Bag 'em up, Boys!
Most days, I love that I write comtemps. I mostly read historical, but for some reason, when writing, I always gravitate toward contemps. There’s pros and cons to both, of course, but there’s one area where historical writers have it easier.
You guessed it: condoms.
Historical writers don’t have to worry about when a condom is grabbed, who puts it on, and how much attention it gets. Do you have to mention the removal of the condom, or is that presumed? Can you just gloss over it, or does it need to be spelled out?
Personally, I prefer to gloss. I regularly use the sound of the condom wrapper tearing or the latex scenet to imply that a condom has, in fact, been used in this case. Sometimes, I’m more explicit about it.
So when does an author make a choice not to use a condom, and what does that mean to the book? I’ve noticed a lot of authors deliberately skip the condom to show heightened passion. How many times have we read the guy’s reaction right after sex as something along the lines of, “He’d forgotten to use a condom. He’d never done that before.” In other words, he was so turned on and ready, any thought to sexual health went right out the window. Because really, with the glittery hoo-ha in sight, who can remember something as banal as a condom?
I’ll admit to a slight need to roll my eyes at these scenes, though they are common. But I’m okay with them, because there are consequences for this type of behavior. A conversation has to be had, Plan B pills procured, decisions about pregnancy made. Done correctly, it can work as a plot device.
But my question today comes from when it’s not a plot device. When the characters are not the type to use protection during sex. Do we, as romance authors, have a responsibility to educate our readers about sex ed? Should we be true to the facts about sexual health? Or should we be true to our characters?
I recently read a novel where the heroine refused to have sex because she wasn’t on the pill. The hero says, “I guess I could wear a condom.” She says no, condoms aren’t effective. She wants the pill.
Wait. Back up. What? So I check the publication date, thinking this must have been published in the late ‘80s, early ‘90s, right? Nope. 2001. That’s right, in a novel published by a best-selling author in 2001, the heroine turns down a condom during sex with a stranger, because they’re not effective. In another novel by another best-selling author, the heroine turns down a condom (even though the hero is holding one and willing) because the moon will protect her. The moon! In another, the heroine says no to the condom because she wants to “give him that gift,” (presumably, the gift of her glittery hoo-ha with nothing separating them) even though they’ve only known each other a few days.
In almost every facet of writing, I’m a huge proponent of the character above everything else. Writers must be true to their characters. But this is one area where I’m stumped. Is it acceptable for a writer to present false information regarding sexual and reproductive health if they remain true to the character? Or does safe sex extend to our writing?
I’ll be honest – I’m probably younger than most on here. I was in middle and high school in the 90’s, when AIDS was bursting into public knowledge. Condom use was drilled into my head in school, and I mean drilled. As an adult, and even as a writer, sex without a condom wouldn’t even cross my mind. I’d certainly never consider risking my life for a stranger a “gift.” Nor could I ever have the slightest amount of respect for a hero who purposely skipped a condom (hypnotization by the afore-mentioned glittery hoo-ha aside).
So should sex-ed be taught in romance novels? Does a lack of protection in romance bother you? Or do you expect to see safe-sex in contemps? Are you glad you write historicals, so the condom is a non-issue? Do you roll your eyes when a hero is so mesmerized by the glittery hoo-ha he forgets to “bag it up?”
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51 comments:
I admit, I've gotten around the condom use many ways. I write fantasy paranormals... Magic is a great bill contraceptive pill and protector from disease! Yahoo!
But when I read contemps, I am much happier to read of condom usage. Because you are right. If it isn't due to a plot point, i.e. The Discussion...fine. But! I wonder where it's gone when not spoken of...
I don't know if it's because we should be educating anyone. If an author decides not to use one, don't sugar coat it with the 'moon' will protect me. (Unless you're writing a paranormal and the magic is specific.) Or the notion that passion was running too fast to pause for a condom...
People are awfully impressionable, you know!?
So, you don't have to give a blow by blow how. Or a lecture on why. Just write it like it's as simple as using a fork to eat dinner...
(This could be an interesting day...) ;)
Pardon me, magic is a great big contraceptive pill...
Yes, it bugs me when contemps skip the condom. OR when an author gives false information.
Yup, I'm glad I write historical and before that for my contemp I wrote paranormal. The moon totally protected my heroines : )
I am laughing my ass off at that poster.
I write historicals, so I can dispense with the clinical-condom aspect of sex. There is more leeway for sensual abandon, and you know the baby has to show up in the epilogue or force the marriage. *g* But of course if you look at health issues, STDs were killers then, too. All those rakes would have been bad risks for heroines.
But yeah, condoms in contemps are absolutely necessary. I hope they've improved them since my teenage years. :)
I say yes to condom usage in writing. It makes both parties appear more responsible. I can also understand the not having one, and being caught in the passion of the moment. I've seen it written both ways, and was fine with how it was written because a responsible discussion followed. I've also read condom usage in historicals. I believe they were called letters- historical writers correct me if I am wrong:)I even read one historical where the Duke went to the Apothecary to purchase them before he had sex. I have to admit I was impressed.
I just damn near choked on my bagel. LMAO! Did you people read that "pleasure graph" on the poster?! Freaking hysterical. And even moreso since I'm sure that was a real poster.
I think it totally depends on the story. (How's that for diplomacy?) In the last month, I've read contemps by Craig, Kleypas & Roberts. Condoms played a big part in the Craig book as the H/H bought a box of 36 (I didn't even know you could get that many in one box) and the heroine convinced herself once the condoms were gone they were done. So it was a way of counting down and the heroine not wanting them to run out.
The Kleypas one didn't mention condoms, which looking back is kind of strange, but she did throw in the heroine saying she was on the pill. Kleypas did include the condom discussion in the previous book so she doesn't ignore the topic completely.
Nora Roberts doesn't mention birth control at all. And I don't think she ever does. But to be fair, I think it works. She makes it clear her characters are responsible adults with experience. Without mentioning it, as a reader I get that there is protection taking place and it's no magical moonbeams. :)
I write contemp and when I first started writing, I didn't want to deal with the issue. But realized I had to and managed to slide (sorry ;) ) them into the sex scenes without stopping the action or breaking the romance. At least I think I did. LOL!
Great topic! And one that's been on my mind lately because I keep seeing copyedits with questions like "what happened to the condom afterwards?". Ugh. Do we really have to go there?
I actually don't care whether it's mentioned and don't believe that authors of fiction have any responsibility to do so. That said, I push for it in books I edit because a lot of readers do care, and consider heroines TSTL if they don't use protection. But I'm of the "if it's mentioned once, I'm content to believe they're being smart" variety. I don't need a play by play of condom use and disposal in every scene.
Supposedly there's one author who just uses a disclaimer at the beginning of her books that she supports safe sex, etc, etc, but chooses not to discuss condom usage in her books. That seems like a smart strategy.
I'm also a little perplexed by the inconsistency of condom use - so many readers feel that it's absolutely necessary...for vaginal sex only. But I read a lot of erotic romance, and I almost never see it mentioned in relation to oral sex. And I've never heard anyone complain about protection for oral sex. How is that being responsible?
Oddly enough, it's not something that really draws my attention. Sure, if it's an historical romance I notice just because it's not mentioned as much but if it's included or omitted in a contemporary it really doesn't matter to me because in MY mind one was used. It doesn't even matter if they say one wasn't...I'll adjust the story in my mind to make is so that one was used to fit my safe sex preferences. I do tend to be taken out of the moment a little bit when it's worked in. I know, I know, it's common, it's dealt with, but I'd rather see the later mention of an opened/empty wrapper or some such thing. Again, personal preference. I don't think we have any responsibility to teach others.
When did the use of the condom become common mention in contemporary romance -- the 80s because of the attention of AIDS and safe sex?
That poster is friggin' hilarious! The pleasure graph! OMG!
Misinformation is irresponsible IMO. I think that would turn me off the book and the author. But I've read and enjoyed contemps that ignore the condom usage and others that address the concern in ways that make safe sex a non-intrusive part of the scene.
I have a single sentence about condoms in TLWH and a whole scene about safe sex in HA, even though I don't think there will be a consummation scene in HA. The characters made the choices.
The poster is a riot. Where did you find that?
I did notice that Kleypas' book didn't mention condoms--no pause for condoms--nothing. Nothing but her saying she was on the pill and I was like, "Oh, man...." I mean, I kept reading and I enjoyed it...and I didn't exactly think he was a complete skank, though will all that drilling of AIDS and stuff as a kid, whether you LOOK like a skank is not the point. Careless wreckless sexual behavior is.
Actually the fact that all those rakes are hooking up with virgins (or even the occasional courtesan) in those historicals bother me more. I keep thinking of that From Hell movie--and all the sexual diseases men kept getting because they basically had to buy their sex. (You couldn't get the sex you wanted from your wife! You'd never ask that of her!)--so they'd buy it, then end up giving whatever sexual disease they got to their wives. I don't know how prevalent that really was, but it's disturbing. And occasionally it does come to mind if the rake I'm reading about is VERY rakish.
Like Chance, I get around the whole condom thing in my para because unless Cin gets her soul back, she can't get pregnant. Now, when she gets it back.. it's a whole different story. How would you like to have the heir to an underworld throne? Nothing like some baby drama in a book.
Condoms in books are usually assumed by me or the pill because it's so common now. Or you assume the heroine has an IUD. Or a past we don't know about and she can't get pregnant. But it's always assumed by me that it's been taken care of. But I can say as a teenager reading romance novels back in the day, I never gave two thoughts to if they used condoms or not. Or the pill. Even then I assumed. I guess when it's a part of your habit, you just assume everyone else has that habit as well. Not that I have that habit now.
But the whole moon thing... yeesh.
I remember reading about Bonapart and Josephine and some believed the reason she couldn't give him children was because of STD's she got before she met him. After her kids were born and before she married Bonny, she was pretty well known for being *that* kind of woman.
The only historical I remember that mentioned condoms was And Then He Kissed Her by Gurhke. She did it very well (as she did with the rest of the book) but that's a Victorian setting so maybe that made the difference?
Hellion - Watched parts of Dangerous Beauty yesterday which fits in with your comment well. I'd forgotten all about that banana scene.
I love Dangerous Beauty. Oh, how I love to hate Rufus Sewell. *LOL* He's good at playing a jerk in a movie, even when he's the hero.
All this conversation makes me want to go take a shower and not have sex anymore.
And a wet suit.....
Or buy a 36 count box of condoms. LOL!
LMAO. The next time I see Hellie she's gonna be wearing a wet suit. I can just see it now. LOL
sorry I'm late! More puppy drama this morning - had to drop her back off at the animal hospital, and the poor little thing just knew she was going to be left and was terrified. (for those of you who haven't been stuck listening to me whine, she got hit by a car last weekend, and dealing with her injuries has been mucho drama. But thank god she should be just fine once she's healed.)
2nd - Magic! Yes, that is convenient. I didn't even think about paranormals not having to worry about the pill. I guess that's the fun of being able to build a whole new world, right?
Tiff - the moon! LOL! I'm sure there are other challenges to writing historical sex, but at least the condoms can be checked off the list!
Maggie - you know, I totally forget about STDs in historicals. But those diseases had to be running rampant with all those rakes :)
Lisa - wow, a duke went and purchased condoms? Very impressive! I agree about the responsibility of it. I would hope that there are very few single adults who are unaware of the risks of unprotected sex. To not know, or for characters to have totally wrong information, makes them seem much less than heroic, to me.
Terri - I didn't even see the pleasure graph when I posted it! Genital wart removal - LMAO!! (and slight shudder).
I may have to look for that Craig book. A countdown of condoms - I love that! I think skipping the safe-sex details altogether, and letting readers assume your characters are intelligent enough to use protection can work as well. That makes sense to me, just as using condoms should be so second-nature it doesn't require a big to-do in real life. False or wrong information is what really gets my hackles up *g* Very interesting to compare how various authors handle the subject!
Hi Lindsay! Ah, the condom disposal...there's always that part too. And frankly, I don't need to read about that part. LOL! I'm also of the variety that I simply need it mentioned the first time, and I understand they're being responsible.
You raise an excellent point about erotica (or any romance using oral sex). Unprotected oral sex isn't safe for either party, yet dental dams or blow jobs over condoms would probably make readers go "eww." Maybe the author who just provides a disclaimer that she believes in safe sex has the right idea - so much simpler!
Janga - isn't it interesting how even something like protection changes from book to book with the characters? I agree - misinformation is irresponsible.
Stephanie - you just adjust accordingly in your mind - that's brilliant! I like the idea of noticing empty condom wrappers - great way to show the characters have been responsible, without distracting readers with a safety lesson in the middle of passion :)
I don't know when safe-sex started popping up in romance, but it's a great question. I have to write a critical essay on some facet of the romance genre for school - I might look into this more. It'd be a good topic.
Hellie - google images, baby. I googled "condom poster" and there were tons of funny posters about using condoms. And half of them featured highly attractive people, just to prove your point that you don't have to look skanky to be swimming with diseases. (although my husband's more immature friends don't seem to have learned this lesson. They still refer to skanky looking girls as "double baggers." I don't know what they think two condoms is going to accomplish that one won't, besides being horribly uncomfortable, but whatever *g*). There was one poster which I almost used: http://www.demotivateus.com/posters/risk-hooker-old-condom-demotivational-poster.jpg
And yeah, the idea of so many men paying for sex and then taking all that back home to their wives - very disturbing indeed.
Sin - good point! I think we all make assumptions based on what we do personally. If we wouldn't have unprotected sex, we assume the heroine wouldn't either (until she starts throwing out comments about the moon's lunar cycle, and I can't even pretend anymore!).
Cin's lack of a soul stops her from getting pregnant? Nice! I like that. And yes, I can see how drama will abound when we're talking an heir to the underworld throne. I cannot wait to read this!
OMG! That poster is so WRONG! LMAO!
The book is Divorced, Desperate & Dating. It's the second in a series so you might want to get Divorced, Desperate & Delicious first. It's also very good. They are great, funny, quick reads. This woman knows pacing (and has talked about it here on this blog I think). Just be prepared, she ends EVERY CHAPTER on a hook that makes it impossible to put the damn thing down.
And you'll like them because they have hot cops and people getting shot at. LOL!
I particularly like the condom that looks like it's ready to break into song. :) LOL!!
I think I'm going with Terri's answer: it depends on the story. I think some writers' styles favor one way or the other. Some more lyrical authors would sound silly explicitly describing the condom application. However, if someone who is generally more explicit glossed it over, well, it would sound false. So it depends on the person.
I have read historicals where mistresses would speak about it. I always thought that was interesting. Tonics they would drink or herbs they would eat.... Sort of a science experiment. :)
I personally haven't written a contemporary sex scene yet, so I'm not sure how it'll go yet. We'll see. I'll keep you guys posted.
That poster is wrong! LMAO! But it was funny! :)
Marn - you have a great point, about an author herself changing up. I'd have to agree - that would probably be more distracting than condom use being mentioned or not.
Definitely keep us posted on your sex scenes! Though you have the whole para thing working in your favor. I mean, Nik's what, 2000 years old? Do his swimmers even still work? *g*
The $20 hooker? yeah, how funny is that? (and gross). LOL!!
You're speaking my language here - hot sex, hot cops, bullets flying...I'll definitely look for that series. I'm stocking up on books to take with me on vacation next week, so I'll definitely grab those!
*Stomps foot* I can't see the poster. Damn work computers. *grumble*
Hal - There's a really good shower scene. And these dudes are total facegods. Seriously, run do not walk to get these books.
;)
I just found another funny bit about the poster. At the bottom is actually says "WARNING: Objects in condoms may appear larger than they actually are!"
ROFLMAO!!
Ter - already requested them from the library. I'm looking for good, sexy books to read while lying on the beach next week. These are definitely going in my suitcase. I swear by the time I'm finished packing my suitcase is going to have more books than clothes!
Christie does it right... I loved the scene in Must Love Dogs where neither of them have a condom and spend hours rushing around trying to find a store open to buy them... Find them...but the magic is gone...
I slid around the sexual disease problem with Miranda's magic also. She heals the Captain of some nasty things the first time they fool around. Her secondary magic is healing... But the subject of STDs comes up now and then. They were pirates! They fucked and they weren't always very careful. Obviously!
Even use it as a pivotal plot point in one of the books... One of those dastardly deeds done deliberately things.
I just finished an Eloisa book where...I think...they were using the female equivalent of a condom? Didn't work, of course, but they tried!
Lis - check it out when you get home. It's definitely worth the laugh!
2nd - I always think scenes where someone panics over the condoms are hilarious. I did that with one scene - poor hero is trying to remember where he left the condoms, but the heroine won't stop kissing him to let him think straight. Poor guy! lol!
In my short story, the hero only brought one condom but the heroine doesn't want the night to be over. She racks her brain and remembers the box of condoms in the back of her closet that her sister bought her for her birthday. The scene with her digging in her closet and shoes flying everywhere was fun to write. LOL!
Ter, that's hilarious! I love the image of shoes flying in a frantic search for condoms - perfect!
Love the poster too, Hal! I have to find a way to enlarge it so I can read all the small print! LOL
I think I would rather have no information than mis-information when it comes to safe sex. Unfortunately, a lot of young girls read these books and probably assume they're accurate. So, if you are going to go the route of "it's a full moon so I can't get pregnant", do us all a favor and just don't mention it.
Otherwise, though, I actually don't mind mentioning condom usage and/or disposal. In my mind, any subject that is uncomfortable or indelicate to talk about is usually pretty intimate. So, if the hero and heroine are discussing it, however strange it may seem, it means they are becoming more intimate. It's like discussing cramps, the woman's period, a lump in her breast, etc.
I also believe that it is part of our world nowadays and mentioning it is completely natural - both the use of one and the fear or panic when one hasn't been used. I've read some really hilarious and touching scenes that have revolved around birth control.
And, Terri, I'm about 20 pages into Divorced, Desperate and Delicious by Christie Craig! I'll have to put the other one on hold so I can dive right into when I'm done with this one.
Irish - I read them back to back and it does make it more fun. It's a tough run, but I kind of like the 2nd one better. It made me cry and you know how I'm a sucker for that kind of angst. LOL!
And I didn't think of that but you're right, if done correctly, it does increase the intimacy level. I wrote in the hero disposing of the condom at the beginning of the short story and it worked without being gross or taking away from what was going on. Or I think it did anyway. :)
Irish - excellent point about the intimacy of the moment. Condoms and birth control usually aren't things you discuss with a man without at least some growing intimacy in the relationships.
And you hit on my exact worry, of younger girls reading romance novels, and assuming information is accurate. That's why I really think that *if* an author is going to include birth control information, they should include accurate information. And you're right - the scene can totally be used for humor or deeper emotions.
Found a larger version of the condom poster!
http://www.shtig.net/muses/condom_subvert.jpg
I love it... Found a larger version of the condom poster!
Imagine a random glance at this blog and finding that coming up!
I entered one contest with a paranormal story and got dinged for an 'ehwee' factor when mentioned what I thought of as simply part of an intimate scene...
Sometimes you can't win for losing!
Someday, I'll figure out what that saying means...
I have no idea what that phrase means either, but I agree. What one person finds sexy, the next finds gross. *shrug* Can't please 'em all, right?
I think I'd be content if I could just please one... Excuse me, feeling meloncholy...
Chance - I bet you could have blown people up and had green goop leaking out of some creatures head, and they'd have been fine with it. But the sex scene gets a little graphic and they 'ehwee'. Makes me nuts. LOL!
LMAO!!!!
You please yourself and that's all that counts.
Wait, that doesn't sound right....
No question about it. Condoms need to be in contemporary romances. I just read a contemporary romance and a condom is not mentioned once during the sex scenes. Now maybe the couple did practice safe sex but unless the author doesn't take a moment to actually write that sentence down, the reader will always think: no condom, no safe sex.
You can always find a way to make safe sex sexy or funny or whatever you want it to come across but really to not have safe sex in this day and age in romances is stupid.
Hey Ely - It's great to see all the differing opinions today! I agree, it can definitely be addressed in a funny or sexy way so it doesn't detract from the scene.
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