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Foreplay: It’s Not Just For Really Great Sex Anymore
Jeff Foxworthy has this routine about how women, while slow to “warm up”, once they “get going” can run a long, long, long time. He, bless his little redneck heart, is a huge proponent of foreplay. Because of this forward-thinking propaganda he has played on every comedy stage between Boston and Sacramento, we pirate wenches on the Romance Writer’s Revenge are awarding Mr. Foxworthy the “You Can Shiver Me Timbers Anytime” plaque and “We’ll Roger Him Jolly” coupon, which grants him one night of blissful sin with the lot of us.
Provided he gets his wife’s permission first, of course.
In the meantime of waiting for him to seize upon this ever-so-tempting and once-in-a-lifetime offer, we thought we’d take this opportunity to teach you how to use “foreplay” in your writing. The concepts are much the same.
For instance, the key of foreplay to sex is getting our brains into the gist of the thing. (This is where men and women are so different.) You read the articles all the time in Cosmo—well, more likely Redbook—about women’s most sexual organ is their brains. (I think in Cosmo, the biggest sex organ is the guy’s wallet, but I digress.)
The trick, they say, to “get going” faster is to start earlier. They don’t mean by allotting 3 hours to fooling around either, because what owner of a Redbook magazine has that sort of time to spare for sex? I doubt any of us could spare that sort of time for George Clooney, let alone our KBPs*. Therefore, you need to start thinking about sex much earlier in the day to get in the mood for it.
Start flirting earlier. Kiss your husband before you go to work—tell him you’re not wearing panties, whatever—and trot out the door. (Of course, this is a lie…but he won’t know that.) Then at noon, he’ll call to check on your panty status—and you’ll exchange some more suggestive banter before you have to run off to that all important meeting. 6 p.m. you walk in the door and your husband molests on the dinner table. He doesn’t ask “what’s for dinner?”—you both know what’s for dinner. Pizza.
Redbook offers this handy-dandy little tidbit because we’re multi-taskers with no time to spare. We’ve carved out X amount of time for this activity and we want to make the most of it. We certainly don’t want to be burdened by our own hang ups that keep us from our goal: getting it done and done right. (We Americans are extremely goal-oriented, or why bother, right?)
Writing can be like this.
You’ve carved out the hour between 8 p.m. and 9 p.m. every night to write, because it’s the only feasible hour you have; and the infuriating part is that every time you do, you spend 20 minutes re-reading the last couple pages; 20 minutes thinking about what needs to be written next; then 20 minutes writing at most a page because every word seems a chore—but you’ll be damned if you turn off the computer before you write something. True, it is writing, but it’s not a lot of writing—and you end up going to sleep, not very satisfied with your results.
Frighteningly similar isn’t it?
Solution: you need to do your foreplay much earlier in the day, while your brain is still awake to appreciate it, while you can mull over the possibilities—so when the time comes, you can slam, bam, and thank you, Graham that writing time into some productive pages.
Over your morning cup of coffee, re-read the last couple pages of your story and/or notes of a scene you’re working on. Mull it over on the way to work. The more you think about your story, the earlier you think about your story—the more your story will work it out for you, even when you’re not actively thinking about it. You might be in an important meeting at 3 p.m. that drained you of all creativity, but at 5:20, when you’re sitting at the red light, your brain will pop up with the strangest of information: “This IS what happened” and you’ll argue, “But I wasn’t thinking of the story right now.”
You’ll get home—after spending some traffic time playing “What if?” to make sure your brain has worked out the obvious pitfalls. You’re almost too excited for supper, but who are we kidding? You eat. You might even skip that 7 p.m. NBC primetime show you should be skipping anyway—just so you can write earlier on your new development! You’ll write several pages, without having to re-read your last chapter or staring blankly at your computer screen.
The words will just be there, waiting for you to type them out. Like magic. But it’s not magic. It’s just foreplay.
And we owe it all to Jeff. Thank you, Jeff!
Next week: How and why Tivo can be written off as a business expense.
*Knocking Boots Pirates
Books by the Crew
38 comments:
I think about my books all day long. They are a constant, yet welcome, intrusion. If I'm a good girl and play with them in my head on a daily basis, I notice that my word count goes up and I'm able to pump out about 1K an hour (usually 1.5-2K a night) Which is pretty darned good at getting/hitting your goals. Love the panties comment!
I know this but fail to practice it as much as I should. For some reason, when I'm driving is when I get most of my ideas. Driving or just before I fall asleep. My problem is every minute of the day, I feel like I should be accomplishing something.
The reason I can't sit and watch a DVD on a Friday night is because all the while I'd be thinking of what else I could be doing. Those clothes need folded, the dishwasher needs to be unloaded, the dust on that shelf is getting extremely thick, I should really pluck my eyebrows.
But when I'm doing something I know is the ONLY thing I can do at that moment, the brain kicks in with the plotting and writing. Hence, driving and trying to sleep.
Love the panties comment too. It's even better if it's true though. *g*
Oh, is there an opt-out clause with this Foxworthy thing? He's funny but come on...LOL!
See! I have proof! *pointing to Tiff*
Now if I could only get it accomplished in my own book! Egads! I've been struggling to start another book, and have been floundering like a fish out of water. Lord.
And of course the panty thing is more fun if it's true, but it's not completely necessary. By the time he's tipped you over the kitchen counter--he'll have forgotten anyway.
Yes, you're committed to Foxworthy. If I had to marry him in a nightmare I woke out of in a cold sweat--you'll have to participate on the 1 billionth chance he ever catches wind of this magnificent offer and takes us up on it.
Have proof of the panty thing (Which, BTW I have done... I bet you Sin has too) But Hellion, when I was breaking away from edits on my first book... ideas for the current projects was churning in my head. I forced myself the first couple DAYS -- seriously it only takes days week max -- to write 1K a night... As in, there is no pee breaks, no tea breaks, I'm not allowed to shower until my 1K is down (hey it's too damn cold up here to wash your hair in the morning, I'm lazy I won't blowdry)...and I don't care if it's crappy, but the words are there. And they will keep coming.
Ah, the life of a pantser.
Alright - I'll fulfill my piratess obligation. I guess it could be worse. You could have picked Larry.
*shivers*
Ooh, what is your idea for the next one?
I would have NEVER picked Larry. Not on any planet. Not if he were the only man on the planet. Not if the choices were him and...and...an alien from outer space. I'd take the alien.
Tiff, no explanations necessary. I shower at night too--no blowdry for me. But not because of "damaging my hair" but because I'm lazy and prefer sleep.
No shower? Uh...can't do that. I have my limits. LOL! And I have to wash in the morning because the alternative would be to leave the house looking like a freakazoid. Can't do that either.
actually it means a late shower which means a shitty sleep cause I'm wide awake after a shower. And on the weekends... I don't shower until my goals are reached. Gross, but it keeps me motivated to get it done... :D
Actually I work better if I'm cleaner. *LOL* Withholding showers just makes me lounge around even more, eating bon bons and watching North & South for the 100th time.
Great blog, Cap'n.
I think before I was home with Ford I didn't have time to think about writing. Because I taught I thought about lesson planning 24/7 and what was going on in the little pains in the necks' lives. Teenagers and their angst can really wreck your state of mind.
Now, I have more time and I do let the creativity foreplay all day, though I am not as disciplined as Tiffany (kudos by the way, you inspire me).
As far as the rest of this....
I shower in the morning, I feel to nasty if I don't. And I blowdry everyday, if not, it looks as if I've been struck by lightning.
I have done the panty thing too. It works just as well with a thong (which is something I don't do often, more the cotton panty type - comfort is paramount).
And, come on, people. Jeff Foxworthy is a baby. The bowlegs? The uber-tight jeans and large belt buckle? What's not to love? LOL!!
Terri pointed out I ignored her question. But no, she buried it under Larry--and frankly I'm not retrieving anything that can be found under Larry first...
The book idea I'm currently struggling with has Lucy in it. I thought about going the "Deadly Sins" route and working on the first book of a potential series to see if I even liked it. The Keeper of Lust, Sirena, is sent to earth on assignment, which if she succeeds, will free her from her current enslavement to Luc. But of course, her assignment is the last guy she betrayed...blah, blah, blah. (Cliche, cliche, cliche.) I can't stand it. So I'm stuck.
Now I'm thinking of Adam & Eve again. I could cheat since I have the first chapter still done...and use that toward my word count. Everything else has to change...but what's that?
See, I think we need to sign Marnee up on this ship. She has crew spirit!
The very idea I would put *anything* under Larry is disgusting. I shutter at the thought.
We are looking for a Gunner and she's worked with teenagers which means she's seen action. And she mentioned the thong which means she's seen *our kind* of action. I say Yay if we put it to vote.
BTW - the question was referring to your "struggling to start another book" comment so I guess you've answered it.
Well, if I do the deadly series, it would be much more...serious. Darker. Redemption themed. Which is not my...well...it's not what I do well.
But if I do A&E's story, it's campy in the GOGU sort of way. It's got the emotional angsty stuff, but not the dark themes that a Deadly Series would have. PLUS with the DS, I'd need an overarcing plot (Luc's plot), plus the individual plots of Sirena, Rawdon, Tristam, Cael, Xander, & ah, hell, I've already forgotten my 6th sin. Blast.
I think you should do the A&E story but only because I want to see how that one turns out. I know the potential for humor in there so I'm being selfish.
But I have a feeling you can pull off the DS with no problem. I know you can be darker when you want to and with names like that, Ward and Kenyon will need to look out.
Yeah, but I don't want it to look like a Kenyon copycat either. *LOL*
I don't read Kenyon but it sounds to me like you'd have a completely unique approach. And you can find humor in anything so you could have the comic relief in there that would make it a great read.
I don't see anything cliche about that lust story. How would it work around? Would she then get to come back to earth and have a HEA with the dude she betrayed?
If you want to see my Halloween picture, I posted it at Cheeky Wench Tavern.
Dude, I hadn't gotten that far into plotting. I only decided Sunday to make Lust a woman, Sirena, because originally I had all the Deadly Sins as men, but that looked sexist.
Actually I should probably make Luc look sexist and make him make all the Sins women. *LOL*
But that's too bad. I'm really fond of Rawdon. I have that James Purefoy Rawdon in my head--and he's the sin of gluttony. I wanted to write him first...but thought I should probably start with lust.
Then the plots got bad...and I couldn't figure out what I was doing...and now I'm back to square one.
I would be honored (dishonored?) to come aboard. LOL!
Hellion - Though I don't know all of the details about your storylines, I think the idea of a Deadly Sins series sounds really cool, though I'm more of a historical reader than para generally. I like them if they have unique plotlines.
Though I don't envy you in the plotting. I have just a second book I'm intwining with my current WIP and that's enough overlapping plot to baffle my tired brain.
Maybe I need to make some cardboard cutouts of people. Figure out where they'd over lap. *LOL*
LOL! I know I made a giant storyboard about my plots and then I rearranged it, and then rearranged it again.... And I'll probably mess with it again.
And that's just TWO plots.
Plotting is my least favorite thing, though I'm sure that's not what I'm supposed to say. I get the *basic* story but then when I have to figure out all the details, I get frustrated. Those times I really notice how abstract random I am. (That's from some personality test I took once).
No, I hate, loathe, and despise plotting myself. Unless it's plotting HOW to get out of work. That I'm good at.
I prefer, when I'm blocked in how to make this work in a plot to say "And then a miracle happened" to segue from one plot point to another. Unfortuately, my synopsis (what there is of it) is littered with "And then a miracle happened." You know if you get three miracles, you get to saint somebody....
Is that like getting kinged in checkers?
I LOVE to plot. I could plot all day. Then I hate to have to put it into words. Well, good words anyway. If I could just talk to people and tell them the story, that would be much easier.
"then a miracle happened" LMAO!! Good one.
ROTFLMAO! A miracle happened.
Who was it that said when you hit a road block that you just have someone come in the room with a gun? Someone famous. I thought that was pretty funny too.
A gun would work too. *LOL* At least that would be a more concrete action than "a miracle happened"--I mean, what kind of miracle? A Monty Python miracle or a stigmata one?
Wouldn't work if it was a time period before guns though...I guess you'd just switch to "sword", right? *LOL* Or segue with "And then Captain Jack Sparrow entered the room/cabin/bar/wench..."
Oh! Speaking of, I took pictures of the little pirate in his Captain Sparrow shirt today. I'll upload today/tonight and email you. :) I wasn't in a picture taking mood really, though, I was in the way of his playing. But, some are pretty cute. :)
But Hellion - it's true. In your book, someone walked in with a gun!
Huzzah! I'm sure he'll look quite dashing in his pirate gear!
True. Someone does walk into the room with a gun. *LOL* I must have read it somewhere and taken it to heart.
Edit: I WAS in a picture taking mood, but the boy was NOT in a picture taking mood. I took about 50 pictures and maybe 2 are decent and have more than the top of a head or the side of a cheek. Oye, I swear sometimes. My typing=no good.
Why is it on the days I can't get over here to comment, y'all blow up the ship?
Tiff- you're right. I have and I will continue to mess with the DH's head. It used to be more fun when we worked together. Those were the times. LOL
Hellion, I refuse to lay a hand on Foxworthy. I will make him walk the plank if he puts a hand on my no panty wearing behind.
But this was a perfect blog. I LMFAO at the panty comment.
MsHellion, you are the only person I know who can take the subject of perfectly good foreplay, which is for sex, for Pete's sake, and turn it into a writing lesson.
I have but one thing to say to you, Pirate Person: Good job!
Well, maybe I have two things to say. I do not want to contemplate the possible results of my thinking about the kind of stuff I write while battling Chicago traffic. But I'll try. It might be worth a fender-bender just to explain to the cop (who I can wish to be young and cute) what I was thinking about instead of that the car ahead of me was stopping.
"Hello, officer, yes, I have an excuse. I was thinking about sex."
You know you might get off if you say that. *wicked, cheeky, innuendo grin*
If you're lucky and the cop is a hottie, you could both get off.
*erasing all innuendo*
LOL!
Okay, first let me say that visions of Jeff Foxworthy and foreplay may be responsible for some really nasty nightmares tonight.
Otherwise, though, this was fabulous advice. I tend to get really awesome dialogue ideas when I'm nowhere near paper and pen! I feel some times I've lost more than I've saved!
And most importantly, what's with the Deadly Sins thingy! I want to read about Sean and Julia!!!
(And I've done the panty thing too! You never have to tell the truth - they really don't care, they just appreciate the visual!)
Irish, I love the way you think! :) LOL!
Irish - you're my hero. :)
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