Sunday, December 16, 2007
A Pirate Reflects...
Life is made up of a sequence of moments. Some of them great, some of them not so great. But I'm one of those "Life is all about the journey not the destination" people and I think all of the moments are important. They make us who we are. and often change our lives irrevocably.
For some reason, a memory came back to me last week one morning while I was drying my hair. In my former life as a disc jockey, I had the honor of serving as announcer for a Relay for Life event. I didn't know until I arrived what that entailed. I had to read the names. That's right, THE names. The stands were filled with family and friends of the people on that list. People who had been taken much too soon by cancer. I can't tell you how important it was for me to get those names exactly right nor how difficult it was to keep a level voice. There were so many names. Too many names. But I have rarely felt as blessed or as humbled as I did that night.
Another moment we all remember is 9/11. I had to be on the air that day. We discontinued the music and ran straight news but we did break in from time to time to bring the local connection to the stories. I have no idea how I got through that day but it is another of those moments that changed me. Formed me. Informed me.
These stories we write are the same. The characters are on a journey and the moments, or scenes, we put together make those characters who they are. I have found that it's not until I have written quite a bit of back story and several encounters between my main characters and others that I have a real understanding of who they are. Much of that back story never sees the light of day but it forms my characters by informing me.
Are you a person who takes the time to enjoy the journey? Can you pinpoint a specific moment when you learned something new, became someone new? I'm sure for many of us women we would say when we gave birth. Every moment since that Wednesday morning in July has been better and brighter for me. Tell us about your favorite moment you've written or one of the most amazing moments you've had in this wonderful journey.
Hopefully, someday, we'll all get to include the moment we sold our first book!
For some reason, a memory came back to me last week one morning while I was drying my hair. In my former life as a disc jockey, I had the honor of serving as announcer for a Relay for Life event. I didn't know until I arrived what that entailed. I had to read the names. That's right, THE names. The stands were filled with family and friends of the people on that list. People who had been taken much too soon by cancer. I can't tell you how important it was for me to get those names exactly right nor how difficult it was to keep a level voice. There were so many names. Too many names. But I have rarely felt as blessed or as humbled as I did that night.
Another moment we all remember is 9/11. I had to be on the air that day. We discontinued the music and ran straight news but we did break in from time to time to bring the local connection to the stories. I have no idea how I got through that day but it is another of those moments that changed me. Formed me. Informed me.
These stories we write are the same. The characters are on a journey and the moments, or scenes, we put together make those characters who they are. I have found that it's not until I have written quite a bit of back story and several encounters between my main characters and others that I have a real understanding of who they are. Much of that back story never sees the light of day but it forms my characters by informing me.
Are you a person who takes the time to enjoy the journey? Can you pinpoint a specific moment when you learned something new, became someone new? I'm sure for many of us women we would say when we gave birth. Every moment since that Wednesday morning in July has been better and brighter for me. Tell us about your favorite moment you've written or one of the most amazing moments you've had in this wonderful journey.
Hopefully, someday, we'll all get to include the moment we sold our first book!
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13 comments:
Okay, Terri, I teared up reading your blog. I cannot imagine having to read those names or broadcasting on 9/11.
I guess I am an enjoy the ride kind of girl--I think if I kept focusing on the end result, I would completely stress out. More goal oriented people don't like my answer to the question where do you want to be 5 years from now--happy with happy, well-adjusted children....I am definitely not on the fast track at work.
Everybody teaches me things--my husband, my kids, my family, my patients. Sometimes it is hard to slow down and learn the lesson, but very beneficial when it happens.
Thanks for a thought provoking blog.
Count me as another crier. I've often felt like a cork in the ocean, and used to worry that I didn't plan more. I changed jobs. I moved. I started things and then didn't finish. When friends of our lost their son---the same age as ours---I realized all the planning in the world didn't make one bit of difference. It's made me live in the present more fully, which is a damn good thing, since I can't remember sh---oh, wait, that's you. It's made me more forgiving, more willing to wait, even if what I'm waiting for never transpires.
That would be nerve wracking reading off all those names. And I can't imagine what it would be like on air on 9/11.
I think I live in the moment. It's really the only way to go about life -- for me. I'm sure there are many moments I've learned something new, not that I remember any specifics.
One of the favourite moments I've written was in ITN, when the protags have to try and rationalize their feelings with words. That's not easy to do when actions come easier than words.
I feel your pain Terrio. I know that 9/11 has forever changed our country, and I still tear up whenever I think of the devastating loss of that day.
I think every milestone in our lives changes us, and makes us a different person. For me as a 23 year old nurse, placing my first patient who passed away in a body bag was a defining moment for me. I grew up a lot that day. I changed from a green horn newby to a nurse and I've never looked back.
Another difining moment for me was when my father passed away. I was daddy's little girl, and I learned at 34 what it was like to lose someone I loved more than life itself. My heart aches for the loss of my dad, not only for me but for my son who was only 10 months old at the time of my dad's death. My dad would be so proud of him.
I think dark moments change us forever, but they don't define us, but how we move on does.
The best scene I ever wrote was a graveyard scene where my character comes to grips with the loss of her parents in a plane crash. She looks back over her life and it's a very touching moment.It ends on a very positive note, with an opening for a bright future.
Terri, this is such a poignant blog! I am with Amanda and Maggie, I teared up!
I think I'm an enjoy the ride sort and I certainly try not to focus on the hard times, but realize that the hard times make us appreciate the good times.
Defining moments: my father's passing, my wedding day, my son's birth, the day I bought my first house, and the day I decided to go back to school to become a teacher.
Great thoughts Ter, good to think about major events that define our characters too!
Wow! Those are some very powerful defining moments.
I would have to agree with you on the birth of my daughter (my first born). I never really thought I’d be that great a mom. I’ve been around kids all my life. I was one of the youngest in my family and, therefore, became an aunt early on in life. I loved my nieces and nephews, but wasn’t one of those people who just LOVED all babies and kids, quite the contrary actually, hence the assumption that I wasn’t really the motherly type. Imagine my surprise when I gave birth, and not only was I a pretty good mom, but this little creature became more important to me than my own life. Pretty amazing!
I’d say another life altering experience for me was watching my father die. He died after a long fight with bladder, and eventually lung, cancer. I lost him when I was in my early 30’s. He was the first major person in my life to die. I had been to wakes and funerals my whole life (hey, I’m Irish Catholic c’mon!), but this was totally different. Watching the whole process is a little more intense. Learning how to be with someone as they are dying is another one of those things I didn’t think I’d be very good at. It’s amazing what people are capable of when tested!
And of course there were issues - my relationship with my dad my whole life was pretty rocky. I blamed him for just about everything that went wrong in my life. The thing of it is that he was probably deserving of a lot of that blame, but when it came right down to it, he didn’t do anything to me maliciously, just out of ignorance. He grew up in a generation where being a good Catholic and a good provider was what was important. He wasn’t a touchy feely type of guy and he definitely wasn’t that great at communicating. I grew up a lot the summer he died. I learned how to forgive, not only him, but myself. I learned that he wasn’t an unfeeling monster, just a human being doing the best he could with what he had to work with, just like the rest of us. I also saw the most amazing strength in a man I accused of being weak and a coward! Very life altering!
I know both of those experiences changed me on a very elemental level. I am not the same person I was before both of those experiences and, just like everything else in our lives, I think they contribute to what and how I write.
Lord, everyone is so deep lately! Are you all taking your Prozac as prescribed? I'll be glad when December 23 comes and the days get LONGER again. The sunshine is bound to do all us pirates some good.
I only enjoy the ride if the ride is fun. I attempt to not reflect on the more depressing moments of my life (I said I TRY) being that I can't go around CRYING all the time, because I'd never get anything done. Plus reflecting on it never teaches me anything. I just brood that I should have done something else. That I'm pathetic. That life sucks. Cheerful crap like that, whereas if my friend were brooding and we were dissecting it, I'd pinpoint all sort of useful information that would actually make her feel better about the situation and not like an idiot who can't get over her high school prom.
I'm *really* looking forward to the days getting LONGER again.
I'm talking about bunnies tomorrow.
So sorry, Cap'n, but this is what happens when you've battled a stomach bug all day, haven't had food in over 24 hrs (gah! am I hungry) and realize at 12:15 am it's your day to blog! I'll be lighter next week. *g*
Amanda - I have a hard time with that "5 yrs from now" question too. But recently I realized that I just reached the place in life I dreamed of reaching when I decided to move myself and my daughter half way across the country. It took going through hell to get here but it feels good to have arrived. I think I'll be doing more of that visualizing stuff now that I know it can work. LOL!
Maggie - great point. There is so much that is out of our control that we have to learn to just let go and enjoy it while we're here. My mom was 5 yrs younger than I am now when she lost her father and I never realized it. I can't imagine how hard that was for her and I still refuse to think about how hard it will be for me no matter how old I get.
Tiff - I haven't gotten to write a part like that yet but I'm looking forward to it. It's almost like the anticipation builds the more you picture in your head how the scene is going to go. But I can't make myself write out of order so I'll just have to let it build.
Lissa - my sister in angst. *g* Dealing with life and death is someothing I'm not good at. I knew very early I would never work in any way in the medical profession. That takes an amazing kind of individual and I salute you for your courage, empathy and strength.
Marnee - yes, the hard times have their place. It's easy enough to smile through and enjoy the good times but often it's the difficult times that make us stop and think. That really make us examine things and then bring the good times into clearer focus.
Irish - You are so amazing. I would be ecstatic to have half your wisdom. *g* I grew up a mutt Catholic so we didn't have the big Irish family around but I did grow up with Italians and they are pretty prolific too. LOL! I grew up mostly with my grandmother and went through some difficult times with her and alcoholism. There were times I thought it had killed her and to be a 14 yr old girl alone with what you think is your dead grandmother will make you grow up in a hurry. She lived for many years after that and stopped drinking but I don't think she ever really beat her demons. Only as I've gotten older and pried more history out of my mother have I realized what her life was really like.
Wow. Going all deep and heavy on us today, Ter. I can't imagine being on air on 9/11. Even the thought of watch the workers jump from the building makes me want to cry for days on end. Not to mention the families that watched the horrors of that day unfold on TV not knowing where their loved ones were. My hat's off to you, dear.
There have been many things that have shaped me as a woman and as a writer but nothing I'm willing to get into on an open blog. What compells me to write what I do we've all talked about it before, cheap therapy. Quick, easy, simple, anonymous. And sometimes even makes for a good story.
Sin - no need for confessions. It could be something simple like the time you saw a great rainbow or when you opened your first checking account. And I'm sure you have some great scenes you've written that really moved your characters to another level. One that doesn't necessarily end bursting into a thousand shards of light. LOL!
I think the point about writing I was going for was that all the moments or scenes in a book can be important like this. I know we all strive for the HEA but sometimes the trip getting them there can be the best part!
Hey, Terri, while you were on the air on 9/11 were you taking call-ins or just trying to fill the void with news? That would have been a monumental task!
I hope you're feeling better. There is absolutely nothing worse than being sick around the holidays. Especially, when you're the MOM!
Irish - on 9/11 I think we did talk to people in our area who had someone up there in the NY area. It was amazing how there wasn't a corner of this country that wasn't affected by that day. And it was hard not to just cry. It was almost harder when a couple of days later we went back to playing music and I had to go back to sounding chipper and making all the listeners smile. THAT was hard.
Yes, poor Isabelle took care of herself all day yesterday. Made her own cereal, poured my water and checked on me quite a bit. We were supposed to put up the tree and I was too sick so I'm going to surprise her and we'll do it today when she gets home from school.
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