tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post8945068478489264653..comments2023-05-24T08:06:43.882-04:00Comments on Romance Writer's Revenge: Head in My WayTerri Osburnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17176989488447450585noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-31386776053466675102011-01-20T04:44:07.000-05:002011-01-20T04:44:07.000-05:00Bwahahahahahahahahahaha.....Wait, you're serio...Bwahahahahahahahahahaha.....<br><br>Wait, you're serious about that first question, aren't you? *ahem* Of course you are.<br><br>Oh have I been here, done that. This is totally normal and totally human nature. If this was only little things, like "Did I leave those whites in the dryer?", I'd tell you to let it go and push through it. But you've got lots more than that going on.<br><br>The good news is, what you have going on is good stuff. AWESOME stuff. I know having another book done would be awesome too. Maybe there needs to be a shift in thinking. In your head, you're thinking I can do this (X, Y and Z dealing with family) or this (A, B, and C dealing with book). <br><br>We need to take out the either/or and find a way to balance the two together. Sounds to me like you're on the right track with the yoga and retail therapy. Balance is the key to everything, and though I usually find it by accident, life is always better when I have it.Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-71115533635969336012011-01-20T04:54:36.000-05:002011-01-20T04:54:36.000-05:00Let's not underestimate the time of year. Just...Let's not underestimate the time of year. Just because it's Winter, it's colder and you're inside a lot doesn't mean writing is going to come easier. Sunlight--or lack thereof--really affects our mood and ability to accomplish stuff. <br><br>In the same loop myself. And I live alone. And I don't have a washer or dryer. But mine is: I have dishes to clean. The floor needs to be vacuumed. The kitchen is a mess. I should scrub the counters.<br><br>Eventually I have a clean apartment which is nice, but it's not writing productive. Of course, this last week, I haven't even been distracting myself with cleaning. I've just been zoning out on my couch.Hellionnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-46209799254832567322011-01-20T05:04:03.000-05:002011-01-20T05:04:03.000-05:00I agree that winter is a tough time mentally. At ...I agree that winter is a tough time mentally. At least today the sky is blue, and the sun is shining, but the past two days it was gray and/or snowy, and it's supposed to be that way tomorrow. It's hard to feel yippy skippy productive on those days!<br><br>I also agree that it isn't, or shouldn't, be an either/or kind of thing. Just like you wouldn't say, "Do I brush my teeth OR use deodorant today?" LOL But maybe the writing has to be in smaller bits, in order to fit with your other obligations.<br><br>I'm not trying to convert any die-hard plotters here, BUT, back in the day when I would try to plot ahead of time and then couldn't seem to write, it was so discouraging. So I just sat my ass down and started writing whatever came to me--and it worked. I do plot, just not all at once, and not all ahead of time.<br><br>So sometimes you have to change what isn't working by trying it from another angle. :)Donnanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-35725347713021006362011-01-20T05:12:57.000-05:002011-01-20T05:12:57.000-05:00Bo'sun - I knew you'd be right here with m...Bo'sun - I knew you'd be right here with me. :)<br><br><i> Balance is the key to everything, and though I usually find it by accident, life is always better when I have it. </i><br><br>Balance. I think that's what I'm missing. Right now, I feel like I'm just putting out fires. Ever seen that Bill Cosby stand up "Himself" where he talks about how a mom prizes silence over all else? That's how I feel. Who's crying? Who's nagging and whining? I hone in on that noise and I silence it. It's like being a firefighter without the hazard pay.<br><br>I'd love to say that this is something I'd be able to put my foot down about and demand some cooperation and assistance. But, well, my kids are small. They're not really at a point where I can say, "One moment, please, while I finish this bath. I know you're hungry, small child, but stop being so selfish." <br><br>But maybe this can be a mental thing. If I just get my brain in order, change my perspective of the chaos around me, maybe that'd be enough.<br><br>Hmmmm....Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-36441854914264965472011-01-20T05:18:02.000-05:002011-01-20T05:18:02.000-05:00Hells - Sunlight–or lack thereof–really affects o...Hells - <i> Sunlight–or lack thereof–really affects our mood and ability to accomplish stuff. </i> Aint that the truth? It's been cold here too. And there's nothing going on in January/February. I can't ship the older kid outside because it's frigid. So he's stir crazy as well. Which isn't helping. <br><br>Today the sun's shining and I feel a little more human. Maybe that's part of it, that I need a little Vitamin D.<br><br>I clean my house too, Hells. I think--for me--sometimes cleaning is a way to put your outside in order so that the inside feels a little less chaotic. I clean when I need to figure something out too.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-92050305198952857892011-01-20T05:21:51.000-05:002011-01-20T05:21:51.000-05:00“Do I brush my teeth OR use deodorant today?” Wai...<i> “Do I brush my teeth OR use deodorant today?” </i><br><br>Wait... other people don't do this? Damn.... I'm in worse trouble than I thought.<br><br><i> back in the day when I would try to plot ahead of time and then couldn’t seem to write, it was so discouraging. </i><br><br>This might be part of the problem as well. And it might be something to do with what's going on in my life too. Maybe what my life needs is a little free flow creativity. A bit of a Nano spirit without the massive time crunch.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-18748637092961549692011-01-20T05:27:38.000-05:002011-01-20T05:27:38.000-05:00I feel the same way about the cleaning. When the h...I feel the same way about the cleaning. When the house gets too messy, it raises my anxiety. As soon as I walked in the house last night, I went to mopping the kitchen floor and front entry while I had kiddo vacuum the rest of the downstairs. The place still needs more work, but just seeing those clean floors made me feel better.<br><br>You need a mini-vacuum for little man. One that actually works. LOL!Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-46586940991329728482011-01-20T05:34:27.000-05:002011-01-20T05:34:27.000-05:00I think you're on the right track, Marn. I re...I think you're on the right track, Marn. I remember having two little ones and thinking I was never going to get <i>my</i> life back. It was always about them and it was 24/7. I wasn't trying to write but I was trying to be super mom, wife, employee, housekeeper, etc. etc. <br><br>Good news - it gets better. They won't go away and you'll still be thinking about them but you'll get hours and hours of uninterrupted time (I know that seems like light years away now! LOL) An important thing that I didn't do - take care of yourself and don't expect huge things from yourself now. I think I had that invincible mommy attitude and thought I could do it all and it came back and bit me in the butt! Kinda like ignoring that little rattle in your car that would cost $100 to fix and then it turns into $2,500.<br><br>Be content with your plotting and that you still have that connection to your book. Do what you can when you can and take care of yourself. :)Irisheyesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-44745467148228313562011-01-20T05:38:47.000-05:002011-01-20T05:38:47.000-05:00When the house gets too messy, it raises my anxiet...<i>When the house gets too messy, it raises my anxiety.</i><br><br>Don't come visit me anytime soon. You'll need big time therapy. LOLIrisheyesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-65760495108845214482011-01-20T05:40:02.000-05:002011-01-20T05:40:02.000-05:00Nah. This only happens when it's MY house. LOL...Nah. This only happens when it's MY house. LOL! (Though I admit some of my coworkers desks give me palpitations. So hard not to clean them!)Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-57817710080324515822011-01-20T05:43:34.000-05:002011-01-20T05:43:34.000-05:00I'm the same way about cleaning. The house get...I'm the same way about cleaning. The house gets all cluttered and messy, and I get stressed and anxious, and the hubs says "Just sit down and relax and you'll feel better." No, idiot, I'll feel better if I actually have a clean house! LOL. He still doesn't get it. I can't just sit down in the midst of chaos and relax. It doesn't work. <br><br>Marn, I feel like I've been going through one of these stages for the past year. When I was soooo sick, I was laying around thinking "I should use all this time to write." But it just wasn't happening. It's hard to be creative when you feel like crap. And now, my head is so flustered, it's just not happening. <br><br>I'm with Irish - anything that keeps you connected to the story is a good thing, and is still progress, regardless of if it's technically words on a page.halnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-87817273470511440672011-01-20T05:45:27.000-05:002011-01-20T05:45:27.000-05:00When the house gets too messy, it raises my anxiet...<i> When the house gets too messy, it raises my anxiety. </i><br><br>Mine too, Ter. I remember when I was younger and I could live in all manner of filth. These days, it's like the knowledge that my house is disgusting wedges into the recesses of my brain, drumming on all the nerve endings, until I force myself to get up and beat back the grossness. <br><br>Ugh. Why can't I still be clueless?<br><br>Irish - <i> thinking I was never going to get my life back. </i><br><br>This is the crux of it, I think. At least one of the cruxes. (????) Writing is a ME thing. Right now, there doesn't seem to be much room for me and therefore, writing. And it's nagging at me. <br><br>I do get a little bit of time alone at night. Most of the time though I'm just vegging, with the brain on autopilot, but I wonder if maybe I were a little bit more on my game during the day, I wouldn't feel so beat down at night.<br><br>Then again, maybe I would. I have no idea. LOL!!<br><br>What I fear is that I'm letting myself use the chaos as an excuse. <br><br>Anyone else ever feel like they're giving themselves an unwarranted free pass?Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-71853711017610311652011-01-20T05:46:58.000-05:002011-01-20T05:46:58.000-05:00I couldn't do this, but could you write by han...I couldn't do this, but could you write by hand for a while? Just carry around a notebook that is the WIP Notebook. If you have five minutes while both kiddos are happily distracted, you jot down some sentences. You get some alone time in the bathroom (rare, I know - and that never changes) then jot down some sentences.<br><br>Maybe without having to get the laptop ready and the freedom to jot down anytime/anywhere, you'll be surprised how much gets on the page.Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-70567455139977181412011-01-20T05:50:53.000-05:002011-01-20T05:50:53.000-05:00I need to shut up, but I can't.Marn, darling, ...I need to shut up, but I can't.<br><br>Marn, darling, this is not an excuse and you are in no way doing anything wrong. As much as we'd like to think we're superhuman, our tired brains can handle only so much. You brain is already handling more than it should have to.<br><br>I will say this, the write is a "you" thing but that doesn't mean while you're doing it, you're somehow short changing the family. Any profit you get out of writing, be it money, self-esteem, or just a smile, will benefit your family. A happier, more fulfilled mommy is the best mommy. <br><br>In other words, cut yourself some slack!Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-77780096818768775642011-01-20T05:57:02.000-05:002011-01-20T05:57:02.000-05:00Irish/Ter - I agree that only MY house gives me he...Irish/Ter - I agree that only MY house gives me heartburn. I don't mind when other people's stuff is messy, but mine drives me nuts. <br><br>Hal - I'm the same way about the clutter. "Just relax" my hubby will say. It's like trying to relax in the midst of construction work. The noise is there, no matter how I try to block it out.<br><br>And it is hard to feel creative when you feel like crap. It's hard to feel anything but crappy when you feel like crap. <br><br><i> anything that keeps you connected to the story is a good thing, and is still progress, regardless of if it’s technically words on a page. </i><br><br>This is true, I guess. But I still tend to equate progress with word count. I know I shouldn't, but I do. :(Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-39349706936248906092011-01-20T06:03:56.000-05:002011-01-20T06:03:56.000-05:00Ter - I will say this, the write is a “you” thing...Ter - <i> I will say this, the write is a “you” thing but that doesn’t mean while you’re doing it, you’re somehow short changing the family. Any profit you get out of writing, be it money, self-esteem, or just a smile, will benefit your family. A happier, more fulfilled mommy is the best mommy.<br><br>In other words, cut yourself some slack! </i><br><br>It wasn't until I read this that I realized this was exactly what I needed to hear.<br><br>(It made me a little teary, in fact. In a good way. So thank you.)<br><br>This is it. I somehow feel like I'm shortchanging the fam. I've been feeling kind of on edge because I want this bit to myself and I'm not getting it. Then I'm feeling guilty because I'm on edge about it when I know my kids need me.<br><br>It's hard to enjoy writing when you feel guilty about doing it.<br><br>Cut myself some slack. I'm going to try to do this. And I'm going to try not to feel guilty.<br><br>Man. Sometimes being a woman sucks. I don't hear guys saying stuff like this. Damn you ovaries and estrogen. Curse you to the fires of hell!<br><br>PS, thank you all, my dear dear friends, for listening to me whine today. This is ending up about me and that wasn't entirely my intention. But thanks for the prop up. I really needed it.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-91506996714717848072011-01-20T06:06:10.000-05:002011-01-20T06:06:10.000-05:00Oh, and I think I'm going to put my "Idea...Oh, and I think I'm going to put my "Idea Notebook" back in my purse. I used to write down when things struck me, but I bet I could use it for sentences here and there, get my thoughts together in the free minutes. I'm going to do that again.<br><br>And take myself off the "imaginary timetable" I set on how long it should take me to write something. Me and timetables probably aren't going to mix well this year. LOL!Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-13901252578984067122011-01-20T06:14:53.000-05:002011-01-20T06:14:53.000-05:00Happy to be any help at all, Marn. I had a feeling...Happy to be any help at all, Marn. I had a feeling that might be where you were heading. LOL! You're absolutely right, being a woman is not for sissies.<br><br>There are times when I'm writing that kiddo will want to show me something and I tell her to wait. Rarely she'll huff and I'll stop to take a look. But 99% of the time, she's the biggest supporter in my writing. And it was the same way with the degree. <br><br>They love you and always will. They will grow up to be smart, well-adjusted, productive people because they will learn it all from you. One of the best lessons you can teach them is to chase their dreams. And think of how much you can embarrass them when their teens and have to admit to their friends that they mom writes mushy, sex books. LOL!Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-80386037798634409652011-01-20T06:15:53.000-05:002011-01-20T06:15:53.000-05:00Wow, how many times can I get "they're&qu...Wow, how many times can I get "they're", "they", and "their" wrong in one sentence? LMAO!!Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-12588164882386843472011-01-20T06:16:59.000-05:002011-01-20T06:16:59.000-05:00As I'm sitting here, I wonder if maybe I'm...As I'm sitting here, I wonder if maybe I'm seeing this wrong too. Maybe I should be plugging this chaos into my MS. There's plenty of room for chaos in this story. Maybe it'd work off some of my agitation during these cold, trapped inside months.<br><br>Cheap therapy....<br><br>Off to pick up the eldest.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-36408253112468402542011-01-20T06:38:01.000-05:002011-01-20T06:38:01.000-05:00I think Marn and Terri have described exactly why ...I think Marn and Terri have described exactly why I never wanted to sign up for motherhood. :) It's not that I expect to be #1 all the time, but I don't think I could handle not even being in the Top 5. :)<br><br>I think women get shortchanged a lot. And it's sad, because if they got even half the support they willingly give to others--well, you can just imagine the miracles they could produce.Donnanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-30718620466005225232011-01-20T06:53:13.000-05:002011-01-20T06:53:13.000-05:00Don't get me wrong, Donna, I wouldn't trad...Don't get me wrong, Donna, I wouldn't trade it for anything. But there were days in the beginning I would have paid a king's ransom for the chance to take a shower without either having to get wet and get out or deal with a child screaming outside the door the entire time.<br><br>But I'm sure you still deal with woman stuff. I'd bet more than once you've dealt with the "But why don't you have children?" question as if you've somehow not done your womanly duty.<br><br>We simply can't win. :)Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-53824414467362052642011-01-20T06:57:49.000-05:002011-01-20T06:57:49.000-05:00Terri, you're right -- there is no win. LOL I...Terri, you're right -- there is no win. LOL I've been told I'm selfish for not having children. Or been expected to work more or not take time off because I "don't have a family".<br><br>I've always said I'd rather be a grandma. I can have the fun part of kids without going through the mom part. LOLDonnanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-70929633302505122602011-01-20T07:03:49.000-05:002011-01-20T07:03:49.000-05:00I can send you kiddo. You'd have an instant gr...I can send you kiddo. You'd have an instant grandkid! When she's grown and ready for college, feel free to send her back. :)Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-73361303966865841412011-01-20T08:30:55.000-05:002011-01-20T08:30:55.000-05:00Boy, when I kill a blog. I kill it dead.Boy, when I kill a blog. I kill it dead.Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.com