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Field Guide to Manicorns and How to Capture Them
I was so worried about my topic of the week*, and then, like manna from Heaven, my Urban Word of the Day delivered this to me: manicorn. I haven’t been this excited since the word “mantastic” and I got to explain to my best friend what a Narwhal was. (You’ll have to google “mantastic” to get why Narwhal was associated with it. Believe me, it’s worth it.)
What is a manicorn? So delighted you asked.
Manicorn: (noun) a mythical male creature who is successful (read: pursuing his passion and can pay his electric bills/rent), funny, chivalrous, masculine (read: not chauvinistic), adventurous, artistic (read: not suicidal).
The shelves of Romance Land are littered with manicorns. Hell, Jane Austen wrote the most famous manicorn of all, the original (a sort of Byerley Turk of manicorns), Mr. Darcy; and we’ve all been creating our versions ever since. I have my favorites: Richard, from Jill Barnett’s Dreaming; Kyrian, from Kenyon’s Night Pleasures; and ‘Ring, from Jude Deveraux’s Mountain Laurel.
I even love writing my own manicorns. I’ll find myself in the middle of a scene, thinking, This would never happen in real life. Then I’ll giggle and think, Isn’t fiction grand?
Here are the top favorite manicorns, where to find them, and how to bag them and take them home.
The Warrior: wounded, battered, but determined to protect his lady at all costs, this Manicorn is a universal favorite. Who doesn’t adore a guy who can slash away the bad guys with one hand, but still needs you to mend his wounded heart? Location: anywhere there is danger and a cause. Attract his guy by being both feisty and clearly in need of a protector. Run after danger so he is compelled to come after you to keep you out of trouble. But don’t thank him for his efforts. Yell at him for interfering with your plans to save your family estate. This will confuse him. The grumpier he becomes (and his breed is awful testy), the closer he is to falling in love with you entirely. Win him entirely by almost getting yourself killed so he knows how close he came to losing you.
The Boy Next Door: in possession of a dimpled grin and an aww-shucks expression, this guy has been breaking hearts since he was in diapers. Most notable for being the poor guy you tell all your woes too, while you’re desperately in love with the Captain of the Football Team. But when that jerk breaks your heart and dumps you at prom, does he say, “I told you so?” Nope. He just sweeps you up and dances you right out the door into Love. Location: I don’t know, why don’t you: Check. Next. Door. Geez, people. Attract this guy by being a chesty cheerleader who is completely out of his league. I hear ponytails also distract this guy, like a sort of hypnotic device. String him along by needing him, but never actually dating him. He won’t be able to help himself as he gives advice how to hook up with the Mortal Enemy; and he won’t even tell you that he overheard the ME talking trash about you. The quieter he gets, the further he’s fallen; and when he’s completely blended in with the other Wallflowers, you know he’s a goner. Win him entirely when you realize the ME is really a jerk (almost too late!) When the Boy Next Door rescues you, though he’ll come out more damaged, offer succor and some chocolate chip cookies as you apologize for being so blind.
The Intellectual: the rarest of the manicorns, he’s not only successful, funny, chivalrous, and masculine, but he’s smart too. Location: only in fiction. Only kidding, I hear there is one in England, married to a Mrs. Q, but clearly this breed is on the endangered species list. If you spot one, call the Protection of Rare and Noble Creatures immediately! We want photographs. Attract them by being smart yourself. Duh. Nobody has the patience for stupid people, not even manicorns. Keep him by organizing his PDA…and putting Novocain in your lipstick.
So what is your favorite manicorn, and do you have any real-life examples of your favorite “breed”? And since this is rather sexist, are there any girlicorn archetypes out there? Or is the Madonna-Whore Girlicorn it?
*I totally apologize to you guys for not having a more original topic this week. Blog writing is sorta like baseball....
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55 comments:
Interesting manual Cap'n. Think I'll take a copy to study at leisure.
I assume by symmetry that a girlicorn is simply a mirror image of manicorn with masculine attributes switched to feminine ones:
The warrior: Nope, Boadicea doesn't switch me on and I certainly wouldn't risk death to win her!
Girl next door: Hmm, the few living near me seem to wear outrageous 'with it' clothing and constantly have a mobile phone glued to one ear. Nope not my type.
The intellectual: YES, thats the one who grabs me, especially if she flutters her eyelashes while discussing latest trends on the futures market and knows the business end of a pen. Come to think I married her...QED.
Getting back to manicorns, I would advise skipping the Novocain cap'n, some of it might rub off. You don't want him too anaesthetised or he might miss something! :wink:
Cap'n - this was a wonderful blog! :)
I love the elusive manicorns in fiction. I think my next two heroes are warriors, much like my current hero, but I've been debating both the boy next door and the intellectual. I think we'll have to see how things go. :)
I think that some settings almost require a certain manicorn. For example, I think it would be hard to write a boy next door into a dark paranormal.
You apologize for this? *droll look* This...this is....priceless.
I totally admit it, and I'm sure it will come as no surprise to anyone, I'm a sucker for the boy next door. But that might be because I'm the girlicorn version of it. I'm that girl a guy will talk to about the girl he really wants. The girl who treats him like dirt, but he keeps going back for more because she's the *one*. And I'm the girl who will listen and offer advice on how he can win her. All the while, I'm pining away and in love...on the inside.
I can see the attraction in all three of these manicorns. But I can also agree that they may only exist in legend and our wistful imaginations. LOL!
BTW - Give me a smart as heck warrior with a great sense of humor and I'd think I've died and gone to heaven. *sigh*
Ah, contraire, Marnee, you could have the Boy Next Door, if the heroine was the Buffy the Vampire Slayer sort of the book...and he was...well, sorta a sidekick. With unexpected depths. *LOL*
Granted this breaks the Lisa Kleypas rules of "tallest guy in the room" and "biggest ass kicker in the room."
But a guy doesn't have to be either of those things to win the girl and keep her. We all know that.
Manicorn...I love it. Is he, like the unicorn, only drawn to a virgin? If so, I've been out of luck a long, long time.
Actually I think the top Girlicorns, Q, are the Waif, The Free Spirit, and The Librarian. (I'm sure The Seductress works herself in there, but she works herself everywhere.)
The Waif looks like she needs to be rescued all the time...and someone to cut up the meat on her plate. Apparently she's appealing to guys because she makes them feel useful...and heroic. Personally I think she'd be a pain in the rump. Everyone needs an afternoon off, and how can you enjoy time off if you wonder if the Princess is going to be all right...or if she'll manage to get herself in trouble in the middle of her tower room. (And she never kills her own spiders.)
The Free Spirit: quirky, appealing in that spontaneous way (you know, she might have sex in the bushes without much coaxing sort of way)...but she's off-the-wall enough that you know your parents won't like her.
The Librarian: the smart girl you married. Dressed to repress, but get her behind closed doors--and boom!
Maggie, you might have tapped into the reasoning why none of us have seen the mythical manicorn. *LOL* My virginity has been dust for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long time.
At the time, it seemed a good idea. Better get rid of it while I had a chance... Ah, youth.
Terri, we're the Spunky Kids. Team-players, best friends, and don't-rock-the-boat. Someone should toss us off a cliff. Nobody should be that stupid. *LOL* Stop telling the guy how to win the ditzy blonde! He doesn't need the help!
I can't help it! I'm a giver. LOL! I need to find my inner seductress....
Really, this best friend thing defined my teen years as well as the beginning of my 20s. That's a hard cycle to break.
Why do guys like the waif chick so much? I always wonder about that? I know it's nice to feel needed, but come on. Women love a capable guy, why can't a guy appreciate a capable woman?!?!
I love this blog!
I actually grew up with two "boy next door" types. Of course, there were no boys that lived next door. I lived out in the middle of no where. Well, it was the middle of no where when I was a kid. Now it's like the hotspot of the town.
I've always been one of the boys. Mostly because I was meaner than they were. So I guess I'm kind a sucker for books with the boy next door. Reminds me what I put those boys through when I was a kid. Of course, I had no idea that's what I was doing.
Now, day to day life? Set me up with a warrior. I don't want to have to take care of him though. He should be able to take care of himself and not insert himself into my life like a dictator. I need to be a warrior partner. So I guess this would be the bad-boy-warrior-manicorn.
Okay, I have to ask. Even with the Warrior manicorn, is he *really* maintenance free? Because even the Warrior manicorn is going to get a head cold and need to be babied. Or that's my guess anyway.
OMG, I'm a waif.
Yes, Sin, you're a Waif, a big, bad, ass-kicking Waif.
LOL! Isn't that an oxymoron? Or am I thinking paradox? One of those fancy words....
Actually Terr, I think the Girlicorns are only ideal in THEORY. I think once you get one, you get to realizing there are some flaws.
You know, the Warrior leaves his swords lying around the house, he growls at all your friends, and he can get a little mangy looking once in a while, if you don't insist on those bubble baths...
Same with the Waif. Guys *think* it'd be cool to have a girl who needs them and thinks they're capable of doing everything...but after a while, it'd get old. It'd probably get old quick. "For God's sake, fish your own fry out of the ketchup, Princess..."
PLUS, there's a whole catch 22 with the "capable girl" thing. I would assume they want a capable girl, sure, they just don't want one who's MORE capable than them. Same with anyone. You don't want to be put out of a job, especially if your job is Big Heroic Guy Who Saves the Day. That's a Sweet Title...and if a GIRL can do your job, your ego is certainly going to sink into the toilet.
And the reverse of this: Guys who parent. I read some article where moms were getting all fussy because the Dads were contributing more to the parenting, but they were hating the fact that the guys were BETTER at some (or many) of the aspects that use to be MOM TERRITORY ONLY. So women are caught: are they grateful that men are being more helpful, or are they pissy that they are "losing their position"?
You know, on the rare occassions I pick up Kiddo from school, there are lots more dads there than moms. But I'm guessing that might be the military thing. The hours make it possible for them to be home before the kiddies get out while the mom is stuck at a desk the old fashioned 9 to 5 thing.
And I'm clearly going to be single for the duration. There are plenty of things I can't do, but I rarely need to be saved from anything. I need to practice being less capable.
Great topic Hellion. I'm a sucker for the warrior, especially one who has the tortured past and wounded heart.
And by the way - narwhal? LMAO!
LOL Hellion, I think for the girlicorn you forgot "the Princess", who rules with an iron fist, but still can’t leave her bedroom without the hero to act as bodyguard—but that’s okay because she’d rather keep him in the bedroom with her, since she needs someone to give her an heir before the evil uncle can take her throne and her kingdom.
No, Terr, you're getting this reversed. You don't need to be less capable. You just need to find a guy more capable. Dream big! Aim high! It's better to aim for the stars and miss than aim for the gutter and hit it.
The narwhal came up under this word of the day: Mantastic. (Now my 2nd favorite Urban Word.) Here it is, ripped from the website. They always use the word of the day in a sentence so you know how to use it. Very useful. The sentence itself is far funnier than the actual word...
Mantastic: Feeling fantastic after the successful completion of a particularly macho feat.
Following his fifth keg of beer, Kevin ripped the horn off of his pet narwhal, and then nailed his porn-star girlfriend for hours. Subsequently, he felt mantastic.
I'll take all of the manicorns. Seems you can't go wrong with a catchall on this subject.
Oh and, in reference to Maggie's quandary about the manicorn only being drawn to virgins, I think that's probably a true statment. After all, all heroes are drawn to the golden vajayjay(sp?). Then they have that moment where they do the whole 'mine' thing.
JK, ah, you like the "boss lady" girlicorn (but Princess sounds better.) *LOL* Do guys really consider this woman a "girlicorn" though? Do they want The Iron-Fisted Princess type? (Wait, there's a whole market for dominatrix stuff, isn't there...so I guess the Princess is a guy fantasy...) *LOL*
*ROTF* The Golden Vajayjay? Kelly, you're killing me.
The great thing about romance is that we can have the Warrior, the Boy Next Door, and the Intellectual. I've never been an either/or person. I'll take several of each please. LOL!
If we're writing, we can even try creating hybrids of the types. The hero of my current WIP is definitely the boy next door (almost literally), but Max is more a hybrid. And #3 is a redeemed jerk. I'm not sure where he fits.
In RL, I'll take the Intellectual. A rare species, granted--but well worth searching for. :)
Aim higher. Sound advice. But the stars are really far away which means it'll take a lot to hit the ball out there. Do we have a middle ground somewhere? LOL!
That Mantastic sentence is one for the record books. And I remember googling that narwhal thing the last time. It left a permanent scar on my brain. LOL!
Kelly - Great point about the "MINE" thing. Though you rarely find a woman who is searching for the golden manrod (to keep with your terminology). We do still like to think of it as ours once we have it though, thoroughly used or not.
Aim for the moon. We have at least landed there before....
Ah, the golden manrod! How could I forget? I like to call it the magic wonder penis, because though it's been used and used and then used some more it's still capable of giving the heroine the greatest pleasure she's EVAH known-or the only pleasure she's ever known as the case may be. Because everyone knows that sex is only really good with the man you love...:)
Good idea.
Oh! I forgot. The magic wonder penis has superhero sperm. It can leap tall buildings with a single bound and get even the most infertile heroine pregnant.
I do believe Kelly has had enough rum for the day. LMAO!!! Anybody else have that old George Michael song playing in their head? Just me? Figures....
I've had to wipe Mountain Dew off my computer screen twice today. I think we might have to think Kelly's rum ration down with a little beer.
Wonder penises (or is it Peni? I don't know the plural. It's not like I need to manage more than one at a time....)
I hated that song, Terr...and it didn't help that I got busted for having that cassette as a kid. I bought it for Faith, and got busted for the sex.
Was that rum in the drink you gave me, Ter? Damn! I should never have trusted a pirate...
OMG, I'm soooo tired I can barely keep my eyes open but had to post that this blog is inspired and hilarious. I wish I was more coherent and could post something witty! *Wiping the tears out of my eyes and heading off for a much needed nap!*
BTW - I'm with Janga, except I don't want one of each I want a hybrid of all of them!
I bought it for Faith, and got busted for the sex.
ROFLMAO!!!
*singing* ...sex is natural, sex is fun, sex is best when it's one on one...
Didn't I already say give me a smart warrior that can make me laugh? Hello? HYBRID! LOL! Think of it as the eco-friendly hero.
LOL! I just got a sec to check in with you all and I'm LMAO at the golden vajayjay and the magic wonder peni! Kelly - hysterical!!
Come on, Marn. You know you're going to call it that in your next book. LOL! Just promise me it won't spin.
This might sound weird, but my brothers (who I admire and love) are warrior/boy next door types.
I ended up marrying the complete opposite--an intellect. Com'n Hellion, y'know this is true, you've met him.
If anything I'm the "amazon" girl who wantedt to be civilized. So I guess, I love tales about "amazoncores?"
Loved the blog, I'm definately talking to Mr. Google about manicores. It even sounds so masculine and fierce, almost sexual. lol.
Hellion I cannot believe that you apologized for this blog. LMAO
For the most part I try to dress like a Librarian (unless I wanna get my way…) because it makes life easier. And I like to hide the fact that I’m an Intellectual. Because it makes life easier. And I tend to make people cry when I get all serious. Maybe I’m just the Girl Next Door? Who happens to know what CQC stands for & is adept at using power tools. Gosh, I was trying to decide what I was … and then I read SIN’s comment. SO Hey! If Sin gets to be a Waif then I get to be a waif too! W-A-I-F…. Wily, Articulate, Intelligent, Female… yah in other words… I’m… I’m… a Hellion!?
I vote for Hellion to be a Category too! Congrats Captain you’ve officially become A Species!
And I’m with Terri. Give me a smart warrior that can make me laugh
IG, your husband is crazy intelligent! (Though he does like to live dangerously, since he loves winding you up! *LOL*)
I can imagine your brothers as a the Warrior Boys Next Door. *LOL*
I see now why you picked the Intellect Guy then, if you're the Warrior Girl Next Door. *LOL* Though that title totally fits you. *LOL* (That if Warrior Girls are dainty looking dark haired girls with big eyes and sweet grins...deceptive, I admit, but that is what you look like. *LOL*)
Cap'n, the intellectual girlicorn doesn't exist? :shock:
Damn! I suppose I'll have to settle for the librarian.
Explosive behind closed doors you say with unlimited access to books.
I'm beginning to warm to the idea. :D
On second thoughts I could have a harem, that would solve everything. :idea:
Pity there aren't any male harems Irish *g*
What with Kelly's manrod, Hellions dominatrix princess, Haleigh swooning over tortured warriors with wounded hearts, sin with the maintenance free warrior, Terri landing on the moon, and Hellion pontificating on the theory of it all, my head is spinning!
I think I'd better have another scotch while I consider further.
If some of the posts are as spontaneous as they seem then a comedy chat show might be on the cards. The Terri and Helli spectacular? :lol:
P.S I want a Hellion in my Harem *g*
Q, intelligence comes standard in all girlicorns, goes with the territory. (Unlike the male counterparts.) *wicked grin* But yes, the Librarian is the most intelligent of the species.
And yes, all posts were spontaneous. Thank you, Kelly. "The Kelly, Hellie, and Terri Hour"
*winks at Q* You already have a Hellion in your Harem. Just don't tell your wife.
Julie, I'm so excited to make species finally! Hanging out in amoeba land was getting lonely. Love the new definition of WAIF. Definitely fits you and Sin to a T!
Wait, wouldn't our little Hybrid version be The Rake?! They can fight when necessary (duel anyone?), are always highly intelligent (how do they avoid the marriage mart for so long?), and always have the wit to charm a damsel out of her petticoats! I'll take the Rake-acorn.
Oh, we have our own variety show? Really? LOL! I've always wanted my own show. Think of how cool a pirate set would look?!
Hellion - *Subsequently, he felt mantastic.* ??? I got a lot of funny looks sitting at my regular Starbucks spot when my drink spurted out of my nose... (wipe, wipe, wipe...)
So, how does Rourke and Eve Dallas fit into these archtypes?
The Rake. How did I leave him off the list? OH, because I'm not willing to share him. I like to keep all the Rakes to myself.
I don't know, 2nd Chance...I haven't read the JD Robb series to speak authoratively about that. Not that I'm against spouting my opinions on numerous topics I know nothing about...
I knew I liked you! I'm willing to climb the yardarm and venture that Eve and Rourke are both wounded warriors.
The main character in my WIP? Hmmmm, the Mysterious Stranger. Full of secrets, unwilling to share but lured out by the 'right' woman. Does whatever it takes to stay at the wheel, without crossing into blackheartedness. Appears supremely confident to all lookers. A born leader.
Ooh, the Mysterious Stranger sounds like an intriguing blend of "Playboy" (confident, charismatic, a leader) and "Lost Soul" (all those secrets, hidden past)...
The Helli, Kelli, and Terri hour? Awesome!
We should totally take this show on the road.:)
And then I misspelled misspelled.
I'm gonna stop.
I mispelled my own name...*g*
Ter, I am never accepting a drink from you again! I can't believe what that rum has done to me.
I can't think of a thing to add here because I'm laughing too hard! Hellion, never doubt your blogs - they ROCK!
I have to get me one of those Urban Words of the Day!
Manicons - I think I need a hybrid - the Intellectual - Mysterious Stranger - Warrior Manicon who love the Intellectual-Waif that I am.
Janga: I'm sorry I didn't comment before now. (Clearly I got distracted by the turn of conversation to Magical Peni...)--YES, the Intellectual is well worth looking for; and yes, if possible, shoot for the Hybrid. (It's more Green that way, right?) I think I might go for Terri's Hybrid Rake.
Santa: We're all Hybrid lovers here! I'm glad you got a laugh! :) Though I think that's mostly owed to Kelly... *LOL* I giggled about that for most of my drive home.
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