Monday, December 13, 2010
A Holiday Letter – The Pirate Version
Ahoy, me mateys and how ye be this holiday season? Hopin’ yer winds be strong and yer rum be plenty.*ahem*
Okay, I could never keep that up all the way through. This is the pirate version in proper English. Or proper American, whatever.
Since Christmas is upon us, or whatever other holiday you might be celebrating, I thought I’d send out a letter to bring everyone up to date on how things looked on The Revenge this year. (Some of what is to follow may be fictional, just go with it.)
We started the year with resolutions out the wazoo. Even those who didn’t want to make resolutions made plans or promises or at least a faint charting of a new course. Did we see those resolutions through? Of course not. We are pirates, after all.
Regardless of the resolution-fail, production is up this year, just not all in words on the page. Gunner added a lil pirate to the crew and the Coxswain is about to pop out yet another. Apparently, all the talk of sex and heroes and having sex with heroes moved things along. We’re still working on the daycare center here on the ship. Turns out the undead monkey is not the best with kids. Who knew? (Admittedly, tying them from the yard arm sounded like a good idea at the time.)Chancey might have had the best year out of all of us, what with her constant convention travels and getting her Masters in rum mixology. Oh, and there is that agent and publishing contract, but those really pale in comparison to what she can do with a bottle of rum. She’s gone after the record for the most blogs going at a time and though she’s making the rest of us look like the slackers we are, we’re still proud to have her on the crew.
The DRD has done countless things I’m sure. And once she tells us what those are, we’ll pass them along. (I have heard rumors she has a book, possibly more than one, out on submission from her super, most awesome agent in the universe *waves to Christine*, but I’ve yet to confirm this information. Must remember to feed her more rum.)
Sinister and DRD together kicked some collective arse during NaNo just last month. Not that any of the rest of us have seen what they wrote. Bloody suspicious, secret-keeping ninja pirates.Our beloved Captain needs no horn tooting, but we’ll toot all the same. She’s been her brilliant pirate self keeping the sails soaring and the puns coming. The queen of parodies and metaphors is the heart of this ship, though she’d skewer me for saying so, and we certainly wouldn’t be much of a crew without her. Last I heard (holding a glass to her cabin door) she’s off and running on the WIP. If the frequent cackling is any indication, this’ll be one for the ages! (That, or Jack has learned some interesting new tricks.)
We mustn’t leave out our part-time pirates. Galley ‘Ho Santa is keeping her Deli Thugs in order and churning out the Christmas cheer. She’ll be getting some much needed time off after the first of the year and will hopefully hop aboard for a visit. Scuttlebutt J Perry has been all over the place this year, literally traveling to the other side of the planet, and will hopefully soon be writing a memoir of the funny shit her kids say. Best seller in the making, and future pirates for sure.
I guess that leads to me. Well, I finished my first full-length MS, sold a short story to a magazine, whooped it up at Nationals with the awesomest bartender this side of Tortuga, bought a little home away from the ship that is all mine, and entered the Golden Heart for the first time. One might say I’ve had a good year, but what made it the best year, was spending it with this smart-ass crew and all our pirate pals.Maybe it’s the rum-laced eggnog talking, but damn it, I love this bunch!
Now, let your own horn tooting commence! What did you do this year? Did I forget anything? (I’m sure I did, stupid swiss cheese brain.) Can you believe the year is almost over? Anything you want to pull off in 2011? Not a resolution, we’ll call it a wishful adventure.
PS: Tune in next week for brilliant pirate parody versions of some holiday classics.
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74 comments:
See, if I'd done this blog it would be all ah... and ...um... ... Now that the best Bo'sun in the universe summed it up, it's like, OH, Yeah, that is what happened!
Toot my horn...well, the blogs are driving me crazy and keeping my head spinning and thanks to all who keep answering the call and blathering at me no matter where I pop up!
I'm gonna be on three blogs on Friday! Here, theBookboost and GotRomanceReview with a repeat of my birthday blog from Decadent...
*pant
*pant
What totally tickles me fancy is the idea that when my book goes on sale, it will be erotic romance!
*toot
*toot
It's been a good year for all a' us! And great graphics, Bo'sun!
Well done Pirates. Especially the couple who made a few bob.
As I see it, your greatest achievement is to have kept the party going for so long with hardly a break.
A swig of pirate humor each day definitely keeps the damned psychiatrist away!
Philosophical ramblings, literary analysis, new technique, old technique, hilarious parodies, forbidden fruit, crossing boundaries, steam punk ... still don't get it!, life, the universe, everything.
Its all here in abundance.
I just need a cracker and I'm ready for Christmas. *smile*
Wow, we are awesome, aren't we?
LOL!! :)
Writing-wise, I've done very little this year. I wrote 50K, but I'll probably use little of what I wrote in my final story. But, I do feel like I'm ready to write this story now (finally!). I am starting to get some things together on paper, but I think it's good to go.
In my defense, I've had a baby and two resulting surgeries. Luckily, the little sprog is 6 months now, in a more predictable sleep pattern, and not quite the baby dictator of three months ago. I hope that means that next year will include more writing milestones.
Tentatively, my wishful adventure of next year would include a finished MS, work on a second, and (if I'm incredibly lucky) an agent. It's a tall order, but we'll see. I'd also like to get to Nationals but I'm not sure if I'll manage it or not. Wishful you said, though, right?
What a great summation! *high fives Bo'sun*
I don't think I'm deliberately keeping secrets--not in the sense of "DRD Tells No Tales". LOL I just feel like I blather about myself enough and don't want everyone jumping overboard in the midst of one of my---Hey! Everyone get back here!
This has been a really good year for me, writing-wise, although when it started out it didn't feel that way. One of the best parts was being asked to join you pirates. Seriously, I grinned all day long when I got the invite. It's been fun hanging out here, having a good excuse to drink rum all day long. :)
And I wish I could stay to have another tankard, but I've got to get ready for the part-time job. I'm going to get the bookstore world all squared away. LOL
"Wishful adventures"--I like that! Yay for all the pirates have done this year. You are a talented and productive crew.
No horn tooting here. I'm always depressed when I compare goals with achievements. I've accomplished far less than I hoped to in 2010. Here's hoping 2011 will be more productive.
You're definitely leading the charge, Chance. I wonder if you can make the Guinness Book for the most blogs in one month? LOL! And aren't these pictures fun? A monkey and a pirate, how could I resist?!
You can have all the crackers your little heart can stand, Q. You can even dip them in your scotch if you'd like. LOL! Thanks for sticking with us all this time, it can't be easy following along all our wayward tangeants.
Merry Christmas, Sweetie!
We are awesome, Marn! LOL! And stop knocking those 50K. That's a ton of words and you wrote them. That counts. The physical act, as it is, of writing those means you did something. And if any of that helped finess out this story, then they served a purpose.
I'm with you on 2011. Those all sound like absolute doable wishful adventures. And I so hope you get to come up to Nationals. If you and Hal both come, that'll mean seven of us when you count Santa and Scuttlebutt. Now we just have to figure out how to get Hellie and Sin there. LOL!
Just goes to show, Donna, you never know what's right around the corner. I'm hoping my 2011 looks more like your 2010. LOL! Well, except the pressganging thing, since I'm already well ensconced here. (Did I spell that right?)
Now go out and sell those books!
Congratulations to all the pirates on their numerous adventures on the stormy seas of publishing and RL. For sure you have not hit the doldrums! (and if you did, there's always rum to tide you over...until it runs out. But you've probably figured out a way for that to never happen.)
I've had a year of huge ups and downs and am just happy to be here typing away most mornings.Feeling pretty lucky, actually. Happy Holidays to all!
Janga - I know you have something to toot about, other than just being the fabulous Janga, but I'll respect your choice not to toot. *pours strong helping of rum in Janga's tea*
Have you learned nothing from us? Never compare!! Nothing good ever comes out of comparing. You managed to finish that book and write a synopsis and a query and you put it out into the publishing world to fly. Woman, that deserves tooting!
Ahoy there, Maggie! For all this year has brought you, I love that you keep smiling. At least virtually. :) Here's to a much better 2011 in some areas, and a continuation of the writing success you've accomplished this year.
Looking back to this time last year, could you have imagined surviving all the release dates and chaos this year has brought?
Umm, Ter, I think "cracker" is one of those words that carries different meanings in British and American English. I may be wrong, but I don't think Q wants to dip his cracker in Scotch. I think it's one of those party favor things that when you pull it, it makes a popping noise and small gifts spill out.
Oops! LOL! I thought they called our cookies crackers, but they call them biscuits, don't they? Oh well, he can dip his popper in the scotch too if he likes. ;)
I think it’s one of those party favor things that when you pull it, it makes a popping noise and small gifts spill out.
LOL! I love when this stuff happens. The US and UK speak the same language (give or take) and yet there are all kinds of these word mix-ups. Jumper anyone? LOL!
It even happens across the US. And every time I hear one I giggle. :)
Speaking of... I need to buy some crackers for my cheeseballs on Christmas Eve. *off to update grocery list*
Although a rum dip probably improves anything. :-)
In my defense, I did preface that this blog would be in American. LOL! Aha! I saw this coming...
Marn - Make sure you add pop to your list. ;)
Although a rum dip probably improves anything
Janga, I like the way you think.
Bo'sun - will do. And some jimmies for my Christmas cupcakes. (Sprinkles. That one still bugs me. Darn Philly/South Jersey folks.)
That one I still don't get.
What is a jimmy exactly? The only jimmy I know is the kind you use to break into a car. (Not that I've ever broken into a car, just saying.) A sprinkle, well, that makes sense. You sprinkle stuff on something else.
It's like a small glitch in the logic of the universe.
I think of a jimmie as a small SUV made by Chevy. Or GMC, I guess. Even shimmie would make more sense for the sprinkles. Maybe that's where they started and someone changed it to jimmie.
Lots and lots of congrats all around the ship today. I love the fact that whatever you're into or wherever your lives take you, the ship is still afloat and tons of fun to visit. It has added a smile to my face more days than I can count. Thanks for letting us on-the-fencers join in on the festivities.
Nothing to toot here except maybe kicking some serious a$$ on several middle school and high school English Lit papers. The most recent being Brutus' tragic flaw in Shakespeare's Julius Ceaser play. I know I was never this good a student when I was actually the one getting the grades. LOL
And Janga - I believe keeping JustJanga up and running and active for the entire year is qutie an accomplishment! If you won't toot - I'll toot for ya! LOL
We'd be nothing without our stow-aways, Irish. LOL! And you're not insinuating you wrote those papers, are you? ;)
My eyebrow is getting a workout today.
I'm sure you did something worth tooting this year. Hell, just surviving the year with two teenagers is toot-worthy!
I don't think those are the crackers Q means, Bo'sun. In Britain, I'm pretty sure the crackers are those Christmas crackers that pop and you get a little prize, like a paper hat or small toy. It's like fireworks at Christmas. Brits have the best ideas.
Of course you'd know that if you read the Harry Potter books.
I cannot wait until Donna starts sharing bookstore stories....
And I'm also thinking Janga should be tooting. Janga, my good woman, you wrote all those articles last month! And you're writing more now. You're always writing articles, submitting them, polishing them--you're always writing and reading and analyzing and awing us with your wit and brilliance--so you definitely need to toot about that!
Leave it to Janga to make the rest of us toot on her behalf. LOL! That woman is far too modeste, especially for an honorary pirate.
And she beat you to correcting me. LOL! Hey, I'm an American. I speak American. So sue me!
Of course I didn't write them - all of my years developing that awesome Irish Catholic conscience would never allow that! They definitely wouldn't have gotten those A's, though, if mom hadn't come to the rescue and explained, interpreted and theorized with them!
I can't help them with much these days - they lost me in math around 3rd grade, I don't play sports (was always the last picked in gym class), can't make it out of last place in any Super Mario game out there (I think they ask me to play just so they have a designated loser!) and when it comes to finding the latest and greatest trendsetting duds they'd rather die than be caught with me at a department store. But when they need help with the English homework I'm the one and only! I've even heard "let me ask my mom" on the phone several times! It's pretty pathetic but it's something!
What I did this year:
1.) Lots of great sex and beer drinking (it's almost like I borrowed this one from a Frat Boy's Thanksgiving list, right?)
2.) Got rid of that damned rash. (On my LEGS people. On my legs. Thanks to those awesome dermatologists for FINALLY figuring it out and my GP for taking my nervous breakdown seriously)
3.) Went to Harry Potter land!!!
4.) Made a costume--I'm writing it because it's been at least 2 years since I made a costume.
5.) Baked and cooked and experimented--it's been a good year in the kitchen
6.) I FINALLY hung those stupid pictures on my wall. Okay, not the sailor one, but it weighs like a billion pounds--but I hung the others. I may get more for my bedroom.
7.) Started writing again after not writing for so long--I really think I have it this time. I know I say that a lot, but no really, I think I got it.
That Catholic guilt never goes away, does it? Though my time with this gang has helped. LOL!
Kiddo only needs help in math so far, and I can do that. Except when they did ratios, I never did get ratios and have no idea why. She has asked my help with science and I'm totally useless. Too bad I can't get Q to tutor.
Mine likes to shop with me because I let her get what she likes, within reason, of course. The women on her dad's side insist she get what they say, which really isn't much fun. Why would you do that to a kid? She's had her own style for as long as I can remember and I have no problem nurturing that. Especially since I wore school girl uniforms for 12 years and thus ended up with no style.
Huzzah! Hellie had a really good year. I didn't even know the pictures were up! LOL! Now I want pictures of your pictures.
I'm so excited for the writing and you've turned out a chapter already! In no time at all too. Add in Sin's mega-wordcount in NaNo and all the pirates are going to have finished books in 2011! Whoohooo!
Is that why I have no style? That explains a lot! LOL Actually, I'm doing pretty good with the girl. We're kind of learning together. It's been fun.
On Friday the DH and I went Xmas shopping together all day long! We try to shoot it out in one day. Anyway, we were at the mall and heading toward Victoria's Secret. He turns to me with a smile thinking he's getting an early Xmas present and then I tell him we're there to shop for his daughter. He almost made a scene in the middle of the mall. I believe his exact words were "There is no $!#$%% way I am shopping for my daughter in Victoria's Secret!!" I tried to explain to him that they have a line of sweats and stuff that all the girls wear (Pink). He relented but in the end we walked out empty handed.
The boy is a bigger problem. I want to dress him like JFK Jr. and he wants to dress like whoever the latest rapper is these days. I can't even venture a guess.
I have to admit, I'm with Mr. Irish. I don't care if they're sweats, just no. And if the boy wants to dress like Jay-Z, you'll spend way more than you would in Victoria's Secret! Though when Jay-Z dresses up, he looks pretty darn slick. My guess is the boy wants hoodies. Am I right? My little brother is 21 and still dresses like he's in HS. Hoodies all the time.
Started writing again after not writing for so long–I really think I have it this time. I know I say that a lot, but no really, I think I got it.
Hear hear!!
LOL, I'm loving the Jimmie comments. I'm with Marn. The only jimmie I like is the one you use to break into cars. Why do they call sprinkles jimmies?
And a Jimmy was the GMC. Blazer is the Chevy.
Is there something wrong with hoodies? It's my staple garment of choice.
OMG, the DH hissy fit outside VS because you were Christmas shopping for the daughter is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I can totally see this...and what's hilarious is that you're the one who has the reputation for being the "heavy" and he gets to be the "fun, just RELAX" guy--but he totally lost his mind before you could explain. *LOL*
And no mocking the Hoodies. They are a viable wardrobe option...and versatile.
There is no mocking of the hoodies! I was simply trying to show that I was hip enough to know that's what the teens want. LOL!
Dudes! This is a long list of accomplishments for a bunch of pirates! We rock :)
I lost six months of this year to morning sickness, but made bits of progress here and there:
-- got signed by a new agent and pulled *off* submission (yes, that's really a backward step not a forward step, but it's giving us time for revisions)
-- wrote 25k of a new WIP
-- got about half this finished book revised
Not bad for a pirate :) A hearty *hear, hear* and raising my (virgin) rum glass for all the pirate and stow-away accomplishments this year!
Did she say virgin rum? Anyone know what that means. Other than being the king of all oxymorons.
WTG, Hal! And another sneaky, secret keeping pirate. When were ye going to tell us about this new agent?! (And if you did, at some time earlier in the year, I blame the rum.)
I love Hellie's #1 accomplishment this year. Gotta love that gal's priorities! And let's face it all other accomplishments probably all get a little boost cause of #1.
Here, here to Hal and Marnee for accomplishing anything (I mean even going to the bathroom) while in the midst of growing and raising babies.
Yeah, the hoodies are the thing. That and baseball hats that cost anywhere from $30-$55!
I'm pretty sure Hal is having little issue with going to the bathroom at this point. LOL! If memory serves....
What?! Hats cost that much? My child would have a cold skull before I paid that much for a hat.
I love a daddy being protective. I saw a commercial last night with a dad outside, doing something greasy. He needs to wipe his hands and sees his daughter's white mini skirt on the line...and sneakily uses that, hoping he's ruined it. But Mom and some cleaning product to the rescue...and Dad ends up looking puzzled...
I think we all had a good year! See, I hear jimmie and think of a slim jim. The tasty type!
Q would make a good tutor!
I remember back when my sister and I made the transition into teen years, and starting crushing on every male in the vicinity. My dad did not handle it well. Every one of them became punks with no effort whatsoever.
Yeah, I'm getting nice and fat now (32 weeks), so the bathroom is becoming a mainstay. Our house only has one bathroom, on the second floor -- I've taken to just hanging out upstairs, because I'm sick of going up and down every 10 minutes :)
The agent thing happened way back in Feb -- that's forever ago in Pirate years!
Chance - I just saw that commercial last night! At first I didn't get it, thinking he was an idiot, and then realized that he's been *trying* to ruin that little itty bitty white mini-skirt. Poor guy ;)
I did not make it to my teen years before I was crushing on every man in the vicinity. I was ALREADY crushing on every man in the vicinity (with the exception of JB Potter who creeped me out) and came out of the womb flirting with anyone in pants.
Come to think of it, I think I still flirt with anyone in pants.
I think my Dad was always worried. Though he had far less to worry about me than he did my sister.
What a great summary update!
I'm so proud of all the pirates this year and love hearing what you have planned for 2011.
Finally back in the US, I actually sat down to write last night and got SOME words on the page - not that many, but the first in weeks.
So glad to be back!
Hellie - You think I'm clueless now, you should have seen me at age 10. I always crushed, silently and in the shadows. But the teen years were different. Kind of. Not really. *sigh*
Scape - I forgot you've been on foreign soil! Tell us all about it. How was the trip?
If anyone has seen the hilarious 'GoodLife' TV series,the Christmas edition, they will know what a Christmas cracker is like!
Tom makes some 'self sufficiency' crackers. The center consists of the cardboard tube from a toilet roll which contains a small present, a paper hat and a joke. This is then decoratively wrapped in newspaper. When two people pull the ends it breaks open to reveal the present, paper hat and joke.
At the GoodLife Xmas party, Margot (who is upper class snobby) claims that her cracker seems to be wrapped in the Telegraph. Tom immediately gives her one wrapped in the Financial Times, which soothes her!
Before pulling the crackers Barbara explains that they couldn't afford the bangers so with self sufficiency crackers you have to shout 'BANG' as you pull them ..... incredibly funny series.
By tradition Brits don't blow their own trumpets (unless they have beaten Australia in the ashes!), so you'll understand if I don't list all of my amazing accomplishments *grin*.
We do blow trumpets for other deserving souls though and I'd like to give a special blast for Janga. She is amazing, her blog is fantastic. Her comments always raise the bar a few notches.
While I'm at it, A treble blast; one for the bosun who inspires us all; one for the modest skipper who is much deeper than she likes to portray; one for Second Chance who has actually sold a book.
Finally a 'trumpet voluntary' for Marnee, Hal, Donna, Melissa and Sin ..... I'm expecting great things to be achieved in the New Year!
A MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL
I love it when Q flatters me. Always makes me blush. *hands him a full bottle of scotch* (I almost said "new" bottle of scotch, but pretty sure scotch tastes better if it's not "new", right?)
Hear, hear! I am looking forward to 2011's long and varied list of accomplishments from all of us!
The crackers thing is cracking me up. I'd want my self-sufficiency cracker to be wrapped in whatever popular tabloid paper London has. Something with the Royals on it. (I'm very excited about Kate and Wills.)
I love that you have to shout "BANG" when you pull it. LOL! That's too funny. And I'd imagine if you make them yourself, you could make some interesting things pop out.
So sorry this ignorant American didn't know what you meant, Q. And thanks for the trumpeting. I'm sure you've closed a worm hole or created a new theory that will change the world as we know it, but we appreciate you not showing off. :)
Think of the rare anomaly Q is. A man who doesn't like to brag about himself or his exploits.
Q, you're a MANICORN!
LOL!
That or he doesn't figure we'd understand anything he says. Which is totally possible. But I like the Manicorn theory better.
Wow!
Congratulations to All of you. Its been quite the year for you Writers, hasn’t it? Next year is sure to be even more Spectacular.
What did I do this year?
Well … where to begin? Lets just say this year was challenging. About as challenging and difficult as any I have had. Which isn’t to say that it was Bad. Because in the end everything that wasn’t as it should have been seems to have set it self right.
*crosses fingers & knocks on wood*
As far as writing went I feel that I accomplished everything I set out to do.
I wrote a story that showed that I had earned the right to tell someone “You have the right to be angry. Now you have to learn let it go.”
I “talked” to my youngest about the realities of life. And death.
I held people accountable.
And I gave them the opportunity to make things right.
The worst thing I did with my writing?
I got someone to expose their true nature on a public forum.
The best thing I did with my words?
I stood up for the people who had no one else to stand beside them.
Most outrageous?
Oooohhh goossh? That rant to that newspaper? The thing about the … or maybe …
The most unexpected thing I got?
An unexpected compliment from a woman whose work I admire.
Anything you want to pull off in 2011?
No 911 calls. No emergency surgeries. Nothing exploding. No chaos. No drama. No intrigue. No nothing.
I handed over the last of my paperwork. Filed the last file. I hope to have come full circle. Finally. I hope.
I am finished for my reasons for writing.
Except?
For fun. Don't people do that? Somewhere ....
I love that you have to shout “BANG” when you pull it. LOL! That’s too funny. And I’d imagine if you make them yourself, you could make some interesting things pop out.
I'm having this vision of X-rated crackers... ;-)
Q is a master at compliments, ain't he?
You've been a busy lady, Jules. Sounds like a pretty good year to me. And I do believe there are people who write for fun. Odd people, those one.
Speaking of odd...
You must make those crackers as promotional items, Chance. LOL!
Make that
I am finished with my reasons for writing.
And yes. I have said this before.
However, in my own defense I was quiet & in my reader mode when this person called up and said “Did you read that man’s comment? Blahblahblah?” And I said “No. I haven’t gotten a chance blahblah car accident blah decked friend blahblah tree! In the pool no less! Blablahblah OMG! I hope that they Weren’t Those Trees. The Mayor’s! From the Magnificent OhMygawdChildrenblahblah I promise to read it when I can. ”
Which I did. Late at night … and my conclusion was ….
“Oh! He had a premature evaluation!”
The rest.
Is history.
"And I do believe there are people who write for fun. Odd people, those one."
You'd be Odd too if you hung out with you!
I have to make the crackers? You're idea! You do it! ;-)
Jules, you're losing us honey. We need a tuner to reach your frequency. Anyone have a Jules tuner out there? ;-)
Make that your idea. Though it's possible you are an idea...
Jules, you’re losing us honey. We need a tuner to reach your frequency. Anyone have a Jules tuner out there?
Oh?
To obtuse?
Hmmm ... How would A Writer write it ... I know this one. I know I know this one. its not GMC. Or POV or ... its ... Ooohhh!
The End
You goof!
Premature evaluation, eh? That really should be the title of a book!
The gentalman did reach a Premature evaluation. Had he thought a bit long he might have added a woman or two or more to his list. IMHO
And to the Gentleman In question.
Yes. I was trained to do that. (be charming & dangerous but infinitely polite and respectful in a disarming way)
My Grandmother raised me to rule the World.( I declined of course as any charming & dangerous but infinitely polite and respectful disarming woman would.)
The End
Ah, if only I had all the facts and knew of what you speak!
But that's another story, Chance. And I only write for fun! ;) So ...
Well, I like fun...
I can't find it! Maybe Janga knows if there's still a pathway back to the past. it was Santa's first blog on RV ...
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