Friday, February 15, 2008
There’s a Dirty Girl in All of Us
When I think back to the first time I channeled my inner dirty girl I was in high school. Yeah, so I was a late bloomer. I remember reading Judy Blume’s Forever. If you never experienced this young adult romance, you missed some great reading. I had every sex scene ear marked so I could reread them at my leisure. I searched the shelves at my local bookstore looking for more of the same. I discovered Judy Blume was the pioneer of young adult soft erotica. That was my earliest memory of a book marketing strategy. The teenage girls in the United States deserved more young adult erotic romance novels. At least a hundred junior high girls read my copy of Forever. I was determined to graduate and become the next Judy Blume, it didn’t happen, but at least I’m a lot closer today than I was 25 years ago.
I wasn’t enlightened about the sexual act until I was twelve. A female cousin pulled me aside at a slumber party and said I was a total embarrassment; I had a ten-minute Cliff Notes version of The Joy of Sex. I can remember thinking it was the most disgusting thing I had ever heard. I turned thirteen two months later, and a miraculous change took place; I started to look at boys differently. Within a two month time frame boys changed from the biggest idiots on the planet, to something worth my time. Almost overnight, my view of an erection went from disgusting to entertaining. Now that’s progress.
As early as my adolescent years, I can remember channeling my inner dirty girl and writing sex scenes in my mind. I was always a well-behaved teenager, I wasn’t promiscuous, but I loved to flirt with the opposite sex. I was never a tease, but I always liked to leave all my male counter parts wanting a little more. That didn't change when I got married. I admit I've channeled my dirty girl behind closed doors. I've swung on a few ceiling fans in my time, and played out a few role play fantasies. However, if compared with a few wenches aboard this ship, my escapades would pale in comparison. But we'll leave that blog topic for another day.*g*
One of my favorite things in character development is developing their physical characteristics. It's important to know your characters on an emotional level, but relating to and describing them well physically, can increase the sexual attraction of that character tenfold. It's the subtle or differentiating characteristics that count the most. Use those to your advantage, throw in some vivid description and emotionally grounded characteristics and you have yourself a character that will stay with the reader long after the book is closed. When developing the physical appearances of your characters, ask yourself what physical characteristics appeal to you about a character when you read a book. Take your dirty girl for a walk, I guarantee she can help you create a hero that will leave a lasting impression.
Have you coined the term sexual dance? It’s the long drawn out foreplay before you get to the act. I have a naughty co-worker who has a wonderful relationship with her DH. They have a great sex life because they work at making it exciting. We were working on Monday morning when she received a phone call. Her husband had opened his brief case in a meeting that morning and discovered she had hidden a pair of her thong panties inside as a surprise. Now how’s that for beginning a sexual dance?
We write scenes everyday that introduces sexual tension between our characters. I use the five senses when creating a scene to build sexual tension. I always try to incorporate taste, touch, smell, sight, and feel in every scene. It makes it real, and pulls the reader into the scene with the characters. We build each scene like a puzzle until we are down to the final piece that bridges together the culmination of all the sexual tension. That scene more than likely includes a bed…or does it? Here’s where you can get your freak on. You can bypass the bed for the stairs, the shower, the kitchen counter…well you get my point. Let the dirty girl out to play and in the process take care of some sexual frustration of your own. We’ve often blogged about our writing being therapy. This is just one more way of using our personal character to personalize our fictional characters.
Even if we don’t include sex in our WIP, we still have to create physical attraction, and sexual chemistry. Maybe you don’t feel the need to channel anything to write the sexual dance between your characters, but a part of us has to contribute a sexual element to our writing voice.
Judy Blume celebrated her 70th birthday a few weeks ago. I would like to wish her a happy belated birthday. Thank you Judy for helping me discover my inner dirty girl. Forever rock on!
Do you have an inner dirty girl, if so do you call her out to play when you write?
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69 comments:
Do I have an inner dirty girl? HELL YEAH! LOL And I always call her out when I write. And I never had the joy of reading judy blume, but know a lot of people that did. I didn't start romance till a few years ago. Wish I'd started earlier.
And for the record, my dirty girl is always on display, not just while writing, lol.
Happy birthday Judy Blume!
Now, I'm just gonna go ahead and get this out here early. I'm dirty. I put the dirt in dirty. I've always been that way. Been boy crazy since age 2. Maybe since I was born. I can remember being in pre-school and kissing boys. I followed boys around. I loved boys.
Ha. I still love a boy. LOL
I can remember my first co-ed birthday party at the age of 11. Lord, there was a lot of kissing going on. I will never forget that party. LOL
I grabbed up my first adult romance at the age of 12. I had to hide it. But I devoured it. Johanna Lindsay. Hellion's gonna love this. The book was called "A Pirate's Love." I read this book until the cover fell off.
So now, I channel the dirty girl when I need to amp up my sexual tension. I have to remember every trick in the book and then some. It's hard when you don't channel her often.
And *sigh* I was promiscuous. Lord was I. I will burn in pirate hell. Which is an island with no rum and no hottie ship mates.
Great blog! You never disappoint babe!
I never realized how much of a dirty girl I was until I had to remove all sex/sexual tension from my current revision. I feel very schizo---sometimes I think I should be writing those sweet romances (like an inspirational without the God-part) or erotica. I'll just continue to do both and see what sticks!
Anybody else read "see what sticks" and have really disgusting thoughts? Just me? Figured.
My dirty girl is sort of an early bloomer gone on long hiatus and back with a vengeance kind of girl. I grew up the youngest in a neighborhood of much older kids. This was back when kids actually played *outside*. By age 9 there was little I didn't know. And at age 9 I started experimenting.
But at about age 11, I clammed back up. And the dirty girl was gone for years. She sort of saw the light of day again at 22 but never broke free completely until age 30. I know, feel sorry for me.
The irony is that at age 30, I became single again. Now you really feel sorry for me. Anyway, she's out and proud now and I'm pretty sure she's trying to take over. It makes for long nights but some really hot writing. *g*
I knew we were all dirty girls at heart!
I like that Tiff! You always have your dirty girl on display, me too:)
Sin I know you're a dirty girl from way back, and some of my best written smut scenes have been inspired by the heat surrounding your vision of Ranger. Damn girl you can write him so well. I can't wait until DV is in my greedy little hands. Ruiz and Ash...*swoon* Boy crazy since 2? How come that's not hard for me to believe? LOL
Maggie you have the right attitude, don't choose just write it all, and lots of it.
Terrio~ late blooming is not a bad thing, and like you said, look how it inspires your writing.
Great Blog, Lisa!
I think I'm a bit of a chameleon. I have had my wild child phases and some that weren't so wild. I've been a flirt, but I've also had times where I haven't felt like that. I have always had a sassy mouth, though. :)
I think it's crazy how women evolve as sexual creatures. I know I'm not the same as I was in my teen years, but I'm way more comfortable with myself now than way back then.
I think I use that "come to love yourself while loving someone else" in my WIP, though.
Oh, and you mention the physical stuff, I have to say, we talked about tattoos somewhere, and piercings, and I never think that stuff's sexy. But, a guy in a perfectly cut suit and a sexy grin, yow. :)
Marnee isn't it wonderful how we evolve into who we are as we age. I can remember as a young adult being so uncomfortable with the sexual thoughts and feelings I experienced. Somehow as you age, you just become intune with who you are and how to express your sexuality:)
And I love a sharp dressed man with a 200- watt smile...
I'm kinda like Terri in that I'm a late bloomer. I was way, way later - Catholic School girl and all! I found a romance novel when I was in HS (probably junior/senior) and my imagination took flight. It all pretty much stayed in my imagination for the next 5-6 years... and even then it took some coaxing (who am I kidding, it's still taking some coaxing.)
I've been sort of like a turtle peeking it's head out occassionally and then popping back in to hide. So I guess the answer to your question is yes I do have any inner dirty girl but I don't show it often. Like Maggie, though, I think as I write more I find more of her than I thought existed!
I truly think reading romances has made me a much healthier and more comfortable sexual being.
There you go... you said it perfectly Lisa... As I grow older I grow more confident in all aspects of my life including my sexuality.
Irish - LOL! Man, you've got us pegged, don't you? I hate to say it though, sister, but you hang out here enough that we weren't doubting you either. LOL!
Irish, I know the wenches around here are dirty girls, I was honestly posing that question to the drop in wenches:)*tipping rum bottle in your direction*
I think I'm the only girl who did not read that book. Weird.
Though in my defense when I was 13, maybe 14 (probably 13), I read: First Love, Wild Love by Janelle Taylor. That was sex education! Woohoo!
Still, might have to get a copy of the Judy Blume book anyway. She probably did a better job. The heroine in *my* education book was a virgin mistaken for a prostitute, who came like a porn star.
LOL! I started reading romance novels in middle school. I feel like a lot of us romance novel junkies started reading them then too. I ran out of other stuff to read and that's all my mom had. So, it was romance novel or stereo instructions. :)
For the record, my sister says I came out of the womb flirting with the male doctors--and the flirting has yet to stop. It's almost like breathing. I'm pretty sure I can hold my breath longer than I can NOT flirt.
Always loved boys. They rarely, if ever, loved me. Fortunately with Amish parents and 18 years of church with members who were all grandmotherly--there wasn't OPPORTUNITY--for one, Dad was amazing in his ability to SHOW up unexpectedly if I was in the company of a boy (the Matthew situation comes to mind actually *snorting with laughter* as well as the time I was with Mikey--no WONDER I have that scene in my book); and not a lot of credible offers. Cemented with lots of Protestant guilt. (Catholics think they have the corner marketed on it, but they don't.)
I confess to disliking Judy Blume's Forever, perhaps because I read it as a young teacher working with students around the age of Blume's protagonist. I know that some fifteen-year-olds are sexually active, but I also know that some of them are struggling with the decision about when to become sexually active and feeling pressured by peers and by the culture around them to act before they are emotionally ready. For many of the latter group, it is a moral decision, a consideration I found missing in Forever.
I have to run because I have another student conference scheduled in two minutes, but I'll be back to comment further. I don't want to leave the impression that I am a prude, and I'm afraid this post suggests that I am.
I haven't read it either. In fact, Hellion, I think you and I read the same romance novel. The heroine was a virgin kidnapped on the docks, mistaken for a prostitute and given to the captain of a ship. He raped her (with very little remorse), kept her prisoner and she, of course, fell madly in love with him. I wish I could remember the name of this book!
Anyway, I know it was a book lying around my house that I picked up cause I was bored. I remember laying on the couch in our back room reading and it slowly dawning on me what was happening. I know my face was red and I think I was sweating. My mom walks out to check on me, smiles and says - "Oh, good you're reading." Knowing my mom a whole lot better now... I think she slept walk through raising 7 kids so as not to lose her sanity. I am certain to this day she had no idea what was in that book and I'm sure she lived by "ignorance is bliss" when it came to what all her kids were doing most of the time.
Janga, I don't think it makes you a prude at all. I understand the need for morality in young adult literature, especially in this day and time. I read Forever for the sexual aspects, I was a curious teenager.
I wasn't sure if I read this book or not so looked it up and sure enough, I did. Just never remembered what it was called. Not sure how old I was but I'm positive it was no later than middle school. But as I've mentioned, not much was a mystery to me by then. *g*
And Janga - several of my friends were sexually active long before 15. Some as early as 13. And that would be in the mid 80s. I doubt too much has changes since.
IIRC, this book didn't glamorize the first time so I can't imagine it would have convinced girls to give it up. The stuff they see on TV today and the music they hear is much more likely to be a problem.
Janga, I don't think you are a prude at all. I don't think teenage girls are emotionally or psychologically ready for all of the ramifications of being sexually active. It is such a turbulent time in their lives and I don't think they realize that the decisions they make at that age can have long lasting and far reaching consequences that change and alter the rest of their lives.
As a teenage girl, I wanted to get my hands on anything I could that had to do with sex. As Lisa said, I was curious. And it was more than obvious, at least to me, that I wasn’t going to get first hand knowledge any time soon, so what the heck. But as a mom, I have a real problem letting my pre-teen daughter read any of this stuff. I am definitely more aware than my mom was and I don’t want to give up accountability and just hope for the best. Plus, my DD is the exact opposite of me – she is a social butterfly.
I don’t consider myself a prude, but I in no way want my daughter dealing with all of these issues at this point in her life. I don’t think there is anything wrong with her reading my library of books… it’s just a matter of when. I was just asking the DH a couple of months ago if I should empty my shelves and pack all my beloved books away until the kids are 30! LOL
Every time I see a post where someone says they found their first romance novel in their mom’s room, on her nightstand, under her bed or in her closet - I cringe! As you can see, I’m still working this all out in my own head.
*LOL* Irish, nope, but I'd like to read the book you're talking about. *LOL* Mine was about Texas Rangers; he had blond hair, gorgeous; and she was the daughter of like his boss or something he finds out later. It was a very sticky situation. *LOL*
"Raised far away in England, Calinda Braxton was an innocent when she arrived on the wild American frontier, but a passionate Texas ranger on a secret mission will gladly show her the ways of the world." HA! I wanted to call her Callie Braxton and I was right!
I'm trying to remember his name. Colt? Cade? Jim Beam? It was something extremely macho and swoony, I assure you.
Something happens on the stagecoach; they stop in town--and the town MADAME puts her up for the night, in the Texas Ranger's reserved bedroom, thinking the guy was out of town. He comes in, thinks she's for him, and makes love to her--and there goes her virginity. *LOL* Then we find out he works for her dad or something; and it all gets more complicated. *LOL*
Janga! I think my romance novels glamorized sex for me far more than the Blume book could have ever. Though I guess historical romances do bring up the moral issue quite a bit; and all the couples in romances do not engage lightly in the act, becoming fully committed as the book ends... Therein is probably the difference you were looking for. Commitment. Understanding.
I learned abut "slot A and tab B" in kindergarden from a book that explained how babies where made, and how they grew in mummy-tummies. obviously, at six one does not relate that to oneself, apart from the growing in mummy thing, but it makes life a bit easier later on, specially for parents.
I just dont get the flirting thing. never have. It seems like lots of fun, but it somehow just escapes me. I went through my shcool years completily oblivious of boys, at the most thinking it somehting very confusing from the tales of puppy love of my friends.
Irish said:
It is such a turbulent time in their lives and I don't think they realize that the decisions they make at that age can have long lasting and far reaching consequences that change and alter the rest of their lives.
I just had to say, EVERY decision a woman makes for her ENTIRE life is like this. LOL! Being in my 30s in no way makes it any easier. Well, a little easier. And I understand teens are fragile but it's puberty and it's raging hormones and it's all biological whether they find the Blume book or a romance under your bed. It's LIFE!
Granted as a non-breeder, I don't have the mom gene (though I was HORRIFIED when I found out my 13 year old niece liked to drink liquor and watch WILD THINGS--a movie I wouldn't even watch for the explicit-y!) but I think hiding information from your kids won't keep them ignorant. As you just said, you were curious and wanted to get your hands on it; and if they don't find out from you, they will find out from SOMEONE. Usually the *wrong* information.
Hiding your books gives the impression you think...it's bad. Sex is bad; and well, we all want to do whatever is forbidden. Mysterious. Naughty.
I don't know. It just seems...hiding all your books will probably backfire on you. Social butterflies are SOCIAL...and you might need to talk to make sure she's not taking advice elsewhere. But I don't know.
If you got some good Catholic/Protestant guilt ingrained, you might be okay with denial. Just because they're too young, if they're curious about them--you should probably tell them enough to keep them out of trouble.
The Captain hit is exactly. Sex is NOT BAD! And believe you me, it took YEARS for my guilt riddled brain to figure that out. Ignorance is in no way a means of birth control. If we've learned nothing else, tell me we've learned that.
I know sex was a totally open topic in my house and it took the mystery away. Well, most of it. I could ask anything, watched and read just about anything, and I was a virgin until the ripe old age of 22. Share people. SHARE! LOL!
I agree, Terri. I guess the whole hormone ingredient thrown in there makes the whole time more explosive than I'm comfortable with. Which brings me to Hellion's comments... that's why I married Mr. Irish. He said pretty much the same thing. LOL
He said it's like not wanting them to know we have sex - like it's something we're ashamed of or think is wrong. As he puts it - there is absolutely nothing wrong with sex, it's just not an activity they are allowed to particpate in, like drinking, smoking, driving, voting, etc. All in good time, young grasshopper! (He's especially funny when he tries to do the whole David Carradine accent thingy)
I am so glad I'm not the only woman who was raised with the thought that sex was a dirty, bad thing that you didn't even *gasp* think about, or you would become pregnant ...Let's all clasp hands and sing Kumbya! I feel so liberated:)
One more thought about Forever...I remember feeling so sad when the book ended and the protagonist and the boyfriend didn't stay together. It made me realize that just because you love someone and decide to give that person the most special part of you, that it doesn't mean it lasts Forever. It opened my very naive eyes. Did it make me say no to premarital sex? No, but I'm still with the man I said yes to:)
Unfortunately, Lisa, you were not alone. I also agree that the books I'm reading now are a very positive example of what a loving, committed relationship consists of.
I would like it to be said: I think there is a difference between not keeping people in complete ignorance (as if that will protect them) and telling them *every* detail.
My mother's idea of educating me about sex was the following: giving me a 53-page book about sex (written by a Christian group) who emphasized the whole sinful, hell-burning aspect and never mentioned: pleasure, self-love, or anything remotely useful to a teenage girl. Well, other than: "If you have sex, you *could* get pregnant"--which to my teenage self, was quite good birth control right there. I was certain if I ever had sex, I would get pregnant right then. That would be my luck. Then I would be a disappointment to my family forever, like the rest of my siblings.
This book was completely opposite of the First Love book, which made sex beautiful, pleasure, and desirable--IF you were with the right person. Though I figured it would be a bit difficult for me to find a Texas Ranger who would find me in his bed and want to have sex with me. But I thought, I'll figure something out. I decided the romance novel was probably the Truer Book. After all, if Christianity had outlawed sex, it MUST be fun. They've outlawed everything else that's fun: gossiping, goofing off, eating lots of pleasurable food, and sleeping in on Sundays. Clearly SEX must be the most fun anyone could ever have.
Then in college, guilt-ridden Bible-thumper I was, I met Nikki, who couldn't be more opposite of me if she'd tried. We thought each other was interesting simply because we were so opposite. Whereas MY mother had been secretive, Puritan, and quiet--HER mother was forthcoming, HERETIC and loud. I was still trying to be logical about the tampons--which my mother told me if I used them I wouldn't be a virgin--and this woman blew into the room, talking about merits of masturbating and how to make sure YOU got the most enjoyment out of sex. She was horrifying. (She still kinda horrifies me to this day.)
But I always thought mothers should be somewhere between. Forthcoming, but not...vulgar. *LOL* Is that possible?
Hellion I can remember my mom questioning me about my virginity when I started using tampons. I guess she thought I had to be sleeping around if I was a tampon carrying girl. Go figure.
You know, I never got that sex talk from my mom-or anyone else for that matter. It's a wonder I know where all the parts go, lol!
All in good time, young grasshopper! I love that! That's hysterical! Good one--like drinking and smoking!
Of course, then there's my niece was drinking by age 11, I think; and she smokes now. I swear if I could wring her neck, I would! Geminis.
Kris, however did you manage it?
Yeah, Ter, it took YEARS here too, and I in no way want to inflict that guilt or pain on my daughter. I guess it's a knee-jerk reaction of mine whenever I'm stressed - I revert back to the unhealthy tapes in my head from my youth. Fortunately, it never lasts long and I get right back on track.
Lisa, I'm feeling very Kumbaya with you at the moment. *LOL*
Mother only thought you were a virgin if you had the hymen. Apparently WARPING your children about sex is a family tradition in my household.
Hellion, LMAO!!! What a full college experience you had.
I totally agree about the middle ground for mothers - I'm still looking for it.
The tampon issue is hysterical. I never knew about all the hub-bub about that. I had friends and relatives who never touched them, but I didn't know why. I thought maybe toxic shock or something like that. LOL So I suppose I technically surrendered my virginity to TAMPAX at the age of 14?
Hellion, I don't think your mother in any way cornered the market on WARPING her children, believe you me!
Okay, how many of you want to see Janga's face when she checks back in here and sees where this blog has gone since she posted?! *everyone raise their hand*
Let me clarify. I knew *about* sex. Knew *sort of* how it worked and what went where. But I was by no means watching porn and masterbation was NEVER part of the convo. I'm not sure where I learned about that along the way. And even then, it was years before I understood women could do that too. What a revelation!
And I totally admit I didn't use tampons for the same reason. I wanted to keep my cherry intact. LOL! Still have never touched one of those things. I'm now starting to hyperventilate thinking about my daughter wanting to use them.
*struggling for breath*
I'm only liberated to a point, damn it. LOL!
And I just realized I'm sharing waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much today.
*raises hand to Irish's question*
LOL...I think we're all sharing a bit more today than usual, Ter! Must be all that chocolate from yesterday clouding our brains.
I hopped on the tampon bandwagon thanks to my older sister, who practically raised me. If it was up to my mom I'm not sure where I'd be. Although she was a nurse and a little more enlightened than most of her generation, she didn't really share a lot of her knowledge. So, I too, never got THE talk, Kris.
Sorry 'bout that. My comment was:
Didn't get the talk and I even had to find my own sex book to teach myself all about the "birds and bees".
tampons are the best!!! less, messy, no bleeding-feeling (witch I hate) and easy to use, and far better alternative when training. and no loss of hymen for me. I always thought the tampon-hymen-loss thing was one of those myths, like "one cannot get preggers on top.."
there are lots of myths out there. I always believed one could not get pregnant when in period since no eggs on the loose, so boyfriend and I um, hum for about a year before I started on the pill. I was soo lucky that my eggs traveled when they were supposed to.
tmi right? sorry.
Kris - you can't drop that note and NOT tell us what book. Come on!
hvitveis - you just reminded me of something. (TMI ALERT!) Now that I think about it, there was nothing to break for my first time anyway. The thing really did rot and fade away just from being there too long. LMAO!!!
You could have broke it bike riding...or horseback riding...or it could have rotted and fallen out. *LOL*
I bled like a stuck pig, so that tampon thing was complete bollocks.
Terrio, If it was not for the blood, I´d think I did not have any either. no sting, no pain. for my best friend it was so painful she started crying, and could not continue...
And I am really bad, but I cant help but laugh at how her boyfriends face must have looked for a few seconds.(she was in such pain she did not notice naything) I mean, the Day has Arrived. After fooling around for some time it is Decided. touching, feeling heating up.. and then, at the Union, complete anticlimax, and the knowledge that he has just done something really painful the the girl he loves. I know. It isnt funny, but the look on his face for a second must have been hilarious. Flabbergasted (is that a word?)
I think I am going to put away that baylis-bottle...
Really? No blood either. No pain. Well, I was a bit sore the next day but I've always been outta shape.
Can't imagine though what it might have been like at 14 or something. Couldn't continue, huh? Man, that boy must have been scarred for life.
I was 19 (almost 20) and nothing fazed Paris. Not even my stuck pig moment. *LOL* It was fine. Just messy.
Considering Paris Hilton has been spotting making out with women in the last week or two, you might want to amend that last post. LOL!
Though I bet nothing fazes her either....
I would amend it, but he didn't really have a last name. If it had been Paris Hilton, I would have said PARIS HILTON. But this is like the Britney references yesterday...I'm far older than either of them! They were playing with playdough when I was losing my virginity and sucking on blow pops in history class!
You just can't let that time continuum thing go, can you?
My sex talk with my mom occured the night my SIL had her first baby. I think I was 14 at the time.My mom is sewing and I'm watching TV. She looks over at me and says, "So you know how your SIL got pregnant?" I said "Yeah mom" She looked as if someone had stuck a pin in her. She smiled and said "Good." End of story...
I can only hope my talk with my daughter goes this well. LOL!
That brings up a question. I know Lisa has a son and I have a daughter. Who will have the easier time of it with the talk?
Though Lisa gets to cheat and make her husband handle it. LOL!
My son will ask me I know he will...it's the nurse factor. Although at some point in time he will stop thinking I walk on water. I pity the day:)
LOL Lisa. I have a feeling when the time comes with my son, DH will let me handle it. I have a feeling he won't feel comfy talking about the details. Or using the appropriate name for all the parts involved....
Oh, but Marnee, you still have the fun of naming the little guy for the first time. LOL! This is a very crucial thing. I have little brothers, I know. I think we went with Pee Pee and one brother turned out gay while the other turned out to be a chick jean wearing, lip-pierced player. You might not want to go with that one. LOL!
I'm very much about the anatomically correct names. Because even though penis or vagina may sound strange from a 2 year old's mouth, so does wee wee, winkie, and "who-ha" <- a friend's name for the girl equivalent.
When one of my brothers was 4, he was going to the bathroom once and asked my grandmother, "What are these, Nanny?" To which she answered, "Those are your balls or your nuts." I swear, I nearly died. I was 11 and completely flabbergasted (to borrow a word used earlier...LOL!)
I kind of like Hoo-Ha but you see, I spell it differently. I just realized we don't have a name for it. My daughter just calls it her privates. I suppose that works.
I'm thinking the boy is going to be easier and my DH already told me he's checking out until they are both college age. He always acts all squishy with me about talking to them, but then when it comes right down to it he's better at it than I am. He's matter of fact and funny whereas I stammer and blush a lot (not a good thing). Although I did fabulous with my little guy the other day when he came home after having the talk at school. We really bonded. Maybe it's cause he's not old enough to be embarassed yet.
I have always used the anatomically correct words with my kids. We got a boy dog about 4 months ago and the word "dinky" has evolved for his penis! Not sure where that came from, but there ya go!
I'm sorry that I missed the discussion. I didn't get a chance to get back to the computer in the office, and I just got home about an hour ago.
Listen, guys, I am a child of the 60s, and I have spent most of my adult life surrounded by students 15-24. I imagine that I know stories that would shock you, dirty girls though you are. LOL!
My mother was raised by a true Victorian and never recovered. She never told me anything about sex except to say to me when I was about 13 and clearly possessed more information than she did, "Good! You can talk to your sister." I had two cousins, an aunt, and an uncle who were 6-10 years older than I. I learned a great deal from them, and I read all kinds of things. :) I can be shocked, but it is cruelty, not sex, that shocks me.
To get back to my concerns about young teens reading Forever, I did not have the same concern about historical romances, or what one of my favorite students, a huge HR fan, called "heaving bosom books." I don't think my students felt that the romances were about their lives; they thought the YA books were. Had I been teaching seniors rather than sophomores at the time, my concerns about the Blume book would have been milder.
And, Terri, I know many young teens are sexually active, but the stats have been fairly consistent for quite some time. Even in 1995, a "high" year in such stats, only 8% of girls under 15 had experienced sexual intercourse. In the 21st century, the median age at first intercourse is 16.9 years for boys and 17.4 years for girls.
I really am not some Granny Propriety arguing for abstinence- only sex education, and I certainly do all I can with open discussion in the classroom and in informal conversations to encourage healthy attitudes toward sex. But I do have concerns about the emotional and moral consequences of kids making decisions that are not right for them. If that makes me a relic of the last century, I accept the label.
I'm sorry I missed all the fun. Where were you all eighteen years ago? Because the only sex education I got was from a video in health class. Hell, I didn't even know what a virgin was until my freshman year of high school and then it seemed like a bad thing. Thankfully I was able to keep my legs closed at least until I met my husband and then I lost it all in the front seat of his car to the tune of his honking horn. I hadn't graduated high school yet but I was close. I swear according to my friends I was the last virgin on earth.
Now I have a seventeen year old. I'm sure she's had sex although she denies it left and right, I mean come on her boyfriend is nineteen and they've been dating for almost three years. I only hope my other two girls and my son are as easy to converse with as she was/is.
By the way I didn't read my first romance novel until I was twenty-five. I had always thought I was a dirty girl but was too stupid to ask questions.:)
Man, there's a lot of deep stuff here. Sorry I couldn't pop in yesterday...
As for an inner dirty girl. Oh, yeah.
I began reading romances (and other adult books) when I was about 11 and got my first library card. I remember the librarian refusing to let me check out one book--can't remember the title--because she said it wasn't appropriate for a little girl. LOL! But everything I *was* able to get my hands on surely molded me into the woman I'd become.
Even though I was another one who came out of the womb flirting, I was pretty much a "good girl". Probably b/c I didn't have any opportunities to let my inner dirty girl out to play.
Then, came high school, and hoo-baby. No point in closing that particular barn door. LOL!
Sin, I remember reading "A Pirate's Love" and loving it. Amazing how, as readers (and writers) our standards of acceptable heroic behavior evolves over time, huh?
Janga, I don't think you're a prude at all. As a mom, I completely understand where you're coming from, angsting about our girls and the idea of sexual activity before they're emotionally ready. Both of my DD's got into horrible relationships at relatively early ages and the fallout for DD (The Elder) is still an issue. Thankfully, The Younger is more resilient, emotionally, and she found her true love and married him.
Oy, the tampon debacle! I remember it well. Mom flat out refused to buy me tampons. She never said why, but after 3 years of waddling around with Super Industrial Strength Kotex (with the suspender belt, mind you!) I finally got fed up. The next time I visited my sister, I swiped a handful of her OB tampons. Sadly, she used the super absorbency, and I was clueless...when I went to remove it, I very nearly gave myself a hysterectomy. Yeeps!
But as I said, once I got into high school, my inner slut came out to play. There were all these yummy boys to flirt with, and no, most of them didn't flirt back, but I had my share of romances, flings, etc...and still hung onto my virginity until just before I went off to Army boot camp.
Even though I'm well into my 40's I still love flirting. Every once in a while, I get some young guy, college or high school, who flirts back and it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling for the rest of the day.
Cinthia - I promise you, dear, you were not the last virgin on earth. LOL! 22 here. Yeah, I have no idea wth I was waiting for.
Renee - if you're daughter is not having sex that has to be the most patient guy ever born. But what do you think you'd do if she just turned to you one day and admitted it? I'm curious because I'm pretty sure I'll have to face the same situation in about a decade. *sigh* Why do they have to grow up?
Renee,
So I wasn't the only girl in our era to sleep with just one guy and then marry him! Yeah! I had a scene just like you described too:)
I'm like Ter, that guy your 19 year old is dating is very patient, or she's holding her cards close to her chest...
It's so good to see you drop by.
*hugs*
Cinthia,
I too had the OB tampon experience. I thought every organ in my body was going to be on the end of it, if I ever got it out. Damn, whoever invented those, needs to go back to the tampon drawing board.
Oh, I think I'd be fine with. I mean they have been dating for a while. Much longer than her father and I did.:) Now her daddy on the other hand...it's one thing to suspect it another to hear it from the mouth of babes if you know what I mean.
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