Favorite Enemies
- A Little Sisterly Advice
- Cheeky Reads
- DRD aka Donna's Blog
- Gunner Marnee's Blog
- J.K. Coi: Living with Immortals
- Just Janga
- Killer Fiction
- Kimberly Killion
- Maggie Robinson
- Maureen O. Betita
- Megan Kelly
- Pam Clare
- Renee Lynn Scott
- Romance Bandits
- Romance Dish
- Scapegoat's Blogspot
- Smartass Romance
- Terri Osburn Writes Romance
- Tessa Dare
- Vauxhall Vixens
Blog Archive
Powered by Blogger.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
If I Only Had a Dream
The key to the mystery of a great artist is that for reasons unknown, he will
give away his energies and his life just to make sure that one note follows
another. . . and leaves us with the feeling that something is right in the world.
~Leonard Bernstein~
~*~
I once wanted to be a ballerina.
Ballerinas are world renowned for their superior grace and beauty, their lines perfectly symmetrical to the ballerina standing on either side of them. Ballerinas are perfection in the dancing world. As children they are weeding through and only the best are left in the class. The ones that will grow to tall, their lines aren't proportionate or won't become that way, weak legs or ankles, all history. Perfection comes with a price. A price that you have to decide if it's worth it or not to take that risk and go all in.
Writing is the same way.
Now, once I learned that I would never make it in the dancing world, (my ankles are weak and have been broken several times plus the lack of money never made it a possible dream for me), I turned to poetry. Poetry is a different kind of perfection. One that you seek within yourself and never find. Poetry is about heart and soul, the darkness you have trying to escape, the feeling of the pen between your fingers, the smell of the breeze as it flutters past you... All these things embody poetry at it's finest. Poetry is about feeling. Fiction is about gut instincts and timing and plots... very intricate and tricky. There is no difference in the amount of perfection or the quality, but all writing is different.
Writing is as different as the person who wrote the piece. Whether it be a paragraph or a hundred thousand word book, our personality shines within our words. We eat, breathe and sleep words, plots, timing, characters and their characterizations. You cry over lost notes, bleed over plots, sweat the small stuff. Even the smallest of imperfections in your plot can ruin a whole book, years of work down the drain. Much like a ballerina. Ballerinas practice their whole lives for one moment of glory and only one misstep can take that away from them. We practice and practice and practice for one moment as well. That moment we walk out of the darkness with a book in hand, gingerly carrying it, hoping not to crush our dreams in one single swoop. It only takes one thread of doubt in an authors mind to crush everything they've spent their lives doing. One judgment or opinion to put that seed of doubt there. And then you've lost it.
Writing is an art form. Many people will disagree with this, but writing in any form is an art. It's an abstract vision in your mind that once you find the will, you can put it down for all to see. It's beautiful in its individuality, unique in its presence, daunting in its power. A whole book, something that started so small in your mind, becomes a massive undertaking. It consumes you with the fire of creating, wills you to do better, try harder, push a little longer... Until you finally win the battle and then you find that you still aren't satisfied. Writers are notorious pickers. We pick and pick and pick, until there is nothing left to pick at. Perfection is never achieved, no matter how good the reviews or how great you thought it was the night before. We all go through this on some level. Writers never see perfection. It could be staring us in the face but we're blind, not by choice, but by instinct. You're told as a writer that you can never be perfect. Never give up, always tweak and fix and prune until it's close to perfection and then try again.
Perfection is different in everyone eyes. Ideas born of visions and thoughts should be perfection it's purest form, but it's not so. Has there ever been a time when you thought something was so beautiful that it was perfection in your eyes?
For me, it's that first line of prose, the beauty of dusk in the countryside, the look in a child's eyes when they look up to you, the way a ballerina's footwork and lines contrast the backdrop, contra-posing or mimicking... art is beautiful in any form. Take a look around you, enjoy yourself, the things around you more often. Trust in your abilities and those around you. Live and breath without perfection constantly on your minds. Perfection should be a freedom, not a weight holding you down.
What are you passionate about? What was the first thing you ever wanted to be perfect at?
Influence this week (And I'm about to blow some minds)
Make You Feel My Love- Adele - 19
Finally- Fergie- The Dutchess (That's right, I said it.)
And last but not least (if I'm going to ruin my rep, I might as well go all out)
All Around Me (Acoustic Version)- Flyleaf - All Around Me EP
Labels:
Quartermaster's Queries (Sin),
Sin
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Books by the Crew
54 comments:
There was never one thing that I wanted to be perfect at. I wanted to be perfect at all things. :)
I wanted to be a dancer. My parents had the money issue. My cousins didn't. So I got to watch as my mom made my counsins' sparkling costumes for their recitals. And I got to watch them practice, and watch them perform. That didn't necessarily stop me from dancing though. And I love watching dance. All styles. I can feel their passion as they give it their all.
I also, like you, love all kinds of music.
Renee
I wanted to be a nun. Those who know me will laugh.
I wanted to play the flute like Ian Anderson...and write the great Amerian Novel...
Lately? I'd like to learn how to cook and make the perfect meal. Like something from Top Chef...
Heck,I just caught up with yesterdays blog.
With male ego slightly dented, I am now suffering persistent visions of Helli's blouse bursting into flame.
But today is another day and Sin is in philosophical mood. Wonderful! Like a soothing balm, I can feel my ego slipping back into its proper shape.
Perfection is a mirage. Like chasing a rainbow, one never reaches the crock of gold. Whatever you do, improvement is always possible, and their can be a very fine dividing line between heavenly acclaim and hellish derision.
Thinking of a soccer player taking a penalty kick in the final of the world cup. The stage is set for a dramatic finish. If the ball flies true the player achieves the adulation of millions of supporters but if it is one tiny bit off target the aspirations of a team and supporting nation can be dashed.
Likewise in a novel, a touch of magic, whether humour or poetic vision or something beyond analysis, can turn ordinary prose into something extraordinary. Like Helli's blouse igniting... darn it, that vision is still there!
You gotta help me Sin!
Chance there ain't nothing wrong with that. You want to be great you have to take after the greats. I knew someone (who played with the Toronto Symphony Orchestra at the age of 16) He could take a James Galway masterpiece and make it his own with some serious embellishment. The kid was genius.
I wanted to be a clarinetist... I lost that vision and found a new one. No regrets there. And I will keep perfecting it. :)
Ah, I once wanted to be a ballerina myself. I only wish that my problem had been weak ankles, and not a complete lack of coordination and grace :)
But I've always been passionate about the arts as a whole. Music, art, literature--inspiration and creativity is our greatest gift to the future generations and I wish our school systems (at least in Canada) would keep that in mind every time they consider cutting another program.
Renee, lol, as a kid (and a very opinionated one at that) I was very competetive.
(For some reason I can imagine my mother reading that and saying, "Huzzah, that's an understatement if I ever read one.")
I was determined that if I was doing something I was going to be the best at it and try to be perfect too. I still love to dance. Of course my style of dancing is mostly interpretive of household chores but Mattycakes and I dance in the kitchen on Sunday mornings while making breakfast. I suppose as we get older the things that we're passionate about don't necessarily change but our attitudes about how we interpret that passion.
Dee, hahahahahaha. Now, all day, I'm going to imagine you in the nun getup. LOL
Really? You wanted to be a nun?
MM, I wanted to play the drums when I was a kid. It's probably a good thing my parents told me it was either band or basketball. And we all know what I chose. LOL
I can't cook though. So I always have cook envy of people who can cook up things like the cooking shows on the Food Network.
PS. Q, in order to get Hellie's burning blouse off your mind we'll have to opt for some drastic measures. *wg* Are you down?
Oh Q, I'm in need to read Ms. Hellie's blog from yesterday. I've spent the last two days in seclusion as I reprogrammed an office network. Being without internet is a drag.
Something is wrong with this picture when *I'm* the one smoothing out your frazzled ego. While I was working on the internet, I must have slipped into an alternate universe.
While I agree that perfection is like chasing rainbows- you can see it in the distance but you can never reach it- perfection is also a definition you've made up in your mind. We all have different conotations of perfection. My idea of writing perfection is if I can make the readers feel like they are the main character. They go to bed thinking about the story and the characters and the outcomes weigh heavy on their mind.
I suppose another way to say it is that at the end of the day, I want the feeling of satisfaction. And to me, that is perfection. To feel like I've done everything I could do and most days it's not like that.
Tiff, I loved music class as a kid. I never played an instrument (see above mention I was delivered an ultimatium) but my BFF played the trumbone and my mother and sister play the clairnet. It's easy for artist to flow from one artistry to another. And I'd say you found your artistry niche just fine. Writing seems to suit you. Just a little. lol
JK, I completely lack coordination. I have big clown feet that just don't seem to move when my brain tells them to move. I trip over my own two feet just standing still.
So even if I'd had the ankles and the money to be a ballerina, I lack the ability to be one. And there is no amount of practicing that could make up for just how uncoordinated I truly am.
It was a problem in basketball too.
I hate when I read that they are cutting another artistry based program in school because "our kids are falling behind other countries". Sounds like a bunch of government BS to me.
When I was a child, I was more passionate about what I wanted to do than what I wanted to be. I wanted to ride horses. I wanted to see everything I could see. I wanted to go places and do things. I guess when you never go anywhere or do anything, that's what happens.
But, when I was in the 6th grade maybe, we had to write a paper about what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wanted to be a business woman running a business. Funny how things don't change. :)
Now, my passion was always music and reading. My original degree is in the Music/Video Business and I used that during my years in radio. Now I've jumped from reading to writing and I'm still working on the business dream. No idea how any of it will turn out, but I'll keep swimming.
Sin - I have the Adele and the Fergie songs on my iPod. Now I have to go find the other one.
I wanted to take dance but the money wasn't there for me either. I did play softball for many years and loved it. As for instruments, I tried the trumpet first and though I'm sure no one will believe me, I didn't have enough hot air to make the thing work. LOL! So I switched to percussion and played bass drum and mallets for a few years before switching to flag corps.
I don't have it in me to be an amazing musician, but I do have the ear to recognize when something is good. Maybe someday I'll have the job in A&R for a record company that I've always wanted.
Ter, the Fergie song was a new add for me. I must say that I love Flyleaf. I have all their stuff. They are kind of grungy-punk Christian rock music. Which Christian rock music isn't what it used to be. Red and Flyleaf are two of my favorite bands and they are both listed as Christian rock.
When you're a child, it's easy to be passionate about things because you have no idea what goes into the kind of stuff you're are just absolutely dead set on doing. Like I was very passionate about finding a purple unicorn pegasus. Adament about it. Fanatical before I even knew what fanatical was. Now Mattycakes tells this little girl at the gym that he has a purple unicorn named Frank. So every time she sees him, she asks him a new question about the unicorn.
"Where do you keep him?"
Mattycakes gets that evil gleam in his eye, "Well he stays at the house, but only when there is a rainbow."
The little girl is fascinated. But she's pissed about the unicorn's name being Frank. LOL
Pretty soon Ter, you're going to have that degree! Won't it be great?
Now I want a purple unicorn. LOL! As I seem to be creating a managerie (sp?) at my house, I could easily add this creature.
It will be amazing to have the degree but I'm more excited about NO MORE HOMEWORK! LOL! However,now I'm having anxiety attacks that the degree won't make any difference and I'll remain at the bottom of the ladder. If it's not one thing it's another. *rolls eyes*
I originally wanted to be perfect at the piano. My parents started me in lessons when I was 3. Seriously. I took lessons until I was 17, went to camps, contests, state competitions, recitals, you name it. Now, of course, the closest I've come to a piano in years is to dust mine once a week. :(
I don't take enough time to appreciate art around me though. This is a good reminder to pay more attention!
Ter, only think good thoughts and good things will come to you.
Ooooh, Hal! To have a piano! I've always wanted to play. I want to take lessons once before I die. Just to run my fingertips over the ivory keys. How wonderful!
I'm going to see Nutcracker during Christmas before I die too. I wasn't interested in seeing it as a child (puppets and mannequins and those ventreliquist puppets freak me out) and that's what the Nutcracker always reminded me of, was those damn freaky puppets from the Penney's catalog.
I'm pretty sure when I was about 5 or 6, I wanted to be like my dad, so I wanted to be a farmer.
When I was 7, I wanted to be a ballerina--I dressed as one for Halloween.
When I was 8, I wanted to be the World's Best Equestrian Rider--and that carried through a few seasons. I also wanted to raise horses and train them. I remember my first research paper was about Quarterhorses--and I had to write a company to find out more information about Quarterhorses. It was actually rather cool.
I don't know of anything I was passionate about consistently. Mainly I wanted to do something that was creative and didn't involve me sitting in an office in a business suit.
Q, my blouse is on fire? Really? *LOL* OH! The CORSET! Yeah, don't worry, it didn't get cold enough that night for anyone to rub my breasts together to start a fire. Much to my dismay. Story of my life.
I remember though that I made that corset smaller in the waist than I actually was--probably hadn't been since, oh, 7th GRADE, and my sister laced me into it and got the back to meet. So I had the waist circumference I wanted, which is probably why I had such great cleavage and hips--because it had to go somewhere--and I spent about 4-6 hours in this corset made with TIMBER STRAPPING (which is metal).
I just remember when I actually got it off that night. I could swear I could hear my ribcage cracking back into place. *LOL* I nearly swooned from the sudden rush of oxygen. I don't know how women did this all the time before.
An entire Prince show with ballet? That would be cool.
I have a friend who's decided to do corset training. Which sounds weird, but it's where you get a training corset and train your waist. So she wears this corset all the time (which sounds like hell to me) but she's lost a lot of weight. I thought she was crazy, but now she has me wanting to do it just for the fact that she's losing weight doing it.
But I'm with you Hellie, I don't know how they did it back in the day. And about 20lbs of material and covered from head to toe. No wonder they felt faint all the time.
Very "Field of Dreams", Sin. Nice one. LOL!
I've still never seen The Nutcracker. I need to do that. I did see the Joffrey Ballet many years ago when they did an entire show to Prince music. That was cool.
The corset would definitely improve your posture as well. However, don't you need someone to lace you in and out of those things? I wouldn't be able to do it.
Yeah, she has her neighbor do it. LOL
RIGHT. I can just imagine asking my neighbor to cinch me into my corset.
*sigh* Dancing in the kitchen on Sunday morning, how romantic.
Mr. Scott and I used to club hop. Now my rolls jiggle a little more than I like, but when I get those rocking hard abs, which I'm working on, I'm going to show my teenagers how it is done. LOL
Renee
I've always been passionate about books and music, which it seems go hand in hand.
Walking into a bookstore is my therapy. An invisible layer of calm descends upon me, and all is right in the world again.
No surprise that my profession would turn out to be a librarian.
As for the perfection part, I was obsessed with having perfect handwriting. This all ended by the time I hit high school though when I discovered boys, and was obsessed with becoming the perfect kisser :D
Hellie, she's a very ... ummm... open person. Think Manda, times five and that's Katrina. She's one of my friends that just woke up one morning and decided she'd sell all her stuff and move to San Fran. No money saved. No where to live. She's an extremely crafty bitch. I swear, she can make luck out of horribly bad day. She's got this sweet apartment looking out over the bay and is a dog sitter and walker and house sitter. She loves it. I'm a tad jealous because I'd never have the guts to do anything like that.
Renee, abs? What are those? Do you suppose they might be hidden somewhere underneath my buddha belly? LOL
You should dance with Mr. Scott in the kitchen one morning or night after everyone is in bed. Just for a second. I'm not saying we spend our entire morning being nice to each other, but it's one of those moment for five seconds a day we remind ourselves how lucky we are to have one another. The rest of the time (all 23 hours and 55 seconds) we spend ignoring each other. LOL
Nic! I always wanted to work in a library because it wouldn't be work to me. I love the smell of the library. And like you, walking into a book store puts me in an entirely different place. It's a transformation.
Though in my teenage years all I wanted to be perfect at was partying and boys. LOL
We've got a lot in common babe. LOL
I remember taking one of those aptitude tests in high school...I was told to be a therapist or a librarian. Thought about the librarian side of things...
Great chatter today, all those little girl memories. I didn't get the flute until high school, and had private lessons for a few years. Was never all that good at it and a few years ago, I set my flute free to grant the wish of some one else. Donated it to the Traditional Music Festival. I like to imagine it out there entertaining the masses, gleaming bright and reaching musical heights it never would have with me.
I have heard of corset training and was told by the woman who sold me mine that it would help with weight loss. First, hard to eat a whole lot while wearing it, and secondly, you can't help but want to look that good without wearing it. So it helps with motivation.
I need a corset, stat!
I've been known to dance around the house. Kiddo thinks I'm crazy but then she joins in.
I must be the only slacker in this bunch since I've never wanted to be perfect at anything. Let me re-phrase, it would be nice to be perfect at things, but I've never had that goal. I want to do things well, but well enough will often suffice. LOL!
Dancing is fun. It's even better when you make up dances and people join in. LOL
Well enough is good for me some days. I still have that competetive spirit that if someone outdos something I did, I must do it better. Pronto.
And I've checked into this corset thing. A good one is more than $200. *thinking* I will find a way to talk Mattycakes into this as an investiment of my good nature.
Maybe if I convince myself if I lose the weight first I'll make the $200 investment? The weight would come off and I'd never have to follow through on the purchase. Win win.
So, MM, tell me about you corset training experience. I have decent posture since I spent most of my day sitting up straight at my desk. It's keeping my shoulders back and down that I suck at. Yoga helps with that but I've been a total slacker lately.
I was passionate about teaching, then I did it for a few years and I realized I'm not passionate about teaching so much as I'm passionate about kids and people. The rest of teaching (and there's way to it that is so hard to explain if you'd never done it) is what makes teaching so hard (miserable sometimes) and is why the majority of teachers quit before 7 years.
I remember looking into my little boy's face when he was itty bitty and wanting to be a perfect mom. After a rough round of post partum, serious anxiety attacks induced by a colicky/acid refluxy baby, and a near constant flow of tears for 2 months, I learned just do the best with what I had and teach my son that happiness isn't being perfect but learning to accept your best and smile about the rest.
And I wanted to be a singer. Anyone who's been in the car with me for five seconds can feel free to hysterically laugh now.
I knew by the time I was six that I would be a writer, but I don't think even then I thought perfection was possible. I did think I would be the perfect teacher until I taught the first year. Since I thought the perfect teacher loved every student who entered her classroom and inspired her/him to love learning for its own sake, it took less than thirty minutes for me to become disillusioned.
Marn, I love to sing in the car too! And not just in the car, I love to sing everywhere. I don't sing around people (only because I'm too shy for all that) but if I'm home alone or cleaning, don't think for a second that I don't belt out some tunes.
Janga, WOW! I can't imagine being six and wanting to be a writer. I knew I loved books, but I don't think it crossed my mind that people actually wrote them. LOL
I think teaching is one of the hardest jobs. It's really tough and there are so many teachers who want to just help and be the role model for their students and sometimes the students just don't want to be helped. It's really sad.
Sin said: PS. Q, in order to get Hellie’s burning blouse off your mind we’ll have to opt for some drastic measures. *wg* Are you down?
Not down Sin. I just feel that I shouldn't be enjoying it so much. *g*
Perhaps I have a subconscious wish to be a monk...Next to Dee's convent. :lol:
Though seeing all the interest in Hellie's fiery corset, perhaps I will just hang in here a while longer!
I forgot to mention that I had an early ambition to be taking that penalty kick in the world cup final. 8)
Janga, I think we agree that perfection is a mathematical limit (like infinity), available only to a perfect being. I just try to be better than the average guy!
Q - Being down with it sort of means are you up to whatever extreme antics Sin is willing to use to erase that image from your psyche. In other words, gurd your loins. (or however you spell that...)
The first thing I remember having a passion for, was reading. I read everything from the library I could get my hands on. I can remember almost having a seizure from the pleasure of stepping on the bookmobile when I was in grade school. The smell of all the leather bound books and pages was devine.
I'm passionate about my job. I'm a perfectionist and I want to give my patients the care I would expect if I were them. I empathize with their situation.
I used to have a passion for writing, and I hope to find it again. I just have to find my stride, and the right story:)
Great blog!
Terri, where would I be without you!
Course I'm down for anything Sin can come up with. :lol:
Uh oh. Q be going down.
*snicker
Ha! Me? Corset training? Uh huh. Heard a it, haven't done it. Have the corset though, so I really should think about tryin' it as a weight loss helpmate. Nothin' else seems ta be gettin' me goin'...
Sin, ya should sing in public. Nothin' like flubbin' things and then havin' people just gush 'bout how great you are... No one really hears the flubs, if ya fake like it all were great! I found that out when I was singin' in coffee shops... I love singin' in public...
Must be the extrovert in me...
Just read a great line in a new Burn Notice book about Sam... "essentially Jimmy Buffet with a license to kill." HAHAHAHAHAHA! So right! Can't wait for that series to start up again.
Anyone want to be the perfect spy? (I'll admit, it was one a' those fantasy things when I was growin' up!)
Sin, my first-grade writing was more a way of claiming my moment in the sun than of feeling a vocation. I never won a race, struck out more often than I hit the ball, and threw up when I hung by my knees from the monkey bars, but I could win every spelling bee, make a rhyming verse for every occasion, and write splendid adventures featuring all my friends. :)
Q, I'm sorry. I sometimes forget you're not of my slang culture. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=down
And I was thinking more along the lines I was going to set your underpants on fire and you'd forget all about Hellie's flaming corset.
MM, no one wants me to sing in public. hahaha
I swear, if I ever need anything done I'm shipping my ass to Lisa because I know I'd make it with her by my side. Nurses as a whole are usually good people, and very caring in an extremely emotionally draining career. I admire both nurses and teachers because both jobs I could NEVER do.
Janga, when I was in first grade, the teacher asked us to write a paragraph about going to the dentist or doctor and I fretted and sat there with my pencil in my hand. I chewed on my pink eraser while everyone was writing like mad. And when it came time to turn in the paper, my page was still blank.
I went to the teacher very calmly and said, "I don't have anything to write."
The teacher very calmly said, "Use your imagination."
"But I don't think dentist or doctors have unicorns."
So I wrote about a dentist (had a vague clue what the dentist was, hadn't been to one at that point. And was probably daydreaming when we learned about them in school.) who had a purple unicorn with wings and she lived in the forrest and flew on rainbows.
The teacher gave me a frown face on my paper and gave it back to me.
It was the first time I can remember to be told to use my imagination and get repromanded for using it. After that, I can honestly say I didn't really try in school.
So while you may not have been great at all the physical activities of childhood, you had a childhood rich in imagination and expression and I think that's the best kind. And you're more brilliant for it. :)
*LOL* I love that you wrote about a dentist with a unicorn! Shame on that teacher for not having an imagination! She probably thought you were being contrary on purpose--that you weren't writing about a real doctors/dentist experience. Not that I remember any from that age either. Witch.
Post a Comment