Banter and Suspense
Disclaimer: I’m from a fair-sized Irish family. I’ve spent nearly half of my life in a relationship with one member of the opposite sex or another and that has culminated in my marriage of the past three years.
I only give you this information because these are my credentials to blog about arguments between people of close relationship statuses.
In my Irish family, it was never who was right who won the argument (what an outdated concept that). Instead, it was who could yell their point the loudest. One learned to adjust, delivering their well-placed interjections at the top of their lungs. All I took away from such experiences was the knowledge that this was NOT an effective way of settling disputes. We managed but I was left feeling as if the grunting and scratching of caveman times would have been just as successful.
My personal relationships have been a bit better, at least at times, and I’ve come to realize that the dynamics of good (and bad) interpersonal relationships are forged through the very savvy execution of arguing.
When I say arguing, perhaps that is too strong a word. How about this: expression of differing viewpoints.
I have become a master of the “When you X, I feel Y” and “If you A, then I believe B” approach to arguing, er, stating different opinions. It has made for easier marital relations. My husband is even getting the hang of it, versatile man that he is.
This tactic has cut down on major blow ups, but day to day differences always crop up and these differences seem to be the ones that define a relationship.
Such things like this little exchange:
Me: Why is your coffee cup in the sink?
Him: It’s dirty
Me: I know it’s dirty but the dishwasher is two feet away.
Him: I know where the dishwasher is.
Me: The location of the dishwasher isn’t in question. It’s why your cup isn’t in it that has me baffled.
This exchange could continue but I won’t bore you. What I’m getting at is this type of back and forth, the subtle banter that expresses differing opinions without being overtly argumentative, is a great source of suspense. In conversations such as this, the electricity in the air says that a fight could break out at any minute and you should stay tuned. Maybe they will fight, maybe they won’t, but don’t you want to know? (“Next week on Jerry Springer….”)
I love reading exchanges like this in books. They add great tension. Perhaps because of that, my own work has examples of this throughout. I thought I’d give you an example.
This takes place after my heroine saves my hero from getting stabbed (he’s not aware she saved him as she accidentally knocked him unconscious beforehand). He’s asking her what she’s doing there and she’s skirting the issue (not able to explain how she’s there or how she saved his life).
*I’ve cut out everything but the dialogue.
Her: “I needed to get away from the crowd.”
Him: “Away from the crowd? You decided to get away from the crowd by wandering off into the dark alone?”
Her: “I didn’t actually think through it that way.”
Him: “I would hasten to say that you didn’t think at all.”
Her: “I was still on the Selwyn’s property during a crush. The logical probability that I would come across a fight between two gentlemen was negligible and the chance I would be struck was nearly impossible. Additionally, it wouldn’t hurt for you to acknowledge that I might have assisted you in some small bit back there.”
Him: “If you consider fawning over me, getting yourself hurt, and putting yourself in danger to be assistance, then assistance has been acknowledged.”
Her: “I don’t believe that you are being fair in this matter. I apologize for putting you out, but you’re being unreasonable.”
Him: “You apologize? You think that was an apology?”
Her: “Had you been at the ball earlier, you could have been keeping a better eye on me instead of placing yourself in mortal peril, couldn’t you have?”
Him: “Had I known you needed such close monitoring, I wouldn’t have let you out of my sight.”
How about your story? Do you employ the banter method of suspense? Any examples you would like to share? What other ways do you employ suspense in your writing? Any tidbits of personal banter you find particularly amusing and don't mind sharing with the rest of us?
Books by the Crew
43 comments:
Marnee, I think that this kind of argument is for the young inexperienced newly weds (sub 10 yrs).
Once you get through the ten year barrier then the rough edges are smoothed and you mesh together like a well oiled machine. If the wheels come off before then, you couldn't have been truly in love!
Have I mentioned anywhere that I like to theorise over breakfast? :wink:
I find that I tend to win the petty arguments.....superior analytical powers I think. But anything major, my DW settles with a missile strike.
If I sense that she is really upset though, like tears forming and totally irrational, then I make sure that she wins the argument by superior common sense......Yep total submission and I put the cup in the dish washer!
I haven't used this approach to creating suspense myself but have enjoyed it in my reading, particularly if the author is clever enough to inject dollops of humour. Jenifer Crusie is good at this I think.
I tend to prefer the more psychotic zany reactions as when a young bride, totally frustrated with her pompous husband, cuts all the sleeves off his suit jackets and 'shortens' the trousers to knee length.
Hmmm I do have an odd sense of humour sometimes........*g*
ah fresh couples... I'm with Q... I've given up on small arguments, there's no changing a stubborn man. If my DH wants to leave his damn shirt in the living room fine, when the bedroom is tossing distance fine, he wants to leave his pants in the living room, fine. He wants to leave dishes in the sink, then I'll get him when we have company---oh, DH, will you do dishes before so and so comes over [bats eyelashes]. Men are such slobs, it's the way the world works--unless they are by my brother--but he's an anomaly.
Banter is fun in novels. Ely is genius at it! I do it through misunderstanding in HB, but my stories are a bit dark to use that smart tactic often.
Q. Are you sure you wife just makes you THINK you've won the small things?
I really should be banned from typing anything that makes sense come morn.
That was your wife... yeesh.
I wish I didn't have to win every argument. It would save us both a lot of heartache. The only time I give in gracefully (ok, not gracefully exactly) is when I too, sense the massive explosion that's coming if he doesn't win. But it's getting better, Q and Tiff are right in that the longer a couple is together, the more a couple is in tune with one another (or should be) and these things tend to iron out more smoothly.
Banter in novels. Ely really is great at it. My characters tend to just yell at each other a lot.
Q - Win by missile strike. LOL! I like it! And I don't think your sense of humor is odd, I'd think that is funny. (Maybe I'm odd too.) LOL!!
Tiff - I can see that we've gotten better in the last year or so, but it's good to know we'll even smooth out more. I agree with you and JK; Ely does do banter fantastically. I loved her chats between Kate and Sam in TACOM. :)
JK - I think we have a similar problem; both of us are pretty stubborn. Sometimes I have to catch myself if I'm just arguing for arguments sake or because I don't want to back down. LOL! I've learned a lot about myself living with someone else.
And I like the yelling aspect of suspense too.
I love banter in my books, Marnee. Q is right Jennifer Crusie does a good job with this, as does SEP and Julia Quinn.
I, too, grew up in a big Irish family where louder won over right every time. Witty was also a must. The cleverer the putdown the better. My baby brother usually comes out the champion these days.
As for the DH and I, we've been married 15 years and have known each other over 20 and we still engage in combative banter. In fact, sometimes I really believe he does things to tick me off just so he can argue with me (even though he swears he's just being a stupid male). I'll try to come up with something, but my brain hasn't kicked into gear yet this morning.
I didn't grow up in an Irish family, but we sure learned how to yell at an early age. Heck, my family argues to say hello. My ex-H's family never raised their voices and when we were first married, if my voice hit a certain volume, he shut down completely. Unfortunately, I taught him how to full out fight by the end. That didn't turn out well. LOL!
I love this kind of banter but I'd never thought of it as building suspense. Great point. I haven't fought with a guy in a long time. Though the Captain will tell you I'm extremely argumentative. I prefer to call it debating, but whatever.
My H/H have this banter a lot. It's like in the movie You've Got Mail. Though Meg's character was sweet as could be, Joe always brought out the worst in her and had her saying the most insulting things. That's how my heroine is. She doesn't want to like the hero so she says terrible things to him all in an effort to protect herself.
Here's an example from my WIP. I love this scene...lol
Him: "You."
Her: "What the hell are you doing here?"
Him: "Moving in."
Her: "In there?"
Him: "No, downstairs. I just thought I’d haul all my crap up here first. I guess this means you’re my new neighbor. Lucky me."
Her: "Yes, lucky me. I always wanted an idiot for a neighbor. Let’s just hope we can manage not to run into each. Or should I say run over?"
Him: "As long as one of us watches where she’s going I’m sure we’ll be fine."
Her: "Listen, Mr. Alabama, I don’t know what your problem is but I’d say our best bet is to stay as far away from each other as possible. Now if you’ll be so kind as to get out of my way, I’ll start that distance thing right now."
Him: "I don’t have a problem Miss stick-up-my-ass and how do you know I’m from Alabama?"
Her: "I’d suggest you read your shirt but maybe that’s more than you can handle. When you’re done bench pressing that furniture you might want to pick up a book."
Irish - my sister in Irish related shenanigans! LOL! Witty was pretty key in our crowd too. I might admit my younger sister might hold the champion belt in our crew. But the youngest kids always get the benefit of the older folks' experience. It really isn't fair.
SEP and JQ do great jobs with banter. Good choices.
Ter - that's great! Very good example. Not yelling per se, but bickering. And the whole time I'm waiting for them to duke it out. That's good stuff.
And I don't think of it as arguing really either. Verbal sparring, more like. That makes it sound less like I'm just being tedious and more like I'm achieving a strategic objective.
Marn - I'd like to think I learned something from the starter marriage. I remember fighting over stupid things like how to load the dishwasher or how to fold towels. Now, I realize that stuff isn't worth fighting about. Ironic that now there's no one to fight with. LOL!
And about the men being slobs thing, the dude I'm seeing is the total opposite. VERY clean and neat. Sort of weird. LOL!
I never have to argue--because I am never wrong.
Our family doesn't do yelling. In fact, if I laugh too loudly in my house (happens a LOT), I get coldly told to "settle down"--I mean, Puritans would even tell my family they're tight-asses. No, we don't do loud yelling arguments (again, because every last jack of us are right), but we do a sort of WWII (Dad being a veteran and all) blitz-bombing sort of wit banter. Just about the time you thought the topic was dropped, Dad crosses through the living room and slaps you with some witty rejoiner.
All of our bickering--bickering might sum it up--is done in a sort of British sarcasm, droll and ever assured of our superiority of the debate in question. There are NO apologies if someone bursts into tears. There is no crying in Great Britian, apparently. Not unless your mama dies.
Apparently we're of the creed that if you lose your temper--and thus raise your voice, you've lost the argument. But if you can volley back an equally lowering setdown and still keep your point, you're a worthy opponent.
Marnee, I think we live in the same house.
Me: Why is there a shirt on the couch?
Him: I was hot.
Me: Why didn't you take it upstairs?
Him: Because I was down here.
Me: Yes, but why didn't you just take it up and put it away?
Him: Because then I'll get cold again, and have to go get it.
Me: Fine. Then why are there jeans on the floor?
Him: I was hot........
You get the idea. LOL. We've also been married for three years, and still bicker about the little stuff. Tiffany, do you really mean I'm going to have to get over clothes strewn all over the living room and dishes left on the coffee table?
I love bickering between characters, and use a lot of it, but when I went to go get a scene to post, I realized how much extra stuff besides the dialog is in there. Makes me think maybe I need to parse that down some to make the dialog flow at a more witty pace. Hmm. More revisions - woo hoo!
I wouldn't last 10 minutes in your house. My voice carries. LOL!
I don't write the strongest of dialogue but I do excell in arguements. I'm stubborn and blunt to a fault so much of my dialogue is just like that. I guess I need to learn to loosen up if I want to write dialogue.
I love to read good banter though. Matt and I banter back in for, needlessly picking at each other like a couple of roosters. Banter in a book, good banter, is like reading a really great sex scene. It really pulls you into the story line, into the characters personalities and leaves you feeling like you can't put the book down for fear you might miss more bantering.
Hal- you might as well turn the blind eye on now. I will say if you let it snowball out of control it will get worse, but there's no reason to fight about little stuff. There will be bigger arguements that will be worth the hassle. But socks are easily picked up and thrown into the laundry basket.
Matt likes to strip as soon as he walks through the door. I mean, if I worked in a gym and was sweaty all day, I think I probably would strip too. LOL
Yes Haleigh, you are going to have to learn to let it slide. Men don't change, the stubborn oxes they are. I get him back in other ways. He always has to carry the groceries up :) and every once in a while i get so annoyed that it boils over and i throw things, at DH, but I miss--he's lucky I like him enough to miss--then I'm good for another six months. Now THAT is the half Irish in me! My dad used to slam cupboards and whatnot.
Tiffany - throwing things! I never thought of that! LOL.
Terri - you said you found a clean guy? How's you manage that? *g*
Ter - Those military fellows can be very tidy. A good trait. :)
Hellion - I'm not sure I would last very long at your house either. I've been programmed, like Pavlov's dogs, to raise my voice when I disagree. It's not losing my temper, it's a fight tactic. LOL!!
Hal - I think our husbands were seperated at birth. LOL!! Though my DH has sorta settled on the leaving clothes around. It's a good thing. The next time I saw socks lying around in the living room I was going to pack them in my lunch box for work the next day. See how he'd explain that. LOL!!
Sin - I agree about banter being like a good sex scene. It really does keep things interesting and make me want to keep reading.
Hal - Marn might be right, it's the military thing. Then again, he could just be the exception to the rule. It's actually creepy. I've showed up at his house when he didn't know I was coming, and there still wasn't a crumb to be found or a dish in the sink. Makes me feel like a total slob. LOL!
My child is the one who leaves clothes all over the house. And she's a girl! Makes me NUTS!
Ter - wow! Not even a fork in the sink? You're right, that's either super impressive, or a little nutso. lol.
Marn - if you managed it, I'm holding out hope I can curb the "must spread clothes everywhere" instinct. *g*
Hal - Nothing. It's creepy I tell you. Even his bedroom was clean. Spotless! And I know that because I got a tour of the house, NOT the other.
Some Things I Do NOT argue about. Dishes are one of them.
Dishes? I simply Cannot abide it when other people don’t put their dishes in the dishwasher. Note: I did NOT say that I cannot leave dishes in the sink. My kitchen is not a democracy. It is a Kingdom over which I rule. This is another way of saying “I make the rules here. You follow them.” Follow my kitchen rules and I will gladly cook for you. As Queen of the Kitchen I will be more than happy to provide you with a meal fit for a King.
But if you Dare to leave a mess in my domain? What can I say?
Years ago I was reading through a book that some distant cousin had written. The book was a family tree. And in it I discovered that some Great-great-god-only-knows-how-many-greats Grandmother had been born in Paris. When I am cooking… I swear… I can feel her ghost. And If some peasant has left my kitchen in less than pristine condition I start channeling the Woman… “You are Peegs! All of you. Peegs! Oow do you expect me to cook in such a place? I do not cook in A Peeg-stye. I ahm An Arteest!”
I am An Artist.
And the peasants know it.
So they clean up their mess. Being The Queen that I am, I forgive them their transgressions. And I feed them. A Quiet Bucolic Peace rules though out the kingdom… Until… hark? Is that a nightingale? Perhaps a lark? No it is… “Who left dishes in the sink? How… Oww do you expect me to cook? I am An Arteest!!”
LMAO! Grand tour indeed *g*
I think shouting can be healthy. It's the cold silences that are deadly. I come from a family that makes their love and their anger known with equal intensity. The worst relationship of my life was with a man who grew colder and more silent as his anger built.
I love reading banter. In addition to those already mentioned, I would add Loretta Chase to the list of those with a particularly deft hand at banter. Lord of Scoundrels coukd serve as a textbook for how to do it right. Alas, it is not one of my strengths. I do have one bit in TLWH with which I am rather pleased.
“Honeymoon? Don’t honeymoons usually follow weddings?” Dori sat up suddenly, wrapping the sheet around her.
“We had a wedding.”
“Yeah, well, we had a divorce too.”
“Do you feel divorced?”
“I feel depraved.”
Keep it light, Max, he told himself. “Did you say you felt deprived?”
That sultry laugh again, the sound hit Max like another caress. Maybe the years had been kinder than he thought.
“Well, cowboy, you did say you weren’t as good as you once was.”
“Not as quick as I once was, not a bad thing, sweet lady.”
Argh! I mean "could serve." I think I can write, but I know I can't type. :)
I guess my ears were burning for a reason! LOL. Thanks Tiff, J.K., and Marnee for saying that about my dialogue. Kisses to all of you!
From my WIP where the hero (Ethan) and the heroine (Caroline) embark on a game of a different sort...
Him: Pretend I’m not your lawyer. Pretend I’m the chef, and you’re the—
Her: Restaurant owner?
Him: Yes. The restaurant owner. But, ma petit, I swear I do not have any honey for ze dessert tonight. We are out, I say. Out.
Her: You sound like Pepé le Pew right now.
Him: Work with me here.
Her: Oh, but, Louie, that is not true. I placed the honey in the fridge. You need to look again. I insist.
Him: If you insist...
Her: Perhaps it would help if there was more lighting in this room. That is why, I think, your filet mignon tasted like filet crap-on.
Him: Don’t. We don’t need any lights in here, do we, ma petit?
On the subject of Banter. My family does not banter. We fence, as in go at each other with sharp pointy objects. Only the objects we use are not swords. They are words. Might be hard for you to believe, but I Am The Quiet Sister. One of my siblings has such as sharp tongue she has to register it as A Lethal Weapon with the state.
Personally, I like to banter & argue. My DH does not… probably because he always loses…. Poor man.
Now my son & I banter and argue. We can keep up an argument for days… years even. I remember one time I asked him to pick up his weights. They were all over the family room.
Me “Pick them up!”
Him “Why? They’re not in the way’
Me “Yes they are.”
Him “Not…”
Back & forth we went … until finally he hit me with what he thought was a lethal blow to my pride. The line that makes every mother… every woman… see red. Yep he told me “If you don’t like them there then pick them up your self!”
Do IT myself? The time for banter, arguing, words of any sort had passed.
This was war!
I am a believer in the saying “‘paybacks can be a____” Which doesn’t mean they can’t be entertaining. So when your family isn’t acting the way you want them to. Then maybe its time to Do a little acting your self. Literally.
I raised an eyebrow at his words. But not my voice as I cooed “Ok…” Then I calmly picked up the nearest weight… and tossed it out the door into the front yard. Clink. Clank. Crash. One by one I sent the metal disks went flying out the door. Until finally, when I started dismantling the weight bench my son surrendered. Point made. Sorry. He would never leave his crappy weights all over the house again. Days later he brought up the “weight incident”.
“You must have been Really mad mom to have done that.’
“Not really” I said with a half smile on my lips “That wasn’t anger. Or Artistic Temperament that you saw. That was…”
Go on. Take a guess. What was it?
“That wasn’t anger. Or Artistic Temperament that you saw,” I said. “That was what I call… Performance Art!”
Definitely an Academy Award Performance if I do say so myself!
Oh.
And
I was wearing a neck brace at the time. And an arm brace… and I think a knee brace… probably an ankle brace too…
Really
I’m sure It was pretty funny watching mr toss that stuff out the door!
Julie - you crack me up. LOL!
Hal - what kind of girl do you take me for? 8)
I have nothing to add but, Marnee, I loved that banter between your characters. I can't wait to read your book!
Thanks Kel! I'm 1/3 of the way through revisions, so it won't be long before I take you up on that offer! :)
Ter - my child leaves things all over the house too. But he's 1 and a half, so I try to forgive, but seriously, he could try to pull his weight. (sheesh).
Julie - My kitchen is my domain too. Frankly, my husband doesn't like to spend much time in it. He does the dishes after dinner though, so that is appropriate. It's the stray, have a snack dish that bug me. :( And you seriously tossed your DS's weights out? I would pay to see that. LOL!!
Janga - That was a wonderful scene!! I loved it! You have such a way with words. :)
Ely - You're welcome! A very well deserved compliment, as demonstrated by your example above. Filet crap-on?! LOL!!!
I'll look forward to reading it then. Here's my new e-mail: kkrysten@gmail.com
I'll be there when you're ready:)
*ROTFL* Julie, I do that. That's the "Don't challenge me, I'll wipe the floor with you" Philosophy--because I *want it* more...
Yeah, I definitely stood in that line when they were passing out those philosophies in Heaven...
Reading all these posts I can see that I have missed all the fun....duty called.
Still I can try and catch up now!
Tiff, how are you doing? I've missed our philosophical discourses. *g*
I don't often argue with my DW but she is very clever,
and I do seem to win rather easily...*thinks* :lol:
Terri, loved your example of dialogue and tension building.
You always were a good talker!
Men slobs?! Now come on ladies be fair. Many is the time I've scooped ladies underwear from the living room floor! Men just get engrossed in higher matters and forget! *g*
Hellion, Brits often see arguing/debating as like playing chess, its a game of strategy and yogurt. But you're from the land of Bobby Fischer so you will know all this.
Haleigh, a tip on male psychology, just leave some of your own clothes in strategic places, he may then take the hint. *g*
Sin, you didn't bat your eye lids! I was all prepared after instinctively ducking when some of the others do it. Can quite believe that you are stubborn...but when you bat those eye lids no man has a chance!
Julie, I do some of the cooking here.....only way I get to eat! King Q in the kitchen. Some of the meals are a bit odd, but I am a scientist, I must experiment!
In your last post you sound like bionic woman...a command performance!
Terri, Don't know why you are surprised, he obviously pays a housekeeper *g*
Janga, I haven't been privileged to read much of your stuff but I liked that dialogue, made me laugh!
Ely, I was thinking of published authors for banter. Course your dialogue is fantastic! The stuff you posted on the EJ/JQ website (Sam Brodie and the lady who got onto his TV show) was incredibly funny!
Since we didn't get a chance to say it yesterday, I think we should say it today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, QUANTUM!!!
Enjoy this 29th year, it only comes around four or five times in a lifetime! LOL!
*g* Thank you Terri!
I had one candle on my cake yesterday and my granddaughter insisted that I sat down while she blew it out for me!
She gave me one wish, so out loud I wished to become small again so that I could ride her hobbyhorse.
Rewarded with peels of girlish laughter! *g*
Had a great day. :D
Awww, it was Q's birthday!? Happy Birthday, Q!
Happy Birthday to Q--
You rogue devil you,
You look like James Bond
and you're smart like him too...
Happy Birthday, Quantum!!!
And thanks, Quantum for the compliment!!!
Happy Birthday Quantum!
Happy of happiest and wonderful birthday's Q! I'd bat my eyelashes but I'm having them recoated with poison. LOL
*g*
Thanks
I don't deserve you all! :D
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