Musical Influence of the Week:  In The Middle of the Night- Track Fighter- Between Lies and Melodies.

Okay, so that's what I've been up to lately. Meet the outside of our "new" house. We're in the process of giving it some TLC but I love it.

Every story has to start somewhere. Lives being born. Relationships blossoming. New homes. Babies. Somehow when I was being built, someone forgot to put the "Ability to write beginnings" chip in me.

Give me a middle. Tell me to write a blind ending. I can sit down and pound out twenty thousand words before I know what happened.

Now, you tell me to start something and a cold sweat settles over me.

Don't get me wrong. I've managed to write beginnings before. They suck. Horribly. I have a friend who once told me, "I don't know what the deal is with you. It's like the first 1500 words of when you start cold on something just suck. And you know I love you, but your beginnings suck."

I would rather stand on the corner of Ninth and Cherry at midnight in a vinyl mini skirt and halter than write a beginning.

Beginnings are about knowing how much to share and when to share it. I'm an info dumper. I like to put everything and the kitchen sink in the beginning. You can't do that unless you want a reader to go running in the opposite direction.

I need insider tips. What sort of tricks do you use to pound out a beginning? Who writes the best beginnings that inspire you? And be honest, are you a beginner, middler or ender? Which do you find the easiest?

If there is anything a man knows something about, it’s how to close the deal on a climax because believe you-me, the climax for them is the important part of any of their stories. Me, I can agree that the climax is very important to me right now because I want to get to the end of this bloody story. So what can I learn from men and their all-intent focus on getting to the climax? How is it they’re able to close the deal and I can’t get to the end of the current bloody chapter I’m on? Inquiring minds want to know.

 

Let’s break it down, shall we? I believe the “Closing the Deal” System men implement can be broken into three identifiable parts:

 

1.)    The Hook

2.)    The Funny-Serious Charm

3.)    The HEA

 

Now if it’s a good looking guy—and say he’s got some animal magnetism like Taylor Lautner, the only hook he needs is to whip off his shirt at an opportune moment and then move onto 2 and 3. But never worry, a guy doesn’t need major pecs and a pair of guns (though they help) to win a girl’s attention. He just needs a hook. Could be a Porsche or a law degree, or for those of us unimpressed by those things, a crooked smile and a helpless manner at the mailbox. Just something that will get the girl to pause long enough so they can implement stage two: The Funny-Serious Charm.

 

The Funny-Serious Charm has to be good because a Hook will only get you so far. (Unless you’ve got Taylor Lautner’s pecs.) Marilyn Monroe once said, If a man can make a woman laugh, he can make her do anything. And how right that statement is. A man who can make me laugh is almost as effective as pouring me shots of tequila and waiting for the clothes to come off. Occasionally it’s more effective. I’m not sure what it is that makes it’s so effective. It could be that a lot of jokes are slightly self-deprecating, so it gives the illusion he’s humble; and there is the possibility if he’s telling a joke, he’s not talking about how much money he makes every year, which can be tiresome. But it’s imperative to follow this laugh with something serious. Give a girl time to catch her breath and realize there is a wounded man beneath. After all, that’s why people are funny; they’re trying to cover for a broken heart. Girls can resist men with broken hearts about as much as they resist a guy who’s funny. Which is basically not at all.

 

Lastly, men close the deal with The HEA. And Lord, they better, because if they get to the crux of the situation and don’t deliver a HEA, there will be no second opportunity. If you’re going to get a girl all invested in your hook and your funny charm, not to mention your wounded broken heart, you better be bringing the goods for the climax, my friend, or you’ll have to take your show to another state.

 

So back to writing.

 

How does a girl close the deal with a publisher or agent? Same way. You need a hook. Like women, these guys are looking for a reason to shoot down your pick-up line so it better be good. And it better not be lame like, “Did it hurt?” or “Wait, I have to call my mother.” You better have something original. Believe me, these guys have seen every pick-up line imaginable.

 

Then, once you have their attention, for God’s sake, don’t lose it. Bring out the Charm—both the funny and the serious. Don’t be dumping a whole bunch of backstory—nobody needs to hear that out the gate; and do keep it interesting. You can be dark and mysterious; or you can be light and entertaining—but foremost, be yourself. (A charming and highly-entertaining version of yourself, but yourself nonetheless.) Don’t be James Bond—he’s been done and you won’t do a good job. They’ll know you’re being a fake; and no one likes big, fat fakers.

 

Once they’ve fallen in love with you—and you can do it, believe me, men do it all the time—close the deal. Deliver the Happily Ever After. Don’t be lame about it. Don’t skimp on the foreplay and action. Give it all you’ve got, because if you shank the HEA, you’re going to have one grumpy-ass publisher or agent. And don’t dither around getting to the HEA. Don’t be giving us foreplay and action for the sake of foreplay and action—okay, some women just argued with me there (“I’ll take foreplay”)—but honestly, don’t you hate to be naked, writhing, and so close—and then the guy goes, “Well, that’s it for today. Later.”  Imagine ending a book like that. I’d kill someone. That’s the number one rule, right there: Don’t do anything that will make your readers want to kill you at the end of the novel. If you’re going to have all that build up, it better be a Fourth of July ending.

 

Important questions of the day: Best or cheesiest pick-up line you ever used or heard. Best book you’ve ever read that “closed the deal” and you couldn’t wait to get in bed with that author again. Are you having trouble closing the deal on your current manuscript? Share your woes here.

While I was writing my fist manuscript, I had a particular secondary character I loved, named Josephine. She's quirky and tough and a genius bomb-maker. She's Irish, and makes bombs for the IRA. She's an unflinching bad-ass. She wasn't one of the bad guys, but she certainly wasn't one of the good guys. Somewhere in between. And that was cool -- she wasn't the heroine, so she didn't need to be a good guy. At the end of the first book, she got arrested along with the bad guys.

But since finishing, Jo's story has been rattling around in my head, begging to be told. So now she's a heroine, and frankly, she's entirely unsuitable to be the heroine.

Entirely unsuitable.

1. She's in jail!

2. She's a terrorist!

3. She young, only 25. I generally prefer heroines old enough to be smarter than the average twenty-five year old. Though Jo's been in jail for a few years, so she's pretty damn mature.

4. She is also, however, a full 20 years younger than the hero. She has a thing for older men. Hmm. Wonder if that has anything to do with her dead father?

5. She was sleeping with the hero of the first book at the beginning of the book.

6. She's extremely promiscuous. Heroine's sleeping with other men isn't usually joyfully recieved.

7. Her moral compass is way off -- making her a fairly compassion-less and unkind woman. Some of it is a front. Maybe most of it, but she's not overly kind.

8. And finally, she's a smoker.

There are genres and romance sub-genres where any or all of these characteristics would be fine for the heroine or main protagonist. I can think of some urban fantasy books with similar heroines. But I write suspense, where characters or cops, or FBI agents, or someone equally upstanding and law-abiding and justice-seeking.

Not terrorists who are cutting deals to lower their prison sentence.

But forget all that -- forget that she's Ireland's underground bomb expert, or that she's had more one-night stands than she could possibly remember, her one attribute that might really trip me up is the last one. She's a smoker.

I haven't before written a protagonist who smokes, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized I hadn't read a contemp romance with a smoking heroine. I'm sure they're out there -- I'm curious what they are.

So what do you guys think? Should heroine's smoke? Is that one of those character things?  If they smoke they smoke -- you can't change them. Or do you have to explain why a character is stupid enough to be smoking in the first place?

I recently read a dark romantic suspense and the hero smoked. His sister showed up, and they had a really terrible relationship. They couldn't hardly say two words to each other, but they could sit in silence and smoke together. As soon as they spoke, they would start fighting and hurting each other. But every time they needed the other's support, they would sit and smoke silently. I thought it was a really great way of showing the tension and contradictions in their relationship.

Josephine smoking doesn't play a role like that, but still, I hesitate to just explain the habit away by saying she quit in prison. I also hesitate to make her quit during the book.

Yet, despite all these reasons, Josephine's story is one I need to tell. So she's my new heroine. She's entirely unsuitable, and frankly, I think that's wonderful. I'm going to have a hell of a good time writing her.

So what do you guys think? Do I need to make her stop smoking? How do you feel about heroine's who smoke? Do you think Josephine sounds like a suitable heroine? What would you put on the list of no-no's when it comes to heroines?

Today I be leavin’ the port a San Pedro, CA, and headin’ fer the waters offa the Mexican Riviera. A week long cruise ta relax, enjoy havin’ me DH at me side instead a’ stuck in chilly Rochester, NY. And me mind runs ta the glories a’ the hot blooded Latin men. So, I went in search a’ some ta dangle afore ya. Not that all a’ these lads hail from where I be headed…but the idea has merit!

 

Antonio Banderas – Andalucía, Spain

 

 

 

Juan Pablo Montoya – Brazil

Lou Diamond Phillips – Born in the Phillipines, Spanish ancestry 

 

 

Richard Chaves – Florida

Fernando Lamas – Buenas Aires, Argentina

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hector Elizondo – Spanish and Puerto Rican

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Benjamin Bratt – Peruvian

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christian de la Fuente – Santiago, Chili 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Penelope Cruz – Spanish

 

 

 

 

Ya have any favorites a’ yer own? (Sin, any a’ these men fit yer visions fer Ranger?)

 

Crew, I won’t be around much next week. Me sweet DH be takin’ me on a 7 day Mexican Cruise and we be boardin’ on December 6^th. (I plan on a Sunday hottie post a’ loverly Latin men, do prepare! And Q? I didn’t forget ya…)

 

What makes this a special cruise is me birthday is December 7. And I be turnin’ 50. So, if despair takes me, I can jump ship. (Nah, I ain’t feelin’ that way, don’t worry none.)

 

But I been thinkin’ fer months on how ta write a blog about this monumental birthday. Why it be so monumental, I ain’t sure. I don’t feel 50. But then again, mayhaps this be what 50 feels like! One thing I do feel?

 

Pressure.

 

Pressure ta make me mark. Pressure ta see me name on a book, in a bookstore. Pressure ta be one a’ those able to impart wisdom ta the eager aspirin’ authors. Not sure that I buy the tickin’ clock at me back, but I do want ta have time ta enjoy me glory as an author.

 

But I already feel like an author. I jus’ not be published!

 

As ya age, the pressure grows and it partners up with the critical voice a’ hopelessness.

(She be a little old lady in a wheelchair, who knits and shakes her head at me tryin’ ta do somethin’ at this stage in me life. I ain’t a big fan a’ hers… Kraken? Sweetie!)

 

But she be a stubborn ol’ biddy and comes back ta nibble at me ears. I be good at fendin’ her off, but she’s still there. And she be one more bit a’ burden I bear as I enter me next decade. Growin’ old ain’t fer sissies. But we pirates can manage this monster… I do thinks I need more inspiration…

 

I know I been one ta bring up the disparity a’ older characters in books. Especially passionate sexual characters. I’d even like ta simply see older characters be simply…center stage. As I contemplate what it be like ta be reachin’ inta me fifth decade, I wants ta read ‘bout what it be like fer others. Not the real story, mind ya! But the story that be created by the wonderful writer’s mind.

 

Readin’ ‘bout characters inspires the reader. We all think, “I can do that! I want to be that brave, that smart… Do that, be that, accomplish this…” On and on and on. So, where be the written characters I can aspire ta?

 

Granted, I wants ta be like the aunts in the movie, Practical Magic. But what about the written characters? Aye, another complaint a’ mine…

 

Are the books goin’ ta be written? Afterall, it jus’ be a number.

 

And I wonders…what do these numbers mean? The population be agin’. And if medicine (insurance willin’) sees us live into the century mark, what will 50 become? The new 30? Again, I’m willin’ ta be the writer that starts this trend! Ya know me, I’m always willin’ ta throw meself on the grenade!

 

Me DH likes ta joke ‘bout the advertisin’ cruise lines do. Ya go ta the Princess website and there be several silver haired couples. Ya go ta Carnival and they all be 20 somethin’s… It’s ‘bout marketin’ and target audience. I jus’ need ta find me audience…perhaps I could be a guest lecturer on a Princess cruise?

 

*grin

 

So, I’m havin’ a hard time wrappin’ this up ta a specific topic… I don’t know, crew. Is it ‘bout turnin’ 50? How do the rest a’ you feel about how much time ya have? Ta be philosophical, no one knows how much time ya have… (Anyone seen the 2012?)

 

Anyone read a book with some fifth decade characters I can find inspiration from? (With sex or not?) Anyone got some inspirin’ 50 somethin’s ta tell me about?

Though there always be Grandma Moses, who began paintin’ in ‘er 70s… I’m still ahead a’ the game accordin’ ta her standards! And there is Castle’s Mom, I like ‘er!

 

(Or anyone know the best things ta see in Puerta Vallarta (where the DH and I honeymooned nearly 30 years ago…though we be sailin’ while there, so not sure how much time we gonna have.) Or Mazatlan? Or Cabo San Lucas? Though we got a tall ship sailin’ goin’ on there also. Aye, we gots our priorities straight!)

 

But, let’s make this interestin’… I’ll shop while on the cruise and find a few prizes ta give away fer comments.

 

What da ya know?  Who inspires ya ‘bout growing old? Are ya settin’ a deadline fer yerself that involves birthdays? (And if so, will ya stop it, please!?) I’m lookin’ fer books ta read, characters ta fall in love wit’… Are ya brave enough to write an older character? Fallin’ in love or jus’ bein’ brave ‘bout growin’ old!?

 

  

I’m a plotter.  It’s not really a secret around here.  I’m one of those annoying folks who write a synopsis before I start writing my story.  After I get it done, I map out all the scenes in the story and only when done do I feel like I’m prepared to write my story.  I spend two weeks, maybe three, devoted to this whole process.  Then I start writing. 

Usually my storyline comes from character ideas.  I got the idea for my last story from my heroine, a prophet, and the rest of the storyline exploded from there. 

But in both of my last manuscripts, I’ve gotten to the middle and had to reevaluate my character motivations.  I realized that I do this because I don’t “know” my characters as well in the beginning of the story so I have to go back through and revise after I know them better.

I admit this is inefficient.  I revised my last manuscript at the middle and then revised it again at the end.  Twice.  I’m still not certain I’ve expressed what I want to express adequately. 

Now, as I begin again, I’m reevaluating my method.  Oh, relax folks.  Never fear.  I’m not going to chuck my plotting ways.  I’m not ready to go all pantser on you guys.  (I suspect I would make everyone—including myself—crazy). 

But there might be something to be said for the pantsers who claim to focus on characters first and then let the story evolve naturally.  Don’t get me wrong.  I couldn’t just start writing with only an inkling of their personalities.  But I do think I need to do more character development before I start this time.  And not just for my hero and heroine, but for all the major characters.  Then I can devise the plot after I know the people involved.

In an effort to attempt this feat, I’ve purposely ignored any attempts my brain has made to latch onto a plot direction.  I jotted down disjointed ideas, but I’m going to wait until I’ve got the characters to do all that stuff.

Is this coming naturally?  No.  For something that should be organic (i.e., defining the characters in my head, answer their “whys” and “what fors”), it’s not easy.  But when I let them unfold on the page by themselves and try to fit themselves into a storyline, I cause myself some serious heart aches in the middle and the end.  So I’m hacking away at it.  I’m questioning every little nuance about them that comes to my mind. 

Are they annoyed with me?  Yes.  Am I annoyed with me?  Absolutely.  But I hope that it works better for the story in the end.

So tell me…  What kind of character development things did you do to get to know your characters?  Do they spring full formed to your mind or do you take a while to “learn” about them?  Which comes easier—the characters or the plot? 

With Winter nearly here and Flu Season knocking at our doors, it’s time to give thought to our health as writers. I’ve never thought of writing as a particularly hazardous occupation, not like say: rattlesnake wrangler; but apparently there are a number of diseases a writer can succumb to if she is not careful.

                       

I’ll go over a few of them now, the symptoms, and the possible cures, if given in the early stages.

 

Procrastinationoma: a form of laziness that usually crops up when one has too much time on one’s hands. This disease works in a couple of ways. Either the writer, upon reflecting upon all the things she needs to do to finish the book, gets overwhelmed and hobbles off to do something less labor-intensive, like paint the Sistine Chapel; or the writer fools herself into thinking she’s doing writer-related brain activities like thinking about the novel. Now, where thinking is a fine and noble activity, one must note that Socrates did a lot of thinking—but it was someone else who wrote his thoughts down. That someone else also pocketed the money, you can be assured. Remember that the next time you want to go “think for a while.”

 

Procrastinationoma can be avoided by breaking down your goals into small increments so you don’t get overwhelmed by the premise of writing the whole book in one sitting. For instance, instead of saying: I’m going to write the greatest romance novel of all time!—which would make anyone pick up a paintbrush, say: “I’m going to write the first page to the greatest romance novel of all time.” Then the next day, make a goal to write the second page—and so forth, until you say, “Today, I’m going to write the last page of the greatest romance novel.” Also, you can avoid Procrastinationoma by “doing” instead of “thinking”—action kills Procrastionationoma quicker than you can say: Michelangelo.

 

Excuseitis: Unlike Procrastinationoma, Excuseitis attacks your brain with all the various things you could and should be doing instead of writing. A virulent virus, it crops up too at writing meetings and critique groups, presenting inventive and legitimate reasons why you haven’t met any of your writing goals. For the last 6 months. Like Procrastinationoma, the only way to really overcome it is to wrap the neck scarf a bit tighter around your throat and hunker down over the keyboard. Consistent, everyday writing time is really the only preventive—the writing world’s version of zinc.

 

Soccermomosis: The complete opposite of Procrastinationoma, Soccermomosis is a perilous pestilence, operating under the guise of “I must do it all, all the time.” Usually suffered by mothers and Wall Street brokers, those consumed by Soccermomosis are compelled to fill every moment of their day with “necessary” activities, usually events that are actively benefiting miniature adults, who are also being run ragged. Soccermomois sufferers aren’t able to write because there is simply no time—not from an overdose of “thinking.” There isn’t any time to think either.

 

Soccermomosis is a much trickier tribulation to surmount. The cure is not for the faint of heart, for it requires that which most of us are unwilling to implement in the face of miniature adults: selfishness. You have to look at your list of “necessary” activities and figure out what can be exchanged for writing. Something must go. If writing truly matters to you, you will find the expendable item on the list. You will. Once you find the time, guard it like the Hope Diamond.

 

Boringascrapitis: An insidious illness, which symptoms are not unlike depression, and include sleeping, moaning, whining, and weeping into your pillow. Sufferers frequently look cross-eyed from all their continued staring at their manuscript, often muttering: “God, this is boring.” However, instead of being inspired to fix said boring spots, they crawl under a blanket and watch re-runs of As The World Turns. (Yes, it’s that bad. Don’t let it happen to you.) Should you notice you’re whining and weeping into your pillow, leave the house and get some fresh air. I assure you, things aren’t that bad. Work on a different project (though if you find you’re bored with all your projects around Chapter 4 or 8, and you’ve abandoned all of them in something less “boring”—you’re not suffering from Boringascrapitis, but Commitphobia, which requires you to actually write though the boring parts and finish it, no matter what.)

 

Judgmentalism: A seizure of your nerves stemming from criticism bestowed by family, friends, long-suffering teenagers, and your pastor. Your brain clenches up at the thought that people who know you are going to read books you wrote—that have sex in them. Everyone will know you had sex, and worse, that you think about sex. There is but two cures. 1.) Get over it. Everyone, including your pastor, has had sex—and thought about it. Even your teenager has thought about it, ad nauseam. If that is not an option, option 2.) Move to Antarctica. The penguins won’t care.

 

Anti-StewartSmalleybotchulism: Okay, I suppose I could just say “lack of self-confidence”, but that’s not as fun as referencing the SNL character who always said, “Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Yes, you guessed it. If you’re suffering from Anti-StewartSmalleybotchulism, you think your writing is the worst thing to have happened to books since Wild Animus, which I assure you nothing you can write will be worse than that book. You should try reading it and see. It’ll make you feel better. Anti-StewartSmalleybotchulism is only surmountable by copious amounts of chocolate and critique groups who are willing to blow sunshine up your gloomy…attitude.

 

What deadly writing disease have you encountered in your writing? What medicines best coped with it?