Marn, I love vengence too; but you've got it going on in spades with the new writing. Redemption (which I know is one of Hellie's favs) also goes well with the vengence thing.
Hellie, I love the way you describe the reasoning behind having a great sense of humor. Especially when the character cracks jokes about their shortcomings and flaws, but on the inside the character feels the only way for people to like them is to make them laugh. I think a lot of us in the real world have that tendency.
Ter, PMS makes me feel an entirely different way. Quite worse than the Sadie episode in the car. I shouldn't be allowed in public.
Soon you'll get a brain rest and then it won't feel so much like your brain is always taking a dirt nap.
I can admit that my main characters are a lot like me. I hate and absolutely loathe asking for help. Makes my skin crawl. And I'm very stubborn. And most of the time, I live in my own little world with my own rules. LOL
Sin - I didn't used to have PMS at all (ducks empty rum bottles) but the older I get the angrier I get. It's not a good sign.
You have no idea how much I am looking forward to that rest. There will be days with no homework, no softball, no Kiddo as she'll be at her dad's for the summer. I can sit and stare at the ceiling and turn the brain off comletely. Of course, within a week I'll be stir-crazy and pestering all of you. LOL!
I'm not sure I could pin my story themes down as well as I can my heroines. I'm thinking it's overcoming fears and taking risks. But more emotional risks since I don't have the guns and bombs that you cool cats have. LOL!
Grrr, I hate when people expect me to work while I'm at work. It's disturbing.
Maybe this summer we can open our minds to writing Ter. I'm hoping that within the next couple of weeks my brain will wake up a little and brush some of the mold off.
I'm actually looking forward to writing again. That has to be a good thing, right? LOL! I need to get all these short stories out of my head first. Then maybe I can jump back in to the full length stuff.
I'll be helping you brush that mold off. We promised that GH deadline and we're going to do it. You just have to stop deleting! LOL! Think you can do that?
Grrr! Who said 'good enough'? One of my favorite themes involves the whole good enough bit of crap we all pick up and deal with. What the hell is 'enough' anyway? One of those sh*tty words that is all about putting a quantative measure on worth. Totally sets me off...
Like the bit about 'real'. What is a 'real' writer? I 'real' heroine...
Yeah, my characters deal with a lot of that sort of crap. They just don't realize it and so slide around...I don't know if it's pollyanna, but it's this aura of competence, calm, and collected. But that always shatters, because life isn't calm and collected. It's chaotic and full of the ups, down, sideways ride of a roller coaster.
Does that make sense?
No, Sin. This ia a great blog...very 'real'. ;)
MM, I love when you go on a tirade. LOL
We've had this discussion before about being a "real" writer and I'm just not sure for me what qualifies me as being a "real" writer. I think everyone has to have their own sense of what's real to them and what's not, and what feels "real" to some doesn't do it for everyone.
I've gotten to where I'm a writer no matter what. It's something I do and that I'm good at. Be it writing the mission statement for my business class or writing the all hands meeting announcement for my company, I'm a writer. The only level I might reach is published author, but even if that never happens, I'm a writer.
Chance - That roller coaster comment reminds me of the movie Parenthood when Steve Martin's character realizes that life is up and down and being afraid of it is a waste of time. You have to learn to enjoy the ride, even when it's dropping your ass at 4Gs. LOL!
Which is part of the debate. I don't feel it's something that can be measured outside of the individual. And those who start to set rules about what is a 'real' writer, or a 'real' Christian, or a 'real' American? They are just dictating their definition and it is always about exclusion.
Just like 'enough'. That implies a goal, or a limit or something like that. Why does it have to be... "Do you love me enough?"
???? Enough for what? Doesn't give any measurable limits, all it does is set up defeat. Because nothing will ever be enough... Everything is never going to be enough... Enough isn't reachable.
My Miranda deals with her father's dying declaratin, "They will never be enough... We're your family, they aren't..." Then the earthquake and blam! Nothing, no family...her conflict for book after book after book is whether she is good enough to find another group of people to call family, that will be family. Be enough? Or will she be enough? It takes someone stepping into the situation and calling her on the whole 'enough' nonsense before she is able to open herself up to accepting what is before her. There is no 'enough' there is just what is.
Yeah, Terrio! And that's the trick! You can't stand all calm and centered and sedate on a roller coaster or you'll just get whacked by the signage on the rails... You got ta go wit' the flow, baby!
And you are a writer. No 'real' about it!
It is what it is which (as Hellie has pointed out to me) translates to "Fuck it." I think that is an excellent motto for life. LOL!
Chance - That is some great motivation for Miranda. Gosh, no wonder you have such a great series. Limitless material right there.
BTW, Cap'n? Did you got back and see the second to the last message on yesterdays blog?
Nevermind, I went back and read... So cool...
Yeah, I keep forgetting I'm a writer no matter what. It's the "published author" thing that's a different title. *LOL*
It is what it is.
Yeah. See, what gets my goat about that line is that *I* flung that line out to my boyfriend when we first started dating, thinking I was all cool, and now he uses it against me all the time. "It is what it is, honey" or "I am what I am, baby"--and he *knows* he's using it against me. *LOL* It's different to love someone despite themselves when they're thumbing their nose at you. I mean, I know parents do it, but seriously...work with me at least a little.
Nope, should never be used as an excuse for not acting properly. It's a good line for nurturing acceptance and the philosophy of moving on from stuck places. But not an excuse to continue being a f*ck-up.
And always, always, keep a sense of humor when using the sacred IIWIS statement.
True. You have to have a sense of humor when invoking the sacred IIWIS statement. It's hard to maintain a sense of humor when it's being used against you.
Then again, admittedly, me maintaining a sense of humor is pretty hard when I'm not in the mood. *LOL*
Sin- Manda-Panda? Well that's better than what you usually call me! *snort*
Secrets are great, if you have the fortitude to follow through with them. My current hero has a MAJOR secret going on...and now I'm thinking that I should have thought that one out a little better, because now it's just steamrolled, and I want to make sure that the build up isn't to much for the secret.
Sense of humor is extremely important. I LOVE sarcastic, witty characters. Love to write them too.
I'm glad that Sadie is bugging you, and demanding to have her say. I love Sadie, and miss her, and I can't forget Ruiz. He's my boy!
I couldn't write a non-sarcastic character any more than I could quit breathing. Or talking. :)
That's a good point about secrets. I read a book where the heroine carried around this secret from her past that made it IMPOSSIBLE for her to marry the hero even though he'd followed her all over England and asked about a million times and was perfect. Then when the secret was revealed, it was nothing and I was seriously let down. To make it worse, the author was one of my dependible auto-buys. That book still ticks me off. LOL!
But the thing about secrets...one person's secret is another person's 'so what?' It's hard to build a secret that is going to matter to all concerned without making it insurmountable. Don't ya think?
In a book, the most important thing about the secret is for the reader to read it then think, "I didn't see THAT coming." That's when you know you've done it right, IMO. LOL!
If you pull the reader in enough to your characters, they're going to care. But if the secret is she got a DUI when she was 17 verses she had a baby at 17 that the family pretended was really her sister and now that sister/daughter is falling in love with the son of the man who is her father, that makes a difference.
That's one helluva secret and a clusterfuck. LOL
Randy-Mandi can be your new name.
*laughing hysterically*
I call my Manda mostly Mac N Cheese.
So what's up with Ella and her boy? You must dish.
LOL! I just made that up and after reading it back thought, "Oh, that's good. I should write that."
Than realized the mess I'd have to clean up to get an HEA out of it and thought maybe not. LOL!
Yeah, that would be sorta of like someone would have to die in order for there to be an HEA at the ending or the kid to find out the guy who her mom thought was her dad turns out to not be, but then the mom might seem a bit slutish.
The way to get around that is to have the father of the boy (and subsequently the girl) not really be the boy's father. That makes the boy's mother the slut and our heroine is AND her daughter are off the hook.
It can be done, but it would be a fine line.
Nice. I like that spin. She must be some sort of villian. Like she's schemed the other guy out of money, and meets the really baby's daddy on the side.
Definitely the girl in HS everyone hated. It's always better when those chicks get their comeuppance. Though to make sure the reader doesn't want the heroine back with her baby-daddy, you'd have to kill him off at some point before the story starts. Car accident is probably the best way to go.
What would be the title of this little epic, Terr? Deliverance?
It's always a car accident. Maybe he died after drinking poison kool-aid.
Oooh, or maybe a kangaroo kicked him.
Maybe he died from a broken nose.
I like the kangaroo one. Let's go with that one!
Kangaroo kicked him where?
There are no dueling banjos or squealing Ned Beatty's so NOT Deliverance. LOL!
This is obviously a Harlequin story so we'll have to go with the The Dead Kangaroo Wrangler's Secret Baby.
I'm diggin' that title.
This could become the most famous non-written book of all time.
The kanga (or as I like to call him, Mr. Snuggles) saw that bastard walking out of a convienence store and kung pow kicked him square in his man breast.
I'm so excited! I got Sin to plot AND write by the end of the day. LOL! Ha!
Mr. Snuggles then hopped away before anyone could see him. The coroner never could explain the strange footprint on Eugene's chest that had to be the cause of the broken ribs. The punctured lung did him in.
Eugene?
LMFAO. We'll call him Genie and paint his lips hooker red.
And I can do this as long as I'm not having to come up with conversation. It's my weak point.
Randy-Mandi...ok, I can get with that. Sadly there isn't much doing with Elle and Tristan these days. They are in all kinds of strange situations, but I can't quite get them to link together. Maybe one day when things slow down at work and I get a chance to breathe....OR if I can get my nose out of a book. I've been reading like a fiend.
But back to Sadie.....what is our status?
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