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Just How Bad Do You Want It?
You’ve been there. You had a Dream, a bright shiny dream of change (sorry, can’t resist the Obama poke), and now after all this time of struggle, it’s a little less…desirable. You almost start not wanting it as badly because the emotional effort you’re putting into it is not paying off. You’re being rejected at every turn.
You have to ask yourself: Just how bad do you want it?
Sometimes dreams are best shelved, goals change…whatever…but before you shelve it entirely, you need to ask the question. Just how bad do you want it?
Some Saturdays I’m reading my book, laying on the couch in a near-vegetative state, and suddenly, I have a dream of Twinkies. But they are in another room, far, far away, and I have to ask myself, Just how bad do I want them? Usually not enough to disrupt my cocoon, not unless I also need to use the bathroom too. (I’m a multi-tasking vegetable, never doubt it.)
And then some Mondays, I’m doing my presses in my BodyPump class, kicking my feet to distract myself from the burn, listening to the instructor as she assures me I’m going to have a chest to weep over if I just hold out and keep doing reps. So I kick my feet and do my reps. (I really want that perky chest.)
I have wanted sex badly enough to do in it broad daylight and not realize windows were open; I have wanted to see movies badly enough that I have dressed in costume, taken time off from work, and gone to midnight showings; I have wanted specific dishes enough that I have cooked them from scratch even though I wouldn’t get to eat them until three hours later—and had to stand over the stove and babysit it. In all these cases, I wanted it bad enough to do just about anything to have it.
So what’s the difference now?
I mean, I can’t be any more naked than in broad daylight and in front of windows; I can’t be devoting more time or detail than making my own costume and showing up at odd hours; I can’t be putting any more work into it than I do when making my Chicken-Sausage Gumbo. There is no difference.
I just have to remind myself I want it. You know that hokey little saying that a friend is a person who knows the song of your life and plays it back to you when you forget? That’s what you have to do as a writer. You have to sing that dorky, hokey little song of the New York Times Bestseller’s dream to yourself until you remember it.
And if you can make a Harry Potter costume—and be a dead ringer for old Harry himself; if you can make a gumbo that even Cajun Joe would be proud of; if you can show up naked in the middle of the day and not even flinch—well, then, clearly, you need to be institutionalized…or well, you have exactly what it takes to get published.
You just have to want it bad enough.
Today’s inspirational message was brought to you by Secretaries Gone Wild! and Hellion in the Kitchen. What have you wanted badly enough that you went to extraordinary lengths to get it? (And was a man involved because those stories are always so much more funny….)
Books by the Crew
52 comments:
Hey, I'm first today. Usually Q or Maggie beat me.
wow, that was convoluted. Anyone catch that?
Sorry, just had to get that in before someone jumped me in line.
Wonderful inspiration Hellion!! This is definitely one of those sustained wanting sort of things, the hardest because publishing can feel so far off.
Lots of things have required sustained effort. Graduate school, student teaching. Getting pregnant the first time and now again.
In times I feel impatient, I like to think that there is only time. If I weren't doing this, what would I be doing? Probably thinking about doing this. So instead of just thinking, I should just be doing, at least that's what I think.
I agree with Marnee about grad school. Although I loved those years, there were times (like getting through the Old English course or checking off the books I needed to read for my comprehensive exams) when I was tempted to quit. Completing the dissertation seemed to take forever.
Dieting is another area that requires perseverance and discipline. I so miss pasta. :(
Parenting is another area that requires sustained effort. I bet there are lots of parents of teenagers wondering if they will ever reach the goal of having a child become a responsible adult. LOL!
Did I miss an announcement, Marnee? Are you pregnant--or just planning to be? :)
Nope, no announcements. Just hoping to be soon. We're just in the "sustained trying" portion of it right now. LOL!!
We have a new grand making her entrance into the world on October 13. Her older brother turned eight in August, so there have been family jokes about "sustained trying" flying around at our gatherings for the past nine months. :)
LOL!! :) yay new grands!!
Gah, Marnee! I was about to send you a huge congratulations!lol. Good luck on the baby front, though! I'll bet you're a fantastic mom(that's the impression I get. You're certainly a wonderful friend:))>
Janga, I so hear you on the dieting! I miss lots of foods. Sometimes I do let myself have a little, though. That may be why the weight is coming off so very slowly. But I've lost it before, I'll do it again.
Now on to Helli's question. I have wanted clothes really badly before- there was once this jacket... and don't fet me started on shoes!
I've wanted a guy VERY badly- although that ended really badly! I have wanted to see a movie REALLY badly (of course, that was back when I actually watched movies.POTC was one that I had looked forward to!) Sometimes I want to have a child very badly- NOT a husband! I like being single. But I'd love to have a daughter or son. That's years off though. I'm not adopting until I have the Doctorate or a book deal( and the book deal would have to be big enough to convince me to leave school! A girl can dream!
Great post, Hellion!
*get...not fet!
Hey, Janga, congrats on the new grand!:)
Thanks for the good luck, Kelly! And you're sweet, a wonderful friend as well. :)
Speaking of movies I want to see really bad.... Twilight, only a little over a month away now!
Oh! How could I have forgotten Twilight? I really want to see it, too! And that's saying something since I never watch them anymore.
Oh how I needed this today. Well, I need this everyday really, but today especially. For me, the thing I've had to remind myself I want is the degree. Eight months to go! I've been at this for almost three full years now and sometimes it would be so easy to throw in the towel and say forget it. But then I remember the student loans (which I have to pay back with or without the degree, of course) and all the work that would be for nothing. So I keep going and look forward to the day I get to put that degree on my resume.
I wish I wanted to lose the weight more. I mean, I want to lose it, but not enough to give up pasta. You have my undying awe for yet another reason, Janga. LOL!
I moved 2,000 miles away from home to be near a guy! I wanted to see if we could live in the same state for any length of time and have a normal relationship. Well, my relationship with him has been anything but normal, but he's mine til death do us part! :)
Good luck on the baby making, Marnee. I wish I could send you my genes. I think I'm extremely fertile, which is why I made it physically impossible for it to happen again. :)
Sending prayers for the mommmy-to-be and new grand, Janga! Newborns are awesome! I love them as long as I can return them! My next baby phase is going to be grandparent!
I have a friend who is dying to see Twilight. Whenever we see a commercial or an ad of any kind, she squeals. Quite disconcerting as she's a grown woman who turns into a 13 yr old anytime she sees Edward. LOL!
Wow, Irish, 2000 miles? That is what I call wanting something very badly. LOL!!
There are no limits to how bad I was to see Twilight. The squealing is the least embarressing thing that happens when I see something Twilight. Especially after the newest trailer. *fanning self* OMG
OMG.
Seriously.
There's a new trailer? Where?! I haven't read these but I've heard about them enough from Susan that I'm looking forward to the film. If for nothing else, to watch her squirm and squeal and giggle through the whole thing. LOL!
It was time in my life to put my money where my mouth was, Marn! Very difficult decision but ultimately the best one I ever made.
I meant to tell you I played the Rob Thomas video for my daughter last night and she loves it. I have a feeling I'm going to know all the words to it within the week! LOL
The Duchess has finally gone into wide release so I'm hoping to catch that this week. I can already taste the buttered popcorn!
I've also done a lot of goofy things for food! My sister went to college downstate and when I went to visit her we'd get this sub sandwich (only available in that small college town). When I got older I took road trips with my girlfriend - I would drive 2 1/2 hours down to get a sub!
Marnee, that's a great point. If I wasn't DOING IT, I'd be THINKING about it, so I might as well be doing it...it's more productive. *LOL* (Although that sorta puts an amusing spin on "getting pregnant"--if you think about it.)
And I totally cracked up at Janga's comment about "sustained trying" with the kids who are 8 years apart. *LOL*
Janga, I'm with you on the dieting. In 2003, I went on Weight Watchers...did good (lost 40 pounds), then went off it in 2005 and gained it all back. And then some. Now I'm back on again and have lost 25 pounds (though only 8 of the original 40 I lost the last time.) Never gain back the "then some"--that's always bad. *LOL*
I haven't given up pasta. I do love eating Smart Taste pasta because it has like 6 grams of fiber per cup, so you can't really overdose on it. I suppose you could, but you'd be like those birds that eat dried rice: you'd explode. (I do have to abstain from Alfredo sauce though...but tomato sauce is better for you anyway.)
Kelly, I have a friend who wants to adopt...and she's single. I don't think she plans to get a doctorate first though...or a book deal. *LOL*
And goodness, look how many rabid Twilight fans there are! (I'm not nearly the Twilight fan as everyone else is, though I did finally read the books. This must be what other people feel like when I get excited about HP or POTC. Bemused, but indifferent. *LOL* I'd wondered....)
And all you degree seekers are very impressive to me as well! (I sorta took my BA for granted...school was easy for me. It'd be a lot harder now going back...and then writing a thesis or dissertation...eek!!!!)
Ter- go to youtube and type in the search, Twilight Trailer 3 and it will come up with it. It's a little over 2 minutes long.
I knew I could count on Irish for the guy story!!! That's a great one! I love your DH stories...he sounds like he was worth it. *LOL*
And OH, yes, The Duchess is supposed to be in wide release, yes. Not in my hometown, though. I'll be having to drive OUT OF TOWN to one of the neighboring cities to see it.
Again, how badly do I want it? PRETTY BADLY.
OMG! Sin, that looks awesome. See, I didn't get this whole thing before, but it's growing on me. I have a feeling I'll be at a midnight showing for that one. If they have one here.
I want to see The Duchess, but I'm not sure I'll be able to see it this weekend. Can't take the kiddo so that poses a problem. I need to work on that.
Forgot to say I love the DH story, Irish. I've always wondered if I would do that. I think I would provided I thought it was something real. I did move from Nashville to no where AR for the ex, but we were already married at that point.
Great topic Hellion. In high school, I used to devour every book I could find on the Bolshevik Revolution (I was an odd teenager *g*) and I was desperate, desperate to go to Russia and see it all for myself. I must have wanted it pretty damn badly because I bundled myself up and trucked out to Russia in freakin January my sophomore year of college. SO cold. I can still remember the first day (in April or May) when I stood at the bus stop and realized I *couldn't* see my breath and it was actually getting warm.
Do I want to write badly enough to brave another Siberian winter......? Probably, and that's kind of scary!
Hal, DAMN, that is wanting it very badly! I've always wanted to go to Scotland (I mean, I practically foam at the mouth at the thought), but I wouldn't go in January--and even Scotland's gotta be warmer than Russia in January!
That is a very interesting time period in Russia though. Princess Anastasia. The executions. Lenin. The crazy guy whose name starts with an R...Rasputin?
Ha! I wouldn't go to Siberia in the height of summer. Wait, do they even have summer? LOL! I might visit St. Petersburg or Moscow, but they'd have to be short trips and at the warmest time of year.
However, I REALLY want to get to Europe. And I will. Someday. Eventually. I'm sure. Sort of.
Believe me, if I had to do it again, I would definitely go in July!
Hellion - it WAS a fascinating time in history, wasn't it? If I ever wrote a historical, I'd want to set it then. A princess forced to flee, a peasant farmer caught up in the revolution.... I totally get what you mean about foaming at the mouth - that's exactly how I felt about Russia.
Terri - of course you will! Once we're all famous and on the best seller list, we'll have all have a joint book-signing tour that goes through Europe :)
I would absolutely love a trip to Europe! Unfortunately, the DH wants to go on a cruise! Since my last name isn't Gates, Rockefeller or Hilton, I'm not thinking I'm going to be able to accomplish both. But you never know.
I've been letting it drop every so often that a great 25th wedding anniversary gift for the folks would be a trip to Europe! I believe it's really important to give your children goals and then help them achieve them!
Irish - With the economy the way it is today, a trip to Europe doesn't look possible for any of us. But I have faith things will eventually turn around. Kiddo and I have a dream of cruising the Mediterranean (I'm sure I spelled that wrong and I'm too lazy to look it up). She fell in love with everything from Greece to Egypt in school last year so I think it would be a trip of a lifetime for both of us. Now, if only I could win the lottery. LOL!
Ter, we can plan a trip to Europe with Steph and Mary! It will be an Originals tour! You can bring Kiddo, too! You reminded me how very much I want to see Europe- especially since my books are set there. Steph, Mary, and I are always talking about going because all of us set our book there and we've never been. We go purely off of books and pictures.
I also want to see the Duchess movie. I love Keira Knightley(interestingly enough, my niece who is newly on the way- my middle brother's first child!- is going to be named Keira! I'm so excited to be an aunt AGAIN).
Irish, your story is awesome! I love hearing things like that.
Sin, I had no clue there was a new Twilight trailer! Thanks for telling me. I'm off to see it now.:)I'm going to have a goofy smile all day.
Okay, I just watched the trailer and OMG! it was soooo good! I can't wait for this movie! Anyone know if they're making more than one of these?
And ,Hal, I'd like to RSVP for that book tour!:)
Hey, hey, no economy talk on my Friday blog. Upbeat! Fun! Good times!
Irish, I recommend the cruise. You won't regret it (well, unless you get sea sick easy, or motion sick in your car). I went on a 7 day cruise (it only cost about $400, then about $200 or so for the flight) and it was AWESOME. Beyond awesome. I swam with sting rays; I flirted with outrageous Mexican guys; I got completely trashed...it was the best time. *LOL*
Now if you don't like: beaches, ocean, sun, being hot, etc...it might not be your gig. But there is so much to do on the ship...it's like a self-contained Las Vegas. There are shows, casinos, dance clubs, fine eating (outside of the buffet lines), etc.
I'd go on another cruise in a New York minute...
Oh, forgot to say, sign me up for both tours!!!!
Exactly what Hellion said. And it's so weird that I get car sick really easy, but I never get sea sick. I'm odd, I know.
I've taken the one week Caribbean cruise, but I'm really curious to see how different the Med one is. And Kiddo and I watched the Samantha Brown on a cruise show on the Travel Channel last weekend. I'm pretty sure it was the same Royal Caribbean boat I was on and it stopped in all the same ports of call. I realized how much I missed! I was only 16 when I went and very poor. LOL! Gah! I so want to go back now.
Oh, Hellion, I had the exact same experience with Weight Watchers! It's so depressing to see the 'and then some' on the scale. I'm back on it, too, and am still working off the 'and then some' VERY slowly. That's so cool that you're making such great progress. Congrats!
It's that whole "going off the program" that's the problem. Weight Watchers isn't a "diet" (as they say), it's a way of life. Same with writing. You can't write gung-ho, finish the book, then think your work is over and do nothing for two years. (Of course, not writing doesn't mean you'll eat a whole bunch of Twinkies you shouldn't have touched to begin with), but the principle is the same. You stop writing because you think "you're done" and you get out of the habit of good writing. You stop improving...and it takes a while to get back in the groove of getting your voice back. No confidence...and it seems to take more to bounce back. You should just get in the habit of EVERY DAY. Writing is not a diet. It's a way of life.
Great. I'm not only putting off getting thin, I'm putting off getting published. At least I can somewhat justify the not writing thing (TIME!). I have no excuses for the not getting thin thing. LOL!
But I totally agree on the connection here. You can say you want something bad, but if you give up when the going gets tough - which we all know writing is TOUGH - then you didn't want it that bad. Wanting means the dedication to see it through. Which makes reaching that goal all the more satisfying.
Wonder blog, Hellion. Just what I needed today. And much less painful that a swift kick in the ahhhhhssshoot? Where was I? Oh, yah. Wonderful blog. Truly. Inspirational.
I've been on two cruises with girlfriends/cousins. One to the Caribbean and one to Alaska. Both were a blast. One had British crew and Italian wait staff and the other had American crew and Jamaican/German wait staff.
On the Alaskan cruise they sat us with two older guys, George and Ian. Both widowers. Both complete sweethearts. I always sat next to Ian at dinner because he had this awesome Scottish accent. They warned us away from the flirting waiters and bought us drinks at dinner each night. It was a ball. One of the waiters kept flirting with me and finally insisted I bring my driver's license to dinner one night to prove I wasn't jailbait!
The other cruise I had a little shipboard romance with a German waiter. Sadly it ended when it became apparent he'd get more out of the busty blonde a couple tables over than me! Still tons of fun.
The DH always gets upset when we reminisce about our cruises. He wants to go now and experience the fun (albeit not the same kind of fun we enjoyed!). He did get to go to Hawaii, though, and I've never been.
Late today. Had to go into work early. Boo to that.
What have I wanted more than anything? Probably to be a mom. I was sooo ready to have my first child, and then my second. And somehow I wound up with four, although I wasn't so ready, LOL.
Terrio - Med cruising is an incredible experience. Did a 12 day with my family a few years back. Go with a smaller ship, easier to get into port and actually berth at a pier, so faster on and offs. We did the Med/Greek Islands. 12 days, 11 ports. Was incredible, starting with Barcelona and ending in Athens. Cannot recommend this enough!
What do want that badly? Trying to define that right now. To get healthy after a heart crisis last April...yeah. Amazing what that can do for resolve! Lost weight, gym...getting there.
I wanted to live. Still learning how to live. Next up? Published!
Okay, so yeah, wanting to live is kind of important. Thank goodness you wanted it bad enough!
I so want to take that cruise. I even looked into it earlier this summer. I'm guessing it'll happen closer to the time Kiddo heads off to HS, but it will happen. That's for sure.
Maggie, awwww, I used to want kids...I was so kid-squirrelly when I was a kid. I was always volunteering to babysit at church and stuff; and I love looking at babies on maternity wards. Then that sorta died off. Clearly though I never wanted one bad enough to give birth to one. I just like to hold them for a few minutes, then give them back.
I mean, not everything I wanted to be when I was a kid was a good idea.
I wanted to be a country music singer. I can't sing. At all.
I wanted to be a Vegas show girl. (I had the legs for it then, but no dancing ability.)
I wanted to be a schoolteacher (this was in 4th grade or so...) I used to make up tests and give them out to my imaginary students. You can see of these, why my father latched onto this dream most and is still bitterly disappointed I've done nothing productive with my life. Wouldn't teach now on a BET. I talk to people and they say, "I want to teach...I'm going to one day..." and all I can think is, "Good God, why?" *LOL*
2nd Chance: Congrats on living healthier and getting more exercise (and losing weight too!) I always think the gym is more important; the better you feel working out, the more you tend to eat healthier...well, or at least you're more conscious of stuff. *LOL*
Nothing productive with your life? Captain! No! Gods, my therapist would shudder at hearing that. Screw productive, who defines that? You live with a full heart and screw the rest!
I must admit, I have done the dressing in costume for a premier... But, wow...this topic has been flitting through my brain all afternoon...
Yup, the Med cruise was phenomenal. The Caribbean was fun, Hawaii was exhausting and Alaska? Oh, Alaska is where I'd do it again...tomorrow.
It’s late, and everybody’s probably left the party. But I can’t let Hellion’s “Why teach?” go unanswered. I teach because kids matter. I teach because words and what words can-- and can’t--do matter. I teach because when I was twenty-one and just beginning, a kid said to me, “I never knew before that poetry could make sense.” I teach because when I was thirty-three, another made me a card that said, I couldn’t find a card created for the teacher who saved my life, so I made my own.” I teach because when I was forty-six, a kid who had just graduated from college sent me a dozen red roses with a note that said, “You always told me I could. Today I proved you right.” I teach because last week a woman said, “This class is the highlight of my week.” I teach because I want to know when I leave this earth that I have touched hearts and minds and lives. I teach because it is what I was born to do.
What have you wanted badly enough that you went to extraordinary lengths to get it?
For Hellion, who likes stories with men in 'em.
When I was 19, I wanted to marry my boyfriend. Even when my college counselor said "You have to choose between your boyfriend or school. Its very competitive here." Or when my Mom said " What if I say no?" and my father said 'What about your career?" I turned my back on the ivy. I told my mom "Then I guess that you won't be coming to the wedding." Got married in my DH's church. I'm still ducking my dad's question. LOL
Oh
And I'm still married to the boyfriend.
For anyone who has ever thought about doing the impossible.
Four intra ocular lenses. Six surgeries... including one where the power went out in the or ... when i was intubated... so i wasn't breathing on my own. It just about killed me. But it was worth it. I can see. When i first asked the surgeon about using two lenses in each eye he said... "No. It can't be done".
And finally
I want to take a class taught by someone who loves what they do. Someone who is passionate and knowledgeable and... Really, what I would really love, is have to have You Janga as a teacher. Now That would definitely be an extraordinary experience worth going through extraordinary lengths to achieve!
Seriously.
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