Friday, February 22, 2008
From the Eyes of a Romance Novel
I blinked my eyes as the light blinded me. I smiled when I realized what this meant. I was next on the shelf; the books on top of me had finally found a happy home, now it was my place to turn on the charm. I batted my eyelashes, and looked around the store. People were milling about, picking up fellow books and glancing at their pages. My heart ached as I observed the rejected expression on a little book down the shelf from me. Book Lookers, as we call them, have no idea of the self-esteem issues they provoke. One caress of our cover, one flip of our pages, can raise our hopes only to be dashed a few moments later when they place us back on the shelf. I don’t even want to discuss the psychological ramifications of being misplaced on the shelf.
I glanced toward the entrance, watching the crowd file by one by one on their way to the lingerie store next door. If they would read pages 157-161, they would get a beautiful lesson on how the lack of lingerie can benefit the single woman. Remembering the intimate scene made my cover sweat. I blew out a breath wishing I had arms to fan myself. My author had out done herself this time. Her heroine and hero were perfectly matched, sure, they fought tooth and nail to avoid their attraction, but their love was undeniable. What reader doesn’t love angst and a huge happily ever after?
I saw a young woman make a beeline into the store, heading straight for me. I held my breath as she scanned the shelves. Her eyes lit up when she saw me, and it took everything I had not to ruffle my pages when she picked me off the shelf. I could see the excitement in her eyes when she turned me over and read the back of my cover. She sighed and I wanted to wet my binder. She carried me over to the check out counter, and handed me to the clerk.
“Oh you’re going to love this one. I think this is her best book yet.” Of course I am, was there any question?
“I can’t wait to read it. I’ve heard once you start it you can’t put it down.” Now wait a minute, I belong to the book union and I’m entitled to my breaks, especially after you read pages 157-161. Can you say cigarette?
The clerk placed me in a bag, and I was in total darkness once again. After a long dull ride in the sack, I was once again resurrected. My new owner, I’m going to call her Alice, took me out of the bag and placed me on a table near her bed. She promptly walked out of the room, and left me destitute and unread. How could this be? I’m a best seller. I wallowed in my disappointment, craving for my pages to be turned.
I don’t know how much time had passed when I felt myself floating through the air. I opened one eye and saw Alice climbing into bed with me in her hand. Yippee! It’s my time to shine. She opened my cover and began to read. She proved to be an interesting reader. She smiled and giggled in all the appropriate places, but something really bothered me about her. She made the cardinal sin of eating while reading. I was appalled by this behavior. I didn’t want my lovely pages marred with the grease from her fingertips. It wasn’t a pretty sight, from my vantage point. Every time she turned a page she stuffed a massive hand of popcorn in her mouth, does this mean there’s a movie deal in my future?
When she reached page 157, sweat beaded on her upper lip. She pushed her hair off her forehead and clamped her knees together. She reached for her phone on the nightstand and hit speed dial. Someone must have answered because she began to speak.
“Hi Baby, whatcha wearing?” Oh hell no.
She giggled and dog-eared one of my pages before she closed me. She had just committed the second cardinal sin. Never do you dog-ear a page in a book; it’s a slap in the cover. Then I witnessed a blatant display of plagiarism. She recited verbatim what she wanted to do to her phone friend just as it was written on my pages.
“Oh baby it would feel so good.” Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall… ninety-nine bottles of beer.
Finally, she hung up the phone and picked me up. She read me for four hours straight and finally finished me. When she closed my cover, she sighed and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. I made water works! She lovingly placed me on the nightstand and flipped out the light.
“You are the best book I’ve ever read.”
I felt my pages swell with pride. It was so obvious, I had her from the moment she touched my cover.
Can you tell I had no idea what to blog about? What are some of your favorite books that made you sigh when you closed the cover? Do you ever dog-ear your book pages?
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50 comments:
I'm very meticulous about my books. I try not to break the spine. I don't dog ear. I don't eat while reading. Although, I do pack my books in my purse and it dings them a little bit. I feel really guilty about that too.
I don't know about sighing. I used to sigh when I read an Victoria Alexander novel. Or Diana Palmer. Or Katherine Kingsley. Susan Johnson. Andrea Kane. Kat Martin. But admittedly, I haven't read any of their novels in over a year. Not that I haven't been buying them. No my TBR list reaches from heaven to hell.
I loved the blog, babe. I've often wondered what my books have to say about my habits. LOL
“You are the best book I’ve ever read.”
Lisa, I think this is about the best blog I have ever read.
I'm making a copy to show Mrs Q in hospital. I know she will love it too.
Thanks for the early morning smile!
I love to break in the spine of a new book. It is like performing a little chiropractic (sp?) session, leaving the book soft and ready for action..
"Crack!"
And dog ears are mandatory if I cannot just let it lie open.. I have tried to use bookmarks but they fall out or are just in the way.
I am not a sighting person. More of a d**n that was good, I want read it again!-person And I do. Again and Again...
Q: I hope everythig is going well with the Mrs!
Lisa: nope. I could not tell. Until you told us..
Great blog Lisa!
I admit to some level of book defacement. Not my romance/for fun books, but my more literary ones. I write all over them. Generally it's notating stylist examples or where an author takes on a controversial topic.
However, I allow myself to just sit back and relax. No pen and pausing every other page to reflect.
In the past year I have started taking notes about the overall arch of some of my favorites. When they add conflicts, when first intimacies occur. Mostly just so I can see what everyone else doing.
I do dog-ear, break spines, and other such atrocities.
Q - Mrs. Q is in the hospital?! I hope that she is ok and that she gets better soon.
Sin, I try to take care of my books too. I don't eat while reading, but I admittedly dog-ear if I don't have a bookmark near by. Some of your *sigh* authors are mine also. I hope you're having a wonderful time in Phoenix.
Q, I hope Mrs. Q is alright. Please give her my best. You flatter me so! I'm pleased that I could give you an early morning smile.
H, I love the thought of breaking a book spine as a chiropractic session. That fits so well with my blog:) I have to say I've had a few *d**n* that was a good book moments myself.
Marnee, I've read several favorite authors recently trying to get a feel for their plot devices and over all style. Taking notes and marking pages would prove good reference points. Thanks for the food for thought:)
Lis - so glad my geekiness can benefit you! LOL!! Here's a notetaking tidbit I use.... Make notes in the margins or underline stuff. Then put a mark at the bottom corner of the page that you notated. That way, you can just glance at the bottom corner of the pages with a quick riffle through and know what pages you marked. To take it further, you could color code. (pink for heroine notes, blue for hero notes, green for mystery elements, etc).
Of course, I'm a nerd this way and tend to dissect everything, so you can also completely ignore me.
Marnee, I have to admit, I am a high lighter kind of girl, and I love the colored post-it page markers.
You're not a nerd, if so we as writers can benefit from more nerdiness. Dissecting was one of my favorite things to do in Biology class in HS, maybe it would prove beneficial in my writing life:)
Ah, but dissecting books is much less messy, and a whole lot less smelly, than dissecting dead things.
Blech *shivers with disgust.*
Though I do admit to liking my biology classes. Except that formaldehyde smell.
I LOVE this blog! LOL! What a perfect way to start my morning. Much better than this bitter ass coffee I'm drinking. Who made this crap?
Anyway, this is so creative. Love the "wet my binder" but the "Oh, hell no" made me LOL!
I take good care of my books but I'm not anal about it. I've been buying from UBS's long enough to not be that picky. I try not to break the spine and I never dog-ear. Oh no, NEVER do that. It's horrible!
I don't think I eat while reading, that's too complicated. It's bad enough my arms fall asleep holding the thing open. LOL!
Q - please tell Mrs. Q all us pirates are sending good thoughts. And make sure she has plenty of tea!
LOL, this is a great blog. Especially since I just cracked open a new book this morning. I was getting ready for work, I knew I had not time to read more than the first page, and doing that would only make me frustrated about having to put it down to spend the day at the office. But I did it anyway. I peeled back that cover, read the dedication (I love dedications :)
I knew exactly what to expect. This author drags me in quicker with every new book, and I knew I would be hooked with the very first line.
I was running late already, but I had to read more. I got to the bottom of the page, told myself it could wait until tonight...then I turned the page and kept reading. My son came downstairs and said "Mom, aren't we supposed to be going now?" I felt guilty, when I answered with a distracted wave of my hand and said, "Yeah, baby in a minute." But that didn't stop me from finishing the chapter.
Before I could move onto Chapter 2, I forced myself to put it down.
Then I called in sick for the day, LOL
Thanks Terrio!
I hope someone makes you some better coffee.
I didn't dissect anythng as interesting as a pig until I went to nursing school. If you're a cat lover, I won't share that experience:)
I agree I hate to dog-ear but sometimes I have resorted to the lame habit. I hope I'll remember this blog in the future, and refrain from "hurting" my books.
J.K., I love beginning a book and not being able to lay it down. I just finished a Lisa Kleypas book and she sucks me in from the first line every time. I hope you called in sick to spend the day reading and not because you're ill. If so I hope you feel better:)
I too love dedications. I think it gives an interesting insight about the author.
Lisa - Sophomore Biology. We named her Angora because she actually had fur. Then found out *he* had fur and changed it to Angus. LOL!
The anatomy class next door did the cats and one nitwit decided it would funny to hold up a dead, gutted cat in front of our class. My friend next to me, a real cat lover, started screaming her head off then hyperventilated. Now that was hysterical. LOL!
J.K. - surely you are going to tell us what book this is. Come on, you can't leave us hanging! And we know you're not busy working so give it up. LOL!
Lisa, what a neat blog! It definitely brought a smile to my face, too. I tell ya, you pirates are so creative!
I take pretty good care of my books. I've been known to break a spine or two, place the book open and face down to hold my place and eat while reading. I've never dog-eared a page though. So I'm not a total sinner! LOL
Marnee, I love your color coding and highlighting. I knew we were kindred spirits the other day when you blogged about outlines and charts. My family is going to Disney in about a month. As soon as I found out I created an Excel file calender color coding parks, hours of operation, things we've seen and new attractions (I love to get organized!). I used to get ridiculed for my anal retentiveness, but now the DH appreciates my thoroughness and just goes with the flow.
Q - sending good wishes for Mrs. Q! Grab one of those hot romances and read to her while she's in hospital!
Cute post! I'm terrible with books. They not only look read but possibly ravished after I am done with them.
Ter, That is hilarious. Poor Angus, you castrated him before you ever touched him. LOL
My lab partner in Anatomy lab was a big cat lover. She would get so mad at me because I made fun of our cat. I stuck a cigarette in it's mouth and she didn't find it a bit funny.
I'm with you. I want J.K. to share this book title with us!
*ROTFLMAO* This was hysterical!
I commit the cardinal sin of eating while I read. My books must hate me, though I have broken my habit of dog-earring pages. Finally.
Best book I ever read? Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows...
I know, I know...but I can't help it.
Lisa - that's hysterical! I sure hope you took got a picture of that. And it got some space in the yearbook. LOL!
I'm not going to ask what a good girl like you was doing with a cigarette...*whistles*
Seriously, how can you eat and read? I hate holding the book open with one hand. I must have week hands or something. LOL!
Thanks Irish, good to know you're not a total book sinner. *g*
Maggie, Don't feel bad about your book habits, it's appropriate to *ravish* a romance novel.
Ter, *grinning* it wasn't my cigarette. Honestly. I borrowed it from a really cute guy who sat behind me. He found me quite humorous, unfortunately not humorous enough to ask me out:(
Cap'n, Glad you enjoyed my muse. I'm with Terrio, I have no idea how you can eat and read at the same time. One more amazing talent about our Cap'n is revealed.
LOL, the book I was talking about is...
Mine to Possess
Nalini Singh
Love her
I hear about her all the time but I've never picked one up. I'll have to do that. Dear heavens where am I going to put that one...
Although sadly, I still haven't read any further. It's sitting beside me here on my desk. It calls me, but I am resisting. I don't want to open it again until my editing is done, then I can give it my whole focus, give it the attention it deserves. Ah, Clay...we'll be together soon.
:)
I love this blog, Lisa! The next time I enter a bookstore I'll listen for pages rustling as books try to escape my greedy hands because I am a book abuser. I break spines, dog ear pages, leave books face down, drop them in the bathtub, spill tea on them. The more I love the book, the more often I reread it, the worse it looks.
I excuse my behavior by referring to my cherished books as
velveteen-rabbit books. You remember? "Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby, But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." I hope my keepers have reached the bookly equivalent of the rabbit's insight.
And, dear Q, my best wishes for a quick recovery to Mrs. Q, and I second Irish's suggestion.
And Terri, I am emailing you my dissection story. I can't post it. :)
Another author to add to my endless TBR pile. Thanks J.K.
Janga, thank you. I LOVE the velveteen rabbit. It was my fav book as a child and I still pick it up and read it on occasion. What a wonderful comparison. It's so true, I have a favorite Evanovich book that is well worn from rereading my fav lines, and scenes. I think a connection with a good book is like a long love affair.
My older books are totally falling apart. Whitney My Love, Kingdom of Dreams and all the Woodiwiss books. But that's more from time and being moved so much than anything else. LOL!
J.K. - I'm reading the excerpt from that book and I must get it. I don't even read that kind of stuff but OMG! I have to read more about Clay. This is not good. Not good at all!
Janga - ooh, I sure hope there's no blood. LOL!
Terri, the first one is Slave to Sensation, and there are 2 others after that too. You could probably read them out of order, but they do follow a greater storyline, and you might not get the full effect of the fabulous world building she's done.
My HP books are a mess. The hardbacks AND the softbacks (yes, I own them in both versions.)
I wore off the covers of: Whisper of Roses (Medeiros) and The Secret (Garwood), The Gift (Garwood), Guardian Angel (Garwood), The Raider (Deveraux), and The Awakening (Deveraux). I read them to death. Definite Velveteen Rabbits, all of them. I had to buy replacements.
It's easy to eat and read at the same time. Probably helps my chest serves as a place to balance my plate on. It's not like I'm trying to eat steak and read...though I've done that. I just had to cut everything up first. I don't eat a lot of soup and read either--unless it's stew, or baked potato soup...
I don't like to eat Cheetos with my books. I get dust marks all over it. And chocolate's a bit messy if I'm not careful.
I almost have a complete set of HB JE, and I do have them all in PB. Obsession is not a bad thing. *g* Especially when Ranger justifies it all.
Cheetos are tricky. I've found eating them requires a total refrain from any sort of activity other than consumption. Cheeto dust is a pain to remove:)
hehehe...sort of like stripper dust. *g* Or so I've heard....
J.K. - this is really not good. I really don't read this sort of thing but I can't NOT read this now. Don't tell Tiff I'm contemplating this sort of paranormal. She'll never let me live it down.
heh heh. My work here is done. I go to finish my edit.
I won't let you live it down! LOL
Actually Q would be so proud... It's got a bit of a scifi scientific element. And the men are sooooo freaking hot! I lurve Nalini Singh!
And Lis, I don't dog ear, I don't crease... I'm very anal about that sort of thing. And the blog was hilarious, I enjoyed reading it. Especially the phone sex bit...teehee
Tiff, Congrats for practicing good book etiquette:) Thanks for reading and commenting, it was fun to write.
Eating and reading isn't really all that hard, but you do have to be pretty selective about the foods you're eating. Cheetos or Doritos are a definite no, as are all other finger foods, IMHO. I will read and eat when what I am eating requires utensils - no sandwiches or fried chicken. I look at it as if it's actually better for me - I take a forkful of food, put the utensil down, pick up the book and chew and chew and chew until I can break and take another forkful. I bet I digest better when I read as I eat! If I'm reading an exceptionally good book I definitely get more than 40 chews in before I swallow!
Lis, I have a saying I've adopted. I like crips books that haven't been finger f@#$ed by anyone... and I like to keep 'em that way. They are my only vice. I must treat them well, and they will treat me well... unless they are a wall banger... ask Ter, I do actually chuck those ones and let them rot till I have to pick them up.
Yep, I came home from that trip with a book that had a horribly bent cover. LOL! And in all fairness, it was pretty bad. For one thing, it was historical and the guy on the cover was wearing jeans. 'Nuff said. LOL!
I just spent more money at Amazon.com. Someone take away my mouse!
I don't think it's very nice to blame a poor little mouse.
These blogs whizz by so quickly its hard to keep up!
Alice's telephone conversation was with her sweetheart and she recited a love poem from the book didn't she? At least thats what I told Mrs Q *g*
Thanks for all the good wishes....much appreciated.
Mrs Q is going to be fine now. I think she might even develop a taste for pirate rock..... though laughing is out for a while!.....serious blogs for a bit please *g*
Q,
But of course Alice was reciting a love poem. A very suggestive love poem. *g*
I'm glad to hear Mrs. Q is doing well. I'll try to keep my blogs on the serious side for a while. That might be a tall order for some of us though...*raising eyebrow at the Cap'n*
Tiff and Ter, Ah yes the lurid wallbanger. We've all had some of those in our reading experiences. Ter...I love the historical with the pic of the guy in jeans on the front. *snort*
H, I'm with you. I need to stop with Amazon already. The little boxes with the smile on the end are frequenting my mailbox too often.
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