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Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The Pirate Dee Returns!
As you're reading this, I'm probably still sleeping in the crow's nest about to enjoy another day of rest and relaxation while the sun beats down on me warm and comforting. Nothing like a little Spring time in Phoenix to cheer up this ninja pirate. I'll be back next week with something boring to put you guys to sleep on hump day; but in the meantime, I've lined up one of the best to cover for me today. You all know her as that wonderful erotica writer, Dee S. Knight and her "sister" Anne writes the sweetest contemporary romance in the market today. Give it up for our guest pirate!
***
As writers, we're totally consumed with words-the style, the quality, the grammatical correctness, the tense, the appropriateness, the number, the... ACK!! Before you know it, you're curled up in a corner with a glazed look in your eyes, mumbling verses like:
I write them short
I write them long,
But still can't weave
An author's song.
My keyboard's hot
But still no words
That sound much more
Than worthless turds.
Been there, done that. No matter how hard it is to write and re-write, words are our business and their importance can't be overlooked. Here's an example of how vital communicating the right word can be.
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear. The horse listens, then gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought forward, and once more he whispers in the horse's ear. Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver returns with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief says, "You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone." The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time, BRING POSSEEEE"
Poor Lone. So, how can we tell if we're communicating the right words? Well, there are a few of ways I use. I won't kid you, they're all difficult as heck, but they work most of the time.
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1964 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" Peggy Sue's mom asked when she brought the drinks.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom confided.
"Really?" Fred raised his eyebrows.
"Oh yes," she continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulously.
"Yes. As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip!" Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink sweater set and a pleated skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
"Have fun, kids!" her mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door. "The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. "The damn dance is called the Twist!"
Thanks for letting me sub today-I feel so like a Pirate! Also, heaven knows, I don't have all the secrets about word hunting. Please share your techniques, problems or questions.
***
As writers, we're totally consumed with words-the style, the quality, the grammatical correctness, the tense, the appropriateness, the number, the... ACK!! Before you know it, you're curled up in a corner with a glazed look in your eyes, mumbling verses like:
I write them short
I write them long,
But still can't weave
An author's song.
My keyboard's hot
But still no words
That sound much more
Than worthless turds.
Been there, done that. No matter how hard it is to write and re-write, words are our business and their importance can't be overlooked. Here's an example of how vital communicating the right word can be.
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear. The horse listens, then gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought forward, and once more he whispers in the horse's ear. Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver returns with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief says, "You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone." The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time, BRING POSSEEEE"
Poor Lone. So, how can we tell if we're communicating the right words? Well, there are a few of ways I use. I won't kid you, they're all difficult as heck, but they work most of the time.
- Find overused words like really, that and just and only. I use two ways to do this and both are good.
Use the Search feature. Each time one of those words is found, read the sentence and make sure the word is required for the meaning you're trying to convey. If not, cut!!
Read your work out loud. Yes, all of your work, even those hotter than blazes sex scenes. If you have to take a flashlight into the closet to be alone, I can't emphasize enough how helpful this can be, and for more than finding unneeded words. - Reading aloud helps you notice words repeated in close proximity. *He wore a serious expression. "We're in serious trouble," she said. "Yes," he answered, "I've hardly ever been in such a serious position."* And that's before they got into bed.
- Unneeded words bog down your writing. Pay particular attention to the ending of sentences and words immediately after verbs. *He shrugged his shoulders before answering.* What else would he shrug? his shoulders is not needed. *"Get out," she said to her.* If there're only two people present, leave off to her. *Her heart pounded in her chest.* Well, yeah. *I must get out, she thought to herself.* Yes, if she's thinking, she's doing it to herself, no need to say it.
- Turn your work over to someone else to read. The trick here is to find someone you trust. It's okay if they like you, but it's not a necessity. J As long as they'll be honest about what they read and help you make your work as powerful as possible-meaning with the right words used in the right way-you're okay. The sad truth is, the same way you easily see errors in someone else's work, your critique partner will see them in yours. Damn it.
- Think about what you want each scene to mean. Does each sentence, each paragraph help you accomplish your goal? I can't tell you the number of times I've had to cut words I really, really love because they don't help the scene get where it needs to go. The same goes for scenes within chapters. This is tough to get used to, but if you read your work and you're going through 2-3 pages of narrative, take a step back and make sure you can't turn that into dialogue or action. Readers have short attention spans and often don't appreciate your genius in narrative. What's a writer to do? Cut!
- And of course (which are unnecessary words, but hey...), make sure the word you've used is the word you meant to use. As shown above, there's a big difference between posse and uh, you know, the other word. But if you need another reminder, here you go.
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1964 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in. "Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" Peggy Sue's mom asked when she brought the drinks.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom confided.
"Really?" Fred raised his eyebrows.
"Oh yes," she continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulously.
"Yes. As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip!" Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink sweater set and a pleated skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
"Have fun, kids!" her mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door. "The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. "The damn dance is called the Twist!"
Thanks for letting me sub today-I feel so like a Pirate! Also, heaven knows, I don't have all the secrets about word hunting. Please share your techniques, problems or questions.
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29 comments:
Welcome aboard! Fer all that wondrous advice, I say ya need a special drink... I be fixin' ya one a' me Glittery Hoohas, extra hoo.
S'truth, not sure where ta start with questions. I love the bit 'bout he shrugged his shoulders. Drives me crazy! Had a friend, entered a contest. Had her character, the captain of a ship, enter the cabin. And she got chided...'who does the cabin belong to?' His captive, his bed...who does the cabin belong to?!
Great advice! I gots lots a' things ta look at!
Hi Dee! love the examples - bring the *posse* - LMAO!
I end up with a lot of extra words when I write - excellent ideas for deleting them. I had a CP mark the phrase "she opened her mouth and blew warm breath on the window..." Her remark was, "I'm pretty sure that we all get that blowing breath requires opening the mouth" - lol.
Good morning, 2nd Chance, and thanks for the drink--just what I need to face the prospect of work, lol.
I wanted to drop in and say hey before I toddled off to spend the day proofreading. I'll check in as soon as I get home but wanted to let you all know why I wasn't swabbing the deck or climbing the mast this morning.
I can sympathize with your friend. Sometimes it feels we get bogged down with possessive pronouns--a crit partner once pointed out I used "her" 35 times on one page. I thought, "Well, hell, all those parts WERE hers."
Dee's back on the ship! Yay!!! :)
This is great advice. I definitely go back and squish out unnecessary words. That's one of my big things with my new WIP. A beta reader of my first MS told me I was a bit verbose. I'm trying not to make that mistake this time around.
Adjectives and adverbs. If left to my own devices, I'd give every noun and verb it's own modifier. :) Love em.
This time, I've made a conscious effort to pick stronger nouns and verbs. Particularly verbs. If I find myself with a "normal" verb, I try to find a more visual one. Instead of "turn," my characters will pivot or shift, sway or veer. Whatever.
Welcome back, Dee! I'm a huge pusher of reading the stuff aloud. That makes such a difference. You catch things you'd never *see* reading it in your head. But I'm still amazed when someone else reads it and points out things that seem so obvious. One critter pointed out I'd used the word "it" several times in one paragraph. How could I not see that?! LOL!
Loving these examples. I couldn't figure out that twist one. LOL!
Marn - It's like we're opposites. I never modify anything. LOL! My nouns stay bland. LOL! But I'm with you on the active verbs. Probably my weakest point. Again, I think that's something I'll have to work on in revisions as stopping to find a better verb for every sentence would stop up the vomit it out process.
*HUGS* I'm so glad Dee is on the ship today! I've missed you so! My Jack misses you. Ben misses you.
And I love the jokes. I already have about six people I need to send those jokes to.
All good things; and all rules I break. I don't read aloud as much as I should. And I always use redundant words...and I hate parting with awesome narrative, even though I'm guiltiest of the shortest attention span myself. I do try to watch for repeated words (like the "serious" example) and I laugh at whatever repeated word I used that day in writing. It's always a NEW word that I repeat ad nauseam throughout the chapter.
Undead bananas?
Ha! The curse of the new neet-o word! Been there, done that!
Blast! Anyone seen that blessed monkey? Sin left 'im in me care and he's poutin'. Not me fault she didn't leave me a list a' what ta feed the brat!
My guess is he'd eat just the peels. LOL!
I don't want to think about gaining a new word-o-repeat after getting rid of the others. This writing stuff is hard. LOL!
Okay, I can check in again. Finally. FINALLY.
I find myself checking my Director's letters for correct grammar and readability. *LOL* And I remove a lot of "that"s from his stuff.
The undead monkey drinks rum and eats rice. Lots of rice. Though I think he prefers his rice in the form of Sake and Bud Light. The undead monkey does not believe in AA.
Now, as we can see from the example above, I should remove the repetitive "undead monkey" nouns.
Yeah, but without the undead...it could be any monkey!
Undead banana peels...I have this vision of zombie banana peels, sliding along walkways, looking to trip up the living...and eat their brains!
There is rice in Bud Light?
*grumble. I gotta go shoppin' fer rice wine...
Where did the "eat their brains!" come from? LOL!
And I think the better question is, you can put beer in rice?
I'm proud to say the "that" problem is one I've beaten. Now, if I could stop adding the word "just" to every sentence.
Does the undead monkey believe in AAA?
When was the last undead zombie movie you watched? Brains are like caviar to zombies. Granted, the monkey is undead. But is he a zombie?
Does the undead monkey drive...?
Zombie undead always eat brains, banana peels or not!
The last thing I watched with zombies in it was Michael Jackson's Thriller video. (Speaking of monkeys...) I'm not a fan of those kinds of movies. I thought the zombies just sort of fell apart as they walked and tormented people. Didn't realize they had menu favorites. LOL!
And I'm pretty sure our undead is not the same as zombie undead. It's not like died, rotted and came back. More dead and forgot to fall over.
"Budweiser is made with a proportion of rice in addition to hops and barley malt, for which it has received some criticism, though the company takes the position that the rice gives the beer a lighter taste."
Oh, yeah, Ter, Zombies love brains.
Our undead monkey does not eat brains--too many uncles and cousins who have died so Mrs. Peacock could get her favorite dish over the years. He's a vegetarian. He likes granola trail mix.
Ladies! we are supposed to be concentrating on Dee.
All this talk of dead monkeys is very distracting :roll:
Loved the stories Dee, especially the 'twist' and 'Hey Ho Silver, Away' *grin*
I remember the twist from long ago, back in my student days. Not sure my back could cope any more though!
The famous song "Lets twist again, like we did last summer" can be heard here:
http://www.chezmaya.com/05/3/lets_twist.htm
WOW that brought back some memories. *grin*
The ambiguity of language can lead to very humorous stories. My favourite examples come from that glorious English game of cricket.
I once took an American visitor to watch a game and after listening to my comments for a while he innocently enquired "Did you say that fellow had a square leg and why is the guy in front of the bat silly, he looks perfectly normal to me"
OK I guess the game's terminology may be a little eccentric, but we English like it!
A test match can last for 5 days which my American friend, used to base ball, thought a little over the top!
I'm home from a hard day of reading travel literature. :) Gosh, it soooo makes me want to go places, and I'm soooo stuck here. *sigh*
Anyway, I'm waving madly to you all and returning hugs.
Hellion, when I received those jokes via two different e-mails, I thought about sending them on to the Pirates (Argh!) and then decided to make a blog post out of them instead. I'm a lazy creature. On the way home I considered that I could win American Idle, you know?
To y'all who said you do all of these things and then still found extra words, yup, me, too. And I don't know how to type, so you'd think my brain would filter out all the unnecessary stuff to help out my poor fingers, but it doesn't work that way.
Marnee, like you I adore adverbs and adjectives. When I was told to take out adverbs, I objected. God made them, too, you know, not just nouns. They should be used lovingly.
And I once had an editor who literally screamed in the Comment balloon when I used "it." "You vill make this stronger. I haf vays to make you." (She was German.) Now (out of fear) I go back and look at each it. (Well, mostly.)
Haleigh, I think we all add the extra words for actions. I used to do stuff like "He opened his door. He stepped out. He closed the door." Well, maybe not that bad, but you know what I mean, explaining every step of the way when the reader doesn't have to be hit upside the head. Taking out those extra words make all the difference in readability.
Terrio, you didn't get the twist one? God, I feel old! (I started to say I feel so old, but took out the extra word. :) )
Moneky? Sounds like a new drink fer the menu... Should be spelled moanekey though.
Hey, Quantum! I know--the Twist was a long time ago. I was half decent at it then (I mean, what's not to get?), but I'd be in traction now.
A cricket match can go on for 5 days??!? I'm lucky if I can concentrate on my marriage for 5 days, much less a sporting event. I know everything I know (which admittedly is next to nothing) from P.G. Wodehouse books.
You bring up a really interesting point about language in writing. I love reading British authors, but I wonder sometimes if I'd understand enough of the culture from other countries to appreciate the story. In fact. I just finished a book set in Chicago, which is just up the road, and missed a lot of the cues. Terminology can mean everything. That's a good lesson in writing to your audience.
BTW, the book I just finished is The Time Traveler's Wife. I HIGHLY recommend it, y'all.
Zombies so eat brains.
Glad to hear Mattycakes, Jr. doesn't eat brains. I wasn't looking forward to harvesting said brains just so the moneky wouldn't die...ah...be more dead?
Glad yer back, Dee! Forgive our undead nonsense.
Hey, want a monkey?
So, now I gotta go back and remove extra words. And I just got the blasted thing upta 85k!
Oh, and sorry, but you can keep your monkey.
2nd Chance, it's easy for me to get a book up to 85K. Cutting is hard.
I received a note from my FL crit partner last week for the book I'm writing now (tentatively called Seduction of a Nun). She suggested I cut the 1st chapter (I often have trouble starting in the right place), but WAH! I don't wanna. I'm holding on, hoping I can trim and not cut. I took out about 100 words and felt like I'd performed major surgery.
Damn.
LOL. I'm all for monkeying around, but not actually with a monkey. Even an undead one.
Smart woman. I'm gonna kill Sin.
I like your post. There are no extraneous words in it. :)
As always, thanks for letting me pretend to be a pirate. The rum was good, the company better.
I'm so sorry I missed you Dee! The jokes were hilarious! Told the DH and he never saw them coming - that's pretty good!
I love the tips also. Reading out loud and doing a check for often used words is awesome advice. I know I have favorite words that I tend to use to death - really, awesome, that, just, probably - I could probably come up with a bunch more. It's a bad habit to try to get under control.
Sr. Isabel in speech class sophmore year of HS tried to get us to take the words "like" and "you know" out of our vocabulary. She succeeded on some but most slipped through the cracks. :)
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