Breaking Up With Your Manuscript
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I’ve come within sight of the End. I’m only five chapters from finishing revisions on His Bewitching Guardian and for some reason, forcing myself to complete them has been an act that requires herculean strength.
I’m not Hercules. In fact, I don’t even work out.
Therefore, as you might have guessed, I’ve stalled out like the old Renault Medallion I owned in college. Like a giant terd on the highway, I’m just waiting to be squished by any other passing vehicle with more strength and speed than me.
Vivid, huh? Trust me; there has been no vivid imagery in my revisions these past weeks. I’m barely stringing sentences.
All this effort is exhausting. I’m so close I feel like that kid who drops out of college the semester before graduation. I just don’t know if I want to keep going.
And then I realized that it’s as if I’m breaking up with my story.
I’m at the end. I know it’s the end and that before long I’m going to have to cut it loose.
I’m picking fights with it that aren’t really its fault and I know it. It is what it is, at this point, and unless I do something serious to shake it up, there is no way to change it. And I don’t want to change it.
I don’t even want to look at it anymore and when I open the file, I stare at it and wonder what I ever saw in it in the first place.
Everything I read from it is all wrong and my patience is at an end.
It’s not just the honeymoon that’s over; it’s the whole relationship.
For this reason, I’ve avoided it all week. The past two weeks, until finally, yesterday, I decided that I have to finish what I started. When we part, I need to know that I’ve done everything I could by my manuscript so that in the future, whatever happens to us, I’ll know I put in the best effort I had to give.
I want this to be the kind of experience I look back on with a sense of whimsy.
This is just another step in the emotional turmoil writing has been for me. You guys have listened to me talk all year about how I’ve been feeling about each step of the way. But it seems that I have to label my feelings like some third rate psychologist before I can move through them.
So, what emotional speedbumps have you overcome in your writing journey? Anyone wanna dish about good or bad breakups? How about the guy who tells me "being in a relationship with you makes me not want to be in a relationship"? No whimsy in that one, let me tell you.
Books by the Crew
77 comments:
Marnee...this too shall pass. I fight with ending just about every book I start. The characters that I just can't bear to part with...I don't want to part with...but I need an ending! Waaaa! No, I'll just keep it going...FOREVER!
Hard to sell a book without an ending. And eventually? I find myself where you are. Why did I ever love these people? Where did I think we were going? Like I'm the kid in the car... "Are we there yet?"
My method of overcoming these times? I generally start a second story, but let the whispers at the back of the brain nudge at me now and then... Go to bed telling myself the story that's waiting to be finished...see if I can dream an ending...
And I don't beat myself up. It's very emotional, I cried like a baby when I finally ended a series at book 13... I sobbed, I mourned... I got up three days later and started writing about their kids. Had to find a way back to that world, because I wasn't finished. They weren't finished with me! One day, they will be and we will part as great friends.
So close, Marnee...so close. You'll do it, then chuckle at how easy it actually turned out to be.
I get that too, it's like you are burying your ms when you wrap up edits. It's kind of sad on some subconscious level, so the closer I get to the and, the harder it gets to finish!
The best cure is to try hyping up the excitement about your next book, and just get through the current one. When you read through all your edits a final time, you'll love it.
No bad breakups. I kept the boys at arms length, and those I loved are still friends.
Thanks for the shout out, Marn.
Helen and I discussed my name, it's going to remain as Chalmers :)
I am about 12,000 words shy of the end of the first draft of Mistress by Mistake. I think I know (sort of) what will happen, but I haven't written since the weekend. I don't want to break up, either. the same thing happened with Mistress by Midnight. The last two books I've written consecutively---until then I'd have the last scene written ages before and work my way up to it. I suppose I could skip ahead and do that, but I'm trying to avoid inconsistencies. I have hopes for the weekend. I do know what's coming next, and am looking forward to it, wrapping up the Courtesan Court trilogy. So good luck to both of us, Marnee, and Tiff too!
mind all my freakin' typos. I'm still tired from staying up way too late last night... : ) It sort of resembles English... *g*
2nd - I think I feel the opposite. I can't wait to get away from these people. I just hope I like them better after I take a break. ("We need a break." Another classic break up line.) LOL!!
I keep thinking I could move on from it, but I want to get submitting as well. So I've been putting off falling in love with another project because of finishing edits. I think if I started something new it would feel too much like cheating. (again with the break up stuff).
Tiff - A big giant squee again. And I like your last name. I think it's cool.
I've been wondering if I am just having a hard time letting go of it. If I never finish edits, I don't have to send it out into the big bad world, ya know. I guess we'll see how it goes. I'm going to push through asap.
Maggie - good luck with finishing up! I already have mine finished, but it needs some pretty serious revising. I am hoping that I can push through it in the next couple weeks. And I've been debating starting querying, so that if I get a request for the full that'll be a big incentive to finish.
That feels back assward though.
I am paralyzed by my own fear of success. It's ridiculous. I have a publisher emailing me to find out if my book is ready yet, and I'm still terrified to finish it.
The sound you hear is me banging my head against my desk. Maybe if I give myself a concussion, I'll be able to finish.
Sarah
Huge CONGRATS to Tiff!!! How amazing?! The Vixens are taking the world by storm!!!
Marn - Finish it already, hon. LOL! You should never drag out a break up. Trust me, I've done it. There's nothing worse than watching something deteriorate slowly over a long period of time. It's like ripping the band aid off in a hurry. Just rip.
Earlier this year I had to tell a guy I just didn't feel the same way for him that he felt for me. I didn't know how to do it so I asked a guy I work with. He said it was best to spit it out. So I did. And it went much better than I'd expected.
Since I haven't gotten to the middle of my WIP, I have no idea how I'll feel at the end. But since these characters have been with me for nearly two years, my guess is it won't be pretty.
Sarah - You've got a publisher waiting? Yay you! :) Best of luck finishing. Though I totally feel your pain. I have three partial requests and a publisher who'd like to see more and I'm stalling.
I feel like I've got stage fright.
Ter - Ripping bandaids. I'm going to try that. I've been working on it the last day or so. I finished another chapter revision. I'm going to do another one today. The rest of the chapters I think there are only two scenes that I have to write and the rest just needs revision. So, Maybe another week or so.
Blah blah meh.
I love your analogy, Marnee. I never thought about the beak-up comparison.
I have a problem letting go of anything I write. The conventional parent-child comparison seems an apt description. Lots of parents have problems letting go of their kids, have problems recognizing when the kids are grown up and ready to fly on their own. That's how I feel about my mss. I keep thinking if I can only make one more improvement, then it will be ready to face the harsh world.
And cheers for Tiff! I'm off to add my squees to the VV's. :)
PS. Fab blog Marn!
Ter, we're going to finish next year. I know we will. We'll do it together. But not in the dirty way.
Congrats Tiff!
The first time I wrote an ending it wasn't much of an ending but a transition into the sequel. I wrote the end for the sequel about four months ago and it was like a huge weight was being lifted off my shoulders. Not that it's anything that can get published but at least it's done and I've proved to myself I really can do it if I focus.
You have to push yourself outside of the box. And being in a relationship with myself makes me want to get lost in a jungle and never be found.
Sin - I'm with you. Once this degree is out of the way, I'm off and running!
Someone hold me to that next summer, k?
K
OMG, if this isn't the truest blog that's ever been written! *LOL* That's what my problem is! And to add to it, I've never actually broken up with anyone. I just keep them until they dump me, even though I'm miserable and can't stand them anymore. Oh, I'll stop taking their calls...and we won't go on dates, so it's almost like breaking up, but I actually won't FINISH IT.
Keep going! ONE OF US has to finish the revision-stage, and clearly you're way ahead of me. *LOL*
Stage Fright! That's exactly it, you hit the nail on the head.
Marn, you described my feelings exactly. I feel like we've been at the same stage for months now *g* Every time I open this file, I want to gag. It's actually making my stomach hurt. It's to the point that this Dec. 2nd deadline for Golden Heart is looming, and I'm now thinking, "It was only $50 bucks for the entry. That's no so bad. I don't *have* to send it in. I can waste fifty bucks."
Sigh. I hate everything about it. I don't know why I ever thought it was a good plot. The plot sucks. I've noticed, during revisions, that the hero has a penchant for responding to everything with violence (not good), and the heroine whines incessantly. Who's going to want to read this? I don't even want to read it!!
Okay, enough whining from me. I've got the damn file open - I can see it behind this broswer window. It's taunting me.
Marn, we're going to finish this. You're right - it's the last semester of college. Graduation is in sight. We just gotta hang on.
Tiff - congrats!!! that's super exciting!
Anyone else cracking up that the woman who wants to install a pole in her room and always wanted to be a Vegas showgirl says she has stage fright? Just me? Fine.
Hal - It's taunting you? LOL! That's priceless. Don't let it win, girlfriend. Whip that WIP into shape and get it in the mail. Don't make us pull this ship over!
Yes Ma'am *sharp salute, turn on my heel, march back to computer, flex arms and fingers in preparation*
What if we pulled over on an island. Somewhere in the Caribbean? With lots of rum? Maybe some hot, naked native men beating their big.....drums? It could be just the inspiration we all need.
Sarah wanted to be a Vegas Show girl too?
S-Factor poles have a nice 1 1/2 inch "willow" pole, by the way...
ohh I start my "fitness" class on Monday. The hubby told all his friends I was taking a stripper class so he could make me work for extra cash *g* I keep trying to explain the difference between stripping and pole dancing, but his eyes glaze over halfway through the conversation
Hal, they don't glaze over because he's bored...they glaze over because it doesn't matter. Like it doesn't matter that at sleepovers, girls don't actually have pillow fights and learn how to french kiss by practicing on each other. As soon as you mention "sleepover", the porn music cues and drowns out whatever you're saying. Bow-chica-bow-wow....
*cuing bad 80's porn music* Hellion, Sarah and Hal wander out onto stage in five inch glittery (you knew I was going to work in that word) stripper shoes.....then the pillows come out.....the french kissing begins....crowds cheer...
lmao!
The boat sure is rockin' today. LOL! Thank goodness I get to stay in the DJ booth.
*cues up AC/DC for the Captain*
We've turned Marnee's blog into Candyland. *LOL*
And if you want to see the Captain dance, toss me a Mountain Dew and cue up a Def Leppard "Pour some sugar on me"...I can relive my 7th grade humilation all over again!
This is ironic. I had a dream last night I was giving a lap dance. I must have known what was going on today and my brain was practicing.
*Love ya like a bomb bomb bomb....*
Janga - See, your parent child analogy is a lot less negative than my break up scenario. I've got to be the fatalist, don't I? LOL!!
Sin - Being in a relationship with myself. Is that what I'm doing? Breaking up with myself!? How narcissistic am I!? LOL!!
OMG Candiland!
*pulling out the feather boa and black leather bustier* Break out the corner stage and one chair, I've got a special dance to perform!
*off looking for Ranger*
Oh heavens. She's bringing Ranger. The panties are going to fly!
Marn- LOL. Honestly every time I write I just want to slit my wrists and walk off a cliff. The beginning is what trips me up. I have no problems with ending anything. I think for you it's just a matter of mind over matter. You've gotta just push through it the first time. It's always the hardest the first time because you have no idea what will happen afterwards.
Ter- very strange because I had a dream I was a private call girl for someone in a fancy hotel. Not like Pretty Woman or anything but very murder mystery-ish. But there was some dancing and music. Must have osmosisted (LOL, not even a word) here.
It was all the glittery hoo ha talk this week. Now we'll all dreaming of showing off our glittery-ness through lap dances and private hotel showings and poles in Vegas
Mmmmm Ranger
Well, late to the show... Babes, gotta sleep sometime! And I be on a different time zone, arg!
Marnee, it is so freaking scary to finish and know there are no more excuses to keep your from the next pool...the publishing pool. But the water is only cold when you first jump in. You get used to it, learn to float, figure it out.
Besides, excuses are easy. If you really need one after the MS is all polished, we'll help you find a hundred, a thousand, more! So...why not just finish it...?
OK, who wants a Glittery Hooha? (rolling up the sleeves and getting out the blender...)
Great blog, Marnee.
Congrats to Tiff! Already squeed over at VV and will continue my rounds shortly.
What do I do to get to the end? On my first go I just wrote and wrote. My second pass through has been a horrible experience. I don't like any of them either and am considering hiring a hit man. I'm just not sure if the contract would be for me or my characters.
So, instead, I've decided to have a go at Book Three of my series and have surrounded myself with massive, broad shouldered Russians instead. I feel better and better already.
Where can you get some ale on this boat? I could use a tankard right about now.
*coming back onto the ship*
Okay, the homing pigeon has been told of what to do. I expect to see Ranger sitting in my special seat by the end of the day.
*raising a hand* I need to double fist the Glittery Hooha today.
*grinning at how dirty that sounded*
*looking innocent*
Sin! You have been having WAY too many conversations with Mattycakes. That was a Mattycakes one-liner if I ever heard of it!
*In your special seat...?*
Ladies, got to attend to me doctor...here's the mixings, have a glorious day on the Revenge... Hope to check in later and see where all this debachery goes...
*sniff* Mattycakes would be so proud of me.
2nd is leaving us with the liquor and no control? *laughs* What a foolish woman! I'm so glad to count her among our crew!
double fist.
There's no way to look all innocent after a comment like that *g*
Hell, I'm proud of you for that one. LOL!
Nice one, grasshopper.
You would know Hal. *g*
Yeah, he's going to high five you after that remark. *LOL*
I love today. Liquor, stripping, Candi-Land, double fisting... it has all the makings of a day to remember!
Sin - I don't know why you're looking at me. I never say anything dirty. I certainly would never bring the glitter back to the conversation two days in a row.
Ter- word up sister. It was bound to happen sometime when I bust out something bad. LOL
This is true Hal. You look too innocent to even start trouble. This must be why you're going for the stripper angle. All guys like strippers who look way too naive to know any better.
Hal - that's a good catch phrase for you.
Haleigh, bringing the glitter.
bringing the glitter, one pirate ship at a time
Yeah, people are always shocked the first time something dirty comes out of my mouth. I don't know why.....lol
Cap'n - I'm glad you approve. :) All the break ups I've done have been longer, more painful. Very similar to this, honestly. Ugh.
Hal - my sister in revising. :) I am glad I entered the GH now. If not, I'd probably stall finishing this book for another year. Double ugh.
Good lord, I left my message and came back and it was insanity around here.
;) Candyland and strippers, glittery hoohas and double-fisting. Insanity I say.
Santa - so I need a couple of Russians? Maybe in my next story. It could work out, I think.
*tapping my foot to AC/DC*
I'm suddenly imagining Hal's business cards: Haleigh I'msorryIdon'tknowyourlastname: Bringing the Glitter as your catch phrase.
Marnee: I don't know why you're surprised. This always happens when you leave.
Marnee,
I think writing compares to raising a child. You pour everything you have into something that you love and totally believe in, but sometimes you grow tired of chipping away at what you have created.You want it to stand alone more than anything, and you know in time it will, but the process is so daunting at times.
In my writing hiatus I've learned patience is the greatest of virtues. Patience to start at a launching point, patience to re-work an outline, patience to see it through until the end, but most of all understanding that no one sees your story like you do, and you believed in it before anyone:)
Hang in there. *hugs*
Lis - thanks honey. That's incredibly sweet. I think you're right. I'm ready just for it to be standing by itself.
:)
Hellion - you mean you guys have all the fun when I'm not around? *pouting* not nice.
Or, when I'm not here to supervise things get a little out of hand?
Congrats again to Tiff!!
Hmmm...I had a guy who broke off a date with me by telling me he had to fix his dad's lawnmower...in the middle of winter! LOL. Let's say that I was not impressed.
Revisions suck, Marnee. But once you get through them, you can go thank the frigging chocolate gods I'm done with that and can start querying.
Ely - LOL! A lawnmower fixing. That is a good one. You have to admire his creativity though. :) LOL!!
And I can't wait. I'll be sacrificing chocolate bars at the chocolate gods' temples when I'm done. No joke.
The latter. We're always in need of supervision. *LOL*
Not supervision, just a steady hand to steer amidst all the rum-soaked wenches.
Yes, a steady hand is EXACTLY what we need. *whistles*
Is the weekend here yet?
lol! :) the boat has been rowdy this week. I think we're just a little sassier than normal.
What the hell has been in the rum this week? Is it a full moon, what?
I meant sassy in a good way, obviously. It's all the hooha talk and the stripper music. It brings out the fiesty in the crew.
Actually, the full moon is tomorrow. So I'm thinking that explains a lot. LOL!
BTW - I just want to note. I was the 69th comment.
Just sayin'....
nicely done Terri ;)
My sassy side is definitely out this week. Good to know I can blame it on tomorrow full moon. Excellent excuse
Scratch that. I lost a day when I was off Tuesday. The full moon is today. LOL!
even better!
Damn, I fall overboard and no one finds me. Now I look like a drowned rat. *muttering* ungrateful rummed up wenches.
Lisa, wonderful comment, BTW. That's exactly what it's like. Raising a kid. You put your best stuff forward into the little brat and then it back talks you, goes in a different direction, fights you at every turn, and then all of a sudden, the child finally gets what you've been trying to teach them the whole entire time and it falls together nicely and you're left standing on the porch waving goodbye to them as they drive down your driveway in your brand new car honking the horn and one hand out the window waving bye. You've said your goodbyes but it's always hard to let go. As I said, Lis, you're brilliant babe.
*dripping wet*
*grin*
Where the hell is the rum? This girl is wet and ready to be drunk and hot.
here you go Sin - a couple more glittery hoo has you can, uh, fist.
oh god. can I cover my eyes?
Wow, there are like 75 comments. That's what I get for going to work. sheesh!
First mega CONGRATULATIONS, Tiffany! That is fantab!!!
Marnee, gosh, I just went through this a few weeks ago. I think the big issue was giving over control. There wasn't enough Zoloft to keep me stable while trying to finish up revisions. There will always be something I can change. As there will always be something you can change.
My best advice, don't stress it. Drink some rum, get it done, and then let it go. BTW, I had a really weird dream last night that I was holding something precious in my hand. It was one of those that you know it has some significance but you're not sure what. I've been trying to recall all day what it was I had been holding, now I think I know thanks to your blog. I'd tell you but then, you know, I'd have to write you in my story.
Have you sent your ms to Deb yet?
Renee
Where the hell did all the rum go!? Was I gone that long? *grumble, grumble. Off to liquor pier again!
Sin - I hope you had your special skull and crossbones floaties on...
(How appropriate, my Starbucks is playing Minnie the Moocher...)
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