tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post5339021246771244844..comments2023-05-24T08:06:43.882-04:00Comments on Romance Writer's Revenge: Of Baby-making and My Writing Process: A Control Freak Learning to
Trust the UniverseTerri Osburnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17176989488447450585noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-91174391265184739602011-02-16T19:27:16.000-05:002011-02-16T19:27:16.000-05:00Ah, Marn. The magic is within you, I think it just...Ah, Marn. The magic is within you, I think it just takes faith in believing you have it and...well...that fate, the universe, God, whatever you believe in...is there inside you.<br><br>Trust and let go of the craft lessons... Tell your story and don't look at it as craft, look at it as...making love. Not making babies. Trust.2nd Chancehttp://www.maureenobetita.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-35886058850661148392011-02-16T20:13:49.000-05:002011-02-16T20:13:49.000-05:00I really wish I could state it better, Marn. I hav...I really wish I could state it better, Marn. I have no real idea how I do what I do and just let it pour out of me. I do know that I struggle the most when I try to filter as I write. And everyone on this ship knows that I get the shakes when I think about craft rules...2nd Chancehttp://www.maureenobetita.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-1438120764217478142011-02-16T23:14:55.000-05:002011-02-16T23:14:55.000-05:00Marnee, I think that you and your husband have don...Marnee, I think that you and your husband have done wonderfully well in creating two children. As the Doc said, Science can only take you so far. Scientific understanding is like a torch, it throws light but also casts shadows. New knowledge always brings new problems. Its rather like the poet said:<br><br><i>“Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite 'em, And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum, And the great fleas themselves, in turn, have greater fleas to go on, While these again have greater still, and greater still, and so on.” </i><br><br>I think we all like to be in control, but to release the magic within, you have to let go. The plotting can take you so far but be sure to leave plenty of room for pantzing. Thats how you let the magic take over. IMHO 8) <br><br>Fascinating blog!Quantumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-20688518971512274872011-02-17T03:13:53.000-05:002011-02-17T03:13:53.000-05:00Chance - I knew you'd be one to profess the ma...Chance - I knew you'd be one to profess the magic. I truly think that ability--call it pantsing or letting the story flow from inside--is a real art. <br><br>I like how you say that you have the most problems when you try to filter. I think that's what I do, a lot. I filter. When my stuff sounds the best, when it resonates, is when I have the courage to dig deep and fill my words with my emotions. <br><br>I know I have it in there, but getting it on the page is scary to me, makes me feel really vulnerable. After I do it, I feel exhilarated. I think to my self "that's it!" And that rush keeps me coming back, like an addict. <br><br>But I wish it came easier. I doubt it ever will, but I wish it did. Because when I see myself shying from it, I feel like the worst coward.<br><br>Q - Thank you! I think we did great too, with our two. Don't get me wrong; they were worth all the poking and prodding. I don't regret any of it. And I'm thankful for the medical advances that did help me. I know that there are lots of women who still don't have the sort of medicine to help them, women who don't get the baby they want. I know I'm blessed.<br><br>But I certainly didn't make the process easy on myself.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-47487380686542040472011-02-17T03:17:27.000-05:002011-02-17T03:17:27.000-05:00Aside: as a form of torture today, I have that Ce...Aside: as a form of torture today, I have that Cee Lo Green song stuck in my head. Not cool, universe. Not cool.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-33643227185639027022011-02-17T03:58:09.000-05:002011-02-17T03:58:09.000-05:00Marn, I love the Cee Lo Green song. In fact, it...Marn, I love the Cee Lo Green song. In fact, it's my new theme song. I've been bouncing to it for two days.<br><br>This was a great post. You've really described one of the toughest aspects of writing -- magic v. craft. The thing is, both are important, and, depending on our personalities, it's easy to lean too far to one side and neglect the other.<br><br>Magic is what creates that thrilling first draft, that keeps us inspired. But craft is what finetunes it, making it readable to others who can't see the story in our heads.<br><br>As for control. . .here's some advice I rejected when I was your age. LOL I was trying to control everything around me, tying my stomach in knots with my attempts to bend the world to my needs/wants. Someone told me, "You have to let go of the things you can't control." And I replied, "But those are the things I need to control!" I wanted to be the one steering the bus all the time, because I knew best.<br><br>Twenty years later I can finally follow that advice, but it was hard to do. I discovered the things I worried about either came true and were not as bad as I thought, OR they came true and they WERE as bad as I thought. In either case, I had to deal with what actually happened, not with what I wanted to happen.<br><br>To tie it back to writing. . .write your story. Don't think about how it will be received, or reviewed. That will stop you in your tracks, and you can't predict that result anyway. Don't try to control the story while you're writing it. It may seem like you have a better handle, but it's likely what's making you stall out. And it may make you miss out on something spectacular.Donnanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-45355468776438474552011-02-17T04:26:06.000-05:002011-02-17T04:26:06.000-05:00Thanks for reminding me how lucky I am, Marn. :)Go...Thanks for reminding me how lucky I am, Marn. :)<br><br>Gosh, there's already been some great responses. It still feels like I learn something new about this writing thing every day. I do have to plot, but there are always changes and revelations, direction changes and epiphanies. Those are the most fun for me. <br><br>Once I have a general path charted, then I just let go and write it. There are times it veers off a little too much, and I have to pull it back, but those are rare so far. Thank goodness.<br><br>Seems to be the concensus is let it go. I realize that in no way tells you HOW to do it, but trust and faith in your story and yourself seems to be the logical answer. The story is in you for a reason. It's your story to tell, and you're the best person to tell it. <br><br>So tell it. For you first, and then see what comes of it.Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-23583395532921972272011-02-17T04:43:08.000-05:002011-02-17T04:43:08.000-05:00Sorry, I just dropped the eldest at preschool.As I...Sorry, I just dropped the eldest at preschool.<br><br>As I was driving, I started to get a little self-conscious and wanted to start off here by saying that I, in no way, want to downplay or belittle anyone else's infertility journey. I was trying really hard to focus this on how I felt while going through it, my feelings of helplessness, as that's how I'd got to feeling about my book and the connection seemed significant to me this past month. <br><br>If anyone who's struggling with infertility now is reading this, I don't wish to offend. I'm sympathetic and sorry for anyone who has to struggle with reproductive issues. It sucks, there's no other way to explain it. So, for that person or lurker who might be dealing with it now, my prayers, thoughts, and hopes are with you.<br><br>Now, on to your comments.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-92072888344114187732011-02-17T04:52:45.000-05:002011-02-17T04:52:45.000-05:00Donna - good heavens. “But those are the things ...Donna - good heavens. <i> “But those are the things I need to control!” </i> <br><br>This is soooo me I can't even express. <br><br>LOL!! <br><br>I do try to do this. And as arrogant as it sounds, in the past I've felt like I could. If I just work hard enough, if I just do the "right" things, it's going to be perfect. I know. I'm an idiot. LOL!<br><br>And writing (art), as in real life, is too complex to control everything about it. There's my intention, the story in my head, how I write it down, how someone else reads it, their perceptions and experiences.... the list goes on. I don't have control over that stuff. Oh, I'd like to... LOL! But I'd be best off just sticking to the stuff that is in my power and not focus on stuff I can't control. <br><br>But boy, that's a big girl, grown up lesson, isn't it? :)<br><br>Don't think about how it'll be received. I'm going to try to do this every time I sit down. <br><br>Bo'sun - You know, writing this reminded me how lucky I am too. :) <br><br><i> trust and faith in your story and yourself seems to be the logical answer. </i> This definitely separates the girls from the women, doesn't it? LOL! <br><br>This past few weeks I've been writing again (I'm in almost 10K words for the month, go me!) and I've been just trying not to focus on spreadsheets and whatever and just focusing on the story in my head. <br><br>I don't know if I'd be able to do that if I hadn't spent all that time thinking about the story, the characters, and getting a really good grip on them. But it's going really well right now. Maybe this is a chicken or egg thing....Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-6355796495070821852011-02-17T04:55:22.000-05:002011-02-17T04:55:22.000-05:00I just reread my last comment and I hope it makes ...I just reread my last comment and I hope it makes sense. I'm super sleepy today, the littlest has another cold (I know, another?!) and had me up like a billion times last night. I sucked down all my coffee and just looked at the pot like, "why have you forsaken me?"Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-55890602277421077342011-02-17T04:59:36.001-05:002011-02-17T04:59:36.001-05:00I can't say I've learned any of these less...I can't say I've learned any of these lessons yet, though I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. Partially learned at least.<br><br>But I do find the more I write and plot and think and stick with it, the easier it is to let go and let it happen. You've been writing and plotting this story in your head for months, you don't need a spreadsheet to prove it. <br><br>It's almost like you have to get out of your own way, but really, we have to get out of the story's way. Does that make sense?Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-84642156095101012502011-02-17T04:59:36.000-05:002011-02-17T04:59:36.000-05:00I haven't slept a solid night since Saturday, ...I haven't slept a solid night since Saturday, and I'm not ALLOWED to have coffee. I'm so with you.Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-55259165157478858292011-02-17T05:02:01.000-05:002011-02-17T05:02:01.000-05:00It’s almost like you have to get out of your own w...<i> It’s almost like you have to get out of your own way, but really, we have to get out of the story’s way. Does that make sense? </i><br><br>An insane amount of sense. I'm going to add an Amen here, in fact.<br><br>How are you feeling today, BTW?Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-59591222417402980072011-02-17T05:03:23.000-05:002011-02-17T05:03:23.000-05:00I'm one of those baby makers, Marn. I apologiz...I'm one of those baby makers, Marn. I apologize cause when I hear about people like you who have such a hard time of it I feel guilty about running as fast as I could from the DH whenever he got that look in his eyes. Or at least I feel a little guilty for about 2 seconds until reality sets in. He wanted 4 or 5 and I didn't think I was going to survive the 2 I already had. I do know I'm lucky in that respect though. I've got two really incredible kids. And you've got 2 lucky boys who have a mommy and daddy who loved them enough to go through a lot more than most to have them! Something to be proud of.<br><br>As for the control thing you're preaching to the choir again, sister! Like Donna, I eventually learned - age, a chronic illness and life have taught me to "go with the flow". Words that were definitely not in my vocabulary 20 years ago. I thought (no I KNEW) I was right and I had the answers. Come to find out that knowing the answers, whether they were right or wrong, didn't stop the S#&% from hitting the fan more often than not. So having the answers became way less important than figuring out how to stay sane and happy when what I KNEW shouldn't happen happened anyway! :)<br><br>I find the hardest part of the whole craft vs. magic in my writing is just putting it out there. Those that know me best and that I'm my most comfortable and safe around see my sarcasm, politically incorrectness, and irreverance - basically the way I look at the world. Writing that down (being my authentic self) is scary to my younger Irish Catholic self who feels the need to be proper and "not say anything if I can't say anything nice".Irisheyesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-79502550496075077402011-02-17T05:05:38.000-05:002011-02-17T05:05:38.000-05:00I'm much better today, thanks for asking. Stil...I'm much better today, thanks for asking. Still moving slow but the constant pain is down to a small twinge. I'll be much better in a week or two when I've had more time to heal. All that acid did a real number on my insides.<br><br>BTW - Anyone have any tricks for sleeping sitting up?Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-2607557615745467582011-02-17T05:07:12.000-05:002011-02-17T05:07:12.000-05:00This blogs breaks my heart. I think you should hav...This blogs breaks my heart. I think you should have as many babies as you want. You're a wonderful mom. <br><br>But yes, to the question at hand: Hello, my name is Hellie and I am a control freak. Worse, I am a perfectionist. I don't want to really start anything until I know I'm at the right place. I don't want something messy and ugly and stupid. I want something BRILLIANT. Publishable. Adored by millions. I don't want an ugly baby. <br><br>Which is rather shallow of me, obviously, and I'm allowing it to give me a reason "not to write" instead of writing, which would make my writing better. I know there are no muse lightning bolts. <br><br>As Ron White would say, "You can't fix stupid." Which means, you can fix ugly...and messy, but you can't fix a plot that doesn't exist. So if you have a character--a real character and a real problem--then you're good. Just write it and don't worry if it's ugly. That's what makeup is for. Lots and lots and lots of makeup.Hellionnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-1406467901353420302011-02-17T05:12:40.000-05:002011-02-17T05:12:40.000-05:00There’s my intention, the story in my head, how I ...<i>There’s my intention, the story in my head, how I write it down, how someone else reads it, their perceptions and experiences…. the list goes on. I don’t have control over that stuff.</i><br><br>Pretty much sums up what I was trying to say. LOL Always worrying about whether someone else will see what I see as funny, sad, tragic, etc. etc. etc. I think we really gotta get out of our own way, as Terri said! <br><br>I'm with you also on the no sleep. Had a great day yesterday - spa day with my sister YAY! But my daughter was home with some virus and a nasty fever that keeps getting higher and won't break! Motrin is not even helping! I'm gonna have to dunk her in the tub or something. Then I'm heading back to bed.Irisheyesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-42904922962305056132011-02-17T05:13:56.000-05:002011-02-17T05:13:56.000-05:00Irish - awh, no. There is definitely nothing to a...Irish - awh, no. There is definitely nothing to apologize or feel guilty about. People who have babies easy can't help that, same as I couldn't help not. It just is. I'm happy when people don't have problems, I'm just a little jealous too. :) I certainly wouldn't wish my last five years on anyone else, that's for sure. It's just such a hard issue because our culture really doesn't talk about it that much. It's like some dark dirty secret for a woman to admit that she's had trouble having kids. Or, if we do talk about it, it's so hard because every woman's journey is different. <br><br><i> So having the answers became way less important than figuring out how to stay sane and happy when what I KNEW shouldn’t happen happened anyway! </i> Now that is advice worthy of Confucius. I love everything about this.<br><br>And your hardest part--putting your "true" self out there--is shared by many of us. It's hard and scary to get through all the stuff we know is appropriate to the real stuff underneath. But the real stuff is the really good stuff. That doesn't make it easy. I'd like to say I have advice here, but I don't. Just keep pushing yourself, I think. That's what I'm trying to do anyway.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-32461389703476106562011-02-17T05:21:25.000-05:002011-02-17T05:21:25.000-05:00Glad you're doing better, Ter!Glad you're doing better, Ter!Irisheyesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-84590393834650553272011-02-17T05:22:49.001-05:002011-02-17T05:22:49.001-05:00Ter - I'm glad you're feeling a little bet...Ter - I'm glad you're feeling a little better. As to sleeping upright, I've fallen asleep upright while nursing. But I think it's less my positioning or any art to sleeping that way and more that I was just so tired that my body gave out. :( Therefore, I'm no help. :(<br><br>Hells - Perfectionists, unite!! And of course you have to go and bring this up, <i> I’m allowing it to give me a reason “not to write” instead of writing, which would make my writing better. </i> Hush with that. That's a sore spot. LOL! I do this too. I think I get fixated on it being perfect and then when it's not, I think, I can't write it until it is. And part of it is that I'm afraid to just let go and see what happens. What if I do and it sucks?! <br><br>Curse you, insecurity.<br><br><i> Just write it and don’t worry if it’s ugly. That’s what makeup is for. Lots and lots and lots of makeup. </i> Going to repeat this to myself, times infinity.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-54300803292662600372011-02-17T05:22:49.000-05:002011-02-17T05:22:49.000-05:00Thanks, Irish.And if it's any consolation, I&#...Thanks, Irish.<br><br>And if it's any consolation, I'm jealous of you, Marn, for picking the right guy the first time, staying married and building a family. As you say, every woman's journey is different. And sometimes, they don't turn out at all how we envisioned.Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-60257254468110007402011-02-17T05:24:20.001-05:002011-02-17T05:24:20.001-05:00Irish - Oh no, about your daughter! I hope she fe...Irish - Oh no, about your daughter! I hope she feels better soon. Luckily, mine doesn't have a fever. Fevers scare me. Mine just can't breath through the snotty nose. :( <br><br>I hope she feels better and hope you get some sleep.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-49550851926972270652011-02-17T05:24:20.000-05:002011-02-17T05:24:20.000-05:00Thanks, Marn. I'm getting there, slowly but s...Thanks, Marn. I'm getting there, slowly but surely. Like everything else in my life I can't just listen to reason I have to have a battle of wills with myself! :)Irisheyesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-52266020001234908062011-02-17T05:26:59.000-05:002011-02-17T05:26:59.000-05:00I do hope your daughter gets better, Irish. My kid...I do hope your daughter gets better, Irish. My kiddo got a cold for the first time in a long time over the weekend. Since she's the size of an adult, I bought some good stuff and it knocked it right out. It was crazy with us both sick at the same time.Bosunhttp://www.romancewritersrevenge.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-416913236621309814.post-23305081272257675852011-02-17T05:31:14.000-05:002011-02-17T05:31:14.000-05:00BTW – Anyone have any tricks for sleeping sitting ...<i>BTW – Anyone have any tricks for sleeping sitting up?</i><br><br>Well when my horse did it, she'd have one foot cocked and she'd stand on the other leg. You can try that...Hellionnoreply@blogger.com